Daycare.com Forum Daycare Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-13-2011, 02:38 PM
spud912's Avatar
spud912 spud912 is offline
Trix are for kids
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,314
Default No Consequences These Days.....

Why is that as time goes on, the general (new age) consensus belief is that children should only be redirected when they do something wrong? Maybe I'm just old-school in my beliefs that redirection does not teach children that they are doing something wrong. I definitely understand that redirection works great with the young ones (I think 18 months or less), but a 2 1/2 year old should have some consequences for their actions (for example, I don't know how effective re-direction is when a 2 1/2 year old hits another child on purpose). Am I alone on this? I just feel like my hands are tied.......
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-13-2011, 02:48 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by spud912 View Post
Why is that as time goes on, the general (new age) consensus belief is that children should only be redirected when they do something wrong? Maybe I'm just old-school in my beliefs that redirection does not teach children that they are doing something wrong. I definitely understand that redirection works great with the young ones (I think 18 months or less), but a 2 1/2 year old should have some consequences for their actions (for example, I don't know how effective re-direction is when a 2 1/2 year old hits another child on purpose). Am I alone on this? I just feel like my hands are tied.......
I'm with you on this. I could complain all day about the lack of consequences parents give their children.

I don't understand it and I don't agree.
I think you need To introduce your child to reality as soon as possible.
Do the crime do the time... Lol sounds harsh but I feel children will not live and Lerner without consequence
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-13-2011, 03:09 PM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,414
Default

I believe in age appropriate consequences but agree that many parents take redirection wayyyyy too far. It is just momentary distraction so they don't have to do the hard work of training and teaching a kid.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-13-2011, 03:23 PM
spud912's Avatar
spud912 spud912 is offline
Trix are for kids
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,314
Default

Do you all think that re-direction is effective for an almost 3 year old who repeatedly takes toys away from other children (resulting in constant fighting and crying among the children)? I think re-direction would not teach this child that they are doing something wrong, yet because they have not met the magical number 3 yet, licensing requires me to only re-direct. If that were my child, they would know better than to take toys because I like to have consequences. The worst part is that licensing states that I must do the same for my child (only redirection up until 3).
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-13-2011, 03:52 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

wow...... No I dont think that at that age it teaches them very much, but I think that at this age words are very important..... I don't time outs very often, I do try to teach the children with words....ie susie tells me johnny hit her...
I will tell susie how did that make you feel and have her tell johnny, I will ignore johnny and give all the love and attention to susie. The victims gets praise and attention while the criminal (lol) gets none. After some time passes and the criminal is upset that they are being ignored, They will be told that you hurt susie and hitting is NOT ok. Would you like it if someone hit you? There is NO hitting here. We use our hands for holding, not hitting.

However, in my DC you will be put in time out or lose a privillage if you hit someone. I don't tollerate any form of violence.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-13-2011, 03:59 PM
AfterSchoolMom's Avatar
AfterSchoolMom AfterSchoolMom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,938
Default

Quote:
licensing states that I must do the same for my child (only redirection up until 3).
Sorry to threadjack, but come on. Add that to the ever growing list of why I don't want to be licensed. I don't agree with the 3 year old rule, I think that's an arbitrary number and kids are able to learn right from wrong much earlier. However, I can see enforcing a rule with daycare kids, but no one tells me what I can and cannot do with my OWN child in my OWN house.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-13-2011, 04:01 PM
Meeko's Avatar
Meeko Meeko is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 4,275
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by spud912 View Post
Do you all think that re-direction is effective for an almost 3 year old who repeatedly takes toys away from other children (resulting in constant fighting and crying among the children)? I think re-direction would not teach this child that they are doing something wrong, yet because they have not met the magical number 3 yet, licensing requires me to only re-direct. If that were my child, they would know better than to take toys because I like to have consequences. The worst part is that licensing states that I must do the same for my child (only redirection up until 3).
I'm HUGE on consequences. That's life. We make decisions (good or bad) and there are consequences. I personally think children can learn that from a VERY young age.

Tiny little ones learn that if you stack the blocks too high ...they fall down. Consequences. Stick your fingers in Mommy's hot food (my own kids were good at this one)......it hurts. Consequences.

Older kids get consequences at my day care. Hit another child...you (for example) lose doing the art project later. Consequences. This stands even the child is angelic until then. A promise is a promise. I promised they'd lose art. I keep that promise.

Help another child with their shoes just because.....get a surprise sticker. Consequences.

