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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>A Spanking Spin Off Question...
KEG123 08:46 AM 08-18-2011
So the other thread about spanking got me to thinking....

I really try hard NOT to spank my child, ever. But sometimes redirection simply does not work with him and I have spanked him a few times during daycare hours, in front of other kids. Like I said, I really try and avoid this and it has only happened a few times (he is 3) but I always feel so guilty over it.

So my question is this,

Have you spanked your own child during daycare hours, in front of daycare children?
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JaydensMommy 08:52 AM 08-18-2011
I rarely spank my child and its more like a swat on the butt only if I cannot get him to stop kicking and screaming which he will do at times. It's unacceptable behavior and I want him to know that. Other than that we do time out. But I would NEVER do it in front of the daycare kids. Then they would get the idea that it might happen to them if their bad. And little kids will go home and tell their parents and they might change the story....
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TBird 09:08 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by JaydensMommy:
I rarely spank my child and its more like a swat on the butt only if I cannot get him to stop kicking and screaming which he will do at times. It's unacceptable behavior and I want him to know that. Other than that we do time out. But I would NEVER do it in front of the daycare kids. Then they would get the idea that it might happen to them if their bad. And little kids will go home and tell their parents and they might change the story....
I agree....I spank my own kids but I don't want the DCK's thinking it applies to them in any way.
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PitterPatter 09:15 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by KEG123:
So the other thread about spanking got me to thinking....

I really try hard NOT to spank my child, ever. But sometimes redirection simply does not work with him and I have spanked him a few times during daycare hours, in front of other kids. Like I said, I really try and avoid this and it has only happened a few times (he is 3) but I always feel so guilty over it.

So my question is this,

Have you spanked your own child during daycare hours, in front of daycare children?
I don't spank my own son. When he was 2 - 3 or so I would gently pop him on the butt when words didn't work and he started thinking it was ok to hit and hit other when he didn't get the toy etc. I figured out with him violence only taught violence and so I never popped his butt again. He stopped hitting soon after. Even if I was a spanking parent I would never spank infront of daycare children. 1 it may teach them they too will be spanked and make them afraid. 2 they could go home and say they saw me hitting kids and open a can of worms. Just not a good thing in anyway.
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KEG123 09:48 AM 08-18-2011
Time outs do not work for my son, believe me I've tried. He just WILL.NOT.SIT. And it wasn't like a huge spankin, more like previous posters said, more of a swat on the butt. And he doesn't hit, he pushes and/or sits on other kids which leads to the pop on the butt. But yeah I understand what you all are saying. I am normally SO opposed to spanking, I never thought I'd do it to him. But I get frustrated when nothing else works with him.
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Cat Herder 09:49 AM 08-18-2011
It is against rules and regs, here.

It would be viewed the same as if I had hit a DCK.

"Creating an atmosphere of fear or humiliation".

Another reason I never kept my kids with the DCK's.

I have no say in how they would be disciplined, in my own home, during daycare hours.
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Meeko 11:16 AM 08-18-2011
I have spanked my own kids on the odd occasion over the years...but never in front of the day care kids.

When I was young, my mother was the only one who ever spanked my brother and I. My dad never laid a finger on me. I do not remember it, but my parents tell me that when I was about two years old, I had an ear infection and would not take my medicine. My dad was getting frustrated with me as I spat out mouthful after mouthful. The last straw was when I spat it all in his face. He didn't really spank me...he just patted the side of my leg and said said "NO!" very sternly. My mom said that if I had cried, it wouldn't have been so bad...but I didn't cry. I just sat there with my lip quivering and said
OH Daddy! You hit me and I'm just a little girl!"

My father said he died a little that day and from that day on he let my mother do all the disciplining!

(I can still wind him round my little finger!!!)
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laundrymom 11:25 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by KEG123:
So the other thread about spanking got me to thinking....

I really try hard NOT to spank my child, ever. But sometimes redirection simply does not work with him and I have spanked him a few times during daycare hours, in front of other kids. Like I said, I really try and avoid this and it has only happened a few times (he is 3) but I always feel so guilty over it.

