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  #1  
Old 02-08-2012, 10:10 AM
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Default What Are Your Thoughts?

Over the last couple of years I have really noticed a decline in the behavior of the kids in my care. For a lack of a better term...the kids seem to be less "controlable". Years ago redirecting, losing something and time outs worked. But now I feel like im kidding myself trying any of these anymore.



Am I wrong in thinking that this is because children get hit more at home? And then when they come to daycare and act up a verbal warning just means to the kids "ok I can push further ......cause she wont hit me"

I know not every parent spanks their child. Thats not what Im saying

I am just honestly trying to figure out what is going on. I feel like I am a joke to these kids. It kills me cause I love my job and every single one of these kids but lately I can't win. I am consistant, talk firm but loving and structured.... so what gives?
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:13 AM
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I think it is more of parents giving in to keep the peace and quiet than actually hitting. Consistency is the key.
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by seebachers View Post
I think it is more of parents giving in to keep the peace and quiet than actually hitting. Consistency is the key.
I do think that is a HUGE part of it to and now that you say it I wonder if that is it more than spanking.

But I can't understand how they spend so much time here and can come in and act like the rules never existed. I swear to you we have consistency...... But if you were to walk in you would never know it

I honestly feel sooo sad about this
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:24 AM
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I think its the opposite. I think its a LACK of discipline from parents. I think parents these days let their kids get away with more, and discipline less. Sometimes its cause they are just too tired, and busy.
But consistancy and follow through are definately missing. Kids grow up learning that they can get away with things because they know mom/dad wont do anything about it.
I have a child in care for the last 6 months who is an angel during the day, but the minute mom walks thru the door she turns into the devil spawn. Literally! She hits/kicks/punches mom, tells her no/stop/ I dont want to. She would NEVER even try those things with me. And its not because I spank her. Its because I follow through and am consistant.

She knows if I tell her put your shoes on, she better put her shoes on, or I will make her put on her shoes. If mom tells her put on your shoes, she screams no and runs away. WHY? Because Mom will sigh, and pick up her shoes and carry them, while she lets little girl walk to the car without them.

So what happens next time mom tells little girl to do something? Yep, she says no, because she knows she can.

The kids I have in care that are disobedient I keep a tighter rein on. If I tell them do something, I give them a few seconds to respond instead of longer with the other kids. because I want them to know that I am not going to back down, you need to do what is told.
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaycareMama View Post
Over the last couple of years I have really noticed a decline in the behavior of the kids in my care. For a lack of a better term...the kids seem to be less "controlable". Years ago redirecting, losing something and time outs worked. But now I feel like im kidding myself trying any of these anymore.



Am I wrong in thinking that this is because children get hit more at home? And then when they come to daycare and act up a verbal warning just means to the kids "ok I can push further ......cause she wont hit me"

I know not every parent spanks their child. Thats not what Im saying

I am just honestly trying to figure out what is going on. I feel like I am a joke to these kids. It kills me cause I love my job and every single one of these kids but lately I can't win. I am consistant, talk firm but loving and structured.... so what gives?
I sooooooooo understand where you are coming from! I don't think its from being spanked at home but the lack of discipline at home. I'm really with you on the kids pushing further because I honestly can say they know there is nothing you can do.

Children don't "Fear/Respect" adults anymore due to the lack of discipline that the world has created. I don't believe in beating a child but controlled discipline is necessary IMO.

My job seriously is not fun anymore. No matter what I have tried the behavior really is not what it use to be. I know when certain children aren't here our days are a little better but I can't term every child till I find the perfect fit.

I do have parents that spank their children but they know the parents mean business but really, really push here because they know I can't spank them. Time outs are nothing-I'll do my 3 minutes are what ever and get out. No biggy.

I don't think there is a solution till kids are taught respect and I think we have totally gotten away with that. There are many families that do teach this but I think more families want to do an easy solution and we see what that does.
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:27 AM
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I don't think it has anything to do with spankings.

I think it has everything to do with no consequences at home and at school for the older kids.
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meganlavonnesmommy View Post
I have a child in care for the last 6 months who is an angel during the day, but the minute mom walks thru the door she turns into the devil spawn. Literally! She hits/kicks/punches mom, tells her no/stop/ I dont want to. She would NEVER even try those things with me. And its not because I spank her. Its because I follow through and am consistant.

