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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>This Child Just Isn't Adjusting....
melskids 02:35 PM 10-20-2010
i have a (just turned) three year old boy who comes once or twice a week since may. his grandma lives with them, and watches him for the most part. mom just wanted to get him out of the house and socializing with other kids. he really is a sweet boy, and i love him to death. but he just doesnt fit in. he still cries and clinges to mom at drop off, he has not eaten anything since he's been here, most times he wont even come and sit at the table. he doesnt transition well from one activity to the next. he will literally curl up in a ball and sob when it comes time to move on to the next activity. he is still in diapers, and shows no interset in using the potty. he still drinks from a sippy, and overall seems very babyish emotionally. he's just not happy here and just doesnt fit in. his parents work odd hours, and i dont think he has any structure or schedule at home. when gma does have him, she doesnt do much with him either. he is super well behaved, is quite funny, and very smart. i think he just cant handle routine. he only shows up once or twice a week, (partially because i dont have room, and partially because they only have one car and cant get here) so he never really gets used to being here. so i suggested to mom that maybe he should go to head start. the bus could come and get him everyday, he would be in a structured environment, and it would be more consistant. i know it is what would be best for him, but it makes me sad. i would miss him, he really is a wonderful little boy. and i feel a little guilty, like i'm just kicking him to the curb. i dont want his parents to feel like i dont want him here. so someone please tell me i did the right thing. how do i express to mom that its not cause i dont want him? and how do i come to terms with the fact that i just cant offer what he needs? uugh!
DCMomOf3 03:55 PM 10-20-2010
I think you did the right thing since you did give it a good try and he is still not comfortable. I hope sending him to a head-start program will help, I don't think it would hurt at any rate.

If it were me I would maybe consider taking him to be observed by an early childhood specialist. I'm not saying this is him, but this reminds me a little of a girl I know with aspergers. She is super smart and a sweetheart, but she has special needs. She would sit under her desk at school all day before she was diagnosed. She has to have her food presented in just the right way or she won't eat, has a proccess for various things, she is very sensitive to touch, things like that.
melskids 02:17 AM 10-21-2010
you know, i was leaning towards thinking that too. maybe autistic, but i dont feel qualified to even say that to mom. he sounds just like the girl you mentioned. and he too, has this sensory thing going on. he wont let his hands get dirty for anything. and when he trips and falls outside, he holds his hands up so they wont touch the ground (almost like a belly flop) he gets all excited about eating, and then when he sees it, he wont go near it. and i purposely make things when he is here i know he eats at home. if he sees a bug outside he will literally cry for the rest of the day about it and swing his arms and swat at the air like its still there, but its not. but he is so smart about other things. he knows his colors, shapes, and recongnizes some letters and numbers. he understands whats going on around him, but its like he cant quite figure out how to include himself, almost like a social phobia. thats why i suggested headstart. i know they have professionals there who can diagnose whats going on. i just feel like i'm giving up on him. ive never had to do that before, you know, recommend a child go somewhere else.
DancingQueen 02:54 AM 10-21-2010
everything you described about this boy is the same as the boy I just termed. (except my dcb was not well behaved )
Very babyish etc...
I really think it has more to do with how he is treated at home. I've seen the way they talk to him and treat him. I'm not surprised by his behavior at all.
melskids 03:32 AM 10-21-2010
part of me thinks its that too. i dont think the expect anything out of him, like the normal things a 3 yr old can do. i think they dont even realize he's capable of so much more. and mom has expressed concern about gma sitting him in front of the tv all day. he's the oldest one i have (except for the SA who are in school when he's here) so he's not getting anything out of being around babies all day. thats partly why i think preschool would be better. at least he would be around other 3 year olds all day.
Tags:adjustment period, three year old
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