I read an article a few months ago that said today's high schoolers and even college grads are not prepared for the work place. They have been pampered and had "self-esteem" be the most important things in their education. These kids are suddenly sent into a tail spin when the boss slams a project on their desk and says "not good enough...try harder" They are so used to being told what a good job they did even when they didn't....that they can't cope with real life. And it starts in childhood with "re-direction". Never having to take responsibility for their actions. Of course small babies need only redirection. But older kids need to learn by example and consequences. I may be "old school" but so be it. Most of my DCP's like that I demand manners and good behavior.

Nowadays BOTH young school teams get a trophy so nobody feels left out. It's so crazy. What happened to just "good try, but better luck next time"? Kids are being raised to think "I can't ever lose" and can do no wrong and the world owes them something and then get a very rude awakening when they join the workforce.

I know I have said this before in other posts....but I am truly worried what lies before us in our old age. We spend a lot of time on this forum venting about selfish, rude, arrogant DCP's. The next generation is only going to get worse and they are going to make the decisions for us when we are senior citizens. Scary, huh?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-13-2011, 07:45 PM
Hunni Bee's Avatar
Hunni Bee Hunni Bee is offline
False Sense Of Authority
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the Rainbow...
Posts: 2,320
Default

What exactly IS redirection? Is it just distracting the child when they're doing something wrong?

So if Jason is taking toys from everyone, and I say, Hey Jason do you want to do this puzzle with me, and he stops taking taking toys because he's doing something else, is that redirecting? But doesn't that teach Jason, "When I misbehave, not only do I get to cause chaos, I get no consequences and I get a special activity tailored to me"?

Or is redirection, pulling Jason from the group and saying, "We don't take toys from our friends. Either ask to share or go get your own toys" and send him back to play?

I'm confused. I employ the latter all day long, but after about 3 times...you're going to be "redirected" to play alone for a while or go take a "rest"
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-14-2011, 05:54 AM
dEHmom's Avatar
dEHmom dEHmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canada EH
Posts: 2,354
Default

redirecting is putting their attention elsewhere.

i agree with all the pps because that's what i was thinking too!

i usually get babies start around the 11mth -14 mth stage. by 14 mths they know what they are and are not allowed to do. They still test, but they are babies, and I allow for this. But with close supervision, they realize they won't get very far when doing certain things.

I think redirection until 3 yo is b/s. my 3 y/o ds is a major BRAT right now. Part of it is being the baby in the family, part of it is he's the evil child, and part of it is dh and i aren't always on the same page and that drives me batty. He went to bed at 6pm last night because he flat our refused to eat his supper. he decided it was better on the floor. then he snuck outside while dh was in shower and i was cleaning up. he had major temper tantrums, will stop, pout, drop on the floor and start kicking. We have NEVER given into his tantrums or bad behavior. We ALWAYS follow through, ie if you don't eat your supper you're going to bed for the rest of the night and you won't come out until the morning..ds pushes some food on the floor....in his bed he went. That might seem harsh to some of you, but you have NO idea how much this bad behavior has escalated lately. He's terrible 3yo. I thought that ended when they turned 3. We have tried a lot of things, and nothing seems to fix this problem. I get that some people are more stubborn, but this is ridonkulous. And when he threw a fit in the store the last time, I left my cart in the aisle and went home. kids in toe. I wish I could have spanked his butt, but i would be a bad mother for all those watching. The focus would have come off of wow what a bad kid, and it would've been wow what a bad mom. Let me tell you, my dad threatened with a belt, never hit with the belt but with the hand, and my sister and i are not damaged or scarred. Spankings were reserved for those moments they were deserved without a doubt.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-14-2011, 06:11 AM
morgan24's Avatar
morgan24 morgan24 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Just around the river bend
Posts: 694
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by spud912 View Post
Why is that as time goes on, the general (new age) consensus belief is that children should only be redirected when they do something wrong? Maybe I'm just old-school in my beliefs that redirection does not teach children that they are doing something wrong. I definitely understand that redirection works great with the young ones (I think 18 months or less), but a 2 1/2 year old should have some consequences for their actions (for example, I don't know how effective re-direction is when a 2 1/2 year old hits another child on purpose). Am I alone on this? I just feel like my hands are tied.......
I agree with you 100%!! I think redirection works on toddlers. I think around 2 they should start having consequences for what they do. I don't know how they are going to be expected to function as adults if they are always redirected from bad behavior. Our licensing rules are redirection under 3 and over you can use time out but it's not recommended. I still do things my way. I never have used time out much but there is a consequence for the choices you make. If you throw sand, you get out of the sandbox for the morning or afternoon. If you use a toy for a weapon, you are done with it for the day. If you hit someone you are done playing with them and get a small rug with toys I have selected and stay there for rest of the morning or afternoon. I do give them a second chance if it happens in the morning they get a second chance in the afternoon. They learn real quick that I mean what I say.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 06-14-2011, 06:21 AM
dEHmom's Avatar
dEHmom dEHmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canada EH
Posts: 2,354
Default

that is another key point you brought up morgan...

