Just a short vent.....I had a DCM drop off her 2 yr old daughter today saying why she was dressed in a Christmas themed outfit today, I think she was embaresst that she had it on. She said I tried to get her to let me put another outfit on, but she wouldn't let me!

What the hec, the child is only 2 yrs old and her Mom lets her get away with dictating what she will wear.....All you have to do ...is say to her, you will wear this outfit today and just put it on her......whose the boss here, clearly not the Mom.
There is a line between giving the child a choice and if you want them to wear a certain piece of clothing and they give you a hard time, well then how hard is to say "no you are going to wear this and just put it on the child yourself and that is that. I just don't understand parents of today when they allow their child to tell them what to do.
I had a DCM once bring her child in the morning, middle of winter, snow and cold, with no socks on and no shoes! I said, where are his socks & shoes, his Mom said they were in his bag and that her son gave her a hard time that morning and would not let her get his socks and shoes on....What! Just put the darn things on him....Is that so hard......
As a parent, I would be so embaresst myself if I told someone my child would not let me put their socks and shoes on! I am my children's boss, not them of me!
Sorry for the rant and vent. Just had to get that out! Anyone else have parents like this?

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I couldn't agree with you more. I think it's so funny when parents say that a 2 year old won't "let" them do something. And, if you are having such a hard time, why is it OK for you to pass it on to me? It's YOUR child!
I would be mortified if my children behaved like that and even more embarrassed if I was saying that my child wouldn't LET me do something. It's crazy!
SO many parents like this today. You are not alone.

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yup.

I always gave my children choices, so they FELT in control of something. Either choice was something I was willing to live with, this shirt or that shirt, for instance. Those shoes or these ones.

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It's so sad but I think I've heard that from all but one of my parents. One family, Just the one family sadly, are traditional just like me. They are the boss and parents first and not friends lol, the children aren't to talk back, whine for no reason, be respectful etc.

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I do this, too. Keep the choices between two items, not the whole closet like parents today.

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So I personally wouldn't mind if my DD wanted to wear Christmas clothes, but if the DCM didn't want her to wear them then she should've been a parent and not allowed it- kids are too often the ones in charge at home and it shows in the way our society is heading

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I personally wouldn't have argued with my two year old either over an outfit. This is one of those battles that wouldn't need fighting. Giving your children choices and allowing them to decide what they want to wear is healthy and encourages independence and autonomy. Choices are good for children especially at that age, they gain confidence and a sense of individuality and self worth.

I've been in DCMs shoes before and allowed my children to wear the funniest outfits (a red beanie with a green spongebob shirt, orange shorts and blue rainboots) and even though I did not personally mind I knew that there would be someone who would judge me on why my child was wearing what he was wearing. Even when family would stop by I felt the need to explain why he was wearing what he was wearing only I wouldn't have fought with my children over it especially since it was my choice to allow my children to pick their own clothes, I would own it and I wouldn't apologize to anyone for it.

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From very early, I did a "put away" for inappropriate clothing. In summer they have shorts and tshirts with appropriate footwear, and other things are put away. In winter, we switched. Basically, anything in their arsenal would be "appropriate for the season." From there, it was their choice. My kids wore some pretty awesome outfits.
It's easy. "She dressed herself today."

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I get this every single day from my parents with their kids with their coats, hats and shoes when it's time to leave. The kids rip the hats off, take the coats off, refuse to put shoes on etc. DRives me insane. Keep in mind it's Michigan and it's literally about 8 degrees right now at 1:40 in the afternoon.

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Yeah, I would have been fine with the Christmas outfit, too. I would NOT be fine with no coat, hat, etc. as PP mentioned. Unless, it's 32 degrees or higher. Then, I wouldn't fight it...just let them learn through natural consequences. So, if it's dangerous, then I'd fight it, but if it's not, I wouldn't.

That said, there were times when I picked what the kids would wear. It was really only ever an issue with my daughter. Going to Grandma's, a wedding, etc, it was MY call, but otherwise, it was hers. Fortunately for me, she never had that I-want-to-go-to-school-half-naked phase. I'm not particularly modest (or trashy, for that matter), but some of the outfits her classmates wore...

Same daughter came out this last year as transgender. Still not sure what all that means, but she now wears men's clothes (she's 16, almost 17). Boy, if I was going to fight that battle, I'd loose!

