Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Parents and Guardians Forum>Inconsolable Infant - Only at Daycare
MOM.OF.3. 01:25 AM 10-31-2014
My 6 month old daughter has gone to a center most days of the week now since she was 3 months old. We found out about a month ago that they have been having issues from day 1 with her in regards to not being able to self soothe. She is in an infant room with 2 providers and 5 other babies. When she is not getting personal attention they say she starts crying and from then on...no matter what they do, she won't stop crying. They asked us to sign a permission form for a physical therapist and social worker to evaluate her, which we did. Then we all had a meeting and the consensus was that everything was ok developmentally, and that the older/more independent she got the better it would probably get at daycare. I picked her up last night and they said they wanted to meet with us again because she has been getting worse. They have tried different providers in the room, so it's not certain people. They said she cried for 5 hours today. I honestly think they are getting ready to kick us out! They say she wakes the other babies and they don't know what else to do for her. Has anybody had any experience with this sort of thing? We have no issues at home and my other 2 children had no issues at the same center. They did notice she rubs her feet together a lot and that there are certain toys she gets very frustrated with due to the sounds they make. She will not smile at them no matter what they do. She smiles and laughs with us at home.
Reply
Cat Herder 04:23 AM 10-31-2014
How do you put her to bed at home? Is her room quiet and dark for sleeping? Is your home generally a relaxed, quiet environment?

Some kids simply need a smaller, quieter, calmer environment to thrive. Overstimulation can cause everything you have mentioned in a more shy, introverted personality type.

My own kids can only take so much "group time". Imagine being at Chucky-Cheese 8 hours, everyday. Some people would love it, others would shiver at the thought.
Reply
nannyde 04:55 AM 10-31-2014
If they are thinking of kicking her out as a six month old it must be bad. You may need to switch her to a way smaller setting.

Are you co-sleeping? Is she swing sleeping? Is she sleeping in anything other than a crib or playpen on her back? Are you using a carrier and carrying her around at home? Are you feeding her to sleep? Are you holding her during nap times and rocking her while she sleeps?
Reply
Play Care 05:49 AM 10-31-2014

Not every care situation is right for every child. And that is OKAY!
It sounds as if they have been very proactive in trying to get your baby to mesh well. It's just not happening. It IS time, IMHO, to find a different type of care - small in home, nanny, etc. Best of luck!!
Reply
Unregistered 06:02 AM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
How do you put her to bed at home? Is her room quiet and dark for sleeping? Is your home generally a relaxed, quiet environment?

Some kids simply need a smaller, quieter, calmer environment to thrive. Overstimulation can cause everything you have mentioned in a more shy, introverted personality type.

My own kids can only take so much "group time". Imagine being at Chucky-Cheese 8 hours, everyday. Some people would love it, others would shiver at the thought.
She falls asleep after her last feeding. We have a sound machine for her and it's completely
dark, same as at the center. My 2 older girls are very quiet for the most part so, yes, I think that my home is pretty calm and relaxed. This makes a lot of sense.
Thank you...now if only there was a personal nanny I could hire!
Reply
Unregistered 06:06 AM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
If they are thinking of kicking her out as a six month old it must be bad. You may need to switch her to a way smaller setting.

Are you co-sleeping? Is she swing sleeping? Is she sleeping in anything other than a crib or playpen on her back? Are you using a carrier and carrying her around at home? Are you feeding her to sleep? Are you holding her during nap times and rocking her while she sleeps?
We use to co-sleep, but not anymore. She sleeps in her own crib, but always rolls on her belly.i carry her around at home but not all the time. I put her down right after she falls asleep.yes, I do feed her to sleep.
Reply
nannyde 06:19 AM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
She falls asleep after her last feeding. We have a sound machine for her and it's completely
dark, same as at the center. My 2 older girls are very quiet for the most part so, yes, I think that my home is pretty calm and relaxed. This makes a lot of sense.
Thank you...now if only there was a personal nanny I could hire!
I didn't know there was any state that allowed an infant room to be completely dark. That would present an issue if there was a fire and would be difficult to do breathing checks.

Put her to bed wide awake and when you hold her don't walk around with her. Lots and lots of floor time. Is he in a swing or a jolly jumper at home?
Reply
Unregistered 06:30 AM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I didn't know there was any state that allowed an infant room to be completely dark. That would present an issue if there was a fire and would be difficult to do breathing checks.