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY

ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH

i've seen it a million times, where parents (including me at one point) would threaten their child with something "you're not going to have icecream until your plate is empty", then the child takes 2 more bites says i'm full and they get icecream.
or "you're not going to have a birthday party if you don't clean your room" child tidies up room, makes a new mess, and still has a party.

never threaten with something you will not follow through with.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-14-2011, 06:32 AM
countrymom's Avatar
countrymom countrymom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 4,756
Default

I have to agree with everyone. Don't you know its the "me" generation.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-14-2011, 06:39 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,750
Default

...stomps in with soapbox...looks around....remembers this topic get me riled up......shakes head and leaves.

I am going to have a good morning...I am going to have a good morning...

Good Morning everyone!!!
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-14-2011, 06:44 AM
boysx5's Avatar
boysx5 boysx5 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 683
Default

OH I couldn't agree more its the way new parents are now a days I guess I'm getting old. I love do you want to share when did sharing become a choice.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-14-2011, 06:46 AM
SandeeAR's Avatar
SandeeAR SandeeAR is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 1,188
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dEHmom View Post
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY

ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH

never threaten with something you will not follow through with.



This folks, is why Most, not all of the kiddos will mind us better than their parents!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-14-2011, 06:50 AM
harperluu's Avatar
harperluu harperluu is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 173
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by spud912 View Post
Do you all think that re-direction is effective for an almost 3 year old who repeatedly takes toys away from other children (resulting in constant fighting and crying among the children)? I think re-direction would not teach this child that they are doing something wrong, yet because they have not met the magical number 3 yet, licensing requires me to only re-direct. If that were my child, they would know better than to take toys because I like to have consequences. The worst part is that licensing states that I must do the same for my child (only redirection up until 3).
IMO, redirection can mean more than just distraction. I am redirecting a child when after a warning for taking toys out of another child's hands the offender loses the priviledge of playing with that toy until after lunch. I am redirecting when I reward for good behavior with a sticker chart and reward system or a "fill up the jar" system. I am redirecting when I give the victim of the toy grab the words ("my hands", "I'm using this", "you can have a turn next") and the offender the repeated reinforcement that he will not earn that toy by grabbing it out of someone's hands.

I am redirecting if I have that child shadow me for a few hours or a week, depending on his/her needs. Time out is not the only way to provide a consequence for a child. IMO, redirecting a child casts a much wider net than turning a child around, patting them on the head and letting them go on their merry, toy grabbing way.

Sharing toys is an abstract concept to a 3 year old. Taking turns is more concrete. If a toy is in another's childs hands, a child will never earn the right to play with it by grabbing it. I will always return the toy to the other child. I have had some 3 year olds that adapt quickly and really never display this behavior. I've had some that don't get it until closer to 4 or 4 1/2. It just needs to be consistent and constant.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-14-2011, 06:51 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
...stomps in with soapbox...looks around....remembers this topic get me riled up......shakes head and leaves.

I am going to have a good morning...I am going to have a good morning...

Good Morning everyone!!!
Yeah, I passed by the soapbox this morning too.....LOL!! Ask me again at the end of the week and I may have something to add but for now, the sun is shining, the kiddos are all on time, they all seem happy and it is a good day to be alive!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-14-2011, 07:23 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,750
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Yeah, I passed by the soapbox this morning too.....LOL!! Ask me again at the end of the week and I may have something to add but for now, the sun is shining, the kiddos are all on time, they all seem happy and it is a good day to be alive!
It IS a beautiful morning, isn't it? We are heading back outside as soon as the neighbor turns off his scary concrete mixer...

One lucky horse is gettin a new barn today...
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-14-2011, 10:53 AM
Mike Lassiter Mike Lassiter is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Lexington, TN
Posts: 94
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
I'm with you on this. I could complain all day about the lack of consequences parents give their children.

