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Old 03-09-2016, 11:57 AM
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NoMoreJuice! NoMoreJuice! is offline
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Default Sleep Deprived

Just like all the times I want to tell a parent that they're parenting wrong, I need to dig deep and find a super delicate, tactful way to phrase my suggestion.

I have a 4 yo dcb that is chronically exhausted. I have it on good authority that he doesn't go to bed until 10, and then watches tv until he falls asleep, sometimes at midnight. He can barely make it through preschool, he's very unfocused, he's way behind for his age group, and now his mom is thinking of putting him in a class in the afternoons a few days a week. I think it's a terrible idea, because missing nap will ruin any benefit these classes may bring. I want to tell her she needs to put him in bed at 8 at the latest, with no electronics, but I just don't think she'd take kindly to the advice. Any suggestions? I do have a secret group FB page for my dc families and I often post pictures on there, but maybe posting a chart of how much sleep kids need and hinting without directly talking to her? For some reason I just know she'd be offended.
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Old 03-09-2016, 01:41 PM
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Leigh Leigh is offline
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I make a habit of sharing parenting articles with my parents. If I need to make a point with one parent, I'll print off articles relating to the situation, make sure that they notice copies for everyone, and use the article as an opening to discuss the situation. They don't always listen, but sometimes it helps.
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Old 03-09-2016, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
I make a habit of sharing parenting articles with my parents. If I need to make a point with one parent, I'll print off articles relating to the situation, make sure that they notice copies for everyone, and use the article as an opening to discuss the situation. They don't always listen, but sometimes it helps.
I do the same thing, and I post links to articles on my FB page too. I think it helps to have different articles from different sources saying the same thing.
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Old 03-09-2016, 03:51 PM
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How is he acting that makes you believe he is chronically tired? I would address those issues with her and let her know he cannot continue in your program the way he is going. I would let her know that I will be posting an article on the FB page for everyone to look at and you suggest she takes a look at it to see what the problem might be.

I will say however that you should not expect anything to change. I have never ever gotten a parent to change their ways at home if it is working better for the parent.
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Old 03-10-2016, 12:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
How is he acting that makes you believe he is chronically tired? I would address those issues with her and let her know he cannot continue in your program the way he is going. I would let her know that I will be posting an article on the FB page for everyone to look at and you suggest she takes a look at it to see what the problem might be.

I will say however that you should not expect anything to change. I have never ever gotten a parent to change their ways at home if it is working better for the parent.

I have posted articles on fb and sent home articles with my newsletter in the past. But the above bolded is so true for me. Especially sleep issues.

So I now just do what I need to do to make our day flow smoothly. If that means that I end up terming, I will. I can't fix home issues. I can only fix issues I see during the day.

You said she won't take kindly to advice. Post the articles on fb, mention that there are some articles up that are relevant to his age group and leave it at that. If you feel that this is something that needs to be discussed, regardless of her non-advice-taking-personality, I would follow up in a few days with an email.
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Old 03-10-2016, 05:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
How is he acting that makes you believe he is chronically tired?

I will say however that you should not expect anything to change. I have never ever gotten a parent to change their ways at home if it is working better for the parent.

Firstly, he doesn't exactly fall asleep in preschool, we're far too busy and active for that to happen, but he just looks exhausted and can't concentrate at all.

And the reason I haven't said anything thus far is because you're absolutely right, and that has been my experience as well. I'd hate to have a big confrontation and no good even come of it.
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Old 03-10-2016, 05:23 AM
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I have had both experiences.

Parents 100% willing to change their home practices (some successful and some not) and I've had parents that just go along their merrier way without a second glance at the info/issue I've presented.

Personally, I would do what is best for DCB. If he is so tired he cannot FULLY and alertly focus on the task at hand, have him take a morning nap. Not too long...dont want to mess up afternoon nap....but long enough to help him be "present".

If mom asks why he isn't participating in certain activities, tell her why. He is sleeping as that is far MORE important than daycare activities.