Put her to bed wide awake and when you hold her don't walk around with her. Lots and lots of floor time. Is he in a swing or a jolly jumper at home?
To clarify, there's not a light on in either room (the center's or ours). But with the door not shut, light flows in from the adjoining room. We don't use a swing anymore, but she does like to sit in th exersaucer. She loves floor time at home.
Reply
Heidi 07:26 AM 10-31-2014
How much is she sleeping at home vs. at the center (during the day)? Are the nap lengths and spacing similar? Most children at 6 months are forming good, consistent sleep patterns. Mine here usually take a shorter morning nap (45 min-1 hour or so) and a longer (2.5-3 hour) afternoon nap.

If she's not sleeping well, she's not going to be very friendly while awake.

I can imagine that she may be a little overstimulated by all he ruckus of so many infants in one room, too.

I also want to say that "trying different teachers" is not something I would ever suggest. She can build trust and security if the adults are constantly changing. Continuity is high on the list when it comes to quality childcare, especially with young infants. She should be getting comfortable with 1 or 2 adults, not having them paraded about like "ok, how about her?" Chances are, though, that they are doing this because she is so intense. No ONE person want's to "get stuck" (and I mean that in the nicest way) with the kiddo that cries all day. So, there may be some cause and affect there.

I say, find a small family provider or a center where the staff turnover is low and the class size small. Be honest with them, but let them know you are willing to work together to make it better for baby and for the staff/provider.
Reply
Unregistered 10:05 AM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
How much is she sleeping at home vs. at the center (during the day)? Are the nap lengths and spacing similar? Most children at 6 months are forming good, consistent sleep patterns. Mine here usually take a shorter morning nap (45 min-1 hour or so) and a longer (2.5-3 hour) afternoon nap.

If she's not sleeping well, she's not going to be very friendly while awake.

I can imagine that she may be a little overstimulated by all he ruckus of so many infants in one room, too.

I also want to say that "trying different teachers" is not something I would ever suggest. She can build trust and security if the adults are constantly changing. Continuity is high on the list when it comes to quality childcare, especially with young infants. She should be getting comfortable with 1 or 2 adults, not having them paraded about like "ok, how about her?" Chances are, though, that they are doing this because she is so intense. No ONE person want's to "get stuck" (and I mean that in the nicest way) with the kiddo that cries all day. So, there may be some cause and affect there.

I say, find a small family provider or a center where the staff turnover is low and the class size small. Be honest with them, but let them know you are willing to work together to make it better for baby and for the staff/provider.
I would say the nap time routine is pretty consistent both places. She usually takes one longer nap (2 - 2 1/2 hrs) and one smaller nap (1 hr) both places. The center we take her to seems to have a high turnover rate. There has been one consistent provider (although some days she is not there the entire day) but the second provider in the room has been different many times. I bet there has been a total of 5 different providers, as they switch them from room to room fairly often.
Reply
Heidi 10:41 AM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would say the nap time routine is pretty consistent both places. She usually takes one longer nap (2 - 2 1/2 hrs) and one smaller nap (1 hr) both places. The center we take her to seems to have a high turnover rate. There has been one consistent provider (although some days she is not there the entire day) but the second provider in the room has been different many times. I bet there has been a total of 5 different providers, as they switch them from room to room fairly often.
Well, it does sound like she's getting enough sleep then. My guess would be overstimulation, in that case.

How is she when you are in loud public places? When you have guests and noise in the house?
Reply
Unregistered 12:48 PM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
Well, it does sound like she's getting enough sleep then. My guess would be overstimulation, in that case.

How is she when you are in loud public places? When you have guests and noise in the house?
She doesn't sleep as well, but she is definitely happy. We never have any issues with her being fussy/cranky unless she is tired and ready for a nap. That is why this is all so confusing to me...I have no idea how to help them!
Reply
Heidi 02:56 PM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
She doesn't sleep as well, but she is definitely happy. We never have any issues with her being fussy/cranky unless she is tired and ready for a nap. That is why this is all so confusing to me...I have no idea how to help them!
So, when you have the house full of guests, attend a wedding, crank the radio, go to Walmart or otherwise party like rock stars, she's not upset?

Is she eating roughly the same amount and at the same times at daycare as at home? If you're nursing, I know it's hard to measure volume, but how about time? Is she taking any solids yet, and if so, does she take them at daycare?
Reply
cheerfuldom 07:23 PM 10-31-2014
If you are holding her and feeding her to sleep, I would imagine that the daycare has policies against both of those things. She may not be getting napped well at daycare where they cannot replicate what you do at home. If the crying is mostly in the afternoons, my guess would be that sleep is the main issue. If it is all the time, I would guess that the group care environment and her personality are not meshing well. 6 infants and two providers in a room is a lot of activity and probably, a lot of crying.....very overstimulating. I would go with a center that has a smaller infant room (harder to find but you can try), a small home daycare, a SAHM that just takes your child, or a nanny situation (which sounds like it could work out as you have two other children in daycare, correct?).

