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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How to Deal With Nitpicky Parents?
NillaWafers 04:16 PM 08-24-2015
Here I am again, writing about the two new dcgs and their related mom's that just signed up. Today was their first day and I can only say that their children were pretty great. I really like their girls. However, the parents are gonna give me an anxiety attack.

a) My backyard is dirt. They knew that when they signed up. DCG with allergies had a red eye. She also has peanut allergy and asthma. I kept a very close watch on her eye and breathing and noticed nothing, so I did not bring it up with mom immediately, just at pickup. Mom was upset I didn't call her immediately, basically asked me to wash her hands like 4x while outside :-\ She also said she has outdoor allergies, but doesn't take anything daily (just has Clairitin in her emergency bag). I said there is a lot of dirt out there, but we are getting wood chips to cover most. Both of them then freaked out about splinters. I am planning on only getting playground certified chips, and I can't really afford better (assuming they would like rubber mulch). Other DCM was mad her kids shoes got dirty, in my backyard full of dirt.

b) Non allergy DCM packed her kids toothbrush. I don't normally brush teeth after lunch, I didn't see her toothbrush and didn't do it. My handbook does say I do but I have never done it (I wrote it way before I had ANY kids in). Now I suppose I have made sure I have to brush everyone's teeth after nap which isn't the worst.

c) How do you deal with parents who think their kids shouldn't get hurt at all? Like being shoved or pushed by another child? One of the girls got shoved while lining up for the slide and got a VERY tiny scrape with I treated with alcohol, neosporin, and a band-aid. That's actually overzealous for me because normally if it's not streaming blood I just wipe it off with water. I told them what happened and her mom was like about being pushed. Like it or not I cannot be right next to them every second. It's gonna happen. How do you deal with this gracefully?

I don't want to have to try an fill these spots again but I am thinking maybe of returning their deposits and calling it a day ahah.
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Unregistered 04:27 PM 08-24-2015
If it was me, I would term. I would not put the additional stress on myself trying to please these dcms about things that are normal happenings day in day out at daycare. If you do decide to keep them, just be prepared for more of issues with the dcms. I actually have termed a child at the end of their trial period because dcm wanted me to do lots of "special" for her child and couldn't understand kids get messy when they are busy learning all day long.
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stephanie 05:19 PM 08-24-2015
I would term too. I think it would be easier for you in the long run to fill the spots rather than try to convince these dcms that their kids are going to get dirty and they're going to get hurt.

I've had a few first time moms that also got very upset when their child got minor bumps and bruises and calmed down eventually, but I feel like those dcms are the exception, not the rule. I'm sure others with more experience can weigh in.
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nannyde 05:28 PM 08-24-2015
I would tell them you can't afford the adaptations to safely keep her kid. She would need to supply the wood chips or DHS approved play surface and an outdoor child size sink. If she can't afford it, you understand... you can't either.
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NillaWafers 05:36 PM 08-24-2015
Allergy mom just texted me " NillaWafers, DCGs eyes are so swollen. U have to inform me next time. I'm positive she got dirt in her eyes and she told me she fell off the slide and got dirt in her eyes. I'm reading up on it and she may have corneal abrasions"

I replied asking if she is taking her to the DR. tomorrow or the ER. :|
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rosieteddy 05:41 PM 08-24-2015
Aggggh this sounds like a nightmare for you.I would term I think.There is no way you can keep them clean to her specifications....I used the fibar wood chips there was never a splinter problem and it did keep the dirt off them.
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Unregistered 05:42 PM 08-24-2015
Is term effective IMMEDIATELY!!!!!
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racemom 05:52 PM 08-24-2015
My response to the text would have been "I am sorry dck allergies are bothering her tonight, maybe my program is not a good fit for her as we do spend time outside each day". And then state your policy for teeming, refund or not and whether it is an immediate term or not.
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childcaremom 06:06 PM 08-24-2015
Originally Posted by racemom:
My response to the text would have been "I am sorry dck allergies are bothering her tonight, maybe my program is not a good fit for her as we do spend time outside each day". And then state your policy for teeming, refund or not and whether it is an immediate term or not.

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MissAnn 06:22 PM 08-24-2015
She needs to keep from the Internet for medical info! I am feeling bad for you and I hope you keep us updated.
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Thriftylady 06:58 PM 08-24-2015
My daughter and son and I all have pretty severe allergies (not foods but environmental). DD also has allergy related asthma. I will start by telling you that Claritin as an emergency medication doesn't do a whole lot of good. My DD is on it and Singulair, both taken daily one morning one night. If not taken daily they simply don't do much. So mom is shooting herself in the foot with allergies.