I don't understand it and I don't agree.
I think you need To introduce your child to reality as soon as possible.
Do the crime do the time... Lol sounds harsh but I feel children will not live and Lerner without consequence
There always are consequences, just they aren't always known right away. I believe some people live in a fantasy world where their kids never do wrong. When I was young I was usually the first to get in trouble. Not that I always did something to get in trouble but the idea seemed to be guilty first until proved not guilty. I was no angel nor was I treated as one.
It is sad when children have no fear of their elders.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:03 AM
dEHmom's Avatar
dEHmom dEHmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canada EH
Posts: 2,354
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Lassiter View Post
I believe some people live in a fantasy world where their kids never do wrong.

It is sad when children have no fear of their elders.
2 points i'd like to agree with!

I know with experience, my kids are perfect angels at Granny's (my moms) house. BUT and it's a big but! there is nothing they can get into trouble with there. there is no opportunity to make a big mess, and even if they do, my mom LOVES cleaning. Nothing is off limits because there is no need for it. Yes she says no when they need to hear it. It's not that she lets them get away with everything, it truly is a matter of there is nothing for them to get in trouble with.

second point about kids having no fear of elders.... i agree but sort of disagree with this statement. it's not so much about no fear, it's about no respect. kids are watching their parents have no respect, and therefore, they have no respect. parents are not teaching their kids to respect. when i was young, you NEVER said words like stupid, shut up etc especially in front of an adult. Of course every kid says bad words when they think adults aren't listening. But now, kids are swearing, smoking, smoking pot, walking around at all hours of the night. I see a 6 yo neighbor riding his bike on the road coming home from a friends house at 1030 pm. His big brother, 15 yo, constantly has the cops knocking on the door. He's always up to trouble. Clearly those parents haven't learned from their mistakes. but that same 15 yo sits in his upstairs bedroom window, shouting obscene names at us and other people he can see out the window. OH! and the parents were throwing a social to help fundraise for a friend (a 17 yo) who died on an overdose, do help pay for his tomb stone. they asked if we wanted to attend. I flat out said no thanks. If the circumstances of death were different, yes, i'd be happy to help fundraise for a tombstone. But when these kids are clearly up to no good, out partying all night, and doing drugs then no thank you.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:09 AM
Michelle's Avatar
Michelle Michelle is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,683
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Lassiter View Post
There always are consequences, just they aren't always known right away. I believe some people live in a fantasy world where their kids never do wrong. When I was young I was usually the first to get in trouble. Not that I always did something to get in trouble but the idea seemed to be guilty first until proved not guilty. I was no angel nor was I treated as one.
It is sad when children have no fear of their elders.
I agree, in about 15 years the juvenile halls will be filled with kids that were raised on "redirecting"
when we put our kids on time out, which was the thing at the time, my Grandma would say, he needs his bottom spanked!
she didn't believe for every little thing, just running in the street, biting, older kids hurting others, complete and total disrespect of adults ...etc.
but some people take it too far and abuse, so either way the kids pay for it.
don't flame my dear Grandma! lol
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:16 AM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle View Post
I agree, in about 15 years the juvenile halls will be filled with kids that were raised on "redirecting"
when we put our kids on time out, which was the thing at the time, my Grandma would say, he needs his bottom spanked!
she didn't believe for every little thing, just running in the street, biting, older kids hurting others, complete and total disrespect of adults ...etc.
but some people take it too far and abuse, so either way the kids pay for it.
don't flame my dear Grandma! lol
love grandmas and their old school ways...

I think the sad part is that rules have changed so much that kids feel as though they are superior to their parents and free of any form of punishment.

I was at my best friends house a few years back and her daughter (14yrs) was talking back. Using words that if I ever said to my mom I wouldn't have been able to sit for a week.... Her mom said she would spank her...lol Her daughters response was if you touch me I will call the cops...........OMG really..... So my BF tells her, here I will dial it for you, there is no law that says I can't spank you regardless of age..... Guess what, she called........Of course, it took the police almost 3 hours to get out to her house and they were a little peeved that they were called out for something like this.

I was really taken back by the level of disrespect that my BF daughter gave to her and was even more shocked to the level it went......

But it just goes to show, that kids are going too long without punishment for their actions and by the time they are this girls age they think they are above thier parents due to all the changes in the laws...........