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I let my daughters wear most anything in their closets....their choice and within reason. There are some things I will battle with them about. If their dress is above the knees I require them to wear shorts or pants and if it were cold (which it never is), their choices are limited to warmer clothing. Also, the clothing has to be appropriate for activities. They know I give them this freedom and they also know when I put my foot down about something that they aren't going to win (not saying that they don't try to fight it though ).

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I gave my children choices too, but not at the age of 2. I'm just talking about a 2 yr old and having a meltdown about getting dressed. It seems to me that parents are too afraid of disciplining and saying No to their kids at this age. Like I said before, if I told someone that my child "wouldn't let me" at age 2,I would feel as though I was not being a parent and letting my 2 yr old push me. I am the Mom and no 2 yr old is going to tell me what I can and can't do, what a whoosh I would be.
I also don't believe that a 2 yr old needs to feel as though they are in control,your just asking for trouble when they get older as they will think that they can do what they want because they control you, the parent and that your not going to make them responsible for their actions as they are the ones that are in control of you.

Parents need to be parents and parent, discipline and not be afraid to say NO to the child. It is the society we live in today that says we can't do this or that as far as how we parent and tell our kids that they can't do something or have something for fear they will be mad at us and need to be in control. For goodness sakes, WE are the parents and in control, not the other way around! No child should have the choice that they are the ones controlling the parent at any age! That is just not right! Oh,if the child is an adult and has aging parents that need help with life, then the child can help and control the situation whatever it may be.........but not a child who is as young as 2- young adulthood.

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I get what your saying!

It's not about the Christmas clothes. It's about the parent not wanting them to wear the Christmas clothes, yet not being able to set limits.

When people talk about co-sleeping, I have the same argument. If they WANT to co-sleep and make it a DECISION to do so, fine. But, if they do it because the CHILD demands it, and actually loathe it, then no, not fine.

2 year old walked in the door a few weeks ago with a cookie at 7 in the morning. Mom said "he wouldn't let me take it away". I took it away, handed it to her, and said NOTHING. Well, I said something to my DH after she left...HE WOULDN'T LET HER???

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My child wouldn't "let me" - one of the funniest things I've ever heard. When someone says that to me I just laugh and say "WHAT? he/she wouldn't LET you?? Who's the parent here?"

As for the shoes and socks - I actually suggested that to one of my dcmoms once. He would throw a fit about it and I told her to make him walk in the cold to the car and see if he throws a fit tomorrow. She had to do it a couple of times but the boy learned those "natural consequences" and didn't fight it after that.

Parents.

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With half of these parents today there is too much psychological blah blah blah going on. You don't reason with a 2 yr old. Get them up, feed them breakfast, get them dressed and out the door. Why does it have to be a fight about something or letting them decide anything. I have so many parents come in with toys and blankets when they know the rule about no toys from home. Well, Johnny started throwing a fit in the car when I told him he couldn't bring it. Too bad if Johnny throws a fit. Bet tomorrow he won't throw a fit because he knows it won't work if you don't let it. You want to know why Johnny throws a fit? BECAUSE IT WORKS!! Johnny came in with the toy. Drives me batty! Seriously this is one of my biggest pet peeves. Whenever the parents tell the kids something or tries to get them to do something and they're met with any resistance at all, the parent caves. Ridiculous.

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Many MANY years ago I had a little girl who would only wear purple. Purple raincoat, winter coat, mud boots, everything had to be purple. I think she was 3 at the time. I'm thinking really??? And mama plays along with this when she's only 3??

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I do that as well. I put clothes I think are too worn or not weather appropriate or I rotate if I want her to try something new. I tell her to pick something out of the closet. She may say "where is my such and such shirt?" I tell her why it isn't available (the truth) and that is the end of it. I find talking about an item that isn't physically there gives me a better result then her holding it up.

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I love to hear a parent say this just so I can embarrass them by getting their child to do what "they won't let me do". I will never understand how a parent could let their child punk them like this. That being said, I would only have an issue with a DCK's wardrobe if it was out of season. Shorts in the winter/flannel in the summer.

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After reading this, it happened to me! 4 yo comes in t shirt and shorts (there is 6 inches of snow on the ground)! Parent says, "This is what he wanted and he threw a fit when I tried to get him to change." Parent leaves. I say "Such and such, its cold in here, it is time to change your clothes" He shrugs and says ok. He put his back up stuff on.

I realized there is another problem I see. Parents are still asking their children to do tasks instead of telling them. They do the sweet sing song "honey can you come put your shoes on?" I don't blame them as it is a hard habit to break. But when it fails, I do what I do in front of them: I get down to their level, look them in the eye and use my authoritative voice "such and such, it is time to leave. Go put your shoes on please" It works (almost) all the time.