I tell parents that their kids will be kids here, they will get bumps, scrapes, bruises whatever and I won't call them for minor things. I will call them if I feel it needs medical attention or is worth calling over.

I am thinking I would term unless of course you want to wait it out and see.
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NillaWafers 07:17 PM 08-24-2015
So she texted me again and she was like "Oh I gave her clairitin, it looks like it's getting better, I'm waiting to see if it continues to improve".

I don't think I will 100% term yet. But I do have a plan of action.

A) I will be telling Allergy DCG's mom that we are outside on a daily basis and I cannot prevent allergies, if this is an issue then maybe she should start looking for another provider. I will recommend she give her child clairitin on a daily basis since it does not work on demand (I know this, I have allergies and take Zyrtec most of the time).

B) Due to safety concerns I will be making the play structure off limits until we have the wood chips installed (two weeks). We will be nailing a board on the stairs and removing the swings until then. I do not want liability from dust nor injury.

C) I will explain again that kids get hurt, and I cannot prevent all injuries. If the injury is beyond minor I will let them know. A red eye is not beyond minor. If this is an issue they can start looking for another provider. I will refer them to my handbook which I will remind them they agreed to when they signed up.
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KidGrind 05:16 AM 08-25-2015
Originally Posted by NillaWafers:
So she texted me again and she was like "Oh I gave her clairitin, it looks like it's getting better, I'm waiting to see if it continues to improve".

I don't think I will 100% term yet. But I do have a plan of action.

A) I will be telling Allergy DCG's mom that we are outside on a daily basis and I cannot prevent allergies, if this is an issue then maybe she should start looking for another provider. I will recommend she give her child clairitin on a daily basis since it does not work on demand (I know this, I have allergies and take Zyrtec most of the time).

I would have it in writing and then have her sign it. I would NOT recommend she give her child any medications. I would recommend she take her child to a pediatrician for allergy management.


B) Due to safety concerns I will be making the play structure off limits until we have the wood chips installed (two weeks). We will be nailing a board on the stairs and removing the swings until then. I do not want liability from dust nor injury.

What safety concerns? Their complaints about dust and dirt? You can NEVER control dust and dirt. I would never mention nailing anything. You are always going to have a risk of being liable. You take care of children and things can happen. I would not mention safety concerns with these mothers.

C) I will explain again that kids get hurt, and I cannot prevent all injuries. If the injury is beyond minor I will let them know. A red eye is not beyond minor. If this is an issue they can start looking for another provider. I will refer them to my handbook which I will remind them they agreed to when they signed up.
When I notice physical differences in my DCKs I inform their parents. I am not a doctor. What I think is a simple red eye maybe an issue that needs immediate attention. So I give a courtesy text to parents:

Susie’s right eye is red and slightly swollen. She’s rubbing it a lot.

Johnny fell and his knee is scrapped. There was no blood. I cleaned it and put a band aid on it.

Parents usually text back with, “Thanks for letting me know.” or “Do you think Susie needs to be seen at the doctor’s. Should I pick her up?”

I reply, “As a parent, I’ve always lean to the side of caution. If she where my kid I would take her in. You have to make the decision for your child. You know best!”

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NillaWafers 08:26 AM 08-25-2015
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
When I notice physical differences in my DCKs I inform their parents. I am not a doctor. What I think is a simple red eye maybe an issue that needs immediate attention. So I give a courtesy text to parents:

Susie’s right eye is red and slightly swollen. She’s rubbing it a lot.

Johnny fell and his knee is scrapped. There was no blood. I cleaned it and put a band aid on it.

Parents usually text back with, “Thanks for letting me know.” or “Do you think Susie needs to be seen at the doctor’s. Should I pick her up?”

I reply, “As a parent, I’ve always lean to the side of caution. If she where my kid I would take her in. You have to make the decision for your child. You know best!”
Thanks for the advice, I will be taking it. I think I am just worried about there being no substrate under the playground at the moment and having one of these kids get hurt. Then they would call licensing and I would get in trouble. There will be substrate soon, so I just don't want to risk it - so we made the play set inaccessible for now. I will just tell allergy DCM that her kid should see her pediatrician about outside allergies.
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Indianadaycare 08:34 AM 08-25-2015
Originally Posted by racemom:
My response to the text would have been "I am sorry dck allergies are bothering her tonight, maybe my program is not a good fit for her as we do spend time outside each day". And then state your policy for teeming, refund or not and whether it is an immediate term or not.