So my question is this,

Have you spanked your own child during daycare hours, in front of daycare children?
i did, 16 yrs ago,..... but havent since
Reply
mac60 11:26 AM 08-18-2011
My kids were older when I started my daycare business. But I never would of hesitated to spank them should they need it. I find it ironic that so many today are so against spanking yet the young children of today are so misbehaved it is unreal. I am sure there is a correlation there. Parents need to be the parent not the best buddy and friend. I can only imagine what this world will be like in 10 years. Scary.
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Sunshine44 11:49 AM 08-18-2011
Yep. I do not have a problem with spanking when it is warranted. I've spanked in front of dck's when it had to be done. BUT usually they are in their room away from the dcks when it happens.
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Unregistered 12:11 PM 08-18-2011
I have swatted my daughter on the bottom a couple times in front of the daycare children, and that was when she was in a very bad biting stage, and she was biting through skin, at first she was getting stern time-outs, then it moved to butt swats, and I always did it right away, because I wanted her to know exactly what it was for, and then I resorted to biting her back once, not hard, but enough to scare her, and after that theres been no bites, she was 2, my son whenever he has warranted a butt smack, I take him to his room, I've have rarely had to ever do this to him, but I wouldn't do it in front of other children except when I feel it necessary like when she was biting, but I dont want my 4yr old, to get embarrased or made fun of, or for the other children really to see, although I find this not a big deal, as I know all of my daycare kids get butt swats at their homes, I would never touch them, but none of them find it weird, every one of them find it normal, and the parents and I swap stories of when our kids have needed little swats, so they all know I am not against it, but it does have to really be earned. And It has never caused an environment of fear for any of my DC kids, but they have all been here long enough and have never been touched by me, they know And I have told them that only mommys and daddys can do that to their own children, and anyways it only happened when my daughter was biting horribly, and I wouldnt change that at all, she was leaving some serious wounds on one kid in particular, and I told them every day, that she got a swat for that, or the last time, "I bit her back this time" And they are super strict parents who would do the same thing.
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safechner 12:13 PM 08-18-2011
My husband and I do spank our own but it is very rarely since they are very good kids. I would NEVER spank any daycare kids at all. All I can put them in time out that is all I can do for those daycare kids since they are not my kids.

I do believe in spanking because it works very well. One thing, I wouldn't spank very hard that looks like hit that I have seen people do that somewhere. My parents spanked me many times and I turned out fine.

Now this world, it is not so great because the law has changed about spanking. Many kids CAN control of those parents since they can't do anything and it is getting worst everyday. That is so sad! I wouldn't let anyone spanks my own but only me and my husband. One time, I got spanked with the ruler by a teacher in school ( I was in 3rd grades) and I remember I told her if you ever lay on me and I will hit you real hard to give you a black eye. She thought I wouldn't do that but she did. I hit her and I gave her black in both eyes. They didn't do anything to me and they called my parents about it. My parents didn't do anything to me because my dad said I have the rights to hit her and I am not her child.
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Sugar Magnolia 12:14 PM 08-18-2011
Spanking="hitting is ok".

Like Cat said, against regs, just about everywhere I assume. No spanking anyone, ever, for any reason. I had my son in my center and never spanked him here or at my home. How can someone spank a child for hitting a classmate?!?!? Swat..."No hitting"....swat. See the contradiction here? No brainer: No spanking ever ever ever ever.
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Mom_of_two 12:37 PM 08-18-2011
I too do not believe in spanking, and agree that it is confusing for a child to have a parent say 'don't hit' then to hit their child.

Spanking and letting a child run wild are not the two options for parenting. There is middle ground. I was not spanked and I always had love and respect for my parents and obeyed them because it was expected, and I did receive consequences. They just did not include physical ones. I think the idea of kids 'running wild' today because they are not physically touched by their parents is unbelievable!!! Would be curious to see an actual study based on parenting styles etc, and the later outcome. Authoratative parenting has proven to be the most effective from what I found while doing my Sr thesis. Not authoritarian. I know many who spank don't cross the line, but IMO it would NOT benefit society if more parents spanked. I believe it would have the opposite effect.

