Why is that as time goes on, the general (new age) consensus belief is that children should only be redirected when they do something wrong? Maybe I'm just old-school in my beliefs that redirection does not teach children that they are doing something wrong. I definitely understand that redirection works great with the young ones (I think 18 months or less), but a 2 1/2 year old should have some consequences for their actions (for example, I don't know how effective re-direction is when a 2 1/2 year old hits another child on purpose). Am I alone on this? I just feel like my hands are tied.......

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I'm with you on this. I could complain all day about the lack of consequences parents give their children.

I don't understand it and I don't agree.
I think you need To introduce your child to reality as soon as possible.
Do the crime do the time... Lol sounds harsh but I feel children will not live and Lerner without consequence

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I believe in age appropriate consequences but agree that many parents take redirection wayyyyy too far. It is just momentary distraction so they don't have to do the hard work of training and teaching a kid.

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Do you all think that re-direction is effective for an almost 3 year old who repeatedly takes toys away from other children (resulting in constant fighting and crying among the children)? I think re-direction would not teach this child that they are doing something wrong, yet because they have not met the magical number 3 yet, licensing requires me to only re-direct. If that were my child, they would know better than to take toys because I like to have consequences. The worst part is that licensing states that I must do the same for my child (only redirection up until 3).

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wow...... No I dont think that at that age it teaches them very much, but I think that at this age words are very important..... I don't time outs very often, I do try to teach the children with words....ie susie tells me johnny hit her...
I will tell susie how did that make you feel and have her tell johnny, I will ignore johnny and give all the love and attention to susie. The victims gets praise and attention while the criminal (lol) gets none. After some time passes and the criminal is upset that they are being ignored, They will be told that you hurt susie and hitting is NOT ok. Would you like it if someone hit you? There is NO hitting here. We use our hands for holding, not hitting.

However, in my DC you will be put in time out or lose a privillage if you hit someone. I don't tollerate any form of violence.

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Sorry to threadjack, but come on. Add that to the ever growing list of why I don't want to be licensed. I don't agree with the 3 year old rule, I think that's an arbitrary number and kids are able to learn right from wrong much earlier. However, I can see enforcing a rule with daycare kids, but no one tells me what I can and cannot do with my OWN child in my OWN house.

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I'm HUGE on consequences. That's life. We make decisions (good or bad) and there are consequences. I personally think children can learn that from a VERY young age.

Tiny little ones learn that if you stack the blocks too high ...they fall down. Consequences. Stick your fingers in Mommy's hot food (my own kids were good at this one)......it hurts. Consequences.

Older kids get consequences at my day care. Hit another child...you (for example) lose doing the art project later. Consequences. This stands even the child is angelic until then. A promise is a promise. I promised they'd lose art. I keep that promise.

Help another child with their shoes just because.....get a surprise sticker. Consequences.

I read an article a few months ago that said today's high schoolers and even college grads are not prepared for the work place. They have been pampered and had "self-esteem" be the most important things in their education. These kids are suddenly sent into a tail spin when the boss slams a project on their desk and says "not good enough...try harder" They are so used to being told what a good job they did even when they didn't....that they can't cope with real life. And it starts in childhood with "re-direction". Never having to take responsibility for their actions. Of course small babies need only redirection. But older kids need to learn by example and consequences. I may be "old school" but so be it. Most of my DCP's like that I demand manners and good behavior.

Nowadays BOTH young school teams get a trophy so nobody feels left out. It's so crazy. What happened to just "good try, but better luck next time"? Kids are being raised to think "I can't ever lose" and can do no wrong and the world owes them something and then get a very rude awakening when they join the workforce.

I know I have said this before in other posts....but I am truly worried what lies before us in our old age. We spend a lot of time on this forum venting about selfish, rude, arrogant DCP's. The next generation is only going to get worse and they are going to make the decisions for us when we are senior citizens. Scary, huh?

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What exactly IS redirection? Is it just distracting the child when they're doing something wrong?

So if Jason is taking toys from everyone, and I say, Hey Jason do you want to do this puzzle with me, and he stops taking taking toys because he's doing something else, is that redirecting? But doesn't that teach Jason, "When I misbehave, not only do I get to cause chaos, I get no consequences and I get a special activity tailored to me"?

Or is redirection, pulling Jason from the group and saying, "We don't take toys from our friends. Either ask to share or go get your own toys" and send him back to play?

I'm confused. I employ the latter all day long, but after about 3 times...you're going to be "redirected" to play alone for a while or go take a "rest"

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VERY scary. I just attended an Awards Celebration with my son. They handed out certificates for High Honor Roll, Honor Roll and Academic Achievment. To me it was the same as everyone getting a trophy at a sports event. It makes the Certificates EARNED by those that worked hard diminutive in value.

Much like the No Child Left Behind Act. A High School Diploma is no longer earned, it's a present after you put your time in. They are even fighting for the Students that didn't Graduate to march in the Graduation.

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IMO, redirection can mean more than just distraction. I am redirecting a child when after a warning for taking toys out of another child's hands the offender loses the priviledge of playing with that toy until after lunch. I am redirecting when I reward for good behavior with a sticker chart and reward system or a "fill up the jar" system. I am redirecting when I give the victim of the toy grab the words ("my hands", "I'm using this", "you can have a turn next") and the offender the repeated reinforcement that he will not earn that toy by grabbing it out of someone's hands.

I am redirecting if I have that child shadow me for a few hours or a week, depending on his/her needs. Time out is not the only way to provide a consequence for a child. IMO, redirecting a child casts a much wider net than turning a child around, patting them on the head and letting them go on their merry, toy grabbing way.

