Biting @ Daycare

I've read every post here. I am the Mom of a biter. She is 2 and has a 7 year old non-aggressive brother. She does attempt to bite at home so I know it happens at DC and home. No denying that. She has not been expelled yet but after reading these posts I've decided to pull her out. I will take vacation time until I find her new DC with hopes that change in environment will help her. I cannot stop working, I am the primary insurer and my son and husband need their health insurance. If the next DC doesn't work, I will pay the additonal cost and have a caregiver come to our home. I had not seen that suggested. What are the experiences to at home care by a caregiver and re-introducing to a DC after 6 mos or 1 year?
I will add for the more recent comments about what prompted the biter to bite. My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and extremely verbal for her age. After all the incidents, she has been able to express why she bit. The most common reasons were: she was pushed by another child (in one instance to the ground), a child played a game she didn't like (seriously doesn't like), her toys were taken from her, she was forced to sit to close to another child when she needed personal space. In all instances, the report was written up as "unprevoked" biting. Doesn't seem that way to me. I understand that it is less severe to have the child that takes, pushes, is annoying, etc but some children don't just back away and get bullied....some children re-act back. Unfortunately, I have the reactor. So maybe now in a new setting, they will set things fair for her and others and she'll stop this awful biting. (and I've also ordered the book "No Biting" express mail....) Will post a review and follow up.

My son was a biter, too. When he was a year old at a large corporate nation wide chain daycare, a child with a known biting problem at enrollment was allowed to join the daycare without notice to the parents. After my son was severely bitten many times and the daycare downplayed and refused to tell the parents anything, the biter finally left voluntarily. Yes, the biter was not terminated and the daycare didn't say anything to the family except sending her home after she'd bitten many times. They didn't even seperate her from the group when she had to be picked up and she bit more during that time. My son would have huge bruised bite marks on his back - she would bear hug him and bite while the teacher was changing diapers. I found out years later from other teachers that he would be hysterical for the rest of the day and would be screaming for mommy. I'm haunted by that to this day. They only had one teacher classrooms, so she couldn't be effectively shadowed. During the time and for a long time later, my son would night wake with night terrors. Even saying her name would start the night terrors again. The damage was done. I don't blame her - she had no business being in a large group setting with her type of biting problem - I blame the daycare. My son started biting immediately and he bit regularly until he was 3. He only bit 2 different kids the entire time. And believe me, those parents were both teachers in the school system and made my life hell for years. Daycare intervention is a big one. I requested for years that the daycare seperate my child from the 2 he was biting - they never did and that was a shame. One of those 2 was also a biter who picked it up from the original biter as well, so my son and the other child would sit and bite each other for the fun of it while the teachers watched and laughed. Teachers told me this. There was even a daycare teacher with a child who was a biter who picked it up from the original biter as well. They bent over backwards to move him around and help out the teacher mom - even switching her child and my child in 2 different classrooms to accomodate the teacher mom. They refused to accomodate my child in any way regardless of my suggestions. Every one of my suggestions was used with all the other biters in the daycare, but they refused to try that with my son. My child was the only one that ever got punished - I know because the daycare teachers told me and so did the parents. Go figure! If hindsight was foresight, I would have taken him out of there after the first bite and enrolled him somewhere else. I'm positive I would have never had any problems with him - he never bit outside of daycare regardless of situation. He got sent home a couple of times but I was threatened with termination every week and my child bit maybe once or twice per week and rarely ever left a mark - they even wrote him up for attempting to bite! Fastforward 2 years later and I find out recently that this same chain daycare allowed another child of same age to bite every day for a year and the only thing ever done was give her parents handouts, never even had a conference with her and certainly never mentioned termination! Found out from the parent herself. Talked with other parents who had been complaining about the biter to the director. Biter had never been sent home even once. The mom is a teacher in the local school system - conicidence you say, I think not. In every case where the biting was overlooked, the parents were teachers in the local school system. I was the only one not in the school system and only had one child. The others were paying $24,000 and $36,000 per year in daycare tuition. I was only paying $12,000 because I only had one at their daycare and therefore was easily expendable. I'm sure not much I could do now, but trust me, when I have more children, I will use my experience. Everyone tells me to avoid me large group daycares and hire in home small centers instead and I agree. I've polled all my friends and not one single one had a problem with small in home centers. Live and learn I guess. I wished I'd discovered this forum years ago, it could have really helped me back then.

My grandson was bitten 11 times by the same child, sometimes on the face. The daycare handled it by moving him to a different room. Each time the other child was moved up to the room my grandson was in, the child would bite again. My grandson was not the only child who was a victim.

The daycare told my daughter that they would have the child removed if that is what she wanted. She told them to remove the child and they did not. My grandson is now in another daycare. If their intention was not to lose a client, it didn't work.

Originally Posted by RNmom

I am the mother of an a very sweet 18 month old that started biting shortly after starting daycare two months ago. Until then he had only been cared for by family or friends. He loves to play and cuddle, cries when we leave the room- I thought it was the perfect time for him to enter an environment with organized play while everyone stays in the same room! He started to bite his older sibs at home and quickly stopped doing so after stern words and a short “time out”. The day care director assures me that his biting is not out of anger, aggression or frustrated. I have addressed HALTS with her (common reasons for toddler to bite, including Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Teething, or Sleepy), adding a late snack-that he may or may not get. No new teeth and 4 hour naps rule out the other two. I have attached a pacifier to his shirt-which he never used before. I have even had an early prevention professional come in and assess him and the class. She claims the reason he bites seems to be related to his lack of communication-despite his use of sign language. Still he continues to bite, sometimes twice in one hour. Today I was told he was a “danger to the classroom”. It is becoming my belief that some settings just might not be a good fit for a particular child/personality. Maybe the “lonely” aspect of HALTS is not being addressed. And if these child care professionals are so frustrated with my child, are they really providing optimal care?

I am having the exact same issue i need help dont know what to do the only available child care that convienient in my area... what do i do they are trying to put my daughter on a 1 week suspension... im at a hault and im a sinlge parent she dont bite at home and shes sweet and gentel to everyone that i asses her with, they make the reports sound so vulgar... theres on lady that works at the daycare and and her daughter almost same age as my daughter is one of the kids that is geting bit i honestly think its conflict of interest... how do i reslove this situation???? halts sounds great i need more info... some one help me

you couldn't have said it any better, way to go

Originally Posted by MLB

As a director I can say that this is always a sticky situation. We are not allowed to tell who bit either. This policy protects all families in the center. Kids do bite for several reasons so it is hard to have an iron clad policy. Dismissal is the last resort but sometimes necessary when looking out for a whole group. We can't make everyone happy we either have the biter's parents upset with us for not handling the situation or the one that got bit parents all upset about what we are going to do to fix it. It depends on why their biting, where, how hard, how frequent. Just because we have to occasionally disenroll children for biting does not mean we do not care about the kids or if we keep a biter that we are just in it for the finances. Hence, we are always in the middle of a sticky situation. Shadowing sounds great but is usually not reasonable in a group setting with ratios. There is no set answer for this problem but if your childcare has been reasonable then try to understand the decisions that they have to make. It is just a part of life and being vendictive and filling complaints and making threats is just silly and a waste of perfectly good energy that could be used to better your child's situation.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Children in daycare are too be watched at all times. Of course they can do something about it. They can watch the child and when he/she starts too bite another child, they should remove the biter from the area and explain that he/she can not bite....period. If that doesn't work after a few days, the child should be removed for the other children in care too be safe. I would also ask too speak too the parents of that child, if mine was on the other end of those bites.

yes, kids should be watched at all times.
yes, we can try to intervene on another child's behalf.

let me ask you a question... do you work at a daycare? just curious. sometimes those who do not work there do not understand what we deal with on a daily basis. When one child bites or acts up, the others soon follow. It would be nice to say that we could be perfect and swoop down like superwoman and intervene every time something happens or is about to happen. It doesn't work that way. we do our best to take care of the situation such as removing each child from the situation (that's a whole lotta fun too especially when you are also the one who is bitten- talk about your "on the job hazards"!) and telling the child who was bitten to not bite and that hurts. We console and hug the child who was bitten and do our best to keep them apart for the rest of the 6 hours that we are there at work. Please remember that we often have up to 10 kids or more in each room and it is physically impossible to be everywhere at once. Often daycares are short staffed and we don't have a lot of people to cover each area of the rooms in the daycare.

[Candyland]

Originally Posted by MOM WHO HAD ENOUGH

my son was repeatedly bitten, hit, etc by a bigger child. i complained and got all the same responses and "lines". i finally told them they needed to give the other parents a heads up because i was going to file an assault charge against the child the next time he touched my child. (not that i would have) but would you believe it stopped instantly and completely?

hmmmmmm?

I was going to ask...what about the bitten kid's parents? What do they say when they see marks on their child?!!!

A two year old definately can "get" time out...you're not giving young kids enough credit, when my 11 month old would bite he got a smack on the hand, a firm "NO!" and 2 minutes in the playpen while everyone else got to play with toys, he's 12 months now and doesn't bite, ever....if a lab rat can learn to hit a lever to get a pellet of food, a 2 year old can learn "NO"

i'm a daycare provider, and let me tell you it gets old when i hear other providers say "kids bite, it's just what they do, we can't stop it" um, i'm sorry but it's your JOB to stop it, you are in charge of protecting and nurturing children! If you see Jack bite Jill, you pull Jack aside, you tell him NO he show him what he did to Jill and in he's old enough you make him apologize, if he's too young to apologize you put him in a crib, playpen, whatever for a few minutes and he will learn that biting = NO, and time out

I am just offering a new perspective that is all

I have read the thread and noticed a few people said that children often bite when they don't have words. My son (who is now 10) was a horrible biter. He bit children at the DC I worked at, chairs, his twin, me, whatever was close to him when he was frustrated. I tried everything, and believe me when I say everything. I do believe in spanking my own children and we tried that and every suggestion in every book and class i could find. It went on for at least a year.

As he got older, his speech issues that I couldn't get any one to take seriously since he was on the tail end of "normal" became more and more obvious. He did finally stop biting at about three. Today, at the age of ten, he is still well below the 1st percentile in almost every speech category but of course no longer bites. He can't read because of his disorders and cries frequently when frustrated, but no biting

I just want to offer hope to parents of serial biters, I thought we would never get through it but we did finally. I have had many children in my DC who were biters and just bullies and appropriate discipline usually put an end to it quickly. However, children who keep biting and nothing seems to work, please pay attention, there may be a deeper issue at work. Listen to your instincts and if you think something else is going on, keep pushing until someone listens. My son was never abused or anything like that but he was premature and when he was frustrated he couldn't express it. No amount of "giving" him words helped, although in other situations it might be a great help for children who just don't have the words but are capable of them. However, his speech and language processing disorders were just too severe.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I can tell you why aggressive behavior is allowed.
Providers may not like what I am about to share, but it is the truth...
States are pushing towards child led everything. They have taken the rights away for any punishment except time outs. Sure, they can oust the child out of their program, but if competition is stiff, they aren't going to want to give up their income. Then you have Quality ratings. They set the standard for this 1,2,3,4, or 5 star quality that everybody wants to receive so badly because it means they can carry that title. But, do you realize that within this quality ratings, you are so limited on what you can and can't do with children, including what and how you teach. A child expressing aggressive behavior must be left alone, and area cleared so as not to hurt him/herself. That's right, let them have their fit... it's okayyy. Don't make them do ANYTHING they don't want to do... it's all child led. Check out what high scope learning is all about, you'll see some of what I am describing. It'll blow your mind. They tell us that preschoolers shouldn't be taught fundamentals, like letters and numbers (they'll learn that soon and easy enough in K.) and they aren't ready for that kind of structure, it's too hard for them. BUT, let the child lead what you teach. Oh, yes... never teach anything that has clear cut answers, always teach open-ended subjects, where there is no wrong answer, and take away any games that are competition so they don't "experience losing" rather, don't teach them to be a good sport, so we will just make sure that there are enough chairs out when playing musical chairs and never take one out when the music stops. It makes my head spin. Then we wonder, why are there so many aggressive children, no manners, no values? It's because the parents aren't with their children enough and teachers aren't allowed to teach. That's why.
Oh, by the way... I am a preschool teacher with an education. I refuse to be conformed by their low standards and low expectations of children. The children in my preschool are well behaved, happy, and know how to be a friend, and have fun, even when they are the ones left standing when playing musical chairs.