Regardless of my opinion, I wouldn't advise doing that in front of daycare kids. Or, you could have an honest convo with your daycare parents- some might be ok with it. I would not want my kids to see that, but if a family uses the same type of discipline they might not mind.
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spud912 02:32 PM 08-18-2011
I have spanked my daughter in a separate room with the door closed during dc hours (usually for very bad behavior like biting or hitting). I know it sounds contradictory, but it works with her. Every child is different and discipline has to accommodate the child. I don't think anything is wrong with corporal punishment of your own child (although I would not do it in front of other dc kids). Both my husband and I were spanked as children and we turned out great (law abiding, polite, well mannered adults).

I've known of other families who disagree with corporal punishment and that is fine as long as their children are behaved and are met with consequences that they respond to when they do not behave. I guess what I'm trying to say is "to each his own." Do what works for you and your children.
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CheekyChick 03:43 PM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
I have spanked my own kids on the odd occasion over the years...but never in front of the day care kids.

When I was young, my mother was the only one who ever spanked my brother and I. My dad never laid a finger on me. I do not remember it, but my parents tell me that when I was about two years old, I had an ear infection and would not take my medicine. My dad was getting frustrated with me as I spat out mouthful after mouthful. The last straw was when I spat it all in his face. He didn't really spank me...he just patted the side of my leg and said said "NO!" very sternly. My mom said that if I had cried, it wouldn't have been so bad...but I didn't cry. I just sat there with my lip quivering and said
OH Daddy! You hit me and I'm just a little girl!"

My father said he died a little that day and from that day on he let my mother do all the disciplining!

(I can still wind him round my little finger!!!)

Awww... Such a cute story.
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CheekyChick 04:03 PM 08-18-2011
I'm not a "spanker" - I just gave them the "stink eye" which was pretty scary.
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Oneluckymom 04:26 PM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by mac60:
My kids were older when I started my daycare business. But I never would of hesitated to spank them should they need it. I find it ironic that so many today are so against spanking yet the young children of today are so misbehaved it is unreal. I am sure there is a correlation there. Parents need to be the parent not the best buddy and friend. I can only imagine what this world will be like in 10 years. Scary.
I agree. Children today do not get enough discipline. I think parents today are afraid to discipline for a variety of reasons and are afraid of the backlash from some who disapprove of whatever methods are used. Cant believe some are even opposed to time outs.
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mom2many 08:52 PM 08-20-2011
I think kids want/need boundaries and I see so many people parenting and being afraid to establish them. When my own kids were younger, spanking wasn't such a stigma. We didn't use spanking as the only means to discipline, but all 3 of our kids knew, we would never allow them to misbehave or be disrespectful. They learned to listen and follow directions and this helped them in their classroom environment with teachers, in sports with their coaches and later in life with their employers.
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Sprouts 09:20 PM 08-20-2011
I think spanking should be the last consequence and the child should be warned it will happen if they continue their misbehavior, but spanking should not be done out of frustration or anger. As long as you explain to the child why they are getting spanked, tell them you love them, don't shun or exclude them afterward so they learn that when they make mistakes, they WILL have consequences but they are still LOVED. Fear only works for so long, but obedience and respect will last a lifetime.

And sometimes you can't always follow the regs to a T, unfortunately not all of them were written by people with common sense.
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Holladee 09:26 PM 08-20-2011
I don't spank my child (or daycare children obviously). I try not to judge those who choose to spank their own children, but it annoys me when people say things like "the reason kids don't behave is because parents are afraid to spank." Not true. My almost six year old has never been spanked and although she has her moments as all kids do, she is a great kid.

I also don't understand why those who claim they don't feel guilty about spanking will call it a "swat" or a "pop." You're hitting your kid. Don't try to pretend otherwise.
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Jewels 06:52 AM 08-22-2011
Originally Posted by Holladee:
I don't spank my child (or daycare children obviously). I try not to judge those who choose to spank their own children, but it annoys me when people say things like "the reason kids don't behave is because parents are afraid to spank." Not true. My almost six year old has never been spanked and although she has her moments as all kids do, she is a great kid.