Good luck to you! If the center has had multiple meetings, evaluations, providers trying to address this issue with no progress then yes, get ready to be termed. The crying has got to be pretty bad at this point and for the sake of your child, you need to figure something else out. This clearly is not working for anyone in this situation but on a positive note, it seems that the center has made a good effort at addressing the issue.
Reply
Unregistered 08:35 PM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
So, when you have the house full of guests, attend a wedding, crank the radio, go to Walmart or otherwise party like rock stars, she's not upset?

Is she eating roughly the same amount and at the same times at daycare as at home? If you're nursing, I know it's hard to measure volume, but how about time? Is she taking any solids yet, and if so, does she take them at daycare?
She's not upset with a lot of activity, but I do notice she won't easily go to sleep. Once it quiets down, she does. From what everybody is saying, I'm thinking it's a personality/overstimulation issue. When my (very loud and shrill) niece is here, she won't sleep. Of course, at our house, it doesn't go on for 8 hrs at a time with the noise and all. At the center, it can. We are trying to keep on a 3-4 hr schedule with breastmilk both places, and she has started in solids (and loves them) at both places.
Reply
Unregistered 08:40 PM 10-31-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
If you are holding her and feeding her to sleep, I would imagine that the daycare has policies against both of those things. She may not be getting napped well at daycare where they cannot replicate what you do at home. If the crying is mostly in the afternoons, my guess would be that sleep is the main issue. If it is all the time, I would guess that the group care environment and her personality are not meshing well. 6 infants and two providers in a room is a lot of activity and probably, a lot of crying.....very overstimulating. I would go with a center that has a smaller infant room (harder to find but you can try), a small home daycare, a SAHM that just takes your child, or a nanny situation (which sounds like it could work out as you have two other children in daycare, correct?).

Good luck to you! If the center has had multiple meetings, evaluations, providers trying to address this issue with no progress then yes, get ready to be termed. The crying has got to be pretty bad at this point and for the sake of your child, you need to figure something else out. This clearly is not working for anyone in this situation but on a positive note, it seems that the center has made a good effort at addressing the issue.
Thank you, this makes sense and I believe you are right, I feel like they will be giving us notice soon. The crying is all the time, not just in the afternoon, so I'm sure it's time to look elsewhere anyway.
Reply
Heidi 05:48 AM 11-01-2014
Perhaps with 3 children, a Nanny would be cost-effective anyway. Plus, once baby adjusts and cries less (with the Nanny), she could do a couple other little things around the house like start dinner or tidy up a bit (of course, the children should be the priority).

Your baby might just be happier in her own home and her own bed.
Reply
Elko 12:55 PM 11-01-2014
Wait, she won't go to sleep or she needs constant attention all the time? Do they try to feed her to sleep and it doesn't work? Or are they just putting her in the crib and hoping she'll learn to fall asleep on her own?

I'm really asking, because sleep at daycare has been something I've been obsessing over lately
Reply
Unregistered 01:16 PM 11-04-2014
Originally Posted by Elko:
Wait, she won't go to sleep or she needs constant attention all the time? Do they try to feed her to sleep and it doesn't work? Or are they just putting her in the crib and hoping she'll learn to fall asleep on her own?

I'm really asking, because sleep at daycare has been something I've been obsessing over lately
Both. She will be rocked to sleep but then wakes up 20 min later. She's been gettin hardly any sleep there.they just told us this will be her last week there. It's not getting any better.
Reply
Heidi 01:28 PM 11-04-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Both. She will be rocked to sleep but then wakes up 20 min later. She's been gettin hardly any sleep there.they just told us this will be her last week there. It's not getting any better.
Well, there it is!

In reading your posts, it sounded like she was sleeping at daycare. What is actually happening is that she isn't, and then she's tired and can't cope. That was what I suspected originally.

I'll post more later...
Reply
Heidi 01:42 PM 11-04-2014
So..now that my kiddos are gone, I can give you the answer you probably don't want to hear.

You have two choices:

Provide her with one-on-one care. That means, Mommy, Daddy, or a Nanny. This person can then rock or feed her to sleep, intervene when she wakes, and generally provide the high level of care she expects.