I too am a preschool teacher in a daycare/preschool setting and I agree 100% with you!!!

[cillybean83]

My 13 month old son is a biter. He has a mouthful of teeth (11!) and he has a molar coming in which is *part* of the problem, but he also bites for fun, to get attention, and when he's mad. If I'm sitting in the chair in the playroom and have a dck on my lap, my son will walk over and bite my toes to get my attention! I'm lucky that it is MY kid who is the biter because I can smack his hand and say no and put him in the playpen for a couple minutes. I wouldn't know what to do if one of my dck's was the biter, all I could think to do is separate the biter from the group and tell them no. So far my son hasn't bit any daycare kids, but he's starting to get that he gets in trouble for biting because he bit a stuffed animal then pointed to himself and yelled "NO"...so maybe he'll outgrow it soon

Biting is perfectly normal at daycare and it comes and goes. Just because there had been streaks of biting doesn't mean that it's a bad daycare or the teachers weren't watching. And parents who think their kids can do no wrong need a reality check. We had 4 kids in our toddler room biting one child, who provoked each bite by pushing and taking toys away. His parents complained and threatened, and finally left... miraculously all biting stopped! Yes there are now some biting incidents here and there, but nothing like with that child. Sometimes a change of environment stops the biting. We have some kids who got kicked out from other centers for biting but have not had one biting incident with us. So if you're parents of a child who keeps getting bitten, either be patient and wait it out or just find a different daycare. No need to make a fuss and play the blame game with teachers or biters.

[Michelle]

My son bit a child in the nursery at church!
I was mortified and felt horrible for that child, so I took him out of the room to a private area and spanked him, told him biting hurts! (calmly and in control)and he never bit again.
Parents are so afraid to discipline! I read "Dare to Discipline by Dr. Dobson and The Strong Willed Child when my kids were young and they are all in college and doing very well. I spanked them very rarely and for severe issues. Most of the time we used time outs and taking privileges away.

I really think allowing an undisciplined biting child to remain in daycare is a form of abuse.

Baby teeth are sharp and these bites leave bruises and can break the skin. Parents need to step up and discipline
Just my loving opinion...I really love my daycare kids, like my own

[Habshockeygrl]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I apologize to all of the victims of bites, but please do not think that the parents of the biter are not good parents. I am saddened that my child hurts others when threatened or when he wants his way and we did not teach him this behavior. Praying for all children and their parents the bitees and the biters.

This was well said. My child became mobile at a very young age and would take toys from the kids that couldn't move Daycare's fix was to move him in with older kids that had the same skill set. He has moved room early every time. Unfortunately the big kids push him around. He may be on the same physical level but not the same verbal and emotional and so out of frustration he began fighting and biting. He only started biting after another kid started biting him. He does not bite or hit at home so we can not punish him for it and at 15 months he is too young to punish hours after an incident. So as a parent whose kid has become the trouble kid you might want to look speak to the parents before you blame

Originally Posted by HRH

same exact thing happened to us. they told us the same things. could not even tell us which child bit our child.

We cant controll the biting case among all the children. And predict what going to happen next. We may not know who is in fault. It is because children tend to bite someone when they get frustrated with that someone. Its confidential for a childcare to let out a child's profile.

Ok so In my case I run a daycare at my home. I have 3 chidren of my own and I watch 5 other children. The one year old that I watch is always biting my 8 month old child. I mean not just once a week, but 5-8 times a day!! If I walk out of the room to make a bottle or take another kids potty, At every chance he gets he bites. I have told the parents about it and all they say is to bite him back. Now I'm not about to bite a child so I put him in time outs. The child does not do it at home. The father says if he did it at home, it would stop real fast. Now, I'm at a loss of what I can do. My child looks like he was attacked by a dog. He almost always bites him on the head. And the parents don't really seem to show that they care. So now I'm asking you guys for tips to get a one year old to stop biting. Please help!!

[jen]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Ok so In my case I run a daycare at my home. I have 3 chidren of my own and I watch 5 other children. The one year old that I watch is always biting my 8 month old child. I mean not just once a week, but 5-8 times a day!! If I walk out of the room to make a bottle or take another kids potty, At every chance he gets he bites. I have told the parents about it and all they say is to bite him back. Now I'm not about to bite a child so I put him in time outs. The child does not do it at home. The father says if he did it at home, it would stop real fast. Now, I'm at a loss of what I can do. My child looks like he was attacked by a dog. He almost always bites him on the head. And the parents don't really seem o show that they care. So now I'm asking you guys for tips to get a one year old to stop biting. Please help!!

Personally, there is no way in the world I would leave an 8 month old unattended wih other children ever. Not to use the restroom, change a diaper or make a bottle.

Bring the baby with you, or put him in a pack-n-play.

If you leave an INFANT alone, especially with a kid you know is going to bite, the only one to blame is you.

I completely agree with this poster. My three year old is truly such a kind, sensitive and loving little person. He is in no way aggressive. However, at times of frustration or being provoked he does tend to bite instead of using his words or telling his teacher. No matter how many talks, time outs, etc. Nothing seems to work in him remembering what to do in that moment. Impulse seems to take over. I know he will eventually grow out of it, but at present it's very frustrating.

....but when my dogs start chewing on things and 'speaking' with their teeth, I offer them some 'teething aides'. I believe they may still make such items for children!?!

My son will be two in september, he has been bitting since before he got teeth. It started by he would give "kisses" and just close down on your cheek. Well when he got teeth these kisses would hurt, so we did everything we could to put a stop to it! I went to work when he was 8 mths old had no problems with him when he was in the infant room. Then when he got to be a year old he was moved up and he would sometimes bit, well then all of a sudden he starting bitting. He would bite at daycare, at home, anywhere and anybody. He bit me many times and I would try many different things telling him "no", time out, popping, bitting him back, and even popped him in his mouth which I hated but it worked. He stop bitting at home and then after that stopped bitting at daycare.

Well then he started back, he starting bitting everything toys, children, and even himself. But he was still not bitting his father or me. At home he was just bitting his toys or himself so I would try to stay on him about not bitting. Well he stopped bitting again.

No just this week he has started back bitting children at school. He bit muliple times daily and even bit a boy in the face. I truly feel horrible for the other parents and children and I dont want them to think that I am not doing my job, becasue he has still not been bitting at home so I haven't been to punish him more harshly then "time out". I have talked to daycare teachers and director and we do have a plan of using a shadow person and when they can't stand by him then they will place him a play pen.

I don't think my son should be expelled and some of the posts hurt my feelings, I understand people's concerned especially if their child is getting bitten. But there are parents who care and daycares that care. I really hope that we can teach him that it is not ok to bite and to use his words. If this new strategy works I'll let you know!

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My son will be two in september, he has been bitting since before he got teeth. It started by he would give "kisses" and just close down on your cheek. Well when he got teeth these kisses would hurt, so we did everything we could to put a stop to it! I went to work when he was 8 mths old had no problems with him when he was in the infant room. Then when he got to be a year old he was moved up and he would sometimes bit, well then all of a sudden he starting bitting. He would bite at daycare, at home, anywhere and anybody. He bit me many times and I would try many different things telling him "no", time out, popping, bitting him back, and even popped him in his mouth which I hated but it worked. He stop bitting at home and then after that stopped bitting at daycare.

Well then he started back, he starting bitting everything toys, children, and even himself. But he was still not bitting his father or me. At home he was just bitting his toys or himself so I would try to stay on him about not bitting. Well he stopped bitting again.

No just this week he has started back bitting children at school. He bit muliple times daily and even bit a boy in the face. I truly feel horrible for the other parents and children and I dont want them to think that I am not doing my job, becasue he has still not been bitting at home so I haven't been to punish him more harshly then "time out". I have talked to daycare teachers and director and we do have a plan of using a shadow person and when they can't stand by him then they will place him a play pen.

I don't think me son should be expelled and some of the posts hurt my feelings, I understand people's concerned especially if their child is getting bitten. But there are parents who care and daycares that care. I really hope that we can teach him that it is not ok to bite and to use his words. If this new strategy works I'll let you know!

This is my take on this.. but I could be wrong

No judgement here on your parenting... just giving you my take

A bite to the face is going to be the last frontier in biting. Sorry but that's where the line is clearly drawn.

For the provider it comes down to: loose you or loose the other family. Once a bite to the face happens someone is going to leave. It's easier for them to have you leave because there is a good chance there will be another bite to the face on another kid.

Shadowing isn't going to work. The cost of the person to shadow your kid is more than you pay them. Your salary won't cover three hours of a shadow person a day. They have to make money off of you not loose money. They will do it for a bit to show it doesn't work and get the documentation they need to expel him without worry of repercussions from the state or the parents of the kids who get bit.

They are offering that to cover themselves and to protect themselves for what WILL happen in the future. They aren't doing it because they think it will work.. they are following the ONLY thing they KNOW to do that will show they have done everything they CAN DO. That's for the future upset parents, the documentation they need when they expell him, and the State should they are called by you after they term him or the parents after their kid has been bitten.

Gear up for a termination... they are telling you that they are at the last stage right before they do it. It looks like they are trying to help it or solve it but they KNOW it doesn't work. They just know they HAVE to do this one last thing before they expell him. When they report the next bite they will document that they had an adult right next to him.

Being a parent is HARD. Sometimes we have to give up a lot to do the right thing by our kids and our community. It's time to either stay home with him or hire an adult who can care for him with only way older kids or no kids in the house.

I don't know how to stop a child from biting once they have started. I haven't had a bite in seventeen years here. I've only had one bite in my eighteen years of doing child care. I know how to not get it started but I don't know how to stop it once it has started.

All it took was ONE bite in my first year and I knew that couldn't happen again.

Good luck and if you HAVE to have your kid in care then you need to start interviewing. Make sure you tell them about the bite BEFORE you go to interview. Weed out the ones that can't manage it.

[Christian Mother]

Nan has great advise!! Love it!!

What I would do is inform your work that there might be a week where your going to have to leave early a couple times. They may not care about your personal issues but it's nice to at least give them a heads up and tell your daycare that they need to call you the moment a bit accures. That way you can deal with it on your own or dad for that matter. I used to work at a Christian School and that was the protocol in cases of biting. If your child isn't biting at home anymore it's bc he understands the consequences at home. He doesn't understand that at daycare. As soon as you walk in that door let the teacher bring the child that got bit and your child and then YOU need to address it with him w/the child that got bit. Others may not like this but you can take him out of the class room and to the bathroom where you spank him or you smack his hand or smack his mouth. Which ever works for you. With my son when he went through the biting faze he got suspended for daycare for 3 days and my husband picked him up from there right away at home my husband bit his arm. Not hard but enough pressure to understand that yes..that does hurt doesn't it. We never had another bit after that!! So he understood that biting hurts. Seems like since you dealt with it at home maybe taking the same steps you have at home need to be applied at daycare. Good luck!!

[rhymia1]

I guess I don’t understand the problem with shadowing? When a child in my care needs to be shadowed, that means they come with me, and help me do all the things I need to do. If they can't come with me (if I'm assisting another child in with toileting, etc.) they are in the high chair or pack and play with activity/toys. It doesn't disrupt *my* day at all. Admittedly I've only had a few random incidences and not serial biters. But kids in my care quickly learn that being with Ms. K all day is boring

And what if the biter is the provider's own child (in the case of home care?) you can't usually terminate your own child...
To be clear I'm talking about age appropriate toddler biting, because if it were not age appropriate (older children biting) then I would terminate.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by rhymia1

I guess I don’t understand the problem with shadowing? When a child in my care needs to be shadowed, that means they come with me, and help me do all the things I need to do. If they can't come with me (if I'm assisting another child in with toileting, etc.) they are in the high chair or pack and play with activity/toys. It doesn't disrupt *my* day at all. Admittedly I've only had a few random incidences and not serial biters. But kids in my care quickly learn that being with Ms. K all day is boring

And what if the biter is the provider's own child (in the case of home care?) you can't usually terminate your own child...
To be clear I'm talking about age appropriate toddler biting, because if it were not age appropriate (older children biting) then I would terminate.

