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Thriftylady 02:53 PM 07-20-2015
So mom to my 16 month old DCG is driving me insane. She is scared to feed this child. She is so afraid of choking she won't give her many foods. The other day she told me "well it is so hard to find things she can eat". One day she told me, well I peel her grapes. I told her to cut them and she will be fine and she said she can't chew the skin. Today I told her we are making pizzas for lunch tomorrow because my SA DCB will be here. She says "well don't give her any pepperoni, oh and make sure she doesn't get any cheese she can choke on that stringy cheese". She is young, just graduated last year, but that is getting insane. Basically she doesn't want me to feed DCG anything that could cause her to choke, and really anything can cause that. The other day I told her we had peaches for lunch and she said "oh I never have given her those, what if she chokes?". I of course feed DCG as normal with no issues but geesh. I have not once seen DCG even act like she was going to choke. Spit out foods because they are new to her yes, choke no. Any of you had a parent like this? If so how did you get them to realize that learning to eat is part of living and growing?
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Silly Songs 03:51 PM 07-20-2015
My sister was that mom !!! Her daughter choked on a banana once , so I see why she was so anal about it . Tell her you encourage the children to chew, that you watch them when they eat and you know CPR . Most kids will gag I think if they have too much in their mouth . Sorry , but grapes are listed as a choking hazard for the under 3 set . Look up which foods are ok for her age and assure mom that you will stick to those guidelines . That's my best advice .
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Thriftylady 03:56 PM 07-20-2015
Originally Posted by Silly Songs:
My sister was that mom !!! Her daughter choked on a banana once , so I see why she was so anal about it . Tell her you encourage the children to chew, that you watch them when they eat and you know CPR . Most kids will gag I think if they have too much in their mouth . Sorry , but grapes are listed as a choking hazard for the under 3 set . Look up which foods are ok for her age and assure mom that you will stick to those guidelines . That's my best advice .
I haven't served grapes, but if I did I would cut them. I honestly don't buy them because of DH. DH loves them, but we are both diabetic. Once a year ago they were on sale, and I bought him some. The next day he said "my bag of grapes is empty". I said "what do you mean there were two pounds there". He said "yeah I have been eating them as I drive". So then I about fell over and asked him what the heck he was thinking. He says "what they are good for you". I said the only thing I could "NOT WHEN YOU EAT THEM BY THE POUND!!!!". Geesh. So I don't buy them anymore because DH can't control himself lol. But really peaches, and most other foods are safe. No, I wouldn't give her popcorn or even peanuts, but really the kid has to eat and mom is afraid to even give her bread, "because it can ball up and cause choking, so if you give it to her you have to cut it small and she can't have crust".
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bklsmum 04:13 PM 07-20-2015
I would stop telling Mom what was going to be eaten before hand and just tell her what the child had already eaten and how you had given it to her s she could copy you.
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Rockgirl 04:20 PM 07-20-2015
I had a mom request that I cut her toddler's food in tiny pieces, but I do that for toddlers anyway. I've never had one paranoid like your dcm!
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Shell 04:41 PM 07-20-2015
Originally Posted by bklsmum:
I would stop telling Mom what was going to be eaten before hand and just tell her what the child had already eaten and how you had given it to her s she could copy you.

