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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Have You Ever Been Accused Of Not Feeding A Child Enough?!
wdmmom 09:26 AM 09-29-2011
I have a DCM that comfronted me yesterday about me not feeding her son enough and complaining that he's hungry when he gets home.

My response was, "Well of course he is...It's almost dinner time!"

I follow the food program guidelines and I've been giving this child a couple ounces more of food/milk every single day.

DCM admitted to me yesterday that she doesn't like that everything is portion controlled. She said she just feeds him until he doesn't want anymore! (And you have to wonder why obesity is such a problem?!) In my defense, I told her that any home daycare on the food program will do the same thing...so will centers...so do schools!

This child is 1 year old. He can not sit up on his own, he can not crawl and he can not pull himself up. And, in doing my own height/weight measurements, he is in the 93rd percentile for weight and the 19th percentile for height.

I also found out that his recommended milk intake should be between 16 and 24 ounces per day and she's giving him anywhere from 16-18 ounces in the morning before he even comes to my house!!!!

I really wonder if this child can't do the things he should be doing at this age because he's too big?! Of course the mom doesn't seem worried and says he'll do whatever he wants to do when he's good and ready!

Have any of you been confronted about overfeeding/underfeeding?! How did you handle it?
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AnythingsPossible 09:45 AM 09-29-2011
I have, but not in a blaming type of way. The DCM just makes comments sometimes about how much DCB eats when he gets home, and I always tell her rather he has eaten here or not. The other day, he didn't want to eat anything I had prepared and had only had a serving of strawberries that day because that is what he decided he was willing to eat that day.
DCM is aware that they are served their meals and they can eat or not, but I will not fix anything else. I have such a picky group right now that I am throwing away more food then anything else.
I would just make sure she is aware of what you are serving and possibly make a copy of the food program guidelines to give her.
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morgan24 09:46 AM 09-29-2011
I have been only it was more like accusing me of withholding breakfast. Dcd came in the morning and said the little man told his Mom that you won't feed him breakfast. I said reallyyyy. Then I said to little man in front of dcd. Why don't you tell the whole story, which was on the way to my house he was eating poptarts, then when I served breakfast he wasn't hungry. Then around 10:00 he would say okay I'm ready for breakfast now. I told him he had to wait until 10:30 for his lunch. He ate lunch at 10:30 because the preschool bus picked him up at 11:00. Then dcd says okay dcm just was worried that you weren't feeding him.

In you situation I think your response was perfect. He should be getting hungry around that time for dinner. I think a lot of kids don't really know what it feels like to be hungry, not starving but just hungry. They always have a snack or juice. Sounds like dcm doesn't want to have to feed him right away when she gets home and really that is her problem not yours. I would just keep feeding him the way you have been.
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caligirl 09:52 AM 09-29-2011
IMO it has nothing to do with the child's weight, unless he is insanely obese. But from what you are describing, he isn't. I have a little one right now, 9 mo, 28lbs and she is right on the money with what she should be doing at this age. There is more to it than his weight. So he isn't sitting up, crawling or pulling himself up at a year? I'd be more concerned about that than anything else if he were my child. Has she taken him in for his one-year check up yet? And if so, what did the doctor say?

As for feeding the kids. I feed them the recommend amount in the food program guidelines. However, there are some children who are a little hungrier than others, and when I have kids that need more, I give them more of the veggies, or fruit to help fill their little tummy's. Not a whole lot more, but one more serving of the veggie or fruit.

