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Old 11-18-2014, 11:36 AM
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melilley melilley is offline
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Default At My Breaking Point

I have a 3 year old dcb who I've had here since he was 18 months. He started as a biter, aggressive, and as a very hyper child. I had just opened so I thought I could deal with it despite my stress level rising from the minute he walked in the door until he left. He eventually stopped biting, but was still hyper; this child NEVER stops, he will if we are doing something, but it doesn't last long. I have wanted to term so many times, but never did. Dh has said to term, my sis who fills in for me maybe 2 times a year told me that he's fine for about 20 minutes then he's hyper, other parents have said things. I still kept him. Dcm works with me, dcm has taken him to get evaluated for his speech and aggressiveness, but early on said his behavior is normal Sorry, but bouncing off the walls and being aggressive isn't normal and his speech is normal-he can barely talk, but I'm not the expert. Dcd asks me how he's doing and when I tell him that his day is rough, he just says "oh M." His dcm and dcd started having problems last summer and are divorced now so I thought maybe his behavior was due to that, but he has always been this way so I don't think so.

Dcb is now p/t and has been since the end of August. I thought I could handle him on a p/t basis, but boy was I wrong! I can't leave him with the other kids at all, if I do there's crying. I have a playroom off of the kitchen/dining room. I can't see them unless I go to the other end of the dining room, but can hear them. I let the other kids play and walk around, but when this dcb is here, all I hear is crying, when he's not, all is fine. I have to make sure he's with me if I am cooking or doing something in the kitchen/dining or family room. That leads to him scream crying which leads to a headache for me. This child still NEVER stops, he's always running or throwing things, or whatever! The rest of the kids are 2 and under (except for one other 3 yo dcb) and watch this dcb. He runs, they follow. My rule is no running and he knows this. He'll think I can't see him and run and when I ask him to walk or hop or if he sees me watching him, he says "hop" like he's never been running. Then laughs and does it again and if the littles follow, he laughs. When the other 3 yo p/t dcb is here, he follows this dcb and is a different child. I'm just so frustrated with this child. I can honestly say that I can't bond with him one bit. I can't wait until nap time every time he is here!

I think I'm going to term. Every day that dcb isn't here, it's wonderful. When he is here, everyone is wound up and it's horrible. I was so upset earlier that I started crying. This child wouldn't stop running, I was trying to change ds's diaper and he saw dcb running and laughing so he thought it was funny and was kicking and laughing so I could barely change him and dcb started going crazy and I couldn't do anything, which dcb knew, because I was changing a diaper.

Now, I just need to write up a term letter and make myself give it to dcm. This is my weakness, I don't like to do things like this. Plus I LOVE dcm. And she just told me a couple of weeks ago that she has cervical cancer so I feel horrible terming, but I broke down today and that shouldn't happen. Why do I have to be so nice? I can't stand that part of myself-when I know I have to do something that other people may not like.

Thanks for letting me vent. Sometimes I just have to talk it out with someone other than dh.
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Old 11-18-2014, 11:54 AM
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Heidi Heidi is offline
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You need to term.

This child is making YOU cry.

Can you imagine how the other, powerless kiddos feel?

I am in a similar situation with my assistant's son. He is 3, and although we have the occasional good day, most days are not. He was in my program before, and I am very well aware of why I termed him 6 months ago.

My situation is temporary, so we are muddling through. Fortunately for her, she is a very good assistant, so that makes up for a lot!
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Old 11-18-2014, 11:58 AM
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melilley melilley is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
You need to term.

This child is making YOU cry.

Can you imagine how the other, powerless kiddos feel?

I am in a similar situation with my assistant's son. He is 3, and although we have the occasional good day, most days are not. He was in my program before, and I am very well aware of why I termed him 6 months ago.