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momofapreschooler 05:17 PM 07-20-2015
One center we looked at (and really liked) would not feed a child anything that the child did not eat at home at least 3 times due to allergy concerns. Mom needs to tell you what she has fed her and what she can eat safely so that you can decide what you are comfortable feeding her.
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Thriftylady 05:20 PM 07-20-2015
Originally Posted by momofapreschooler:
One center we looked at (and really liked) would not feed a child anything that the child did not eat at home at least 3 times due to allergy concerns. Mom needs to tell you what she has fed her and what she can eat safely so that you can decide what you are comfortable feeding her.
That would be bananas, breakfast bars and koolaid. Not happening here.
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mim 05:40 PM 07-20-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
That would be bananas, breakfast bars and koolaid. Not happening here.
that made me laugh so hard.
No advice here, but thank you for the laugh.
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Unregistered 07:03 PM 07-20-2015
I have a 16 month old dcg who refuses to eat whole foods. Her parents still give her baby food at home in the form of a pouch. I don't allow outside food into the dc, and mom knows this. I put food on her tray and she will not even attempt to pick it up. I have tried sitting her at the table with the big kids and she won't eat. I end up pureeing her food after everyone has finished to get her to eat, which she will gladly do. If I feed her whole food with a spoon, she won't open her mouth. I try to leave it as chunky as possible, or purée part of it and will add whole pees or rice or whatever were having to try and get her used to the texture. But she just spits it out. I've only had her a couple months but I feel like it's getting out of hand at this point. I have another baby her age who eats whole foods just fine. I've never experienced a baby this bad. If I don't purée her food she will cry for ever and won't sleep because she is so hungry. Still refuses to eat no matter how many times I try. I have talked to dcm over and over and she says that she "eats" at home. She gets cookies and a pouch of baby food for dinner. She told me this afternoon if she refuses to eat to just give her a bottle. Oh l just don't know what to do!
As for your situation, I would do like someone else suggested and not mention to mom what you're serving that day. Let her know at the end of the day how well she ate and didn't choke. If mom doesn't continue to introduce new foods the poor kids not going to develop properly and will struggle eating as she gets older.
I just don't understand how parents can be so ridiculous about the most common sense things.
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nanglgrl 07:26 PM 07-20-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have a 16 month old dcg who refuses to eat whole foods. Her parents still give her baby food at home in the form of a pouch. I don't allow outside food into the dc, and mom knows this. I put food on her tray and she will not even attempt to pick it up. I have tried sitting her at the table with the big kids and she won't eat. I end up pureeing her food after everyone has finished to get her to eat, which she will gladly do. If I feed her whole food with a spoon, she won't open her mouth. I try to leave it as chunky as possible, or purée part of it and will add whole pees or rice or whatever were having to try and get her used to the texture. But she just spits it out. I've only had her a couple months but I feel like it's getting out of hand at this point. I have another baby her age who eats whole foods just fine. I've never experienced a baby this bad. If I don't purée her food she will cry for ever and won't sleep because she is so hungry. Still refuses to eat no matter how many times I try. I have talked to dcm over and over and she says that she "eats" at home. She gets cookies and a pouch of baby food for dinner. She told me this afternoon if she refuses to eat to just give her a bottle. Oh l just don't know what to do!
As for your situation, I would do like someone else suggested and not mention to mom what you're serving that day. Let her know at the end of the day how well she ate and didn't choke. If mom doesn't continue to introduce new foods the poor kids not going to develop properly and will struggle eating as she gets older.
I just don't understand how parents can be so ridiculous about the most common sense things.
If this doesent change it might be worth mentioning to the parents about sensory disorder. I had a boy a few years ago who would only eat baby food or crunchy crackers, chips etc. He was almost 2 and parents had no idea until I told them to get him evaluated. There were other things that were different about him from day one but not one thing that on its own put a red flag up. He would not let me put normal food in his mouth without a fight, if I got anything in there he would immediately gag.
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Febby 07:31 PM 07-20-2015
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
If this doesent change it might be worth mentioning to the parents about sensory disorder. I had a boy a few years ago who would only eat baby food or crunchy crackers, chips etc. He was almost 2 and parents had no idea until I told them to get him evaluated. There were other things that were different about him from day one but not one thing that on its own put a red flag up. He would not let me put normal food in his mouth without a fight, if I got anything in there he would immediately gag.
I was thinking feeding disorder, but a sensory disorder could also cause that, I would imagine.
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cheerfuldom 07:39 PM 07-20-2015
Yes sensory kids often times have feeding issues.

As for the original DCM in question, I would not offer any info about meals as it just makes her paranoid. If she really starts causing a fuss, I would require that she provide all meals. If that is not an option, I would just say that she has to trust in your knowledge of child development and feeding. If she cant do that, she should look for a new provider.
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AuntTami 07:58 PM 07-20-2015
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Yes sensory kids often times have feeding issues.

As for the original DCM in question, I would not offer any info about meals as it just makes her paranoid. If she really starts causing a fuss, I would require that she provide all meals. If that is not an option, I would just say that she has to trust in your knowledge of child development and feeding. If she cant do that, she should look for a new provider.
This.

This is exactly what I would do. She needs to trust you to feed her child and not kill it. If she doesn't, she needs to find new care! I have a 12 month old that eats grapes, watermelon, crackers etc. there's nothing I give my older kids that I don't give him. I just cut the pieces smaller/modify it for him.