I have had parents in the past tell me that their child was hungry when they got home, but I remind them, that snack time was at 2:30 and they are getting home at 5:30, so it's been 3 hours since they last ate, so of course they are hungry. They've been running around playing, burning through that food they ate 3 hours before.
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LittleD 09:56 AM 09-29-2011
When my kids were in daycare, my son would be sooo hungry when I'd pick him up. But it was 2 hours after snack time (I am guessing), so it was no wonder. I used to be worried she wasn't feeding him enough a snack. I asked one time "What and when did he eat last?" She said "Öh he had a granola bar a little while ago" (no wonder why he was hungry)I just ended up having a snack waiting for him as soon as he walked in the door so I could have a few mintues at least to cook dinner.
Same thing goes here, our last snack is at 3:00pm, and the kids who have to wait til 5pm to be picked up often start complaining about how hungry they are 5 mins before pick up.
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littlemommy 10:04 AM 09-29-2011
I had a daycare dad text me a few weeks ago asking if his girls eat good for lunch. I said yes, as they are usually the first ones done and asking for seconds. They tend to be picky, so I give a small amount at first, and after I know they like it I give them the rest to equal the recommended amount. He said they are always complaining on the way home that they are hungry. We eat at 11-11:30, and they get picked up at 2. Snack is usually served at 2:30-3, so they miss that when they are here.

A couple days later he texted just to ask how they were. I said they were finishing up lunch and he said to "feed them well. they are bottomless pits."
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nannyde 10:16 AM 09-29-2011
Originally Posted by caligirl:
IMO it has nothing to do with the child's weight, unless he is insanely obese.
There's a 74 percent difference between his height and weight percentiles. That's clinically VERY significant.

He should be a couple of INCHES taller to accomodate that weight and he's just a new one year old.

We HAVE to start addressing obesity in infants.
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wdmmom 10:22 AM 09-29-2011
I think his weight is hindering his ability to move more than what he is. And, yes...he's been in for his 1 year old physical. Apparently the doctor didn't say anything about his inability to do what he should be doing at his age. He was also born 6 weeks early, not that I think that is an excuse for him not to be crawling or sitting up.

I, too, think DCM is not only overfeeding him but doesn't want to feed him right after getting home everyday. I also think she is using food to soothe her son because if he cries or screams, she's admittedly told me she will coddle him and give him a bottle or a snack.

SAD!
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youretooloud 10:22 AM 09-29-2011
I don't do portion control. I feed the kids til the food is gone. But, if I have kids who overeat, I'll do some sort of portion control. "You can have more carrots if you are still hungry".

Yesterday, out of pure curiosity, I kept feeding and feeding my overeater. She's 15 months old, and only 18lbs. So, I figured I'd see if she had a stopping point. She doesn't. She will literally keep eating until the food stops coming. She doesn't care what it is. Beans, Limas, peas, pasta, it doesn't matter... she will eat playdough if that's what I feed her. After lunch, she will go after everybody else's food. Then, she'll crawl under the table and eat the food that fell.

I wonder if some kids just don't have a natural "full" sensor?
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laundrymom 10:40 AM 09-29-2011
I truly do not think most people KNOW what a child sized serving is. most sippie cups are 9 to 10 ounces, parents assume that means it is a serving. For a 2 yr old it is 2 1/2 times the serving size.!

Also, a 2 yr old doesnt NEED an entire banana, ! plus 10 ounces of milk and a pb sandwich (both pieces) plus some applesauce for breakfast,... I have the hardest time with portion sizes. And getting parents to believe me,..
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Cat Herder 10:43 AM 09-29-2011
I think the problem comes from Parents not fully understanding the difference between a Daycare Snack and a Meal.

A Snack, here, means one serving of grain, one serving of fruit/vegetable/protein and 4-6 ounces of juice.

It really is a small amount.
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MommyMuffin 10:47 AM 09-29-2011
I have never been accused but my kids are so picky.

I feed them according to the food program. Most of the time they only eat the fruit. They ask for seconds of fruit and I tell them after they finish their plate. They never do and then they say they are done. IF they did eat all their food and ask for seconds I would give them more.

I serve snack at 3:30 and the last pick up is 5:30. They are hungry at pick up. But I still dont want to serve a third snack for the day!!!
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Crazy8 11:03 AM 09-29-2011
not a problem here... I don't provide lunch, so if there is an issue parent can send a larger lunch in with the child, but really, if they are getting home at 5-5:30pm and snack was hours earlier that would of course mean they should be hungry. They will survive the half hour or so till dinner!!