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This is the way to go, for sure.

I have had a child come in wearing clothing that is way too small simply because the parent cannot say no and the parent refuses to pack away the clothing that is too small so the child doesn't have that option in their closet. "Well, I tried to get him to change but..."

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This made me smile My daughter is almost 4 and let her dress herself every day. She rarely matches by society's standards but she can explain why she choose outfits and her logic makes perfect sense. If she wanted to wear a Christmas outfit I'd be glad it was getting more use and never think of apologizing for it!

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I hear you all. I guess my point was that I hate it when parents will tell me that their child "won't let them". To me I don't care what they come dressed in, like today, my one daycare girl came in her jammies,which it is well below zero here and jammies would be so comfy to be in today so that is fine with me. But when parents say this statement to me about they won't let me, it just irks me because they are the parent and why do they let their child tell them what to do,if the parent doesn't want the child to do something, put their foot down and say No, but to say"they won't let me" is ridiculous. So that was my vent. It's like, who is the boss, the child or the parent! No way would I admit to anyone that my child"wouldn't let me",for heaven sakes, put your foot down and be a parent and parent.

I guess I just get so frustrated with how clueless parents can be today and let their child boss them around! I am from the old days where you are the parent and if you want your child to do something,yes you can give them a choice, but to allow your child to" not let you " is bologna, that is just the lazy way out and giving up on putting your foot down and disciplining. I'm not saying all parents do this, but just saying that in my opinion, It is so ridiculous to have a parent tell you that their child "would not let them"!
It's like Come on, your parent, put your foot down!
Sorry for the rant again. I'm not complaining about giving choices here, just how lame it sounds that parents use this excuse.

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My 1 yr old dcg doesn't let her mom put on her shoes (even in -4 degree weather), doesn't let her take her pacifier, doesn't let her switch the hands her chocolate milk is in so mom can put her coat on, doesn't let her.... blah blah blah.

I don't get it either.

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Oh, yes - I do agree that parents trying to say the child didn't let them would make me roll my eyes. Tempts me to undermine the parent a tiny bit at that moment by commending the child for making such a big girl choice of what they were wearing today. *snicker*

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I wouldn't worry about it so long as it was weather appropriate for the child and fit the child right, and the parent didn't care if it got dirty through play during the day- Parents battle to be had. Some parents are just lazy, some are just carefree, some are all about the child making choices.

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I hear you, seems to be the parenting trend. I agree with you. It is like nails on a chalkboard when a parent says.........the child wouldn't let me for a provider. Give me a break!!! Who is the parent.

The clothing thing I responded to already, that wouldn't bother me unless it was not weather appropriate, too small or too big, or an issue- like the kid won't stop twirling to the point of being annoying to others or possibly getting hurt in that pretty fluffy skirt. If the child doesn't match- yes it bothers my eyes but not enough to make it an issue.

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I cant say anything because my three year old has been wearing the same christmas tree outfit several times since December ended. lol so maybe i am not in control here

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The exact same scenario happens here sometimes with a 2.5 yr old DCG...except it is a princess dress that she comes in. DCM says "She wouldn't let me take it off". Whatever. I have it off within a few minutes after she leaves. She has it on over her regular clothes. She gets here right before I have to take the SA kids to school, I will NOT be trying to put her in a carseat with a princess dress on(they live 2 houses down, so they walk her here and back). Sure, when I take the dress off, DCG has a little fit and pouts, but she is over it quickly and forgets about it. Personally I think they just don't want to deal with the screaming fit, and hand the problem off to me to deal with.

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Totally agree with you there. Drives me nuts when I hear a DCP say that.

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It is frustrating but it might be worth if to 'educate' the parent. At least it might cut down your frustration by trying. Say things like:

"Why don't you put things you don't want him to wear away somewhere where he can't see them?" Then add "That always worked when my kids were little."

"If he doesn't want to wear his shoes when it is snowing, let him walk barefoot in the snow to the car."

I noticed my daughter has a way of speaking to my grandson that does not produce good results. She'll say "Do you want to get your shoes on and leave now?" I told her no, no, no unless not leaving is an option. I told her to say "We are leaving now, go get your shoes."

Laurel

P.S. I think sometimes parents just need a little coaching. We shouldn't have to do it but it is worth it if they actually listen and do it and if they don't at least we vented it.

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