It's too costly and finding staff willing to do all their other duties and keep a one year old next to them for weeks on end is very unrealistic.

It's good in theory but it doesn't really work in real life. Having an adult follow a one year old around is expensive. Having a one year old follow an adult around is deveolpmentally inapropriate for that child. No child that age should be following an adult doing foundational care for a group of children. He shouldn't be going with her the thirty times she has to wash her hands... the twenty times she changes diapers... the sixty times she has to GO to redirect a child off of another kid or off of inapropriate toys play... the four times she has to go to the phone... the three times she cleans the table... the two times she sets up lunch.... and on and on and on

It's just not appropriate for the kid to have to follow around an adult. Even if they did it for three weeks... a month... it doesn't give any indication that the day he's allowed to not be within feet of the adult or having an adult litterally with eyes on him every second that he's not going to lash out and bite someone on the face.

Group care should never mean that an adult has to have their visual directly on one kid all day for any length of time. The idea of group care is that it is SHARED attention. Either way of shadowing puts an undo burden on the staff and is not funded with regular tuition. It defies the premise of group care.

We are within a few feet of the kids at all time when they are playing but we do NOT have an adult set of eyes on any one kid all day long. That's just too costly. The adult has to use all of their senses to care for a group of kids. There are many many times a day when each individual child is being supervised by auditory supervision and proximity but not direct visual supervision. (For example... when we are changing a diaper... we are looking at the business end of the kid being changed... At that time the other kids are close but we don't have our EYES on them. During meals we are bringing each kid to the table... bibbing them... scooting them into the table... and giving them their grub. When we are doing each step of that we have our yes on THAT kid as we perform each one of those parts of the task. It may be two seconds here.. five seconds there.. .. twenty seconds here... but that's ALL it takes for a face bite. It happens in a couple of seconds.)

I personally would not pay for shadowing. IME it's just something TO DO in the process of terming a kid, satisfying the bitee parents, and the State. Not saying it NEVER works... but for the most part it's just treading water till the Center can prove without a reasonable doubt that they can't safely have the biter on site.

As long as the parents of the bitee will allow their kid to get bit it will work out. Once the money from those parents are at risk the shadowing goes into full affect as the first step of out the door.

[rhymia1]

Group care should never mean that an adult has to have their visual directly on one kid all day for any length of time. The idea of group care is that it is SHARED attention.

Ah, I see. My state regs actually *require* that I have visual contact with *all* my children at *all* times. Because this is how it's always been, I make it happen.

Having a one year old follow an adult around is deveolpmentally inapropriate for that child. No child that age should be following an adult doing foundational care for a group of children. He shouldn't be going with her the thirty times she has to wash her hands... the twenty times she changes diapers... the sixty times she has to GO to redirect a child off of another kid or off of inapropriate toys play... the four times she has to go to the phone... the three times she cleans the table... the two times she sets up lunch.... and on and on and on

As for not being developmentally appropriate for a child to be with a provider, I respectfully disagree. Sometimes that little bit of "extra" attention is just what the child needs. In addition, I do think that children *should* help with daily tasks - my kids clean their own plates, assist with cleaning up after activities, water plants etc. This isn't punitive, but part of being in a family. I am a child care provider, not the maid. And I know my clients would much rather their child be with me helping me out, than biting another child.

But again, I'm thinking of the random times this has happened here. If it became a constant issue, wasn't age appropriate, etc. then I might have a different thought.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by rhymia1

Ah, I see. My state regs actually *require* that I have visual contact with *all* my children at *all* times. Because this is how it's always been, I make it happen.

No you don't.

It's physically impossible. There's no possible way you could do tasks that require visual percision to safely do it AND look at EACH of the other kids at the same time.

The visual diversion may be three seconds... fifteen seconds... seven seconds... but that's how long it takes a kid to bite another kids face.

I was VERY specific on what I meant

For example... when we are changing a diaper... we are looking at the business end of the kid being changed... At that time the other kids are close but we don't have our EYES on them. During meals we are bringing each kid to the table... bibbing them... scooting them into the table... and giving them their grub. When we are doing each step of that we have our yes on THAT kid as we perform each one of those parts of the task. It may be two seconds here.. five seconds there.. .. twenty seconds here... but that's ALL it takes for a face bite. It happens in a couple of seconds

There is a difference between having children within your visual FIELD and having visual contac each child with all kids all the time.

You are sitting in a room with a lot of experienced providers. We all know that what you are saying is litterally impossible.

[Country Kids]

Sorry Nan but I'm one that with my set up all the children are in my visual contact at all times. We come to the table at the same time, go outside at the same time, have it set up so I face the children during diaper changing, etc. I did have a bite happen a couple of months ago and the funny thing is it happened as we were doing an activity and I saw the child do it! Last time it happened to because the child realized that I can see everything they do. They were very shocked when right as they were doing it I said "No biting" and removed them to be right by me.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Country Kids

Sorry Nan but I'm one that with my set up all the children are in my visual contact at all times. We come to the table at the same time, go outside at the same time, have it set up so I face the children during diaper changing, etc. I did have a bite happen a couple of months ago and the funny thing is it happened as we were doing an activity and I saw the child do it! Last time it happened to because the child realized that I can see everything they do. They were very shocked when right as they were doing it I said "No biting" and removed them to be right by me.

I'm not saying you can't be within a visual field of the kids. What I'm saying is there are visually specific care related tasks that need your eyes to be ON a child. It is impossible to care for kids and be able to see all of them at the same time... even if they are standing RIGHT next to you when you are focusing in on one part of the child's body.

It matters because it puts providers into the position where they are held accountable for a level of visual supervision that is impossible physically to do if you have more than one kid.

This issue comes up when there is a bite and it comes up a lot in the "solution" of shadowing.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Country Kids

Sorry Nan but I'm one that with my set up all the children are in my visual contact at all times. We come to the table at the same time, go outside at the same time, have it set up so I face the children during diaper changing, etc. I did have a bite happen a couple of months ago and the funny thing is it happened as we were doing an activity and I saw the child do it! Last time it happened to because the child realized that I can see everything they do. They were very shocked when right as they were doing it I said "No biting" and removed them to be right by me.

I agree with you but I also agree with what Nan is saying, as you are typing today on this forum....you are not making direct visual contact with the kiddos you have in care. They may be in your visual field but you are focused on something else......

[Country Kids]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

I agree with you but I also agree with what Nan is saying, as you are typing today on this forum....you are not making direct visual contact with the kiddos you have in care. They may be in your visual field but you are focused on something else......

Only had one and he was sitting by me playing quietly. I'm on here when the I only have one, they are sleeping, or done for the day.

[Kaddidle Care]

I had a biter - my own son. 1st time he was playing with another little boy who was extremely rough and my son didn't know how to handle it. He was about 2 1/2 and he bit his arm. He was removed from play and reprimanded by me. I was shocked.

2nd time he was 3 and playing with his 18 month old cousin. They struggled over a toy, she fell on top of him and he bit her cheek. It was horrible and I felt like the worst mother on earth. Again - he was reprimanded and removed from play. (Thankfully she didn't scar)

3rd time he was in a friend's pool and his friend mocked him and pointed her finger at him and he bit it. At this point he was around 4/5 and I was fit to be tied. I called him over, grabbed his hand and bit his finger. A bigger look of shock you will never see on a child. He was ousted from the pool and brought home and I wouldn't let him forget what he did. I did not draw blood but it was enough to let him know it HURT.

Thankfully it was the last time he ever did it.

While I know you should never bite a child, I'm telling you it's what worked with mine.

We cannot do this in Childcare but we can send them home. Our center has a 3 strike policy on biting. 3 bites = immediate termination.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care

Our center has a 3 strike policy on biting. 3 bites = immediate termination.

The good news about that is that it is very clear and unemotional. Parents know upfront that it's not personal. If their kid bites they just can't be THERE. They have to find care for him where he can bite or care where there isn't anyone around to bite.

That kind of policy is WAY better than a big process where the staff has to prove they are doing EVERYTHING they can do to stop it. It puts it directly on the facts... that's it. Three bites you are audi

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Country Kids

Only had one and he was sitting by me playing quietly. I'm on here when the I only have one, they are sleeping, or done for the day.

understood.

[JenNJ]

Originally Posted by nannyde

Gear up for a termination... they are telling you that they are at the last stage right before they do it. It looks like they are trying to help it or solve it but they KNOW it doesn't work. They just know they HAVE to do this one last thing before they expel him. When they report the next bite they will document that they had an adult right next to him.

Nan is correct. Shadowing is the last step before termination. In your case, you need to start looking for a nanny NOW. Today. Group care is not going to work with a biter (specifically a FACE biter).

Typically bites happen on the back, shoulders, and arms of other children and usually in response to a frustration and a lack of verbal skills. Face biting is uncommon and in my experience more of a power move. Your child is experimenting with cause and effect. "When I bite my playmate, he screams, the teachers run around, I get attention, and I am in control." Everything in the room stops and all the attention is on your child. Every single time he bites, this is what will happen. In my opinion, bites like this come without warning and there is nothing that can be done to stop it in a group care setting.

Your child needs one on one care for an extended time to stop this behavior. Whether you or your partner stay home full time to deal with it or you hire a nanny to follow your methods, one on one care is the only thing that will stop it at this point.

[rhymia1]

Originally Posted by nannyde

No you don't.

It's physically impossible. There's no possible way you could do tasks that require visual percision to safely do it AND look at EACH of the other kids at the same time.

The visual diversion may be three seconds... fifteen seconds... seven seconds... but that's how long it takes a kid to bite another kids face.

I was VERY specific on what I meant

For example... when we are changing a diaper... we are looking at the business end of the kid being changed... At that time the other kids are close but we don't have our EYES on them. During meals we are bringing each kid to the table... bibbing them... scooting them into the table... and giving them their grub. When we are doing each step of that we have our yes on THAT kid as we perform each one of those parts of the task. It may be two seconds here.. five seconds there.. .. twenty seconds here... but that's ALL it takes for a face bite. It happens in a couple of seconds

There is a difference between having children within your visual FIELD and having visual contac each child with all kids all the time.

You are sitting in a room with a lot of experienced providers. We all know that what you are saying is litterally impossible.

It's not. Like another poster, my set up is so that I can see the children. Areas that I can't see are gated off. I use mirrors for corners (the kids think I'm G*d ) When there is going to be a situation where I don't have direct visual contact the children (I need to use the bathroom) the children need to be set up at the table (right outside the bathroom) a child who has bitten would be in the high chair.
I am one who does't use the computer at all when children are awake/here, so that's not an issue.
And I do agree that if it's something more than a week or so of shadowing can help, the child needs to go elsewhere.
But as to the other, I'll agree to disagree at this point, because it's a gorgeous day here and I don't have any kids here

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by rhymia1

It's not. Like another poster, my set up is so that I can see the children. Areas that I can't see are gated off. I use mirrors for corners (the kids think I'm G*d ) When there is going to be a situation where I don't have direct visual contact the children (I need to use the bathroom) the children need to be set up at the table (right outside the bathroom) a child who has bitten would be in the high chair.
I am one who does't use the computer at all when children are awake/here, so that's not an issue.
And I do agree that if it's something more than a week or so of shadowing can help, the child needs to go elsewhere.
But as to the other, I'll agree to disagree at this point, because it's a gorgeous day here and I don't have any kids here

Nah it's impossible. When you are caring for birth to five there are many times a day when in order to keep them SAFE and provide proper care you HAVE to visually and selectively ONLY look at what you and they are doing.

When you are feeding a newborn you HAVE to focus directly on their lips and cheeks when you are offering them the bottle. You have to make sure that the nipple is properly placed and grasped. You have to make sure the milk is going in and not coming out on the sides. You have to check flow of the fluid... You have to check to make sure they are breathing in between sucks. You have to make sure they are swallowing at a pace equal to the sucking. You have to have groupings of seconds to JUST look DOWNWARD and see what that baby is doing. It wouldn't be safe to do that head up.

When you are cleaning a diaper blow out you HAVE to look directly at the child's body. You have to carefully remove the onesie and the shirt over the head to make sure you aren't getting fecal matter in their eyes or their hair. You have to look DIRECTLY at the child and the child's body in order to do it safely and keep the mess contained.

When you are cleaning them up after the clothes are removed you HAVE to scan them to make sure there is no residue of fecal matter on any part of their body.