I also provide a daily sheet for each child and circle if they ate all, some or none. This tells parents if the child liked what they sent, etc.
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momofsix 11:07 AM 09-29-2011
I've never been accused by anyone. I don't follow serving size guidelines though. They get to eat if they're hungry. so often I find as kids go through growth spurts their appetite really increases, I'd hate to not let them have the calories they need! (just as when they're not feeling good or moving as much their appetite decreases) I've never had any obese kids though so maybe that would change the way I do things. Most of my infants have been quite heavy (even my own when they nursed only!) but once they started walking they evened out.

Have you ever looked at the serving size on a container of ice cream?
1/2 cup
I'm just getting started with that!
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meganlavonnesmommy 11:10 AM 09-29-2011
I dont do portion control either. They can eat until the food is gone, or they are hungry. I truly believe that sometimes kids are hungrier than other times. If we played extra hard, or if they didnt eat much breakfast.

But I do not give seconds until all their other componants are gone. Like today, we had: Scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, pancakes, grapes and broiled tomatoes. Everyone wanted seconds of pancakes and grapes, which they were allowed, once they ate all their eggs, hashbrowns and tomatoes. Once they did that, only two of them wanted more pancakes, the others were full. But I'm not going to say no if they want more pancakes or grapes, if they ate everything else.
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familyschoolcare 11:38 AM 09-29-2011
I get asked does G**** eat snack for you. He is always hungry when we pick him up. Lately parent goes on to say how she feels bad B/C G**** often falls asleep on the way home (drive is more than an hour) and then does not wake up to eat dinner. I usually just respond with I offer food but do not force children to eat, he eats what he eats. I like the of course he is it is almost dinner line and will use it next time as it seams to come up at least once a week now.
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Heidi 11:43 AM 09-29-2011
I've actually had the opposite problem. Kids comming hungry. My schedule is posted, and my kids arrive between 7-7:30. The 14 mo twins just stopped getting a bottle at home (and mom forgot to tell me). I was wondering why they've been crankin before breakfast!

I serve a breakfast at 8:30-9:00, lunch starts at noon, and afternoon snack is after nap, usually around 3:30. I am on the food program, but I claim (and serve) AM SNACK, LUNCH, and DINNER. By adding the components, I get reimbursed significantly more than if I did Breakfast, Lunch, and Snack. Our food program consultants actually recommended doing this when the reimbursement rates got tiered 10 or so years ago.

I think parents have less "witching hour" issues because my kids get a little protein with their last meal here. One of my families has 4 children under 5. It's got to be a challenge to get dinner on the table some days!
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Cat Herder 12:01 PM 09-29-2011
Originally Posted by bbo:
and afternoon snack is after nap, usually around 3:30. I am on the food program, but I claim (and serve) AM SNACK, LUNCH, and DINNER. By adding the components, I get reimbursed significantly more than if I did Breakfast, Lunch, and Snack. Our food program consultants actually recommended doing this when the reimbursement rates got tiered 10 or so years ago.
Here we are told we cannot claim it as Dinner unless it is after 5pm.

Maybe it is only allowed if you are in a State that has the "At Risk Afterschool Meals" Program (14 States?).
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nannyde 12:05 PM 09-29-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
Here we are told we cannot claim it as Dinner unless it is after 5pm.
Here too.

Five p.m. is the earliest.
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Heidi 12:14 PM 09-29-2011
hmm...odd...It is in my schedule for 3:30, & they originally told me to do that. I hope I didn't get wrong information, or they didn't change the policy. It has been known to happen. Guess who gets blamed when THAT happens?

For those of you who are not allowed to do this. Is it in your manual? I am asking because I'd like to check mine.

BTW, I use minute menus...
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Blackcat31 12:19 PM 09-29-2011
I was told I can technically serve dinner at any time I want provided it is offered after lunch AND contains all the required components. Right now my dinner time is listed as 4:00-6:00. I am not even required to be anymore specific than that.
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Cat Herder 12:20 PM 09-29-2011
Originally Posted by bbo:
hmm...odd...It is in my schedule for 3:30, & they originally told me to do that. I hope I didn't get wrong information, or they didn't change the policy. It has been known to happen. Guess who gets blamed when THAT happens?