My situation is temporary, so we are muddling through. Fortunately for her, she is a very good assistant, so that makes up for a lot!
I know. I felt terrible because dcb made me so upset that I rose my voice to my ds (he's 2) and I started crying, and then ds saw me crying and gave me this look, I can't explain it, but it broke my heart that he had to see me like that.
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Old 11-19-2014, 08:13 AM
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finsup finsup is online now
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My son has that kind of energy and I so understand how exhausting it can be. I can't exactly term my own kid though A few things that have helped, first off, dancing. We start the morning with dancing, we dance anytime he seems like he needs to get some energy out. Thankfully the others think this is great and are all happy to dance anytime lol. Having a very structured, typical routine. If his routine is off he's awful. I've found with him, he can do about 30 minutes of free play but that's it. So our routine is kind of based around that. He knows that he will get an instant time out of he runs etc. I do plan a lot of large motor games for inside and get outside as often as I can though. When we're able to get outside twice a day, he's better. In these wonderful winter moths well, it's a very long season lol. The nice thing is, it's ok for me to plan our days to help him because the other kids adjust easily to everything. Not every group is like that though.
But anyways, I don't blame you for wanting to term. It's hard to handle, especially when it's not your own child!
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Old 11-19-2014, 10:26 AM
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blueskiesbutterflies blueskiesbutterflies is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melilley View Post
I have a 3 year old dcb who I've had here since he was 18 months. He started as a biter, aggressive, and as a very hyper child. I had just opened so I thought I could deal with it despite my stress level rising from the minute he walked in the door until he left. He eventually stopped biting, but was still hyper; this child NEVER stops, he will if we are doing something, but it doesn't last long. I have wanted to term so many times, but never did. Dh has said to term, my sis who fills in for me maybe 2 times a year told me that he's fine for about 20 minutes then he's hyper, other parents have said things. I still kept him. Dcm works with me, dcm has taken him to get evaluated for his speech and aggressiveness, but early on said his behavior is normal Sorry, but bouncing off the walls and being aggressive isn't normal and his speech is normal-he can barely talk, but I'm not the expert. Dcd asks me how he's doing and when I tell him that his day is rough, he just says "oh M." His dcm and dcd started having problems last summer and are divorced now so I thought maybe his behavior was due to that, but he has always been this way so I don't think so.

Dcb is now p/t and has been since the end of August. I thought I could handle him on a p/t basis, but boy was I wrong! I can't leave him with the other kids at all, if I do there's crying. I have a playroom off of the kitchen/dining room. I can't see them unless I go to the other end of the dining room, but can hear them. I let the other kids play and walk around, but when this dcb is here, all I hear is crying, when he's not, all is fine. I have to make sure he's with me if I am cooking or doing something in the kitchen/dining or family room. That leads to him scream crying which leads to a headache for me. This child still NEVER stops, he's always running or throwing things, or whatever! The rest of the kids are 2 and under (except for one other 3 yo dcb) and watch this dcb. He runs, they follow. My rule is no running and he knows this. He'll think I can't see him and run and when I ask him to walk or hop or if he sees me watching him, he says "hop" like he's never been running. Then laughs and does it again and if the littles follow, he laughs. When the other 3 yo p/t dcb is here, he follows this dcb and is a different child. I'm just so frustrated with this child. I can honestly say that I can't bond with him one bit. I can't wait until nap time every time he is here!

I think I'm going to term. Every day that dcb isn't here, it's wonderful. When he is here, everyone is wound up and it's horrible. I was so upset earlier that I started crying. This child wouldn't stop running, I was trying to change ds's diaper and he saw dcb running and laughing so he thought it was funny and was kicking and laughing so I could barely change him and dcb started going crazy and I couldn't do anything, which dcb knew, because I was changing a diaper.

Now, I just need to write up a term letter and make myself give it to dcm. This is my weakness, I don't like to do things like this. Plus I LOVE dcm. And she just told me a couple of weeks ago that she has cervical cancer so I feel horrible terming, but I broke down today and that shouldn't happen. Why do I have to be so nice? I can't stand that part of myself-when I know I have to do something that other people may not like.