When you are applying butt cream you HAVE to look directly at all the creases and areas that are affected with the rash. You HAVE to spread the cream evenly.

Hundreds and hundreds of times a day in the care of kids you are diverting your eyes to ONE child to provide what they need. Within those seconds of direct visual care that is required to care for them properly... you will not have direct visual contact with the other children... be in one more or six more.

There's no set up in the world that nets constant direct visual every single second or small gouping of seconds supervision of all of the kids when there is more than one kid with one adult.

It's impossible. It may be that it seems mincing words but it's within those few seconds that differentiate GROUP care from individual care.

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by rhymia1

It's not. Like another poster, my set up is so that I can see the children. Areas that I can't see are gated off. I use mirrors for corners (the kids think I'm G*d ) When there is going to be a situation where I don't have direct visual contact the children (I need to use the bathroom) the children need to be set up at the table (right outside the bathroom) a child who has bitten would be in the high chair.
I am one who doesn't use the computer at all when children are awake/here, so that's not an issue.
And I do agree that if it's something more than a week or so of shadowing can help, the child needs to go elsewhere.
But as to the other, I'll agree to disagree at this point, because it's a gorgeous day here and I don't have any kids here

So during diaper changes, food prep and serving, wiping another child's face, tossing out a dirty Kleenex, picking up a broken toy, and the other MILLION times when you are looking directly at another child or object you would keep this biter confined to a high chair?

It is possible for you to 100% of the time see what each child is doing even while directly focusing on another child's needs??

IMHO, It is not possible. I am sorry. I can't believe anyone would believe that.

I am in the same room at all times, my kids even have their own playrooms...within a great room. Occassionally things happen. It is a fact of life.

We are not super human...We stack the odds in our favor as much as possible and deal with issues as they present themselves. Biting is no different.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Catherder

IMHO, It is not possible. I am sorry. I can't believe anyone would believe that.

I have a full time staff assistant and I couldn't manage that. Even with two of us here it's gonna happen.

It's not even safe. I wouldn't want my child in the care of someone who wouldn't focus ON him directly when he needed immediate and precise care.

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by nannyde

I have a full time staff assistant and I couldn't manage that. Even with two of us here it's gonna happen.

It is also unfair to new providers who read that because they will feel like failures ALL THE TIME to think they are the ONE childcare provider in the world that cannot do this.

Not even mentioning the Mothers at home with a few small childen. I can't imagine the pressure of that.....

Nobody is superhuman. We TRY really hard, though....

I had a 18 month old bite my own son last year for almost 6 months. I was stupid and put up with it b/c I was new to daycare, thought it was typical toddler behavior and the mom swore it never happened to anyone but my son. She always blamed me and said since my son got more attention from me her child bit out of jealousy. I was stupid and put up with it. One day this child bit another child (we didnt know) while we were at an outing. I termed them that day (gave notice so they could make other arrangements) and was never happier when they stopped coming.

I have my teaching lic and lots of experience with kids. I can't say why some kids start biting but in this case there was no fixing it. I tried everything and simply couldnt stop the behavior.

I am still friends with the mom and will allow the kid to come back for back up care. She comes less than 1x a month and now at almost 3 I can say with certainty she hasn't changed one bit. She currently attends a daycare with only school age kids (who are obviously quick enough to get away from her). She has no play skills, pushes, hits, whines, cries etc when she doesn't get her way. I don't think I would have survived the last year with her in my home everyday and do not for one minute regret getting rid of her.

I think you need to stand up for your own child and term. Maybe there is nothing wrong with this kid but it obviously isnt working at your daycare. Don't beat yourself up over it, I did and for a long time I felt like I had failed. I have learned that it isnt my job to fix other peoples kids problems. Move on for your own child's sake.

[rhymia1]

Originally Posted by Catherder

So during diaper changes, food prep and serving, wiping another child's face, tossing out a dirty Kleenex, picking up a broken toy, and the other MILLION times when you are looking directly at another child or object you would keep this biter confined to a high chair?

It is possible for you to 100% of the time see what each child is doing even while directly focusing on another child's needs??

IMHO, It is not possible. I am sorry. I can't believe anyone would believe that.

I am in the same room at all times, my kids even have their own playrooms...within a great room. Occassionally things happen. It is a fact of life.

We are not super human...We stack the odds in our favor as much as possible and deal with issues as they present themselves. Biting is no different.

Wow. I never said I was superhuman I tried to convey that I create my environment to be able to keep tabs on the children at all times. And yes, if I had a child who was biting, he would have to be confined for everyone's safety. To me, that's common sense. But I've also admitted that the few times I've had a child bite it's been age appropriate (15 months-2.5 years) and a one time thing. I haven't had serial biters or biters who were older or had other aggressive issues.

It's not even safe. I wouldn't want my child in the care of someone who wouldn't focus ON him directly when he needed immediate and precise care

And I wouldn't want my child in a care situation where the provider's first thought is to terminate if there is a difficult situation.

And with that thought, I bow out. I came to get ideas on how to keep school agers amused this summer, not to argue over issues I don't have.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by rhymia1

And I wouldn't want my child in a care situation where the provider's first thought is to terminate if there is a difficult situation.

Depends on what difficult is. When it comes to harming one of my kids.. yes that's too difficult for me. I know what I can and can't do. I can't manage a child that hurts a kid.

One of the biggest sellers of my daycare is having a LONG LONG history of no violence in my day care. Parents know when they come here that their kid will go home unscathed.

It's one of my specialties... no violence

I babysit from my home and I am in the process of getting certified to have a home day care. I have been watching this one child for this entire summer. He is 22 months and he is a biter. The child that he is biting is my 20 month old. He does seem to bite more when he is frustrated, but sometimes it is just because.

I can not keep my eyes on him every second of the day and I feel so bad for my poor child getting bit multiple times a day. When I tell the mother at the end of the day, her solution is to bite him and yell at him. I know she is his mother, but that just doesn't make sense to me. There is no way that child knows that he is being punished for something he did 2 hours ago. It makes me not want to tell her that he has been biting, but at the same time she needs to be told. I am at my wits end. I have started putting him in the play pen whenever I need to take my eyes off of him for an extended time. Or he or my son follow me, so they are not left together.

Should I go ahead and tell the mom I can't keep him anymore? I just can't stand it when my child gets hurt. It makes me angry. I know the biter is a baby too, so I do keep my cool with him.

My daughter has been attending the same daycare for 2 1/2 years (since she was almost 1) and has had constant, ongoing problems with being bitten. While in the baby room (before the age of 2), my daughter couldn't tell me who was biting her and the daycare's policy is not to disclose that information, but it was happening constantly (and really bad bites with broken skin, blood and teeth marks that lasted for days). Then, as my daughter's speaking skills developed, she started telling me it was this "Victoria" girl at her daycare that was biting her. For a while, I didn't believe her because they seem to play well together. The daycare just kept saying that it was because they were young and "the biter" didn't have the verbal skills to express herself, so she was biting when frustrated. Eventually, after my daughter repeatedly naming this child I felt quite certain it was "Victoria" who was doing the biting. I have now been able to learn more about the "incidents" when the biting is occuring and the daycare is baffled! Victoria is targetting my daughter (and others) completely UNPROVOKED! The last 3 incidents happened while my daughter was playing/reading on her own and Victoria comes out of no where and bites her! And THAT IS WITH A "SHADOW" STAFF PERSON WATCHING HER! The daycare has apparently tried everything in their power to keep the biter under watch and prevent her from biting (particularly my child because I have raised such a stink about it!). They give the biter time outs, remove her from play, have tried to make her help "her friend" by putting ice on the wounds that she causes and nothing works! This last incident happened with her "shadow" standing RIGHT THERE! The daycare has tried everthing. They have no clear policy on next steps (ie. expulsion) and they seem to be willing to continue to work with "the biter" even though (after 2 1/2 years) they have NO IDEA what her triggers are! The incidents are so random and can not be predicted in any way, yet they are very severe in nature.

As the parent of the victim, I have HAD ENOUGH! I don't care if your child is the biter and is "otherwise a good child"! If your child is repeatedly and consistently brutalizing and bullying all the other children, then REMOVE YOUR CHILD AND FIND ANOTHER MORE SUITABLE SETTING FOR YOUR CHILD! I am tired of hearing excuses for this behaviour! What type of message is it sending all the other kids?! First, it tells them that their safety and security doesn't matter and figuring out the psychy of the problem child is more important. Second, it tells them that there are no 'real' consequences for their actions and even if you break the rules, you will be fine. In fact! You are actually rewarded by breaking the rules because now you get a daycare provider devoted to you 24/7 to answer your every whim, while the other 7 children under that workers charge need to wait in line!

I have been VERY patient allowing them time over this past 2 1/2 years to figure things out and work with this child. NOTHING HAS WORKED and I am done waiting! I am done paying $500/month to have my child terrorized by one bully! My daughter is being robbed of her sense of security. I rely on her feeling safe and comfortable there, to make life less stressful and enjoyable for us both! Because of these incidences, I have a 3 1/2 year old who is terrified to go to daycare! I have to struggle to get her out of the house in the morning and then pry her from my neck when we get there. ALL BECAUSE SHE IS TERRIFIED, WONDERING WHEN THIS DEMON CHILD WILL ATTACK HER NEXT! I am exhausted with it all! I should not have to deal with the stress of this! Daycares are not required to "fix" your children! If you have a child with a behavioural problem, then remove your child and seek out the care that best suits their needs!

Thanks for reading.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Yesterday my son got kicked out of the daycare, let me explain the story. When my son was born i had to put him in a daycare, he was not but a few months old when a little girl a year and a half older then him started biting him, well the provider would never tell us about it or produce reports, so one day i decided to watch her, the little girl walked up to my son and bit him on the back 2 times, the provider was staring at her the whole time this is going on, she did not fuss the little girl but instead fussed my son who did nothing. so i took him out of there and put him in another daycare, well he started biting there, but it wasn't all the time, accually the only time he would bite was when he was biten first, well yesterday he bite a little boy in the face, the daycare called me up and told me i needed to pick up my son and he was no longer welcomed back, when i got there she had all of his stuff in a bag waiting for me at the front door. i was irate with this, then i called her later to find out about something else and she proceeded to tell me that they excluded him from the halloween party and made him watch the other kids in there costumes and getting candy while he was being punished and waiting for me. what would you do in my situation

In a situation where your kid is hurting other children and they do not have enough staff to have one person dedicated to him that is their easy solution, I particularly work with the parentand child for a period of tiem, but if it not works I do give a three week notice. I have 11 children for 3 providers so we can not have one provider dedicated all the time to one child for months that will means that 2 to 3 children are gettng neglected. Why do they separete your child out of the Halloween party was he bitting? I would do the same first time for 2 minutes for each year of age second time a little longer, if he keeps bitting I will separete him to another room, he need to get consecuences for his bad choises like to be price for the good ones. This days people talk all the time about children rights that I think is wonderful, but what about about their duties like to be nice, be respectfull etc...this are things that need to be taught as early as we can.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My son was kicked out Daycare today for biting. Unfortunatley this is not the first time. When it started he was about 18 months and the day care he was in started sending him home about once a week for biting. Then they kicked him out. I tried everything, there were no other daycares with openings and I had to quit my job. I made up my mind to take some time off with him and try to let him mature. I stayed home with him for a year. When I first put him in daycare again he did not bite. He started a few months after. I was getting called to pick him up all the time. So I switched him to another daycare before he could get kicked out again. Once again he did not bite for a month or so. Then he started biting at that daycare too. My child was refered to special education for learing disabilities, so I had to move to a daycare in the school district so he could get picked up. He did not bite at first at this new Daycare either. Then he started bitting everyday. This morning when I went to drop him off, the director told me that the State called and said my son could no longer attend the daycare because he had bit another child and caused the child to bleed. I dont know what to do. The family doctor never has any answers, so I'm wondering what type of doctor I should take him to? Does anyone know if he can go to another daycare now that he has been reported by the state? I dont want to have to keep moving him around but I need to work. It's really not fair that he has to keep going through adjusting over and over again. I also have a daughter who each time this happens has to start over again at a new daycare and hard for her as well.