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littletots 10:43 AM 08-25-2015
Dirty shoes - have parents bring play shoes either on kid or to keep at your house.
Allergy - my nut allergy dd also allergic to cedar, pine trees. Gets swollen eyes & headaches if touches bark, tree, pinecone. Benadryl works. Windy days not good. Could there be something outside that triggers red eyes?
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christine19720 12:23 PM 08-25-2015
Originally Posted by NillaWafers:
Here I am again, writing about the two new dcgs and their related mom's that just signed up. Today was their first day and I can only say that their children were pretty great. I really like their girls. However, the parents are gonna give me an anxiety attack.

a) My backyard is dirt. They knew that when they signed up. DCG with allergies had a red eye. She also has peanut allergy and asthma. I kept a very close watch on her eye and breathing and noticed nothing, so I did not bring it up with mom immediately, just at pickup. Mom was upset I didn't call her immediately, basically asked me to wash her hands like 4x while outside :-\ She also said she has outdoor allergies, but doesn't take anything daily (just has Clairitin in her emergency bag). I said there is a lot of dirt out there, but we are getting wood chips to cover most. Both of them then freaked out about splinters. I am planning on only getting playground certified chips, and I can't really afford better (assuming they would like rubber mulch). Other DCM was mad her kids shoes got dirty, in my backyard full of dirt.

b) Non allergy DCM packed her kids toothbrush. I don't normally brush teeth after lunch, I didn't see her toothbrush and didn't do it. My handbook does say I do but I have never done it (I wrote it way before I had ANY kids in). Now I suppose I have made sure I have to brush everyone's teeth after nap which isn't the worst.

c) How do you deal with parents who think their kids shouldn't get hurt at all? Like being shoved or pushed by another child? One of the girls got shoved while lining up for the slide and got a VERY tiny scrape with I treated with alcohol, neosporin, and a band-aid. That's actually overzealous for me because normally if it's not streaming blood I just wipe it off with water. I told them what happened and her mom was like about being pushed. Like it or not I cannot be right next to them every second. It's gonna happen. How do you deal with this gracefully?

I don't want to have to try an fill these spots again but I am thinking maybe of returning their deposits and calling it a day ahah.
This is just a preview, and it will get worse. Kids get dirty and hurt sometimes. It all a part of learning and growing up imo.
Return their deposits and wish them all the best with their new nanny.....
This job is stressful enough already, who needs that?
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NillaWafers 08:34 AM 08-26-2015
So more of an update, allergy mom called and wanted me to keep the kids inside until we get the wood chips.I told her no, it was part of my program. She said that she was thinking of keeping her home until we have the wood chips and I said that was her prerogative of course. I also offered to refund her deposit and just discontinue care and find another school.

Talked to her this morning and now her daughter just can't play when outside, she is to color and sit with me on the picnic bench. I feel bad for this kid so I'm shortening outdoor time until this is sorted out. It seems like mom really doesn't want to pull her so I think we may be able to come to an amicable decision.

Other mom has said nothing since first day so so far everything is going ok there.
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childcaremom 08:52 AM 08-26-2015
Originally Posted by NillaWafers:
So more of an update, allergy mom called and wanted me to keep the kids inside until we get the wood chips.I told her no, it was part of my program. She said that she was thinking of keeping her home until we have the wood chips and I said that was her prerogative of course. I also offered to refund her deposit and just discontinue care and find another school.

Talked to her this morning and now her daughter just can't play when outside, she is to color and sit with me on the picnic bench. I feel bad for this kid so I'm shortening outdoor time until this is sorted out. It seems like mom really doesn't want to pull her so I think we may be able to come to an amicable decision.

Other mom has said nothing since first day so so far everything is going ok there.
Oh my. I would not be changing my program for one child. Group care, group care.

I would be terming and not refunding any fees. Mom knew what your program was (including outdoors) and it would not be negotiable. I would never change my routine for one child.

Sorry, dcm, doesn't seem like my program is a good fit for your daughter. My last day I can provide care would be x date. Good luck with your childcare search.
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Blackcat31 09:02 AM 08-26-2015
Originally Posted by NillaWafers:
So more of an update, allergy mom called and wanted me to keep the kids inside until we get the wood chips.I told her no, it was part of my program. She said that she was thinking of keeping her home until we have the wood chips and I said that was her prerogative of course. I also offered to refund her deposit and just discontinue care and find another school.