Also, I am not a huge fan of spanking, but if I feel that the crime fits, I would........ of course only my own child
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:18 AM
dEHmom's Avatar
dEHmom dEHmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canada EH
Posts: 2,354
Default

i grew up with spankings being normal discipline. truthfully, we never did it again, whatever it was. sure we'd do other things, but we quickly learned that we needed to think twice before doing something. WAS it worth dad finding out? Would he find out? Dad ALWAYS found out. And the anxiety we experienced waiting for dad to finally say that he knew was HELL.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:20 AM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dEHmom View Post
i grew up with spankings being normal discipline. truthfully, we never did it again, whatever it was. sure we'd do other things, but we quickly learned that we needed to think twice before doing something. WAS it worth dad finding out? Would he find out? Dad ALWAYS found out. And the anxiety we experienced waiting for dad to finally say that he knew was HELL.
lmao that is soooo true..................... my father hardly spanked me, but boy did I fear him..... which made me think twice about doing any thing wrong...
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:27 AM
dEHmom's Avatar
dEHmom dEHmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canada EH
Posts: 2,354
Default

let me just clarify, i was never abused, or beaten as a child. i had a few spankings, but not much more than that in my entire childhood. it was the fear of getting another one that kept me from doing bad things, or at least getting caught doing bad things.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:28 AM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

based on todays rules.................my parents would have been locked up..........lmao but I think that's most parents.....btw Im close to 40, so during this time there was NO room for disrespect....ZERO tollearance.......
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 06-14-2011, 12:24 PM
Michelle's Avatar
Michelle Michelle is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,683
Default

what's sad is kids KNOW you can't spank them and they get away with whatever they want, although taking toys and privileges away does work with some kids.

I read " Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson and he had some great suggestions. he also wrote "The Strong Willed Child"
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 06-14-2011, 12:35 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle View Post
what's sad is kids KNOW you can't spank them and they get away with whatever they want, although taking toys and privileges away does work with some kids.

I read " Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson and he had some great suggestions. he also wrote "The Strong Willed Child"
btw you CAN spank a child, you just cant spank them and leave marks....That is child abuse.

One of my husbands best friends is a crazy cop....he always tells my son hey you might be bigger than your mama, but she can still spank you...lol my son is 15..
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 06-14-2011, 12:42 PM
dEHmom's Avatar
dEHmom dEHmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canada EH
Posts: 2,354
Default

i think a major difference between the old days and now is that it used to be...

what happened at home, stayed at home

a husband could beat his wife and children senseless and no one said a word.

i'm not saying that is right. if a kid comes into your daycare and says daddy hits me, OF COURSE we have to make sure the kid is not being abused. kwim? but parents are becoming either lazy or too scared to discipline because if the kid goes to someone and says something, it always comes off as abuse.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 06-14-2011, 02:15 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dEHmom View Post
i think a major difference between the old days and now is that it used to be...

what happened at home, stayed at home

a husband could beat his wife and children senseless and no one said a word.

i'm not saying that is right. if a kid comes into your daycare and says daddy hits me, OF COURSE we have to make sure the kid is not being abused. kwim? but parents are becoming either lazy or too scared to discipline because if the kid goes to someone and says something, it always comes off as abuse.
sad but true...

I did not grow up in this country and what my parents could do was and still is endless. No one cares what your parents choose to do at home where I grew up. But my parents did not abuse me, but i was given harsh punishment if I crossed the line.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 06-14-2011, 07:13 PM
Mike Lassiter Mike Lassiter is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Lexington, TN
Posts: 94
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle View Post
I agree, in about 15 years the juvenile halls will be filled with kids that were raised on "redirecting"
when we put our kids on time out, which was the thing at the time, my Grandma would say, he needs his bottom spanked!
she didn't believe for every little thing, just running in the street, biting, older kids hurting others, complete and total disrespect of adults ...etc.
but some people take it too far and abuse, so either way the kids pay for it.
don't flame my dear Grandma! lol
Grandparents would tell us to go get them a switch
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 06-14-2011, 07:34 PM
Mike Lassiter Mike Lassiter is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Lexington, TN
Posts: 94
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dEHmom View Post
let me just clarify, i was never abused, or beaten as a child. i had a few spankings, but not much more than that in my entire childhood. it was the fear of getting another one that kept me from doing bad things, or at least getting caught doing bad things.
Well I was. Will not get into all the details here, but my childhood was very much less than most of you had. The point I wanted to make previously when typing on cell phone was fear is a excellent motivator. You don't have to beat a kid, or even whip them every time they mess up. You just have to do it enough that they KNOW you might. That is the deterrent most of the time. There are times that call for talking, times that call for more. Much depends on the child and how they act to being taught what is required. Some will listen and obey, some need their butts whipped to get the message. Those that think it is wrong to spank - whip etc. are the ones that will tell others in public how they should raise their kids. My oldest daughter was at Wal Mart with 5 kids and they all had been rambunctious and getting into one thing after another. She said she lost it and somebody started to telling her how she should be raising them. She told the woman to mind her own damn business - she saw a 10 second window of what had been happening and immediately started telling mom she how to be mom. I wonder how many of the people that think they are experts and love to tell others (or report others) will deal with their moments when they happen.