You need to take responsability in your children behaivor. You have to give consecuences for his act at home too, a daycare provider can not do all the job, This days people talk all about childrens rights that I think is wonderful, but what about childrens duties and responsabilities like be nice, respectful etc...a two minutes timeout is not going to make any change and providers cannot do anything else, so it is your responsability. Other thing providers can be sue by the bitees parents?

I currently work at a center where we have a child that has been biting. It started about six months ago and stopped for a while, but this week he has bitten someone everyday. Today, he bit 3 children. He is the ONLY child that bites.. We have brought this to the owners attention (she's never there) but we are not getting much support. She suggested we seperate the child from the others, but we are a small center, don't have too many staff members and can't really "afford" to have a teacher watch 1 child while there are few to watch the others. This little boy is 2 1/2 years old, only bites if someone has something he wants. I have tried to help him by telling him we don't bite our friends, and I know you want that toy but "Jill" is playing with it right now, we have to wait our turn.. Etc.. I have also tried to give him as much extra special attention when possible and make a big deal out it when he does something good and kind. We have had this lil guy since he was about 3 months old and I love him. I'm just frustrated because we've tried many things that don't work. I understand how the other parents feel. I know of many other daycares that would not let this continue. I'm not sure what to do? I'm actually considering trying to find another job because of the lack of support from the owner.

Here is my concern. My child has had one-on-one in home care for the first 21 months. Recently we transitioned to pre-school daycare. In 6 weeks my child was bit twice. And has bit antother once (she bit another the same day she was bit). Those were reported. I understand biting is a normal part of the toddler life.

However, there have been two instances when she had injuries and it was never reported. One was a scraped forehead and scratch all the way down the face, down to the chin. The other was a bite on the shoulder that had broken the skin. I didn't notice until bath time.

So it could be they know and don't report it. Or they aren't watching and it goes unnoticed. Both options are unacceptable. Or it could just be that toddlers are so active it's hard to catch everything. (I didn't mention that she has had other bruises, marks, etc. Those I figured could be from just regular playing... I don't overreact on every mark).

At what point should I be concerned? Is this normal? What if they just aren't reporting all the incidents out of fear that parents will remove their kids/revenue?

[Crystal]

Originally Posted by Concerned Mommy

Here is my concern. My child has had one-on-one in home care for the first 21 months. Recently we transitioned to pre-school daycare. In 6 weeks my child was bit twice. And has bit antother once (she bit another the same day she was bit). Those were reported. I understand biting is a normal part of the toddler life.

However, there have been two instances when she had injuries and it was never reported. One was a scraped forehead and scratch all the way down the face, down to the chin. The other was a bite on the shoulder that had broken the skin. I didn't notice until bath time.

So it could be they know and don't report it. Or they aren't watching and it goes unnoticed. Both options are unacceptable. Or it could just be that toddlers are so active it's hard to catch everything. (I didn't mention that she has had other bruises, marks, etc. Those I figured could be from just regular playing... I don't overreact on every mark).

At what point should I be concerned? Is this normal? What if they just aren't reporting all the incidents out of fear that parents will remove their kids/revenue?

A scratch of that nature, especially on the face, most definitley should have been noticed by the provider/teacher. Even if the provider did not witness it first hand, she would have had to have known it happened and found out what DID happen. The bite should not have gone unnoticed either....a bite that breaks the skin is certainly going to result in a SCREAMING victim......there is no reason at all for either incident to not be documented. These types of injuries are not normal, every day "bumps and bruises" types of injuries.

Did you ask the provider/teacher at pick up about the face marks and ask the following day about the bite marks, and if yes, what was the response?

[Kaddidle Care]

You said PreSchool so you're talking about a 3-4 year old? How big is the class and how big is the Daycare class? Pay close attention to the Adult/Student ratio. If 1 adult has more than 7 children to watch alone, there will be problems unless they have a perfect bunch of children.

Do talk to your provider today. If the Center is very busy it may be that they just didn't have time to write it down. If the workers do shift work the afternoon crew may not know what happened so talk to the morning people first. Ask them how they treated the injury as well. Did they clean it? Ice it? Ignore it?

As Crystal said, a scratch that large or a bite would produce quite a stir that would usually involve LOUD crying. If nobody knows what happened
it's time to consider moving your child.

My 17 month old is in daycare. She started getting bit around 10 months old. As far as I am aware it is mainly the same child doing the bitting. She has gotten bit at least 7 times since the middle of August. I realize my child could have been the bitter and actually bit last week, however why should all the children in the classroom have to suffer because of this one child bitting everyone.

Help :-(

[Crystal]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My 17 month old is in daycare. She started getting bit around 10 months old. As far as I am aware it is mainly the same child doing the bitting. She has gotten bit at least 7 times since the middle of August. I realize my child could have been the bitter and actually bit last week, however why should all the children in the classroom have to suffer because of this one child bitting everyone.

Help :-(

Only you can help. If they are not removing the biter, you remove your child. That simple.

Originally Posted by Crystal

A scratch of that nature, especially on the face, most definitley should have been noticed by the provider/teacher. Even if the provider did not witness it first hand, she would have had to have known it happened and found out what DID happen. The bite should not have gone unnoticed either....a bite that breaks the skin is certainly going to result in a SCREAMING victim......there is no reason at all for either incident to not be documented. These types of injuries are not normal, every day "bumps and bruises" types of injuries.

Did you ask the provider/teacher at pick up about the face marks and ask the following day about the bite marks, and if yes, what was the response?

-----------------------------------------------------------

So an update to my 23 month old daughter who had bites... so we are now looking at 4 bites in 8 weeks... and just on Friday, this bite was on the FACE. No bite is ever easy to take when you see marks on your child... but on the face.... it was just shocking and horribly upsetting.

It is not their policy to say who the biter is... but my daughter did say a name... and basically it was confirmed from the conversation I had this morning. This boy is always all over my daughter. When I picked her up one day, I saw him tackler her... I believe he has bit her at least once before... I saw a incident report taped to his cubby the same day she had hers from being bit. I am thinking I need a parent-teacher conference. For daycare professionals out there... is there something that can be done if you have the same culprit biting a certain child? Is it time to move on to a new school?

For the previous incidents that went "unnoticed"... basically they said they never saw her cry... didn't notice anything out of the ordinary... seems unbelievable when you have a bite hard enough to break the skin... they apologized but said they didn't see it. This one on the face though.... everyone could see that... clear individual teeth marks on her cheekbone right below her eye.

Here's my biting child problem. My DD is 16 months old and I was just told she's bitten a little boy at her daycare (almost 3 years old) a couple times. He bullies her and is aggressive with her, taking toys away and pushing her down. Apparently (I'm told) she only bites him when she is basically at her wit's end. She can't say "stop" yet, but will make verbal cues meaning she'd like him to stop. After biting him, he stops. The daycare provider actually sides more with her (my DD) saying she understands why she does it, but she also does put her in time out for biting. My DD has never bitten anyone else, just this little boy. I dont know what I can do, as a parent, to get her to stop. I can't punish her after the fact of course, since I don't see her until hours later. I feel like the blame is more with the boy who shouldn't be pushing her down and being rough with her, but there isn't anything I can personally do about that either. I don't want her to learn that biting is how to solve her problems.

Here's the tough part- those who work in a day care can't really do any punishment rather than time out. When a child bites, they fill out a form for the parent that they must sign right in front of them. The parents are made aware. And if the child is 1, you can't exactly reason with them yet. Telling them to "use words" doesn't work. Also, a lot of times, and I hate to say it, but the biter bites because a child has yanked away a toy or a item of clothing or anything that the child was using. So it's not always just a big bully biting... Sometimes it's the kid being bullied. And what about when you're changing a child's diaper? Your back is turned long enough to clean them up and a bite happens. Day care workers do not have eyes on the back of their heads! They can't lock up a biter or anything like that. And to have one person constantly shadow a child is certainly unreasonable. Schools don't even do that.

My son is only 18 months and has recently started biting at daycare. From what I have been told it is usually one other boy, but twice has been his "best buddy". I feel completely helpless as he does not act like this around me. He is an only child (for another 8 months anyways) so he isn't around other toddlers at home to tempt him, and for me to correct him. Today he got sent home because he bit twice in one day. I got in my car and fought back tears the whole way there. It is not like I can discipline him hours later. He is not old enough to understand. I'm afraid too that by picking him up like I did today will only teach him that if he bites Mommy or Daddy will show up to get him. I am embarassed, frustrated, and feel so helpless. I know the other parents are pretty upset as well. Our daycare doesn't have a confidentiality policy, or if they do they don't follow it. I am going to talk with the Director to see if we can come up with some kind of plan. That is the only thing that I can do.

My child was restrained in a highchair ALL DAY by his daycare provider(s) b/c he had bitten a child. This restraining had gone on for 3 days straight. Fortunately I found out about it and immediately pulled my child from the daycare. I have another child who was a "victim" of biting when she was in daycare, so I have been on both sides of this. Restraining a child is NEVER okay to teach them a lesson. My child was barely 17 months old when this occurred.

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My child was restrained in a highchair ALL DAY by his daycare provider(s) b/c he had bitten a child. This restraining had gone on for 3 days straight. Fortunately I found out about it and immediately pulled my child from the daycare. I have another child who was a "victim" of biting when she was in daycare, so I have been on both sides of this. Restraining a child is NEVER okay to teach them a lesson. My child was barely 17 months old when this occurred.

It most likely was not about teaching him anything. It was probably the ONLY way the provider had to keep the other kids safe.

Most toddler rooms are not set up to handle this. Not enough room for them to spread out and the frustration builds for them.

I would not go back to work in a "typical" center for ANYTHING. Failure techniques are the only options you are given as an employee.

I am willing to bet the teacher did not like doing it, either. I am glad she told you the truth (at least I pray she did). That does not happen enough, IMHO.

Sorry it happened.

I am wondering if anyone knows my rights as a parent regarding my child being a biter. First off, she NEVER bites at home and she has 3 siblings. I am continually getting calls from daycare stating that my child has bitten and broken the skin and per daycare policy, the child must be removed for 24 hours due to this issue. I understand that this is the policy and I have been fine with it intil now because it is jeopardizing my job. I always explain to her that biting is not ok and it hurts her friends and they dont like to be bit and neither does she. My frustration is that I am beginning to believe that there is not skin broken and they just dont want to deal with my child. I understand that if another child bites mine they cannot tell me who did it. understood and fine with that. BUT I am beginning to feel like I need proof that this is actually happening to they extent that they state. they tell me they are not allowed to tell me who she bit, but I also feel that if they are making me miss almost 2 days of work and are jeopardizing my employment that I should be allowed to see some proof. Does anuone know what my rights are, and also how to get her to quit biting???? its only in times of conflict or like today, I asked them to keep a close eye on her because she had a tough morning and is tired due to she woke up at 4 and never went back to sleep. lo and behold I get a call 2 hours later saying I need to come get her and she cant come back tomorrow and then got written up at work before I left for taking so many days off. What are my rights and what do I do?????????

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I am wondering if anyone knows my rights as a parent regarding my child being a biter. First off, she NEVER bites at home and she has 3 siblings. I am continually getting calls from daycare stating that my child has bitten and broken the skin and per daycare policy, the child must be removed for 24 hours due to this issue. I understand that this is the policy and I have been fine with it intil now because it is jeopardizing my job. I always explain to her that biting is not ok and it hurts her friends and they dont like to be bit and neither does she. My frustration is that I am beginning to believe that there is not skin broken and they just dont want to deal with my child. I understand that if another child bites mine they cannot tell me who did it. understood and fine with that. BUT I am beginning to feel like I need proof that this is actually happening to they extent that they state. they tell me they are not allowed to tell me who she bit, but I also feel that if they are making me miss almost 2 days of work and are jeopardizing my employment that I should be allowed to see some proof. Does anuone know what my rights are, and also how to get her to quit biting???? its only in times of conflict or like today, I asked them to keep a close eye on her because she had a tough morning and is tired due to she woke up at 4 and never went back to sleep. lo and behold I get a call 2 hours later saying I need to come get her and she cant come back tomorrow and then got written up at work before I left for taking so many days off. What are my rights and what do I do?????????

IMHO, It is time to start looking for a new daycare environment.

There are MANY reasons I say this. First and foremost, the current classroom environment and your relationship with the providers is not benefitting anyone, especially your daughter.