I would stop telling her what you're going to have and tell her at the end of the day what you had, how well she did eating etc. make sure to reiterate to mom that you know CPR and you're always within arms reach of DCG. If she can't trust you after that, she needs a new daycare.
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laundrymom 08:01 PM 07-20-2015
Here. At a year. They self feed all food. And I serve them everything the older ones get unless it's an allergy item.
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jenboo 08:45 PM 07-20-2015
Maybe give mom a handout that explains the difference between gagging and choking and then give her one that lists unsafe foods.
Then proceed to feed her your normal meals and tell mom how well she ate and how well she chewed her food....
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Leigh 09:11 PM 07-20-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
So mom to my 16 month old DCG is driving me insane. She is scared to feed this child. She is so afraid of choking she won't give her many foods. The other day she told me "well it is so hard to find things she can eat". One day she told me, well I peel her grapes. I told her to cut them and she will be fine and she said she can't chew the skin. Today I told her we are making pizzas for lunch tomorrow because my SA DCB will be here. She says "well don't give her any pepperoni, oh and make sure she doesn't get any cheese she can choke on that stringy cheese". She is young, just graduated last year, but that is getting insane. Basically she doesn't want me to feed DCG anything that could cause her to choke, and really anything can cause that. The other day I told her we had peaches for lunch and she said "oh I never have given her those, what if she chokes?". I of course feed DCG as normal with no issues but geesh. I have not once seen DCG even act like she was going to choke. Spit out foods because they are new to her yes, choke no. Any of you had a parent like this? If so how did you get them to realize that learning to eat is part of living and growing?
I had a parent like this. Her child wouldn't eat anything I gave him. After a few days, I took out a jar of baby food, and he got really excited. He gobbled it down. Turns out, this 16 month old was still eating baby food at home, and drinking from a bottle. That his mom held for him. He could NOT hold his own bottle when he started with me. He came SO far while he was with me, but his mom showed up at snack time one day, saw him sitting at the table with the big kids and feeding himself, and pulled him. She WANTED him to be fed by an adult, not to self feed. She was just INSANE...he had been cared for previously by an elderly woman who loved to feed him and hold him all day. This DCM apparently thought I was cruel by having him sit at the table to eat instead of in my lap.
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Play Care 03:47 AM 07-21-2015
Originally Posted by momofapreschooler:
One center we looked at (and really liked) would not feed a child anything that the child did not eat at home at least 3 times due to allergy concerns. Mom needs to tell you what she has fed her and what she can eat safely so that you can decide what you are comfortable feeding her.
This is my policy for infants under 1.

By 1 and older they are eating what everyone else does. This is in my contract and I make a point to highlight it when interviewing parents of infants. I do however reassure parents that all meals are consumed under my direct supervision and food is cut up in very tiny pieces as is appropriate. My younger child choked on popcorn a couple of years ago and it is scary and I do understand/appreciate the reason for the fear.

IME, extended feeding of infant foods can indicate delays or disorders or hide them which means the child isn't going to get the EI that might be beneficial. In addition many providers participate in the CACFP (the federal food program) and are mandated to feed kids of certain ages in certain ways. This is to ensure that toddlers and preschoolers are getting a varied and healthy diet.

On a side note, as a parent I found meals so much more relaxing when I no longer had to feed my own kids baby foods and could serve everyone the same dinner.
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Rockgirl 06:00 AM 07-21-2015
Just my opinion, but I think those pouches of food are causing a whole new set of feeding problems. Sure, they are convenient, but if it's the only way foods are introduced and presented....I just see problems ahead.
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mommyneedsadayoff 06:39 AM 07-21-2015
I read that the baby food pouches are leading to toddlers lacking self feeding skills with silverware. Some kids are given those pouches up to age 3 and 4 and they have no concept on how to use a spoon or fork and also have issues with texture in food. I will see if I can find the article, but I am not a fan of those things for daily feeding. I will sometimes get the applesauce ones for roadtrips or if we go to a restaurant (a little appetizer for the kiddos), but they are a "treat", not a daily occurrence. Dcm brought me a huge bag of them for her 18 month old and I tossed them in the cupboard where they have been ever since. She loves eating like a big kid and is one of the best at eating with utensils.
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Thriftylady 06:42 AM 07-21-2015
I have kind of chalked it up in some ways to parents not wanting to deal with a mess. I know that is what was going on with my grandson at one point, they didn't want him to get messy. I know here, I just accept things get messy lol. I guess I wonder when it became not okay for a kid to get dirty? They still clean up just as easily as they always did.
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MommyMuffin 11:11 AM 07-21-2015
Maybe you should tell her that you make all the children the same meal and cut it to appropriate sizes for the child. Even explain a little that you have a schedule and cannot make two different lunches due to needing to care and watch all the children.

Let her know that if it puts her at ease you are indeed cpr certified.
Then I would let her know that you will notify her of the next days lunch at pick up and if it is something she does not want her daughter to eat then she is welcome to bring a different lunch for her.

If you are on the food program I am not sure how that would work...perhaps if she brings her lunch you don't count that meal.

This way you are being respectful and giving her options without sacrificing your time to prepare a different meal.
I tell myself if I am honest to myself and to the parent and give options when able I will not be sorry or worry about offending them.
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Thriftylady 11:19 AM 07-21-2015
Well she and I hashed that out already as far as DCG will eat the same foods as everyone else. Mom had wanted to provide foods, but was going to bring baby food, and I refuse to feed a child that age baby food. I just feed her as normal, but mom just gives her a very few select things. I just wish I could get mom to understand that she can eat foods.
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