For those of you who are not allowed to do this. Is it in your manual? I am asking because I'd like to check mine.

BTW, I use minute menus...
I'd ask Tom in the daycare and taxes secton. He knows that stuff like the back of his hand.

My fear is an audit could leave you owing money if it is not ok....YKWIM?

Blackcat, I did not see your post... Good to know.
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nannyde 12:22 PM 09-29-2011
Originally Posted by bbo:
One of my families has 4 children under 5. It's got to be a challenge to get dinner on the table some days!
I don't look at it like that. I think this generation of parents have SO many modern appliances that having a full meal ready to go the minute the walk in the door is absolutely doable.

Use a crock pot... make the meal up in advance... make stews and bowl in one meals.... do the chopping the evening before.... have the cups poured and ready to serve and the table set before you leave in the morning. Make meals on the weekend and freeze them.

My grandma was the mother of ten kids and she worked a farm and cared for all of her kids with a wood stove, an ice chest, and didn't have electricity until my Dad (the youngest) was SEVEN. She managed it with work from morning until late at night for decades.

These guys have it really really really good. If they have a fridge, a freezer, a stove, a crock pot, and a microwave there is NO REASON WHATSOEVER for them not to have their children's meals made and ready to go.
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Cat Herder 12:24 PM 09-29-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
These guys have it really really really good. If they have a fridge, a freezer, a stove, a crock pot, and a microwave there is NO REASON WHATSOEVER for them not to have their children's meals made and ready to go.
Sing it Sister!!!
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Unregistered 12:51 PM 09-29-2011
Originally Posted by littlemommy:
I had a daycare dad text me a few weeks ago asking if his girls eat good for lunch. I said yes, as they are usually the first ones done and asking for seconds. They tend to be picky, so I give a small amount at first, and after I know they like it I give them the rest to equal the recommended amount. He said they are always complaining on the way home that they are hungry. We eat at 11-11:30, and they get picked up at 2. Snack is usually served at 2:30-3, so they miss that when they are here.

A couple days later he texted just to ask how they were. I said they were finishing up lunch and he said to "feed them well. they are bottomless pits."

That is Soooo tacky! What I'm seeing with the lack of parenting and the economy, they really want their child to eat on someone else's dime. I don't serve breakfast but keep seeing parents who habitually forget, or bring me a big box of cereal (no milk). Other providers I know have the same problem. They want their child to eat two meals, snacks ect. and then they only have to give them dinner, sad but true.

Really if they were so concerned, they could have lunch and snacks in their diaper bags. Its about getting the most for their buck and we've all had those parents.
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caligirl 12:53 PM 09-29-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
There's a 74 percent difference between his height and weight percentiles. That's clinically VERY significant.

He should be a couple of INCHES taller to accomodate that weight and he's just a new one year old.

We HAVE to start addressing obesity in infants.
LOL, well I guess I didn't read it that clearly, or it didn't sink in.......I don't know why, it's not like I'm distracted or anything
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Christian Mother 01:05 PM 09-29-2011
I've never had a parent question eating habits over here. I think mainly bc on my daily report it states exactly what they ate, when, and if it was all or some or none. If they ate all and asked for 2nds I also mention that. I got blessed with really good eaters who will try new things and aren't too picky. For the children that ask for 2nds I'll give it out making sure 1st that they've already finished the all their food. I like to shop at Sprout's for snacks and veggie's although there is a neat Farmer's market I shop at too when prices are excellent.
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mismatchedsocks 01:08 PM 09-29-2011
I have had parents ask me when their child ate last, or ask if i served a meal. Usually this is days the kids dont like whatever meal it is and CHOOSE not to eat it. Parents get a menu, so i usually refer them to that and say well johnny ate only half of lunch today.


I serve breakfast 730-8. Snack at 930-10 Lunch at 1130-12 then at 3ish we eat a snack which I claim as dinner. It has all the components as a dinner would need but earlier. I dont mind doing this as most of my daycare kids leave close to 5, and usually grab fast food on way home. This way they have veggies/fruit/meat/bread for a couple meals a day.