Typically we only sent them home a couple times before we had enough documented evidence to show we fulfilled our responsibility to try to resolve the issue. Termination usually follows with limited notice.

I can tell you that I have had kids come to me after having been expelled and never have the first issue due to our program. Sometimes a change of environment is just what the child needed.

[jojosmommy]

I had a daycare child who repeatedly bit my own son at daycare over a number of months. I should not have put up with it as long as I did as it was not healthy for anyone involved.

I too suggest looking for another daycare. First because it is not healthy for your child (and the kids who are getting bit) but also because you will likely be getting a termination notice soon. I belive it is environment and will be the first to admit that some environments do not work for some kids. Plain and simple it may not be the right place for your child at this stage of her development. Not saying there is anything wrong with the daycare or your child at this point, it is just not the right place right now.

I don't think it is appropriate to ask for proof. Asking for evidence proves you don't trust what the provider is saying and for me that is an immediate termination. Often times kids only bite at daycare and not at home so suggesting that it is not happening simply becuase you have not seen it at home would only irritate me more as a provider.

I would start looking elsewhere, tell the provider you are planning on doing so (because of the biting) and ask them to work with you while you are looking for the right place for your child. Any provider with a heart will let you look for the right place if they can safely have your child in care in the mean time. Otherwise you may be better off using a temporary sitter so that you don't have to be off work everyday.

I recently went through a biting stage with my daughter, she starting biting at 16-17 months and got to a point where I was signing an incident report 3 times a week. Around 22 months, she got kicked out of that facility. In that time frame I was beside myself, hated the fact that other kids where being bitten but also trying to go through every form of discipline and conditioning I could think of. I even did a few spankings, but it was clear to me that they weren't working - one incident she bit right after I had spanked her. The facility she got kicked out of tried to bump up monitoring her as the incidents increased but alas it still didn't help.

We found a new facility and I talked to the director before we admitted her because I wanted her feedback on what they could try, turns out the director's child went through the same frustrations with her child. She assured me that the new instructors would focus on communication techniques ( the words "not nice" entered her vocabulary). But she also assured me that most biters grow out of it, that it truly is a "developmental" problem that many grow out of. My little one did bite a few times at the new facility but I'm proud to say that at 2 years she hasn't had an incident for almost 2 months.

One thing that is clear to me, the new facility has teachers that seem better educated on tactics to deal with behavior issues. And they work! If you are the parent of a bitee, one thing you might want to consider: what exactly are teachers and faculty doing to curb the behavior of the biters? How hard are they working at it? I was blaming myself and my child for her behavior but in retrospect it didn't seem like the facility that she was in was capable of dealing with her issues.

To mom who had enough: I would have terminated you for a threat like that

[sariejohnston]

I can relate i have a child in my class who is 2 years old they bite all the time, there are times they do so good not biting for weeks and its out of the blue they start biting again, just last week they bit Three children in one day, my director then told me if they bites again i was to call her mom and have them pick their child up. i always set them in time out and talk to them about biting how it hurts its not nice, but they keep doing it, i have talked to their mom more then once and other parents are getting mad because this keeps being an issue, my daycare doesnt have a policy on it we just put them in time out but i think we need to have a policy on this that says if they become are harming other kids they are no longer allowed due to being dangerous to be around and they can no longer come back until issue is taking care of. i don't know how much longer i can take it, i am always in my room watching after these kids, making sure to keep them busy with activities for them to do. i honestly think this child does it for the attention. today she bit two children i have to talk to her mom when she gets here i don't know what to tell her i am out of ideas.

[MMk9987]

Dear Unregistered


I work in a child care center also I work with 1 year olds and their is one dcb in my class who is known for hitting. on my first day I am a teachers aide I had to write on his daily report so that his mom could see it. I mean none of us workers like that we have to write the children up but they are a year old and they need to know hitting is not okay but also i feel like the parents need to be teaching them not to hit also. if they are not being disciplined at home when they come to school and we have to be the bad guys and tell them no do not hit.

[MrsB]

As a daycare provider for many years, I have seen my fair share of biters. Although I see the need for the child to be picked up, for the daycare to place sole responsibility on the parents isnt necessarily fair. Since alot of times the parent isnt seeing it at home. With most of the children I have had biting using a technique where you simply say "no biting, that hurts" and exclude them from your attention, the childs attention, and what ever activity they are doing or toy they are playing with seems to help better than going into a big long explanation. When you are talking to a toddler the fewer words you use the more they will understand. Esentially you are giving them a time out but I try not to use the word time out. Kids are in timeout so much that they become desensatized to it. If you can make more fuss about the child who is hurt and more ignoring of the biting behavior then they wont use biting as tecnique to get attention. Also for the kids that are doing out of frustration. You have to "see" the frustration and direct it in the right way before the result is biting. Biting is an end result of frustration. We have a bean bag pillow that the kids use when they are really frustrated and they learn to hit the pillow and use their words to the pillow to calm down rather than hiting or biting the other kids. Once they learn this then they can direct their words towards the kids rather than the pillow.
In one instance, I had a child that was an aweful biter, I tried everything I knew of to try. I was in constant contact with the parent on different things to try. Together with the parent we came up with using a squirt bottle. If I saw him begin to get frustrated or go to bite, I would squirt him more on a stream than a mist. Sure it took alot of time on my part the first few hours, because I had to basically have an eye on him at all times. When I would make lunch, or go potty, I had to have him come with me. It only took one day and about 5 times of getting squirted and he pretty much stopped. Over the next 2 days I caught him going for the bite a few times but then we were all done! The squirt bottle was a last ditch effort and I felt absolutely horrible doing it but it did work. Keep in mind, I was in complete agreeance with the parents and we wrote down everything that I was doing and our "plan" and we all signed it.

Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

[saved4always]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

I was fortunate that my own 3 kids did not bite. I have watched a couple of little boys who went through it though. And you are so right. Unfortunately, biting leaves a mark and there is less tolerance for it. I think it is often the way the young child lets another one know to back off.

The latest one who was biting is the youngest of the 3 children I currently watch. I absolutely adore this little guy and have watched him since he was 3 months old. He is 20 months old now and the only other child he has bitten is the 2 1/2 yo little girl. I think he bit her 3 times, hard. I watched very closely after the first time to try to "catch" him doing it so I could intervene. I noticed that he would bite because she would be taking a toy from him and pushing him. The one time, she took a toy from his hand and then held her arm in front of him to keep him away from it and he bit the arm she was pushing him with. I was able to stop him a few times when I saw it coming, but it is not possible to always be able to stop it. When I showed the mother of the little girl the bite, I made sure she knew that she was not an innocent bystander in the biting incident. There was a reason that he was just biting her. And you are right, his parents felt terrible about it and they really worked with him at home on it. He does seem to be over the biting stage now. I am glad that I was never given an ultimatum by the other mother so I was able to work with him to get over it.

I am very sorry that you are going through this with your son. It totally stinks that the biting leaves a mark that the other child's behavior does not. In a perfect world, the other child's parents would understand that their child has a big part in the biting situation and would work with thier child on that to help rectify the situation. Since this is a really imperfect world, that is not always how it is handled. Parents can get a bit hyper about a bite mark. I hope that your son gets over the biting quick so you don't have to feel so stressed.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Hi. I have read all these posts and a million others recently as my child has started biting. I am totally appalled by the hatred adults are showing to small children in regard to this issue. We're talking about young children who are not developmentally able to control their behaviors. Furthermore, the poor parents of biters are shamed and made to feel like its their fault that their child bites and there is virtually never an acknowledgment of the circumstances regarding the bite. Of course, it bother me that my child is harming other children. I worry about it all the time. My toddler's behavior is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment. We've spoken to her doctor and any other expert we can find. They all agree that biting happens and it is typically outgrown. We've tried every method we can find and with no success. She bit the same child about 7 times in a year. She was expelled two weeks ago and we found out when I picked her up and she was scratched and bruised that the child she bites has been pinching, hitting and pushing her repeatedly. According to the staff every biting incident has been provoked, yet my child has to leave and the one beating her up gets to stay.

My point, is simply to say that many biters are provoked and for some reason we elect to dismiss hitting, pinching and kicking as normal kid stuff, but once a child bites even in self-defense parents start talking about them like animals.

BTW, I have 3 other children, all of who were bitten in preschool. I didn't have a fit about it. I know they're in preschool and that it's developmentally normal for kids that age to bite. If she bit at home, I would discipline her for it at home, but only bites at preschool, never at home or church in any other setting.

I find this post disturbing on so many levels. I can't believe you allowed your kid to attend a classroom where you KNEW there was another child there she targeted SEVEN times over a course of a year. Did you not think it was important for you to protect the safety and well being of that other child? What were you thinking? The center shouldn't have had to tell you to leave.. you should have done that on your own to protect that poor defenseless little one your daughter kept biting. At what point do you feel responsible because you continued to subject that poor child to your child's biting?

Every "expert" you have consulted are telling you it's "normal" because that's what you want to hear and that's what makes them the most amount of money the fastest or gets you off the phone or out of their office the fastest. If they tell you something is definitely wrong with your kid because she is lashing out with biting then you will STAY to discuss or continue to discuss.

I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. I've done it year after year after year.

Keep telling yourself it's normal and you will keep getting booted out of day cares. Next time, think about the poor child on the receiving end of your child's biting and please don't let it go on for a year. Think about the OTHER kids. Do what you have to do to protect them even if it means keeping your own child home and with you.

How much is enough? In 18 mos my son has been bitten 5 times and received a black eye playing with a "friend" at daycare. I know that at least four of these incidents are from the same child. Unfortunately, I know it was the same child. I say that because I see both sides of the issue and feel for the other family. I have been offered to move my son to another room, but won't because he has not done anything wrong.

They want to work with the child and parent to help the child, but I feel the center is letting down both children in doing so. The incidents do not happen back to back so it always seems like we deal with incidents one at a time rather than looking at the big picture of what's happening. The child also shows very aggressive tendencies with other kids in the room. Their teacher ratios are fine and they have tried shadowing.

I am afraid if I move my son to another center I trade one bag of probems for the unknown. On the other hand I could not live with the regret if something worse happened....did I mention one bite was a week before Christmas on my son's face? Why these boys are not separated when the other room is available I don't know. I think the triggers are jealousy and control between the children and shadowing and behavior mod. at home will not help if they are just not meant to be friends!

I am angry that the daycare is making me feel like I am letting him down.

[Greenplasticwateringcans]

Originally Posted by nannyde

I find this post disturbing on so many levels. I can't believe you allowed your kid to attend a classroom where you KNEW there was another child there she targeted SEVEN times over a course of a year. Did you not think it was important for you to protect the safety and well being of that other child? What were you thinking? The center shouldn't have had to tell you to leave.. you should have done that on your own to protect that poor defenseless little one your daughter kept biting. At what point do you feel responsible because you continued to subject that poor child to your child's biting?

Every "expert" you have consulted are telling you it's "normal" because that's what you want to hear and that's what makes them the most amount of money the fastest or gets you off the phone or out of their office the fastest. If they tell you something is definitely wrong with your kid because she is lashing out with biting then you will STAY to discuss or continue to discuss.

I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. I've done it year after year after year.

Keep telling yourself it's normal and you will keep getting booted out of day cares. Next time, think about the poor child on the receiving end of your child's biting and please don't let it go on for a year. Think about the OTHER kids. Do what you have to do to protect them even if it means keeping your own child home and with you.

From reading your posts it sounds like you are in a very strong position to weed out potential problem families. While I'm sure you run an excellent program a lot of credit has to be given to your ability to choose the cream of the crop clients.

[Sugar Magnolia]

"I keep reading posts like yours but I don't have it at all in my child care. I have had one bite in 18.5 years of doing in home care and that bite was 17.5 years ago. I have raised many "normal" children and haven't had biting. I have kids in my care who have been here for three, four, five years and they have never once bitten or been bitten. How do I go year after year.. nearly two decades without seeing it at all and it is normal?