Sharing toys is an abstract concept to a 3 year old. Taking turns is more concrete. If a toy is in another's childs hands, a child will never earn the right to play with it by grabbing it. I will always return the toy to the other child. I have had some 3 year olds that adapt quickly and really never display this behavior. I've had some that don't get it until closer to 4 or 4 1/2. It just needs to be consistent and constant.

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There always are consequences, just they aren't always known right away. I believe some people live in a fantasy world where their kids never do wrong. When I was young I was usually the first to get in trouble. Not that I always did something to get in trouble but the idea seemed to be guilty first until proved not guilty. I was no angel nor was I treated as one.
It is sad when children have no fear of their elders.

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2 points i'd like to agree with!

I know with experience, my kids are perfect angels at Granny's (my moms) house. BUT and it's a big but! there is nothing they can get into trouble with there. there is no opportunity to make a big mess, and even if they do, my mom LOVES cleaning. Nothing is off limits because there is no need for it. Yes she says no when they need to hear it. It's not that she lets them get away with everything, it truly is a matter of there is nothing for them to get in trouble with.

second point about kids having no fear of elders.... i agree but sort of disagree with this statement. it's not so much about no fear, it's about no respect. kids are watching their parents have no respect, and therefore, they have no respect. parents are not teaching their kids to respect. when i was young, you NEVER said words like stupid, shut up etc especially in front of an adult. Of course every kid says bad words when they think adults aren't listening. But now, kids are swearing, smoking, smoking pot, walking around at all hours of the night. I see a 6 yo neighbor riding his bike on the road coming home from a friends house at 1030 pm. His big brother, 15 yo, constantly has the cops knocking on the door. He's always up to trouble. Clearly those parents haven't learned from their mistakes. but that same 15 yo sits in his upstairs bedroom window, shouting obscene names at us and other people he can see out the window. OH! and the parents were throwing a social to help fundraise for a friend (a 17 yo) who died on an overdose, do help pay for his tomb stone. they asked if we wanted to attend. I flat out said no thanks. If the circumstances of death were different, yes, i'd be happy to help fundraise for a tombstone. But when these kids are clearly up to no good, out partying all night, and doing drugs then no thank you.

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I agree, in about 15 years the juvenile halls will be filled with kids that were raised on "redirecting"
when we put our kids on time out, which was the thing at the time, my Grandma would say, he needs his bottom spanked!
she didn't believe for every little thing, just running in the street, biting, older kids hurting others, complete and total disrespect of adults ...etc.
but some people take it too far and abuse, so either way the kids pay for it.
don't flame my dear Grandma! lol

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love grandmas and their old school ways...

I think the sad part is that rules have changed so much that kids feel as though they are superior to their parents and free of any form of punishment.

I was at my best friends house a few years back and her daughter (14yrs) was talking back. Using words that if I ever said to my mom I wouldn't have been able to sit for a week.... Her mom said she would spank her...lol Her daughters response was if you touch me I will call the cops...........OMG really..... So my BF tells her, here I will dial it for you, there is no law that says I can't spank you regardless of age..... Guess what, she called........Of course, it took the police almost 3 hours to get out to her house and they were a little peeved that they were called out for something like this.

I was really taken back by the level of disrespect that my BF daughter gave to her and was even more shocked to the level it went......

But it just goes to show, that kids are going too long without punishment for their actions and by the time they are this girls age they think they are above thier parents due to all the changes in the laws...........

Also, I am not a huge fan of spanking, but if I feel that the crime fits, I would........ of course only my own child

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i grew up with spankings being normal discipline. truthfully, we never did it again, whatever it was. sure we'd do other things, but we quickly learned that we needed to think twice before doing something. WAS it worth dad finding out? Would he find out? Dad ALWAYS found out. And the anxiety we experienced waiting for dad to finally say that he knew was HELL.

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lmao that is soooo true..................... my father hardly spanked me, but boy did I fear him..... which made me think twice about doing any thing wrong...

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Grandparents would tell us to go get them a switch

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I agree with you 100%!! I think redirection works on toddlers. I think around 2 they should start having consequences for what they do. I don't know how they are going to be expected to function as adults if they are always redirected from bad behavior. Our licensing rules are redirection under 3 and over you can use time out but it's not recommended. I still do things my way. I never have used time out much but there is a consequence for the choices you make. If you throw sand, you get out of the sandbox for the morning or afternoon. If you use a toy for a weapon, you are done with it for the day. If you hit someone you are done playing with them and get a small rug with toys I have selected and stay there for rest of the morning or afternoon. I do give them a second chance if it happens in the morning they get a second chance in the afternoon. They learn real quick that I mean what I say.

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that is another key point you brought up morgan...

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY

ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH

i've seen it a million times, where parents (including me at one point) would threaten their child with something "you're not going to have icecream until your plate is empty", then the child takes 2 more bites says i'm full and they get icecream.
or "you're not going to have a birthday party if you don't clean your room" child tidies up room, makes a new mess, and still has a party.

never threaten with something you will not follow through with.

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I have to agree with everyone. Don't you know its the "me" generation.

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...stomps in with soapbox...looks around....remembers this topic get me riled up......shakes head and leaves.

I am going to have a good morning...I am going to have a good morning...

Good Morning everyone!!!

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OH I couldn't agree more its the way new parents are now a days I guess I'm getting old. I love do you want to share when did sharing become a choice.

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Yeah, I passed by the soapbox this morning too.....LOL!! Ask me again at the end of the week and I may have something to add but for now, the sun is shining, the kiddos are all on time, they all seem happy and it is a good day to be alive!

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This folks, is why Most, not all of the kiddos will mind us better than their parents!

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