Or-

You can gently sleep-train her to fall asleep separately, without being nursed and/or rocked. You can start by not nursing her to sleep. Nurse her, but make sure she's a little "roused" before you lay her down, so that she is aware of what's going on. No nursing, letting her fall asleep, and then "sneaking" her off to her bed.

How often is she still waking at night? I'm going to guess at least 2 times, if not more; then you nurse her back to sleep.

All this is your choice, but just know that in daycare, these patterns are going to interfere. You have an adult-to-child ratio of 1-3, not 1-1, or even 2-3.
Reply
cheerfuldom 12:11 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Both. She will be rocked to sleep but then wakes up 20 min later. She's been gettin hardly any sleep there.they just told us this will be her last week there. It's not getting any better.
She is addicted to the rocking motion. She is waking up every time someone puts her down. For her sake and for the next caregiver, I would begin gently working on new and better sleep habits.....no rocking, no bottle, laying down to fall asleep on her own.
Reply
cheerfuldom 12:13 PM 11-05-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
So..now that my kiddos are gone, I can give you the answer you probably don't want to hear.

You have two choices:

Provide her with one-on-one care. That means, Mommy, Daddy, or a Nanny. This person can then rock or feed her to sleep, intervene when she wakes, and generally provide the high level of care she expects.

Or-

You can gently sleep-train her to fall asleep separately, without being nursed and/or rocked. You can start by not nursing her to sleep. Nurse her, but make sure she's a little "roused" before you lay her down, so that she is aware of what's going on. No nursing, letting her fall asleep, and then "sneaking" her off to her bed.

How often is she still waking at night? I'm going to guess at least 2 times, if not more; then you nurse her back to sleep.

All this is your choice, but just know that in daycare, these patterns are going to interfere. You have an adult-to-child ratio of 1-3, not 1-1, or even 2-3.
and one caregiver is certainly busy at times following regulations like cleaning, preparing bottles, etc. so the ratio realistically higher than 1 to 3 in the day to day reality of the infant room.
Reply
Leigh 12:52 PM 11-05-2014
What time does she go to bed at night? What time is she up in the morning? Does she sleep through the night? Does she sleep in her own room at home? Does she sleep flat on her back in a crib?
Reply
Unregistered 08:30 AM 11-06-2014
Ok, so I am pretty upset right now. I the last week or so that she was there, she had been eating infrequently. She would eat an ounce or 2 at a time and then not again for 4 hrs it so. We thought this was odd as she doesn't do this at home, but chalked it up to the fussiness/unhappiness there. WELL, we got all of her stuff unpacked from daycare last night and I was washing the bottle they used...turns out they had gotten somebody else's nipple switched with her sad they have been using a slow flow playtex nipple when hers is a dr browns level 2 nipple. It makes complete sense now why she was so fussy there...she would eat an ounce or 2 and then quit because she wasn't use to the nipple/milk was so hard to get out. She was hungry! This didn't happen all the time, the other bottle they used had the correct nipple in it. I called and let them know and they were very apologetic but that's it?!! I'm pretty mad about all of this!
Reply
Heidi 09:00 AM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Ok, so I am pretty upset right now. I the last week or so that she was there, she had been eating infrequently. She would eat an ounce or 2 at a time and then not again for 4 hrs it so. We thought this was odd as she doesn't do this at home, but chalked it up to the fussiness/unhappiness there. WELL, we got all of her stuff unpacked from daycare last night and I was washing the bottle they used...turns out they had gotten somebody else's nipple switched with her sad they have been using a slow flow playtex nipple when hers is a dr browns level 2 nipple. It makes complete sense now why she was so fussy there...she would eat an ounce or 2 and then quit because she wasn't use to the nipple/milk was so hard to get out. She was hungry! This didn't happen all the time, the other bottle they used had the correct nipple in it. I called and let them know and they were very apologetic but that's it?!! I'm pretty mad about all of this!
Oh wow!