If kids are properly supervised, disciplined, and have excellent care (sleep, nutrition, love, attention, exercise etc.) they don't bite each other. They don't get physical with each other. It can be done. "

I agree with this 100%. Biting happens because of a lack of proper supervision. Period. A provider who is diligent and aware of every childs actions at all times will notice a problem before it escalates to biting. I have a small center with low student to teacher ratios and a bite is extremely rare here, two in 6 years, and never any repeats by the same child. If your child is bit ONCE at a daycare setting, you need to consider they might not be properly supervised. More than once, you need to leave, ASAP.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia

I agree with this 100%. Biting happens because of a lack of proper supervision. Period. A provider who is diligent and aware of every childs actions at all times will notice a problem before it escalates to biting. I have a small center with low student to teacher ratios and a bite is extremely rare here, two in 6 years, and never any repeats by the same child. If your child is bit ONCE at a daycare setting, you need to consider they might not be properly supervised. More than once, you need to leave, ASAP.

Sugar, I agree with you about proper supervision and being a diligent provider so that biting does not happen. I also think a majority of biting DOES happen due to lack of supervision.

However, I don't think it is fair to say that one bite means the child was improperly supervised.

I have had 1 biting incident in my 20 years of child care and it was an 18 month old DCG who bit an 11 month old DCG while she (the little one) was sitting on my lap!

The biter had never bitten before and was going in for what I thought was a hug to the little one. She hugged her alot. All of a sudden, little one arches her back away from the older girl and I realize she was bitten....and badly too.

It has never happened again here but it did happen once and NOT because of lack of supervision.

[Sugar Magnolia]

You are absolutely right Blackcat. All I meant was one bite should mean a parent should CONSIDER the supervision is not all it can be. I have had two bites, both were lightning fast and not the result of a problem that was allowed to escalate. Bites happen, but should be super rare, like yours are. But I only meant parents should have eyes wide open if it occurs, even once. These posts about multiple bites and it being "normal" are very disturbing. I was absolutely mortified by my biting incidents, I expected the parents to be upset, luckily they were not. I had a child once that came to us because a big box center was non-chalant about multiple bites. I would fully expect a parent to be concerned to the point of withdrawing their child if the were bit more than once, and even expect a grilling over the first one.

[DaisyMamma]

Great thoughts and ideas. What to do if you have a home daycare and your own child is the biter? I cannot expel her and I am watching the kids. It only takes 2 seconds!

First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

[Meyou]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

I would find a new place for your child. Honestly, I would have moved my child long before now. That little girl is not being properly supervised. She shouldn't have access to your son to bite him that much. Your babysitter is not doing their job if your son is still being bitten at all. Her concern is her granddaughter and that isn't going to change IMO.

[saved4always]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

First of all, I would like to recognize the parents of children who bite. It is such a job (an awesome job) to teach and nurture our children! The issue of biting is definitely a touchy subject for parents, including this one! I am a speech-language pathologists and I work in a pediatric private practice. I have a son who will be two years old in July. He has been the victim of a girl (one month older) in a home day care setting. She began biting him approximately when teething began (9-12 months ago). She is an excellent communicator! She is able to talk in sentences, ask "wh" questions appropriately, great articulation, etc.. Therefore, a "frustration" due to lack of ability to communicate DOES NOT relate to this little one. She is the granddaughter of my sitter (her son is the father). I feel very confident that she is disciplined post biting. However, I have never been confronted or offered an adult apology from the mother and father that I see almost daily. I feel that it is somewhat overlooked by the parents as they cannot even acknowledge the harmful behavior and physical harm their child has inflicted. However, I am also confident that if roles were reversed that this mother would react 100% different. Her child's bites have continuously gotten worse! I feel that I could pretty much make a molar of this child's teeth strictly by the impressions she leaves on my child. My child has never been aggressive even with retaliating and i have made it a point o task the caregiver of such behaviors. I work with several child with autism and I have been bitten, scratched, kicked, pinched, punched, etc... HOWEVER, I know that these little ones are truly frustrated with their difficulty in communicating with others! I understand that biting is a common and complicated issue but sometimes parents need to take responsibility (even if that just means acknowledging the situation). I almost get the feeling that parents of biters play a victim role. The victims are the children at the other end of your child's teeth forcefully clinching to their frail, precious skin! Some parents need a role reversal and imaging their child as the "bitee". What if they picked up there little one and to continuously see bite marks in their precious baby's skin??? We leave our babies with those that we trust and among any one else our babies trust their parents!! It saddens me to know that mine has to "accept" that he will go to a place (because his mommy takes him there and so it must be safe) and to "accept " to be physically harmed because.... EXCUSE, EXCUSE, EXCUSE!!!!!!!!! At a nursing home when patients with dementia become combative their are often medicated, closely monitored, and/or discharged to a hospital. It the best case they are referred to rehab to assist in appropriately controlling behaviors. It is known that individuals with dementia "age backwards". That is like an 80 YO acting as a 2 YO. Most of of would not be okay if our 80 YO mother was consistently bitten by her 80 YO roommate in any facility!

I am sorry your little one is going through this. I have had a couple biters in my home childcare and both times, the parents (2 different families) were very concerned about the biting and worked on it at home. Both families of the biters felt very badly about thier child biting and apologized (in person or through me if they had different drop off/pick up times...parents knew who the biter was because the bitten child could say the name, plus I only watched 4 kids). I feel that the parents taking it very seriously and expressing thier sorrow to the parents of the bitten child went a long way in helping everyone get through the situation. The biting stage was short-lived for both of these children, thank goodness. I feel a combination of time outs when biting occurred, shadowing to catch the biting situations before they happened and the parents of the biter reinforcing no biting at home all helped it to stop quickly.

[saved4always]

Originally Posted by Meyou

I would find a new place for your child. Honestly, I would have moved my child long before now. That little girl is not being properly supervised. She shouldn't have access to your son to bite him that much. Your babysitter is not doing their job if your son is still being bitten at all. Her concern is her granddaughter and that isn't going to change IMO.

I agree with this, too. If you feel the parents and your provider are not addressing the biting and it is going on like this, it is time to look for a new provider. It doesn't sound to me like your provider is doing everything she could to stop the biting.

[DevorahNA]

I have been on both sides of the above situation. I have taught several children who I would call habitual biters and my daughter was bitten many times at daycare.

As the teacher of the biting child, I sat down with parents and the school administrators and mapped out a plan to figure out why the bitting was occurring and ideas of what I could do and what the parent could do at home. I think that generally if the ratios of child:teacher are ok, than the biting can be stopped. but you really have to make a plan and follow through, and adjust if necessary.

As I mentioned my daughter was bitten many times at daycare. unfortunately, I was not aware of the problem until that last 2 weeks of school. I knew that a child in her class bit, and I knew she was bitten a few times. But it was only when I witness her being bitten for no reason that that I made a fuss about it to the director. Then the teachers actually documented how many bites were happening per day. Well it turns out it was multiple times per HOUR. Frankly, I was enraged that my child was being bitten so many times and no one cared to tell me!!! I cannot believe that no on cared to try to stop it. Nobody met the parents or made plans. Frankly, its not developmentally normal behavior to be biting like this! It is a child like this that needs to be expelled. Not because he cannot be worked with, but because the school doesn't take the time to figure out what the child needs to stop biting. YOu have to protect the other children! i am very angry that my baby was in a hostile environment so long. I was understanding when when I thought it was a few times in an entire year, not when I learned it was a few times a week!

My son is 2 and we had just recently placed him in this daycare and right off the bat we started having trouble with the daycare they were complaining about him peeing to much so i brought him to the dr he has no bladder infection the next thing was they wanted to use diapers when i had him in underwear and askd them to please work with me because he is doing so great at home and they would constantly send him home in diapers or other kids clothes and I would ask wheres his clothes they would say oh hes out! That next week I brought a bag of extra clothes with his name on the bag and clothes and that afternoon he was ina diaper! I asked again did he run out she said yes I asked where his clothes were I brought today she said she never recieved them?! They were horrible communicators did not care my problems seemed so small to them. They never communicated with me at all!! I got a call one day stating he was bit in the face and when I got there I asked by who it was the owners daughter who had done it and he has a scar on his face to this very day! I was informed face biting is immediate suspension by a friend?? 3 weeks later he was bit again on his belly by a little boy who also bruised him! I asked the teacher what my son was doing to cause them she said he didnt do anything so I wasnt going to do anything about it to him because it was clearly not my son. Last thing is I got a recipept saying im 3 weeks behind on payment hes suspended if not paid by friday ?!?! I have seriously been paying weekly with cash and I unfortanatley never kept my recipts SO it was there word against mine..... I called the owner and told her he wouldnt return because i didnt have 330 to give them right then! she told me i had 10 business days or she would turn it into collections I said okay il see you next week to pay, then I said I was upset she didnt let me know weeks ago that i was behind! she then replied with excuse me thats not my problem you need to take care of your own bills?!?!?! I was shocked she turned that rude on me i then replied with your the OWNER and your telling me that tuition is not your problem why would you even let a parent continue 3 weeks w/o pay?! I told her id be buy the next day to get his clothes and diapers,....she told me "Oh no il lock that in my office you cant get his stuff until i get my money!" I responded with thats my sons personal belongings im not even sure if that legal! she said back if you wanna be rude il add another 110 to your fee! so i told her if i pay for another week he will return and finish the week and she said hes not allowed on her probperty that if he comes she will call the cops on him?!!!! I was in total shock that this lady ive trusted my kid with for 5 months would talkto me like this I really was in shock! So I said okay il get a lawyer and come get his stuff we went back n forth with other stuff said I just need to know is any of that acceptable? I was not rude I told her (even though i know ive paid) id see her next week to pay and only told her i was upset she didnt let me know way earlier my payments were behind that throwing a 330.00 fee on me in one day was financially hard for me! She got immediatly ticked after I told her that.... I think tuition is her responsibility as well as mine! 3 weeks really?!

I am very surprised only one person has addressed the issue of health/saftey, and not in any depth. Whatever the stage, pyschological angle, or developmental issues are on either side, it's a "so what ?". Once a child has been bitten and it breaks the skin, it enters the bitten child's bloodstream--whatever bacteria is in the mouth has a DIRECT entry to a child's bloodstream and can cause many health problems, including death-- no to be dramatic-- just factual. You don't care how unlikely that is if it happens YOUR child. This cannot be taken lightly and discussed as if it is a problem to be solved by either parent or daycare providers--while either casting blame on each other or working over time to correct the issue. All intelligent and reasonable people will agree and work for a solution in the best interest of BOTH the biter and the bittees--with the first concern , the physical health of the child wno is bitten. All the blame stuff is juvenile--where are the adults?
There, of course, should be caring for the biter--these are just children--who have no idea what harm they are inflicting. There are many great suggestions for stopping this behavior--in the meantime the other children need to be 100% protected-- not 80-90%. There also is not just one way to do that--each situation needs to be evaluated and decided on the basis of their structure and avenues of choices as a team--parents and providers.

Originally Posted by judy

I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?

It's very difficult to stop biting behavior. We understand that parents are going to be upset that their children are being bitten, but biting is normal toddler behavior and daycare centers do their best to prevent it, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Becoming angry with the daycare teachers will not help the situation, they don't want to see your child being hurt either, and it can become very frustrating when there are multiple biters in a room. I'm not saying that parents don't have a right to be upset but they should also try to understand how the teachers and the parents of the biters feel about the situation. Parents are sometimes embarrassed that their children do bite. Children don't bite because they have bad parents, they bite because they're trying to express emotions that they cannot yet put into words. What we try to do is: 1. Prevent bites before they happen by watching the biter and removing them when you see them try to bite. 2. Tell the child "no thank you, we don't bite" or a similar phrase. 3. Remove the child from the situation by redirecting them to another play area or engage them in an activity 4. Prevent bites before they happen by keeping the child interested in play (introduce different toys and begin new activites when you see the child becoming bored) These suggestions don't work for all children. We have some children who don't respond to anything and continue to bite, and the best thing that we can do is try to protect the other children and be consistent with our methods.

My son is the biter. I am sorry for all the kids that have gotten bitten. I received a text over the weekend with no warning stating not only him but my other two children were not allowed back due to the biting. First off I should tell you that he is hearing impaired and has to wear a hearing aid. He also has speech twice a week with a sign teacher. So needless to say he doesn't have the words to say let alone the signs foe biting. It has gotten worse this past month because his hearing aids are in the shop. So he literally can't hear you. What am I to do? It is normal for a normal kid to bite but mine is deaf. So you are punishing him and his two siblings for something he doesn't even understand. Oh and he is only 18 months and his speech is the equalivalent of a 9 month old.

