adjustment periods

[gracepatiencelove]

How long do you give children to adjust before you term for inability to participate/adjust?

Do different time periods apply to different age groups? (ie 6 weeks for an infant, 2 weeks for a 2yo, etc.) I have no intention of keeping an all-day crier for very long, but I have interviews coming up for a 10mo and I want to know what to expect as far as adjustment goes.

[Heidi]

I'd say, the younger they are, the easier they adjust.

The longest I ever had was a 13 mo, which took 4 weeks. Lots of special circumstances there, though. Eventually, he did great.


I really think 2 weeks is reasonable for a 10 month old. The #1 problem we tend to have is the sleeping thing. If she sleeps well, she'll probably be pretty happy, and you'll have no issues. Maybe that's something to bring up in the interview process...

[cara041083]

What I do is give the two weeks that I have in my contract. Now I know that for a child, regardless of age, sometimes that isn't enought time. So at the end of the two weeks I discuss my issues with the parents. If the parents are on board and I know they are going to work with me to make it work, then I stick it out. If they don't then I give them a warning and give them 2 more weeks and then move on. Right now I am busting my A** to find 2 replacements because I have a screamer (mom says she doesn't make a peep for anyone but me) and her 3 year old sister that is a nightmare who "is just so cute". Both girls had issues during the 1st month, but I was in a bind and couldn't do anything about it until now.

[gracepatiencelove]

Originally Posted by cara041083

What I do is give the two weeks that I have in my contract. Now I know that for a child, regardless of age, sometimes that isn't enought time. So at the end of the two weeks I discuss my issues with the parents. If the parents are on board and I know they are going to work with me to make it work, then I stick it out. If they don't then I give them a warning and give them 2 more weeks and then move on. Right now I am busting my A** to find 2 replacements because I have a screamer (mom says she doesn't make a peep for anyone but me) and her 3 year old sister that is a holy terr who "is just so cute". Both girls had issues during the 1st month, but I was in a bind and couldn't do anything about it until now.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?!

Omgosh. I feel like crap and then get mad when I hear this or similar, veiled, implied, whatever statements.

[gracepatiencelove]

Originally Posted by Heidi

I'd say, the younger they are, the easier they adjust.

The longest I ever had was a 13 mo, which took 4 weeks. Lots of special circumstances there, though. Eventually, he did great.


I really think 2 weeks is reasonable for a 10 month old. The #1 problem we tend to have is the sleeping thing. If she sleeps well, she'll probably be pretty happy, and you'll have no issues. Maybe that's something to bring up in the interview process...

I definitely will. I am not dealing with another screamer kid. I think I will say we will make final decision after 2 weeks.

I have NOT required that period and I have parents who start and things are NOT like they claimed and it's getting irritating.

[cara041083]

Originally Posted by gracepatiencelove

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?!

Omgosh. I feel like crap and then get mad when I hear this or similar, veiled, implied, whatever statements.

It pisses me off to the core! It makes me feel so bad because I have my own kids and It makes me think I can't take care of them. The mom is a nightmare. I addressed her 3 year old's bossiness and her response was I was asking to much and shes only 3 and can only understand so much! I would have termed a long time ago, but with having 3 of my own kids I am limited on space and can't afford to loose half my income. I actually have someone I can put into the place, but the new parents are a nightmare (much added stress) and then another baby(and I have decided I am not doing babies after this one that only crys with me) so I feel very stuck. But I would love nothing more then to tell this family where to go! I break down and cry about once a week. but I can't find anyone and I can't not have an income.

Originally Posted by gracepatiencelove

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?!

Omgosh. I feel like crap and then get mad when I hear this or similar, veiled, implied, whatever statements.

Me too. The dcf that termed with me has wondered aloud (in front of me) if I would (basically) neglect or mistreat their child. And implied it in email by saying " we trust you will take as good care of U as you always have." Which I took to mean the opposite, that it's more of a warning that I had better. I have never been more insulted in my life.

[gracepatiencelove]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Me too. The dcf that termed with me has wondered aloud (in front of me) if I would (basically) neglect or mistreat their child. And implied it in email by saying " we trust you will take as good care of U as you always have." Which I took to mean the opposite, that it's more of a warning that I had better. I have never been more insulted in my life.

second DCG ever... 2yo who was WILD. Didn't listen. Mom won't even let her walk down the sidewalk alone almost a year later. She threw herself in a play tunnel and got bruises down her arms.

Mom questioned me about it and it came close to sounding like an accusation. I have never been so livid in my life. I get nauseous thinking about it.

[gracepatiencelove]

Originally Posted by cara041083

It pisses me off to the core! It makes me feel so bad because I have my own kids and It makes me think I can't take care of them. The mom is a nightmare. I addressed her 3 year old's bossiness and her response was I was asking to much and shes only 3 and can only understand so much! I would have termed a long time ago, but with having 3 of my own kids I am limited on space and can't afford to loose half my income. I actually have someone I can put into the place, but the new parents are a nightmare (much added stress) and then another baby(and I have decided I am not doing babies after this one that only crys with me) so I feel very stuck. But I would love nothing more then to tell this family where to go! I break down and cry about once a week. but I can't find anyone and I can't not have an income.

I'm sorry! I am kinda in the same boat... the lesser of two evils I guess. I hope it gets better for you!!

Originally Posted by gracepatiencelove

I get nauseous thinking about it.

Me too. I keep telling myself, five more days, five more days, five more days. But I have a term letter in my pocket in case I need it too. It's an awful way to live. I have ever had something like this twice in all my years of dc. Most of my families are soo nice.