I was and still am the daddy. I never have tolerated disrespect and do not now with one child approaching 30 and another in mid 20's. You will NOT talk to me disrespectful. You will not act so either. Youngest daughter and I don't see much of each other because she is grown and nobody can tell her what to do. I have on many occasions told her she needed to get her act together and she don't like it. I tell her I will ALWAYS be your dad and I will aways tell you what I think you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not. It has never been my job as dad to sugar coat the truth or mislead my kids. They know I love them, and them know if they mess up they will hear about it. I don't mean it like rubbing their noses in it, but trying to show them they need to make better decisions to get better outcomes. They may not like what I say, but they know I want them to do their best.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 06-14-2011, 08:19 PM
Michelle's Avatar
Michelle Michelle is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,683
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Lassiter View Post
Well I was. Will not get into all the details here, but my childhood was very much less than most of you had. The point I wanted to make previously when typing on cell phone was fear is a excellent motivator. You don't have to beat a kid, or even whip them every time they mess up. You just have to do it enough that they KNOW you might. That is the deterrent most of the time. There are times that call for talking, times that call for more. Much depends on the child and how they act to being taught what is required. Some will listen and obey, some need their butts whipped to get the message. Those that think it is wrong to spank - whip etc. are the ones that will tell others in public how they should raise their kids. My oldest daughter was at Wal Mart with 5 kids and they all had been rambunctious and getting into one thing after another. She said she lost it and somebody started to telling her how she should be raising them. She told the woman to mind her own damn business - she saw a 10 second window of what had been happening and immediately started telling mom she how to be mom. I wonder how many of the people that think they are experts and love to tell others (or report others) will deal with their moments when they happen.

I was and still am the daddy. I never have tolerated disrespect and do not now with one child approaching 30 and another in mid 20's. You will NOT talk to me disrespectful. You will not act so either. Youngest daughter and I don't see much of each other because she is grown and nobody can tell her what to do. I have on many occasions told her she needed to get her act together and she don't like it. I tell her I will ALWAYS be your dad and I will aways tell you what I think you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not. It has never been my job as dad to sugar coat the truth or mislead my kids. They know I love them, and them know if they mess up they will hear about it. I don't mean it like rubbing their noses in it, but trying to show them they need to make better decisions to get better outcomes. They may not like what I say, but they know I want them to do their best.
This exactly!!!!

They even KNOW what I'm gunna do and say because they KNOW they are doing wrong! they can even imitate me very well, definitely Oscar worthy
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 06-14-2011, 10:12 PM
Mike Lassiter Mike Lassiter is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Lexington, TN
Posts: 94
Default

Still get told stories by grownups. They will always be my kids no matter how old we grow. It is sort of funny for grownups to tell fibs and know that I know they are. I have told my kids their whole lives "I hate a liar". Still they do it when it serves their interest to do so.

Why lie? Because you know whatever you did was wrong and don't want to have to admit doing it. At least this means they know right from wrong because if they didn't (or didn't care) they wouldn't even bother to lie about it.

As I stated in another post. When my oldest daughter became a parent, she sudden had a change of ideas as to what was ok and not ok for kids to do. I ask her if it would be ok for her kids to do the things she did and she said "hell no!" It was a phone discussion that really made me proud because FINALLY she got it. I told her she didn't see anything wrong with the things she done when she did them. Why was it ok for her to do them, but not her kids? Answer - "because now I am a parent and I don't want my kids to do anything that might hurt them." I told her NOW she understood why I faught and argued with her so much - because I loved her and didn't want anything to happen to her either. I told her if we hadn't have cared about her we certainly wouldn't have gone to all the trouble we did trying to make her turn out right. It is easier to just let them do what they will, versues trying to make them grow up right.

In the end the kids either win because we stuck to our values or lose because we didn't.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 06-15-2011, 05:37 AM
Kaddidle Care's Avatar
Kaddidle Care Kaddidle Care is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,085
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meeko60 View Post
Nowadays BOTH young school teams get a trophy so nobody feels left out. It's so crazy. What happened to just "good try, but better luck next time"? Kids are being raised to think "I can't ever lose" and can do no wrong and the world owes them something and then get a very rude awakening when they join the workforce.