I also don't understand why those who claim they don't feel guilty about spanking will call it a "swat" or a "pop." You're hitting your kid. Don't try to pretend otherwise.
To me if i hit someone, its meant to hurt and out of anger, I do call it a swat, because there is no power behind it and it never happens out of anger or frustration, its the same force I use out of affection if my daughter were to walk by and i tap her bottom while were playing (I would say I hit my child if I was mad and frustrated and doing it for no other reason, my daughter was "Hit with a baseball bat the other day and given a black eye, she was not swatted with a baseball bat. if the baseball bat had only tapped her softly I would say she was bumbed with it.) so I do think there is a difference.
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youretooloud 06:59 AM 08-22-2011
Originally Posted by Mom_of_two:
I too do not believe in spanking, and agree that it is confusing for a child to have a parent say 'don't hit' then to hit their child.

Spanking and letting a child run wild are not the two options for parenting. There is middle ground. I was not spanked and I always had love and respect for my parents and obeyed them because it was expected, and I did receive consequences. They just did not include physical ones. I think the idea of kids 'running wild' today because they are not physically touched by their parents is unbelievable!!! Would be curious to see an actual study based on parenting styles etc, and the later outcome. Authoratative parenting has proven to be the most effective from what I found while doing my Sr thesis. Not authoritarian. I know many who spank don't cross the line, but IMO it would NOT benefit society if more parents spanked. I believe it would have the opposite effect.

Regardless of my opinion, I wouldn't advise doing that in front of daycare kids. Or, you could have an honest convo with your daycare parents- some might be ok with it. I would not want my kids to see that, but if a family uses the same type of discipline they might not mind.
I agree. I never spanked my kids, and they were respectful their whole childhood. They had a lot of freedoms, but they never took advantage or make me want to spank them.
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Unregistered 09:56 PM 08-22-2011
I personally do not spank my kids. I don't agree with it at all. I think most of the reason parents spank is because they are losing control with their child. Its easier to scare the child with a "swat" on the butt than spending the time making them sit in time out by putting them back in the chair multiple times until they do it. Just my opinion but I want my kids to respect me not be afraid of me. BIG difference.
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safechner 10:10 AM 08-23-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I personally do not spank my kids. I don't agree with it at all. I think most of the reason parents spank is because they are losing control with their child. Its easier to scare the child with a "swat" on the butt than spending the time making them sit in time out by putting them back in the chair multiple times until they do it. Just my opinion but I want my kids to respect me not be afraid of me. BIG difference.
You think the parents lose control with their child/ren. Oh please, my parents spanked my butt when I grew up because I had ZERO respect or not listen to my parents that is why they were very frustrated with me. My parents knew I am not afraid anyone and my parents too. Today, I turned out fine and I raise my kids different than my parents.

I am not losing control with my children at all or angry at them and I work hard to teach my kids to respect. They are great kids! Many parents out there asked me how I raise them so good. I am not kidding you because I have heard of this many times. I am so lucky to teach them right and I am so proud of a great mother to my kids. That is why I believe in spanking but it is very RARELY to spank my kids. I have a daughter who is very stubborn just like me but I teach her different way than my parents. I don't hit or abuse my kids. I don't understand why you think spank is the abuse, lol.

I have seen so many children who are not spanked by the parents. I am not saying all of it but many kids who are out of control because parents can't do anything right and let that happens very often.
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Unregistered 12:25 PM 08-23-2011
Originally Posted by safechner:
You think the parents lose control with their child/ren. Oh please, my parents spanked my butt when I grew up because I had ZERO respect or not listen to my parents that is why they were very frustrated with me. My parents knew I am not afraid anyone and my parents too. Today, I turned out fine and I raise my kids different than my parents.

I am not losing control with my children at all or angry at them and I work hard to teach my kids to respect. They are great kids! Many parents out there asked me how I raise them so good. I am not kidding you because I have heard of this many times. I am so lucky to teach them right and I am so proud of a great mother to my kids. That is why I believe in spanking but it is very RARELY to spank my kids. I have a daughter who is very stubborn just like me but I teach her different way than my parents. I don't hit or abuse my kids. I don't understand why you think spank is the abuse, lol.

I have seen so many children who are not spanked by the parents. I am not saying all of it but many kids who are out of control because parents can't do anything right and let that happens very often.
I didn't say I thought it was abuse. I said I think parents use it as a scare tatic to make their kids respect them. I think parents spank because THEY are frustrated and it make them feel better. I am entitled to my opinion. Also my kids are also well behaved and I am always complimented on them. I do not spank, never have and never will and my children are older with complete respect for people. I didn't have to spank them to make them be that way.

People have said that parents dont spank thats why kids are the way they are. Thats crap. We all know from being daycare providers that if I child has ample time with their parents, good quality time it make for a much better behaved child. Being loved and paid attention to goes a long way. Children are the way they are because most parents are lazy. They dont want to cook the homemade meals and sit down for an hour to have a family dinner. They dont want to read to their child at night they would rather put a tv in their room and have their "alone" time. Its ridiculous.
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e.j. 01:24 PM 08-23-2011
My kids are older now but when they were younger, I did spank them sparingly when nothing else seemed to work. Even thought I didn't do it often, I regretted it the few times I did because I felt the spanking was more about me feeling frustrated and not knowing what else to do vs. using a discipline technique that I felt was effective.

When I started my day care, there was one day when I thought, if I can discpline my dc kids without spanking them, why can't I do the same for my own kids. After that, I never spanked my kids. I looked for other ways to discpline my kids, just as I would have had to if they had been dc kids and found that other methods worked just as well, if not better.
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Jewels 07:58 AM 08-24-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I didn't say I thought it was abuse. I said I think parents use it as a scare tatic to make their kids respect them. I think parents spank because THEY are frustrated and it make them feel better. I am entitled to my opinion. Also my kids are also well behaved and I am always complimented on them. I do not spank, never have and never will and my children are older with complete respect for people. I didn't have to spank them to make them be that way.

People have said that parents dont spank thats why kids are the way they are. Thats crap. We all know from being daycare providers that if I child has ample time with their parents, good quality time it make for a much better behaved child. Being loved and paid attention to goes a long way. Children are the way they are because most parents are lazy. They dont want to cook the homemade meals and sit down for an hour to have a family dinner. They dont want to read to their child at night they would rather put a tv in their room and have their "alone" time. Its ridiculous.
I disagree, I have never spanked out of frustration, it in fact makes me very upset to do it, and I feel awful, but my daughter, is affected by nothing else, Time outs do not work for her, she thinks they are funny, and taking toys away from her does nothing, unless maybe I cleared everyhting out of the playroom, and when she was biting kids and breaking through the skin, I did everything before I swatted her butt, and when that didnt work I finally resorted to a soft bite back to her, and shes never bite since and its been 6 months....if I am ever frustrated or mad, I make a point to not touch or spank, now my son is completly different, he has always responded to time outs, I have only ever spanked his bottom once, and that was a long time ago, Getting a time out makes him extrememly upset, and If I give him the "stink" eye, he immediatly stops what hes doing. I give my daughter the stink eye, she gives it right back to me, some children are easy to discipline and some are very challenging. And just because some of us are okay with spanking, does not mean its all we use, a spank is given when its something really bad, it does not mean every single time they act out I swat the bottom, most of the time she gets the inneffective time out, or she loses what shes playing with or gets sent to her room when she throwing a fit to calm down.
I also do not think its bad to fear your parents, not a shivering fear of ever being around them, but the fear that makes you think twice when your going to do something, the fear of dissapointing your parents, And I'm not saying that can only be achieved by spanking, my son will always be fearful of making me upset or dissapointed, that is his personality, he feels awful when he does something that makes me upset, he doesn't like my husband or I to be mad at him, so he is so well behaved most of the time, and my little girl is finally reaching that point also.
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Tags:discipline plan, provider - own child, provider children, punishment, redirection, spanking, spanking - in front of others
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