Thanks for letting me vent. Sometimes I just have to talk it out with someone other than dh.
I really feel your pain! I recently had a boy who was almost 4, still in diapers, hit others, grabbed toys away, had kids crying all day, and would do everything unsafe all day long! HE DROVE ME NUTS!! I could NOT wait for him to leave...I was think of term for a few weeks when I found out that the parents were having a hard time making their payments. I waited and two weeks later I term over payment issues. Now, my daycare is so quite and peacefull and kids are getting along and playing together! It is wonderful...Circle time goes smoother without him pinching and interrupting every two seconds. Nap time is so much better as well without his constant interruptions. I have no glue or markers on other kids, I have no hitting or taking toys away. I hate to say it, but if he is making you and everyone unhappy I would tell mom that this is not the right daycare for him. I am sorry she is sick, but that has nothing to do with this situation. It is all business..sounds cold I know..but its true I wish you lots of luck
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Old 11-19-2014, 10:36 AM
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melilley melilley is offline
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Originally Posted by finsup View Post
My son has that kind of energy and I so understand how exhausting it can be. I can't exactly term my own kid though A few things that have helped, first off, dancing. We start the morning with dancing, we dance anytime he seems like he needs to get some energy out. Thankfully the others think this is great and are all happy to dance anytime lol. Having a very structured, typical routine. If his routine is off he's awful. I've found with him, he can do about 30 minutes of free play but that's it. So our routine is kind of based around that. He knows that he will get an instant time out of he runs etc. I do plan a lot of large motor games for inside and get outside as often as I can though. When we're able to get outside twice a day, he's better. In these wonderful winter moths well, it's a very long season lol. The nice thing is, it's ok for me to plan our days to help him because the other kids adjust easily to everything. Not every group is like that though.
But anyways, I don't blame you for wanting to term. It's hard to handle, especially when it's not your own child!
With this child, I try to have routine. But it seems that everything we do, he will find someway to make someone cry or he just goes crazy. If we were to dance, he gets so crazy that other children get hurt, if we do sensory, he's taking the other children's materials, every time I turn my head he's doing something! He split his head open when he was about 20 months because he wouldn't stop running and going crazy. When mom or dad pick up, he's still crazy and will throw things, hit them, etc... Dcm tells him what he is doing and is firm, but when dcd picks up, he always asks how he was and when I tell him that he had a rough day, it's just "oh M" and then he changes the subject.

Also, I know the child is the same at home because dcm always tells me. I know she works with him, but dcd doesn't seem to.

I've had him since he was 18 months old and he is now 3 years old. I have never given up like this, but I'm tired of being miserable. I've wanted to term since he started. But I love dcm. I know, I know, not a reason to be miserable.
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Old 11-19-2014, 10:38 AM
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Originally Posted by blueskiesbutterflies View Post
I really feel your pain! I recently had a boy who was almost 4, still in diapers, hit others, grabbed toys away, had kids crying all day, and would do everything unsafe all day long! HE DROVE ME NUTS!! I could NOT wait for him to leave...I was think of term for a few weeks when I found out that the parents were having a hard time making their payments. I waited and two weeks later I term over payment issues. Now, my daycare is so quite and peacefull and kids are getting along and playing together! It is wonderful...Circle time goes smoother without him pinching and interrupting every two seconds. Nap time is so much better as well without his constant interruptions. I have no glue or markers on other kids, I have no hitting or taking toys away. I hate to say it, but if he is making you and everyone unhappy I would tell mom that this is not the right daycare for him. I am sorry she is sick, but that has nothing to do with this situation. It is all business..sounds cold I know..but its true I wish you lots of luck

I know, I know, mom shouldn't be the reason to keep this child. I'm too nice though, that's my downfall in life (when it is in no way a benefit for me).
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Old 11-19-2014, 10:44 AM
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EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
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If you want an easier out could you say that you are going to make your program for children 2 and under now beginning in 2 weeks?
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Old 11-19-2014, 10:54 AM
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melilley melilley is offline
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If you want an easier out could you say that you are going to make your program for children 2 and under now beginning in 2 weeks?
Good idea!
I think I just need to give her a term letter and let it be. So hard for me though. Can I just trade bodies with someone for a min to do it....lol

A little personal, but dh and I are kind of trying to have another baby. I'll know by Sunday/Monday if I'm pregnant or not. If I am, I'm just going to tell her that I'm not going to do p/t care anymore. If not, I'll just have to do it.
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