I know I have said this before in other posts....but I am truly worried what lies before us in our old age. We spend a lot of time on this forum venting about selfish, rude, arrogant DCP's. The next generation is only going to get worse and they are going to make the decisions for us when we are senior citizens. Scary, huh?
VERY scary. I just attended an Awards Celebration with my son. They handed out certificates for High Honor Roll, Honor Roll and Academic Achievment. To me it was the same as everyone getting a trophy at a sports event. It makes the Certificates EARNED by those that worked hard diminutive in value.

Much like the No Child Left Behind Act. A High School Diploma is no longer earned, it's a present after you put your time in. They are even fighting for the Students that didn't Graduate to march in the Graduation.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 06-15-2011, 05:54 AM
meganlavonnesmommy's Avatar
meganlavonnesmommy meganlavonnesmommy is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 344
Default

I got "written up" on an inspection once for threatening to put my own child in time out instead of re-directing him.
I do home care for the military, and we have very strict guidelines we have to follow. Some of which are that our own children must be treated and follow the same rules as the DCK. Another is that we are not allowed to use time out, only re-direction.
I disagree with this 100%. During an inspection my own 4 year old son would NOT stop jumping on the couch. He was driving me crazy, I kept asking him to stop, but he knew my attention was diverted because of talking to the inspector and answering her questions. Finally I snapped and told my son "If you dont stop, I'm going to make you stand in the corner". So I got written up. I asked the inspector what I should have done. In my opinion it was a safety issue, he was going to fall and we have hard tile floors. She said I should have re-directed his attention somewhere else, or "given him more attention". She said he was doing it to get my attention, so I should have given him more attention by having him sit close to me and reading a book or building with blocks.
Seriously? So if a kid acts up I am supposed to REWARD them by giving them more attention? Isnt that why they acted up in the first place?
And we wonder what is wrong with kids these days!? It's quacks like this that are ruining our children!
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 06-15-2011, 07:00 AM
Meeko's Avatar
Meeko Meeko is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 4,275
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by meganlavonnesmommy View Post
I got "written up" on an inspection once for threatening to put my own child in time out instead of re-directing him.
I do home care for the military, and we have very strict guidelines we have to follow. Some of which are that our own children must be treated and follow the same rules as the DCK. Another is that we are not allowed to use time out, only re-direction.
I disagree with this 100%. During an inspection my own 4 year old son would NOT stop jumping on the couch. He was driving me crazy, I kept asking him to stop, but he knew my attention was diverted because of talking to the inspector and answering her questions. Finally I snapped and told my son "If you dont stop, I'm going to make you stand in the corner". So I got written up. I asked the inspector what I should have done. In my opinion it was a safety issue, he was going to fall and we have hard tile floors. She said I should have re-directed his attention somewhere else, or "given him more attention". She said he was doing it to get my attention, so I should have given him more attention by having him sit close to me and reading a book or building with blocks.
Seriously? So if a kid acts up I am supposed to REWARD them by giving them more attention? Isnt that why they acted up in the first place?
And we wonder what is wrong with kids these days!? It's quacks like this that are ruining our children!
I did day care in the military for many years. If I was still doing it on base...I think licensing and I would be having words! What a crock to tell you how to deal with your own son!
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 06-15-2011, 11:43 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Consequences

I grew up in a family where if I crossed the line, there were most definitely consequences. I know all too well how much it stinks to have to go out and find a switch for my mom to whoop my butt. I can count on one hand the number of times that my dad has spanked me and each and every time I learned the lesson that I was meant to learn. My dad never spanked me for the same thing twice. I was actually really well behaved for him! I knew that he meant what he said and he would always follow through. Things were different with my mom. We had a different relationship dynamic and I was always pressing my luck with her. She was a yeller (which I was always able to ignore) and she had a tendency to let me off the hook if I whined about it enough. It was that inconsistency that made me think that there was always a chance that I could get away with whatever I was doing. It was always a crap shoot and sometimes I gambled and lost. When I did, the punishment was always really rough, whether it was a pretty intense spanking with whatever she could get to first or a ridiculously long grounding. I didn't respond to my mom's attempts at discipline because there were no clear and concise consequences for my actions. My dad never, ever bluffed and as a result, I knew that there would definitely be consequences for my actions.