Talked to her this morning and now her daughter just can't play when outside, she is to color and sit with me on the picnic bench. I feel bad for this kid so I'm shortening outdoor time until this is sorted out. It seems like mom really doesn't want to pull her so I think we may be able to come to an amicable decision.

Other mom has said nothing since first day so so far everything is going ok there.
Call me jaded but I am betting she isn't wanting to come to an amicable compromise, she is simply waiting until you cave or give in.

I think your first instincts about it not being a good fit is probably spot on and personally I'd terminate services. My program spends a GREAT deal of time outdoors and there is no way I'd be willing to make a child sit outdoors while the others played and there is no way I'd be willing to drag crayons and paper out side either.

I'll be curious as to how this all eventually works out.
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KiddieCahoots 09:02 AM 08-26-2015
I understand your concern about the substrate not being finished yet, and licensing hubub, but dcm not allowing the dcg to play outside is a bit much. That's what children do, and need. Really feel this dcm will always have something to unreasonably complain about, because (sarcastic alert ) her child is just so "special"
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NillaWafers 10:23 AM 08-26-2015
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:
I understand your concern about the substrate not being finished yet, and licensing hubub, but dcm not allowing the dcg to play outside is a bit much. That's what children do, and need. Really feel this dcm will always have something to unreasonably complain about, because (sarcastic alert ) her child is just so "special"

Yes we shall see. She said she would finish the week at least until she could decide. Shortening the time outside isn't 100% because of this girl. It's really humid and about 95 out right now so I just don't want to be out there haha.

Honestly if I can make it past the refund date for their deposits I will be happy. I need the money to do the substrate haha, so them pulling out really affects my plans (and dirt).
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KiddieCahoots 10:43 AM 08-26-2015
Originally Posted by NillaWafers:
Yes we shall see. She said she would finish the week at least until she could decide. Shortening the time outside isn't 100% because of this girl. It's really humid and about 95 out right now so I just don't want to be out there haha.

Honestly if I can make it past the refund date for their deposits I will be happy. I need the money to do the substrate haha, so them pulling out really affects my plans (and dirt).
Ahhhh.....Gotcha! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you with more hot days, and extra patience for it to work your way .......
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NillaWafers 04:00 PM 08-26-2015
Probably my last update, but I have decided to term regardless on friday. Other DCG's mom came to pick up today and was like "so friday is allergy DCGs last day right?". I had to tell her that she hadn't made a decision but she did say she would tell me Friday. So something tells me she already has made one - so whatever. I'm returning their deposits Friday and terminating care. We can still afford to put the substrate in and I'm calling a few people on my waitlist to see if they are interested in the new openings. Hopefully I can fill them quick with some chill parents!

I came to the realization that I have NO IDEA what allergy DCG is allergic to in my backyard, I could make all these changes (like rush it for them), and still have an issue and it's just not worth the time in my opinion. It's too bad they are really sweet girls and the ages that I love to work with :'(
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KidGrind 05:41 PM 08-26-2015
I never enroll DCKs that DCMs or families are friends at the same time.

If a parent refers a family to me down the road fine. However to start them together….H3!! no!
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renodeb 09:54 AM 08-27-2015
Nilla, I think you answered your own question. They sound like high maintenance clients. I know what a pain it is to fill spots ( as I am trying to fill some myself) but they do not sound worth all the heart ache to me. Kids will get dirty, wet, scraped up, stubbed toes. After all there kids!
Deb
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Stephnrich 11:04 AM 08-27-2015
Originally Posted by racemom:
My response to the text would have been "I am sorry dck allergies are bothering her tonight, maybe my program is not a good fit for her as we do spend time outside each day". And then state your policy for teeming, refund or not and whether it is an immediate term or not.
Couldn't have said it better.
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NillaWafers 01:21 PM 08-28-2015
Just a little update:
We've been inside the past two days because it's been 100+ (about 95 when we normally go out). Allergy DCG is still getting red eyes, coughing, and sniffles. I am pretty sure she MUST be allergic to our dog (which they knew was here when they signed up). She has had extensive allergy testing because of her peanut allergy, but allergies can show up anytime.

I am SO GLAD that we decided to terminate and today is their last day. Thank you all for your great advice
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