[Hunni Bee]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My son is the biter. I am sorry for all the kids that have gotten bitten. I received a text over the weekend with no warning stating not only him but my other two children were not allowed back due to the biting. First off I should tell you that he is hearing impaired and has to wear a hearing aid. He also has speech twice a week with a sign teacher. So needless to say he doesn't have the words to say let alone the signs foe biting. It has gotten worse this past month because his hearing aids are in the shop. So he literally can't hear you. What am I to do? It is normal for a normal kid to bite but mine is deaf. So you are punishing him and his two siblings for something he doesn't even understand. Oh and he is only 18 months and his speech is the equalivalent of a 9 month old.

While this information definitely shouldn't have been sent by text, the daycare isn't "punishing" your children by terming them. They are protecting the other children who your son is biting and allowing you find another setting that may be better suited to your son's needs.

What most likely happened (and why you didn't get any warning) is other parents told her that either your son goes or their child goes. As you said, your son's biting has escalated recently because his hearing aids are being repaired. Your provider had to make a rushed decision, and to be honest, it doesn't make sense to keep the family that may drive future business away as well.

It all comes down to the fact that biting isn't something that's acceptable in daycare, no matter the circumstances. And just as you feel strongly to protect your children, other parents feel the same. I wish you luck in finding a better program for your son and other children.

Originally Posted by judy

I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?

It's not fair to blame the daycare. #1 that is a psychological problem. Unless the staff have a degree in psychology is sometimes hard to change that behavior in a child and you have to understand that takes time too. instead of contacting the department of social service you should approach the daycare and try to see if they could talk to the kid parent to take him to a psychologist. They know how to help. Sometimes not even parents cant help the child. You are lucky cuz yours don't bite but that is very common in children at a early development stage. Instead of being complaining you need to understand that not all children are the same.

[itlw8]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

It's not fair to blame the daycare. #1 that is a psychological problem. Unless the staff have a degree in psychology is sometimes hard to change that behavior in a child and you have to understand that takes time too. instead of contacting the department of social service you should approach the daycare and try to see if they could talk to the kid parent to take him to a psychologist. They know how to help. Sometimes not even parents cant help the child. You are lucky cuz yours don't bite but that is very common in children at a early development stage. Instead of being complaining you need to understand that not all children are the same.

While it is a normal develpmental stage taking an 18 month to a psychologist would serve no purpose.

And yes unfortunately once a child has bitten 1 time they are a known hazard and if a parent reports it the center is at fault. Why because they knew the child might bite again.

I was reported 1x because a child was bit. first time ever he was bit and 1x the biter had bitten. I was less than 5 feet away and the room was not crowded. The state said I did nothing wrong except I should have called the parent immediately and not waited for the parent to come 30 minutes later to pick up..... funny the parent thought they would bring the child back. The state could not believe she thought I would take them back

Originally Posted by HRH

same exact thing happened to us. they told us the same things. could not even tell us which child bit our child.

It's illegal to tell parents who is the biter. Just so you know. But the children could be sent home after 3 bites in one day. They could have incident reports put in their file for each one and when they hit 10 in one month have a conference. If it happens 10 times a second month they're expelled. Most schools would rather loose one aggressive kid then 5 kids whose parents got fed up with nothing being done about that child.

[sandrapitt]

Children are just not allowed to bite and hurt other kids. A teacher should always be around this kid who behaves like this. It is also important that the parents of this child is informed and told to do something about it. Parents need to check if his biting is occasional and normal or just too aggressive. As child care centers, the center is responsible for the safety of the other kids. It is necessary that they stop this childs behavior and keep a check on him always.

We have a meeting today with my 2yr old son's daycare. He has been bitten several times and so have other children. There are two biters in the room of 6. While I am completely aware that anytime there is a group of toddlers together like that there will be some biting and some pushing etc. It is always difficult to determine if my being so upset is because I am a mother and my son was bitten or if in fact there is a problem that I the school should address or I will need to look elsewhere for childcare/preschool? Any thoughts. One of the biters has actually been biting since the infant room. Since moving to the two year old room teh end of Aug my son has been bitten 4 times prior to moving to that room in a year he had been bitten another four times. How much is too much? Any thoughts?

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

We have a meeting today with my 2yr old son's daycare. He has been bitten several times and so have other children. There are two biters in the room of 6. While I am completely aware that anytime there is a group of toddlers together like that there will be some biting and some pushing etc. It is always difficult to determine if my being so upset is because I am a mother and my son was bitten or if in fact there is a problem that I the school should address or I will need to look elsewhere for childcare/preschool? Any thoughts. One of the biters has actually been biting since the infant room. Since moving to the two year old room teh end of Aug my son has been bitten 4 times prior to moving to that room in a year he had been bitten another four times. How much is too much? Any thoughts?

Honestly, I'd have moved on.

IMHO, Something is keeping these kids really stressed out (too much/lack of space, too many/not enough toys, lack of Variety in toys, too much/too little stimulation, too much/too little free play, etc).

I have never seen biting like that in my program.

[MarinaVanessa]

I must agree with Cathearder. Especially if there is a child who chronically bites as you stated (has been biting since the infant room) then to me this would mean that the issue is not being taken care of.

The issue of biting is difficult because it's a natural and frankly quite usual thing for young children to do ... this does not mean however that it is ok to do especially in childcare. If your child has been bitten repeatedly and no improvements have been made to correct the issue either from parents or daycare then perhaps it's time to look for childcare elsewhere.

I have a biter...and while I know this isn't acceptable and it's not okay to harm other children, there is a reason for it. I get frustrated when other parents don't understand the cause and think my child is just a bully or his home life is unsable...he is not a bully and his home life is actually quite normal, and he is actually very sweet. Unfortunately he has a hearing loss and is unable to speak the way a normal 2 almost 3 year old should. He can understand fully what's going on around him and he cannot express what he needs to, when he needs to. When he gets frustrated, anxious, or provoked and feels he needs to defend himself, he expresses that through biting. I don't have rose colored glasses on and think my child is an angel, in fact I know all children are capable of behaviors. If your child is the one getting biten more frequently by a biter, you might want to ask yourself, what is my child doing to provoke this child or better yet ask yourself how you can be part of the solution and not the problem by assuming a biter is a "bad" child.

I understand that children bite, and I am sympathetic to the parents of children who bite. But if the child repeatedly bites other children, breaking the skin and causing bruising, the child needs to be removed from daycare until such time as s/he works through that behavior. I'm not saying s/he is a bad kid, or that the parents are doing anything wrong. But at the same time other children are being hurt, and that cannot just be glossed over.

[Holiday Park]

To the pp who said her child has hearing loss, there a couple things to do . Teach him bon verbal communication skills like sign language , and pick a childcare facility who will support that.

I teach all my babies signs so they can "talk" about their needs/wants and have it be known. When my son gets upset because he is having a toy taken away he will look at me or the other child and point. If he wants to nurse, he signs milk. He is 14 months old and has been asking to be taken to the potty by way of signing and he is a hearing child . He also says some words too. But y point is , it Is known why kids bite and thats ehy its important to be proactive in prevention and tackling it at hand when it happens. Like others have said, if it can't be resolved then they can't stay in that particular environment and it is what it is, so the parent should try not to get all butthurt over it. Thats my opinion of course ;-)

5 times is too many times to bite someone else's child. He should be put out and you should your discipline!

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I apologize to all of the victims of bites, but please do not think that the parents of the biter are not good parents. I am saddened that my child hurts others when threatened or when he wants his way and we did not teach him this behavior. He is disciplined at school with time outs and we also discipline at home when he bites at school. My son does not just go around biting children; he bites in times of conflict with another child. We are working with him to use his words and talk to the daycare workers when conflicts occur, but we must also remember that it is harder for some children to master self-control and using words in times of frustration. I know that parents of the biter feel terrible about it and we are parents just like you wanting our children to learn appropriate ways of playing with other children. I work and so does my husband, my child should not be kicked out of daycare. We should instead work together with constant reminders and praise of positive behaviors, time-outs when biting occurs and increased supervision during times of close free play with other children. Especially if it particularly one child who is being bitten. My child has not bitten as much as some of the stories you have mentioned, just having some difficulty with one child in particular during playtime and it has happened 5 times in the past month. Praying for all children and their parents the bitees and the biters.

[MamaG]

Originally Posted by Concerned Mommy

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So an update to my 23 month old daughter who had bites... so we are now looking at 4 bites in 8 weeks... and just on Friday, this bite was on the FACE. No bite is ever easy to take when you see marks on your child... but on the face.... it was just shocking and horribly upsetting.

It is not their policy to say who the biter is... but my daughter did say a name... and basically it was confirmed from the conversation I had this morning. This boy is always all over my daughter. When I picked her up one day, I saw him tackler her... I believe he has bit her at least once before... I saw a incident report taped to his cubby the same day she had hers from being bit. I am thinking I need a parent-teacher conference. For daycare professionals out there... is there something that can be done if you have the same culprit biting a certain child? Is it time to move on to a new school?

For the previous incidents that went "unnoticed"... basically they said they never saw her cry... didn't notice anything out of the ordinary... seems unbelievable when you have a bite hard enough to break the skin... they apologized but said they didn't see it. This one on the face though.... everyone could see that... clear individual teeth marks on her cheekbone right below her eye.

If a child bites or otherwise inflicts harm in an act of anger they get three strikes you're out, as in terminated. As a mother I would not care about 'oh he is just frustraighted and we are working on it' blah blah crap! As a provider I've had this issue pop up more then once. I tell parents the 3 strikes rule and the offender is reprimanded and punished! Severely. It is outlines in detail in my policies and in the note that get sent home.

[MamaG]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

It's illegal to tell parents who is the biter. Just so you know. But the children could be sent home after 3 bites in one day. They could have incident reports put in their file for each one and when they hit 10 in one month have a conference. If it happens 10 times a second month they're expelled. Most schools would rather loose one aggressive kid then 5 kids whose parents got fed up with nothing being done about that child.

I'd find new child care after the 2nd bite! And at my 'center' after the 3rd bite offender gets terminated. But after 1 bite the biter gets glued to my hip, so a 2nd bite has never happened. When they see dang a bite I become miss teachers new shadow. He doesn't get to play with what or where or who he wants too. Pretty much sucks.

Originally Posted by judy

I am very concerned about a situation at a licensed daycare center. What is the policy on handling a child who is biting other children multiple times daily? The child I am concerned about has been bitten multiple times daily, breaking the skin and bruising on 9 days in a short period of time by the same child. He is not the only child @ the day care who is being bitten. Also, the aggressive child who does the biting is also kicking other children. When I talked to the staff they said there was nothing they could do. I believe this is a staffing issue. It has become such an issue that I have filed a report with Department of Social Services. What information can you give me? Where do I find this information?

You should have asked or read about information first before filing a report. uncool.

Today I received an incident note from my sons day care that he bit another child n has attempted or bitten other kids this week ... It's only Tuesday which would mean he did it for two days so far. tomorrow I'm going in extra early to have a discussion with the teacher I have so many questions n things we can try to do to solve the situation. I'm sad to think that any parent would think that a biters parent is a bad parent or that my son is some homicidal freak at 17 months old. He had a problem with this behavior at home a month ago when ever he was excited or wanted to show affection he would bite so I would tell him firmly no bit, and then say gentle gentle while caressing his face and the behavior improved 110% now I find out he is starting at school I feel horrible for any child he bit I'm absolutely horrified and embarrassed by his behavior but I've been researching ways to help solve this issue. this is most definitely a parent / daycare issue both must work together and be consistent n understanding of what the instigators are. My son is a sweet loving n highly intelligent child n has always played well with others so I'm still in shock. I'm wondering if perhaps he is bored...his teacher has told me on many occasions that he is way ahead of the other children n is the most mature though he is not the oldest perhaps he needs more mental stimulation ...guess I will find out tomorrow at any rate please know that this mother of a biter isn't standing idly by but being proactive as I hope his daycare will be as well. Best of luck to everyone in whatever ur situation is and please remember these are still babies n they take all their cues from us so if they are misbehaving we the adults (parents&caregivers) need to take a look in the mirror n make changes!