I have the same mentality with my daughter and with my daycare kids. I'm consistent. I don't give repeated warnings and chance after chance because I know that I'm only making the problem bigger if I do that. I'm firm but fair. I don't respond to tears and pleading. I'm not mean or heartless, I just know when a kid is using the drama to get out of trouble. I recognize it because I did it to my mom when I was a little kid.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 06-15-2011, 04:48 PM
Michelle's Avatar
Michelle Michelle is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,683
Default

I had a parent that wanted to "observe" her kids in care and I had to constantly remind her not to yell at her own kids in my house, she even came close to cussing at them and hitting them, of course they acted up really bad cuz she was here but I could only imagine what she was like at home if she was "trying" to be good here.

Her kids always responded so well to my gentle loving voice, positive reinforcement and encouragement.
I thought she would see that and try it too but she was too set in her ways.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 06-15-2011, 04:49 PM
Michelle's Avatar
Michelle Michelle is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,683
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by meganlavonnesmommy View Post
I got "written up" on an inspection once for threatening to put my own child in time out instead of re-directing him.
I do home care for the military, and we have very strict guidelines we have to follow. Some of which are that our own children must be treated and follow the same rules as the DCK. Another is that we are not allowed to use time out, only re-direction.
I disagree with this 100%. During an inspection my own 4 year old son would NOT stop jumping on the couch. He was driving me crazy, I kept asking him to stop, but he knew my attention was diverted because of talking to the inspector and answering her questions. Finally I snapped and told my son "If you dont stop, I'm going to make you stand in the corner". So I got written up. I asked the inspector what I should have done. In my opinion it was a safety issue, he was going to fall and we have hard tile floors. She said I should have re-directed his attention somewhere else, or "given him more attention". She said he was doing it to get my attention, so I should have given him more attention by having him sit close to me and reading a book or building with blocks.
Seriously? So if a kid acts up I am supposed to REWARD them by giving them more attention? Isnt that why they acted up in the first place?
And we wonder what is wrong with kids these days!? It's quacks like this that are ruining our children!
um, do they practice "redirecting" to their young military recruits in basic training?
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 06-15-2011, 05:30 PM
Mike Lassiter Mike Lassiter is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Lexington, TN
Posts: 94
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I grew up in a family where if I crossed the line, there were most definitely consequences. I know all too well how much it stinks to have to go out and find a switch for my mom to whoop my butt. I can count on one hand the number of times that my dad has spanked me and each and every time I learned the lesson that I was meant to learn. My dad never spanked me for the same thing twice. I was actually really well behaved for him! I knew that he meant what he said and he would always follow through. Things were different with my mom. We had a different relationship dynamic and I was always pressing my luck with her. She was a yeller (which I was always able to ignore) and she had a tendency to let me off the hook if I whined about it enough. It was that inconsistency that made me think that there was always a chance that I could get away with whatever I was doing. It was always a crap shoot and sometimes I gambled and lost. When I did, the punishment was always really rough, whether it was a pretty intense spanking with whatever she could get to first or a ridiculously long grounding. I didn't respond to my mom's attempts at discipline because there were no clear and concise consequences for my actions. My dad never, ever bluffed and as a result, I knew that there would definitely be consequences for my actions.

I have the same mentality with my daughter and with my daycare kids. I'm consistent. I don't give repeated warnings and chance after chance because I know that I'm only making the problem bigger if I do that. I'm firm but fair. I don't respond to tears and pleading. I'm not mean or heartless, I just know when a kid is using the drama to get out of trouble. I recognize it because I did it to my mom when I was a little kid.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT EXACTLY!
I never bluffed either. Now some with grandkids. I tell them once and if they don't listen or mind I "help" them to. I don't generally have to help much because they know:
Grandpa don't play.
Now, I don't have to yell and threaten repeatedly like their mom. We have a good clear understand of who is who and it is sort of fuuny when they have been told over and over to do or to stop and ignored that. When grandpa speaks he gets their attention and results the first time.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
consequences, discipline - consistency, redirection

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Charging on Holidays Interested Parents and Guardians Forum 343 12-26-2019 07:28 AM
Free Days after Termination Notice... Abigail Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 16 02-13-2011 11:37 AM
Contract Details on Paid/Unpaid Days...Your Thoughts? Abigail Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 4 01-24-2011 10:18 PM
Daycare Parents Handbook DancingQueen Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 24 12-04-2010 01:35 AM
Payment When Provider Is Out Sick Unregistered Parents and Guardians Forum 18 02-16-2009 02:07 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:51 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming