My dh & I are struggling right now and are considering separating. I am a member but don't want to post under my username. I know I've read of a few providers going through a major loss or divorce but how do you deal with the emotions? I don't want parents to know and then we reconcile and everyone knows my business but as it is, I'm just so sad. And what if parents ask! I am trying to save my tears for nap time but sometimes they come out. My DCKs are all young so no one asks but I feel bad being sad around them. Were you able to financially make it without a partner? What about appointments for your kids? I can't just close all the time nor can I take kids with me and I don't have anyone I can use as a backup at this point in time. I'm actually someone else's backup!

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Another similar thread
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=64476

I am sorry you and your DH are struggling.
Hoping things look up for you soon.

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I'm so sorry...

I went through this 14 years ago, and ended up leaving the relationship. Moved back to my hometown 50 miles away and started my daycare over. I actually lived with my ex for a month (December) before I left, and my dcp's knew about it for the last 2 or 3 weeks. We all put on a brave face, but it was hard.

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I have no advice but wanted to offer my hugs and good thoughts for you. I hope and pray it works out the way you want it to. Just remember though that sometimes it's okay for kids to see real people with real emotions. I don't mean to let it all out during daycare but there's nothing wrong with 'leaky eyes' sometimes. I separated over 6 years ago from my dh and I know it was a tough time for me. I did opt to tell my dcps because it was my choice and I didn't want a million questions about my dh. I felt close enough to them for them to know. I also lost both my parents while trying to keep up a front. But once in awhile I'd cry. You can't help it. Sometimes when tears come, they come.
Be kind to yourself. And don't expect too much right now. Emotions can be draining so cut back on your daycare expectations. IOW, if you do themes or daily crafts, cut back. Get down on the floor and let the kids just play, cuddle with you, read books all day. You do not have to be Daycare provider of the year right now.
I'm sorry you're going through this rough time and hope things brighten soon.

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Thank you ladies. This has been on and off for years but we have just kept trying and both feel like we're beating a dead horse at this point. He's not interested in counseling and I'm not wanting to just give up but don't know what else to do now. He said today (as he has many times) that he's leaving. He's going through a lot right now emotionally and I'm not helping him enough I guess. I'm struggling to keep my own head above water with my daycare and own kids. It's hard. We've been together over 13yrs and have small children so this will be hard for us all. This isn't what I want but I don't really have a choice in the matter now since he's leaving. I just really worry about how I'm going to hold it all together.

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Hi OP. I just wanted to say that I am sorry for what you are going through. I haven't been through a marital separation, but I went through a very difficult time with some other family issues last Spring and there were times when I couldn't help but be very sad while I was working - I even broke down & cried a few times. When the DCK's asked I was just brief and honest and said, "I am just feeling a little sad, but I am ok."

I don't know about the cost of living where you live, but I have provided for myself and 3 children on my daycare salary alone. Don't feel bad raising your rates. I scheduled as many doctor, dentist, etc. appointments as possible for over my vacation. I relied on family friends to help out on those unexpected appointments. I did parent-teacher conferences over the phone.

Hang in there during your difficult time!

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I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and having such a hard time. After 4 long years of a failing marriage, my H and I decided to separate in December, and he will be living here until May 1. Emotionally, I try to deal with things outside of work, but when I need to cry I cry. It's okay to feel sad in front of the kids sometimes.

As far as telling the parents, I am holding off until he moves out. I don't want them to think there is any tension in the house while their kids are here. My H and I are getting along, so that does help.


Please feel free to PM me anytime you want/need. I am happy to talk and listen.

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Warm hugs your way. I recently went through something like this with my husband. We worked it out but still I was crying constantly. Be strong but don't be made of stone. The kids wont judge you.

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Thank you all for your support and kind words. He seems to be back on board with things working out but I can't help but wonder when it's going to happen again. I'm going to try and pursue counseling on my own, I don't have insurance to cover it but hoping I can find a sliding scale place or someone who will work with me.

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I have also gone through a similar situation. Counseling really does wonders. I don't know if you are religious but we went to a male Christian counselor. Honestly, it wasn't even the counseling that really helped, it was the homework that the counselor assigned to my husband. He had to initiate praying with me every night when we went to bed. He was to grab my hand, or just hold me and say a prayer thanking God for me, ask for help with our marriage, with ourselves, and then anything else he felt like throwing into the prayer. It made me see him so different, and it made him see me as a treasure. Weird, and simple, but it worked.

I agree with all the other DCP on the post. Cry when you feel it rushing over you, just explain to the kids you are feeling a bit sad but that you are going to be ok, even ask them for some hugs to make you feel better. <3

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I think we may have to give separation a try. Things are just so ready to erupt under the surface that anything sets him off. He's been very passive-aggressive and emotionally abusive every day. I added up my income and expenses and depending on how much he pays me, I may be able to make it work on my own. For now anyway. Moving is a very last, last resort. Housing prices have gone up a lot here lately and our house is pretty affordable right now. I've never really considered living on my own.

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Will he willingly do his part to help care for his children? (financially/emotionally/physically)

That should help a lot if you are able to work together amicably for the kids at least.

Make sure you don't forget about YOUR needs too.... Sometimes trying to take care of it all and keep your head above water by yourself can be dangerous. Please make sure you take care of yourself.

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