Maybe she'll get the hint when he starts missing out. Poor little guy. I feel bad for those kids. Sleep is such a foundational need that skimping on it only hurts the child in the long run.
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Old 03-10-2016, 08:17 AM
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I would agree with a morning nap as well. I always treat the symptoms at my home and act accordingly. I have had more than one child come to me in the past few years exhausted. I have put them down for nap earlier than everyone else and let them sleep longer, or whatever works best for them and me. I had one child that would come at 8am and was down for nap by 8:30am. He would sleep until 10:30am and then go back down again at 12pm. Missing valuable play time to catch up on sleep is a major pet peeve of mine but sleep is so important and children can't participate without it anyway.
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Old 03-10-2016, 10:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice! View Post
Just like all the times I want to tell a parent that they're parenting wrong, I need to dig deep and find a super delicate, tactful way to phrase my suggestion.

I have a 4 yo dcb that is chronically exhausted. I have it on good authority that he doesn't go to bed until 10, and then watches tv until he falls asleep, sometimes at midnight. He can barely make it through preschool, he's very unfocused, he's way behind for his age group, and now his mom is thinking of putting him in a class in the afternoons a few days a week. I think it's a terrible idea, because missing nap will ruin any benefit these classes may bring. I want to tell her she needs to put him in bed at 8 at the latest, with no electronics, but I just don't think she'd take kindly to the advice. Any suggestions? I do have a secret group FB page for my dc families and I often post pictures on there, but maybe posting a chart of how much sleep kids need and hinting without directly talking to her? For some reason I just know she'd be offended.
I have been looking for a good flyer on sleep also. I just interview a dcm that did not want dcb to take naps because she couldnt get him to sleep and all I could think was, if he is over tried he is more likely to fight bedtime.
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Old 03-11-2016, 05:19 AM
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Originally Posted by 284878 View Post
I have been looking for a good flyer on sleep also. I just interview a dcm that did not want dcb to take naps because she couldnt get him to sleep and all I could think was, if he is over tried he is more likely to fight bedtime.
Not a flyer but a book....and worth reading.

It fundamentally changed my views on sleep, how to share this information with parents and how I manage nap/rest time here. (I have a SOLID 2.5-3 hr nap period where every single child....babies included.....sleep soundly every.single.day).

http://www.amazon.com/Sleepless-Amer.../dp/006073602X

The author has a blog as well... TONS of great info for parents and caregivers

http://www.parentchildhelp.com/
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  #11  
Old 03-11-2016, 05:24 AM
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Thanks for the links Blackcat! I have seen you post that book before, and I just ordered it. After I read it, I think I'll extol it to all the parents, and offer to let dcm borrow it. I also do a 2.5 hour nap, they just need it so badly!
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Old 03-11-2016, 07:49 AM
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Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice! View Post
Thanks for the links Blackcat! I have seen you post that book before, and I just ordered it. After I read it, I think I'll extol it to all the parents, and offer to let dcm borrow it. I also do a 2.5 hour nap, they just need it so badly!
I honestly feel this book should be formatted to some sort of pamphlet and included in ALL enrollment packs for parents.

It really did change how I view sleep.

It also does a great job of explaining why napping at daycare is NOT the reason Jr doesn't go to sleep at home at night.
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Old 03-11-2016, 07:57 AM
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I have a similar issue with a 3yo.

Monday she came in so exhausted she couldn't even keep her eyes open. Mom claimed she didn't fall asleep until after 12!

I put her down, and she slept from 8:30-10, I had to wake her to go outside, where she whined. She whined and groggily lazed around until after lunch, when she ASKED to go lay back down the minute she was done eating. She slept from 12ish-3. Tuesday Mom said she was asleep by Monday night by 10:30.

Tuesday she napped for 2.5 hours

Wednesday she napped for 2 hours

Thursday she napped for 1.5 hours

Mom is STILL reporting that sleep times are earlier each night, but INSISTS napping isn't helping. Sleep begets sleep lady- it's BLATANTLY obvious each week with this child.

I just suggested this book to them in the hopes it helps. They are the type of parent to take advice from a book over me, so fingers crossed!

It's crazy to me, because even Grandma (who is essentially their nanny) completely agrees with me and blames their lack of discipline and parenting.
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