Some "dinner" meals that I serve at 3 are grilled cheese, grapes, carrots and milk. Ham sandwich, peaches, corn and milk. Meatballs and noodles, peas and banana. My kids are mostly ages 1 and 2 so the serving size is enough to fill them up, but they can still eat their "dinner" later with family.
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Hunni Bee 05:43 PM 09-29-2011
I had a mom call and say "K said you all don't feed him."...and she was dead serious about it. How would we not feed him??? Our kids eat 3 squares a day, because through the food program we're on, we get a full course dinner at snack. Today it was chili con carne with crackers, vegetable slaw, grapes and milk. What on Earth are we doing with all that food if we don't feed the kids??

Plus if she knows her own son, she knows he eats like a grown man and he'd be crying on the floor if we didn't feed him. What we DON'T do is allow him to eat junk snack he's given at Head Start once he's in our care...he has to put in his backpack til home.

OF COURSE kids act like they're starved once their parents pick them up. How else will they get Mom to stop at Mickey D's on the way home? And plus they know different food (junk) is available at home that they haven't gotten all day at daycare.
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countrymom 06:24 PM 09-29-2011
I just want to point out something to everyone, I will guarentee know one thought of this. I have this 2 yr old who we call the vacuum. I mean this girl eats her food so fast and eats everything, everyday it seems like she is starving when she is here. So I started investing. I come to find out that the childrens dinner was soup, or nuggets or grilled cheese (things I serve for lunch) their breakfast was some fruit or cookies. Well then it clicked, this child is starving so the next day she is so hungry (not in my house, I feed till your full) I have another child who eats so much junk at home that they can't figure out why he is so high strung for them, he doesn't go to sleep till almost midnight and he's 3, but every day I feed him a good breakfast, and a healthy snacks and a good lunch and never have issues with him, he even takes a good nap.
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Unregistered 08:57 AM 09-30-2011
I took on a little 2 months ago that had just turned 18 months. He wasn't talking at all, frequent fits and not eating much for mom or last provider. The mom seems more than a little overwhelmed with the little fellow. At his last dr appointment the dr blamed his daycare for him not talking and chastised her for his weight. At a recent clinic appointment I guess his wieght has dropped further. They are calling his normal dr for her to see again. He eats so much here. 2nds and 3rds even of what the food program suggests. He eats at 8, 10 (am snack) 12, and 3 (pm snack). I would say out of my daycare kids he is the biggest eater. He also gets milk with each meal and snack. He has started talking and when mom isn't here he has lots less fits. I just don't want the dr and her turning this around and making it a daycare problem and suggesting to the state I am not following guidelines. If you were in my shoes would you be concerned and if so how would you cover your butt?
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Unregistered 12:41 PM 09-30-2011
Did you hear the doctor say this, or see it in writing? For one, a qualified doctor would not blame the daycare when clearly that rests with the parents. I suspect she gave you a story, and either way I would probably drop her because of the liability for one, and obviously something else is going on. Either she is not feeding the child enough, or something medical.
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grandmom 01:02 PM 09-30-2011
I don't apologize to parents or children if they are hungry. I tell them my job is to send them home hungry so they will eat dinner with their parents.

There are no seconds on snacks either. Even if they didn't eat lunch because they didn't like it.
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Unregistered 06:56 AM 10-01-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
There's a 74 percent difference between his height and weight percentiles. That's clinically VERY significant.

He should be a couple of INCHES taller to accomodate that weight and he's just a new one year old.

We HAVE to start addressing obesity in infants.
Really address overwieght babies? They are just BABIES my middle child was 30 pounds at 1 years old he was huge he is now a 60 pound healthy 8 year old just because a baby is big as an infant does not mean they will be obese as they get older.
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nannyde 09:27 AM 10-01-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Really address overwieght babies? They are just BABIES my middle child was 30 pounds at 1 years old he was huge he is now a 60 pound healthy 8 year old just because a baby is big as an infant does not mean they will be obese as they get older.
Yes

Do some research on the current research of obesity in children.
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Country Kids 09:52 AM 10-01-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I took on a little 2 months ago that had just turned 18 months. He wasn't talking at all, frequent fits and not eating much for mom or last provider. The mom seems more than a little overwhelmed with the little fellow. At his last dr appointment the dr blamed his daycare for him not talking and chastised her for his weight. At a recent clinic appointment I guess his wieght has dropped further. They are calling his normal dr for her to see again. He eats so much here. 2nds and 3rds even of what the food program suggests. He eats at 8, 10 (am snack) 12, and 3 (pm snack). I would say out of my daycare kids he is the biggest eater. He also gets milk with each meal and snack. He has started talking and when mom isn't here he has lots less fits. I just don't want the dr and her turning this around and making it a daycare problem and suggesting to the state I am not following guidelines. If you were in my shoes would you be concerned and if so how would you cover your butt?
I think there would be something medical going on if he is still losing weight. You say he eats 2nd and 3rds sometimes 4 times a day? There is no way that child should still be losing weight!
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Country Kids 10:04 AM 10-01-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Yes

Do some research on the current research of obesity in children.
Yes, there are some heavy babies that will be obese when they grow up. There will also be some skinny, small babies that will do the same. No one can look into the future and no for certain what will happen to anyone.

One of my babies was so fat and till this day everyone still talks about it. I'm talking rolls everywhere! A rolly, polly bug! 95-100% at doctors appointments. Well once she go about three or four, all the weight came off and her growing really slowed down. She actually got down to the 5-10% and has stayed there for a long time. 13 years old and 65 lbs. Not very tall either. Doctors aren't worried because she is just going to be petite, like several members of the family.

I really don't worry about a child till they are 4-5. That is when that baby fat should be coming off and if not time for diet change and more healthy outdooor play!

Has ayone ever looked at old pictures-1800's? Not very many people were thin even then. You know the funny thing-they all ate off the land,grew all their own vegies, and had fresh milk, eggs, worked from sun up to sun down, but alot of them were stilll heavy!

Reading meal posts here, alot of us serve pretty healthy meals. How many of us are our ideal weight and in super shape? I know I could stand to lose a few pounds and am going to start walking a little bit each night if I have to give up cleaning my house to do it-
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SilverSabre25 10:12 AM 10-01-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I took on a little 2 months ago that had just turned 18 months. He wasn't talking at all, frequent fits and not eating much for mom or last provider. The mom seems more than a little overwhelmed with the little fellow. At his last dr appointment the dr blamed his daycare for him not talking and chastised her for his weight. At a recent clinic appointment I guess his wieght has dropped further. They are calling his normal dr for her to see again. He eats so much here. 2nds and 3rds even of what the food program suggests. He eats at 8, 10 (am snack) 12, and 3 (pm snack). I would say out of my daycare kids he is the biggest eater. He also gets milk with each meal and snack. He has started talking and when mom isn't here he has lots less fits. I just don't want the dr and her turning this around and making it a daycare problem and suggesting to the state I am not following guidelines. If you were in my shoes would you be concerned and if so how would you cover your butt?
I would suggest to dcm to look into food allergies--ESPECIALLY CELIAC DISEASE. If her current ped brushes her off about it, she needs to find one who won't brush her off. Full allergy testing as well. Celiac is NOT an allergy though and requires special testing. Another possiblity for eating a lot and losing weight would be a parasite, like a tapeworm. Gross, I know, but entirely possible.
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cheerfuldom 01:52 PM 10-01-2011
I would think the only people that could afford to have photographs done in the 1800s were usually the wealthiest people and yes, their kids were probably big because of an abundance of food (and nannies carrying them around 24/7). just a thought

back to topic....I have the opposite problem. mostly complaints about kids not eating enough or "why can't you get him to finish his bottle?" I cannot and will not force feed kids. If a baby is repeatedly pushing a bottle away or a toddler refusing food, what else is it that parents expect us to do?
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Tags:food - limit, food - too much, food issues
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