No WONDER she was crying all the time..poor kiddo!
Reply
Elko 09:41 AM 11-06-2014
Whoa! So they didn't admit that maybe that was the problem? Are you able to find a new place soon? Can you or dad keep her at home for a bit while looking, to sort of reset everything? That sounds so stressful!
Reply
Unregistered 12:05 PM 11-06-2014
Originally Posted by Elko:
Whoa! So they didn't admit that maybe that was the problem? Are you able to find a new place soon? Can you or dad keep her at home for a bit while looking, to sort of reset everything? That sounds so stressful!
Oh they agreed with me that it was most likely the problem but never offered to take her back. Not that I would have allowed that anyway. I've been calling around and nobody has any openings. I can keep her at home with me for a little bit because I worked it out with my job, and I can take her to the office with me twice a week until we find somebody, but I only have until the 20th.
Reply
cheerfuldom 05:33 PM 11-06-2014
I am confused...... she has been going to that daycare for months right? Was the bottle an issue for that whole time? It sounded like the bottle issues were for the last week or two whereas the other issues have been a problem the whole time. they obviously don't feel that the bottle was the reason for all of the issues and that is why they will not take her back. That part makes sense to me. It definitely was their mistake in switching the bottle nipples (right? you don't use two types, correct?) but what else would you expect them to do but apologize? Now that your daughter is not going back, there is nothing else they can do but say sorry and move on. I hope you find new care soon and one that is a better fit for your daughter. It is a bummer that this whole situation fizzled out and the bottle switch was definitely their fault but I would encourage you not to waste energy on being upset over this. You said you were there at the center for a long time with your other kids and never had any issues and that the center had tried to figure out what the issue was with the baby.....sounds like you were happy with the level of care for a long time so this new situation is just one of those things that happen, not really any one's fault. I would look at the positive and be thankful that they told you of all the issues so you can give your next provider a heads up. Sadly, many places will just keep unhappy babies and let them scream all day every day.....I am sure you wouldnt want that for your baby. It is better that they let you go from the center and that way you can find a better fit. You may try the next place and your little one be totally different. I hope so! Good luck!
Reply
CraftyMom 05:38 AM 11-07-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I am confused...... she has been going to that daycare for months right? Was the bottle an issue for that whole time? It sounded like the bottle issues were for the last week or two whereas the other issues have been a problem the whole time. they obviously don't feel that the bottle was the reason for all of the issues and that is why they will not take her back. That part makes sense to me. It definitely was their mistake in switching the bottle nipples (right? you don't use two types, correct?) but what else would you expect them to do but apologize? Now that your daughter is not going back, there is nothing else they can do but say sorry and move on. I hope you find new care soon and one that is a better fit for your daughter. It is a bummer that this whole situation fizzled out and the bottle switch was definitely their fault but I would encourage you not to waste energy on being upset over this. You said you were there at the center for a long time with your other kids and never had any issues and that the center had tried to figure out what the issue was with the baby.....sounds like you were happy with the level of care for a long time so this new situation is just one of those things that happen, not really any one's fault. I would look at the positive and be thankful that they told you of all the issues so you can give your next provider a heads up. Sadly, many places will just keep unhappy babies and let them scream all day every day.....I am sure you wouldnt want that for your baby. It is better that they let you go from the center and that way you can find a better fit. You may try the next place and your little one be totally different. I hope so! Good luck!


I agree with this. It stinks that your baby is so miserable there, but it sounds like a good place. I know as parents you're looking for the "aha...so that's why..." but I also understood it to be that she was having trouble for much much longer than the nipple issue, which was only the last week. That does explain her eating infrequently during the last week, but not the overall issue. I'm not sure what else they could have done besides apologize, unless it was the delivery and tone of the apology that you didn't like.

At any rate I hope she is happier at her next (and hopefully last ) daycare
Reply
craftymissbeth 12:10 PM 11-07-2014
I've never worked in a center so I have a question... is it common for centers to rock babies to sleep, feed them to sleep, and place them in their cribs AFTER they've fallen asleep?

I'll be honest, it seems like that's the issue right there. All of those things are strict no-go's for me as they're not conducive to my group setting.
Reply
Bookworm 08:38 AM 11-09-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I've never worked in a center so I have a question... is it common for centers to rock babies to sleep, feed them to sleep, and place them in their cribs AFTER they've fallen asleep?

I'll be honest, it seems like that's the issue right there. All of those things are strict no-go's for me as they're not conducive to my group setting.
It depends on the center, the ratio and the amount of babies and their ages. Ours is 5:1 and we have 6 enrolled. They're aged between 8 wks and 11 mos. Because the numbers are low, they can be rocked to sleep occasionally. If they fall asleep while feeding, sometimes they wake them up to finish or they stop and lay them down. I once worked in a center where there were 18 babies and 3 teachers (6:1 ratio back then). It look like an orphanage.
Reply
Tags:neurologic rage, over stimulated, rage baby, termination - bad fit, termination - gone bad
Reply Up