This kills me cause I have 3 like this. They FEED off each other. Pickup times are a joke!! And what kills me is the parents blame these issues on "Daycare"
Yet the children all hit their parents and each child is bribed to get in the car with junk food or gifts...... REALLY
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:36 AM
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Country Kids....

I think you sum'd it up for by saying "your job is not fun anymore" and also the whole respect issue.

You know this thread for me is a hard one. I LOVE MY JOB. But I can't stress enough to my husband the stress its causing me. I don't want to quit. I miss these kids if I close for a vacation. But mentally it is sooo hard
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  #9  
Old 02-08-2012, 12:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaycareMama View Post
Over the last couple of years I have really noticed a decline in the behavior of the kids in my care. For a lack of a better term...the kids seem to be less "controlable". Years ago redirecting, losing something and time outs worked. But now I feel like im kidding myself trying any of these anymore.



Am I wrong in thinking that this is because children get hit more at home? And then when they come to daycare and act up a verbal warning just means to the kids "ok I can push further ......cause she wont hit me"

I know not every parent spanks their child. Thats not what Im saying

I am just honestly trying to figure out what is going on. I feel like I am a joke to these kids. It kills me cause I love my job and every single one of these kids but lately I can't win. I am consistant, talk firm but loving and structured.... so what gives?
Parenting ideals, is tons different, even from just 5 years ago. The attitude towards daycare is extremely different form when I started.

Let me explain the daycare part, it is the biggest, IMO>

Continuity in care is rarely even a consideration anymore. Some of this was from the recession, as parents had to consider finances more than ever. Changing daycares to save a few(or hundreds) of dollars a month became a first priority rather than the program. Also, multiple caregivers to save money (grandma for 2 days, auntie for 2, and whoever is has availability as a cheap drop-in provider for the remainder). Preschools start at 2/2.5/3yo and many don't require kids to be potty trained....that creates inconsistant caregivering to that age group that often needs more consistency, not less (preschool/glorified daycare for 2-3 days, home daycare for the others). Parents often forget that the kids get super attached to their non-parental caregivers, as they should---its a good thing!. By forgetting or diminishing the attachment, it makes the switching of daycares for money easier to do. I get it, I really do. But it is now the norm, especially since parents are really only looking for daycare for a couple of years, instead of birth to 5 or 6yo. It ties into parents not seeing a daycare as a partner in parenting, but rather more of an employee or worse, something to deal with until preschool. If the parent doesnt respect the daycare provider as a partner in raising their child, neither will the child.

Parenting...discipline is so variable. Follow through. Increased screen time, less creative play, MUCH less outdoor time with families. More academic instruction younger....all factors...
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:14 PM
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All I can say is I agree to what everyone is saying.

I think that a lot of people don't realize what it takes to be a parent at the end of the day. They have kids and then say wow, this is a lot harder than I thought.

I have had parents that have left their children in my care for as long as they can becuse they can not control their own children. Their words, not mine.

It is very sad. But, I see it going further back than just 5 years. I am embarrassed to even admit that I see the lack of discipline and respect in my own children.

Technology has caused a lot of these changes and as a parent I am gulity of not teaching my own children respect like I had to learn. BUT I must say that things are much more different than how I grew up.

Example, when I was a kid, we had one phone in my house and we had to learn how to answer the phone. My parents expected us to say certain words and answer the phone with respect and the way they wanted it. If I didn't do it the right way, then I was not allowed to answer the phone any more.


I have never had a home phone since my kids have been old enough to talk. Now we only have cell phones. My kids have their own too. Ages 13-16. When they answer the phone, no matter who calls, I hear, Hey, What, What's up. NO RESPECT....

Anyway, I am sure that we could all go on and on and on about this subject.

The future for these kids makes me wonder how our society will maintain at this rate.....
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:26 PM
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I agree with lack of discipline. I can honestly say I would love to be a fly on the wall in their homes sometimes. I have a 4 year old dcg who I worked my tail off when I got her to get her to listen, not have crying fits (over nothing or normal everyday skills) ect. She rarely acts out with me anymore and when she does I can control it in seconds with following through. When mom walks in she either laughs hysterically and runs around (huge no here) or cries that she does not want to leave and refuses to put on shoes. The mom always and I mean always bribes her with a treat or a surprise, something! It is frustrating because I want to say and you wonder why she acts out! I understand loving your children and hating to be the bad guy. However they are only making things worse. I can not imagine the control at that home that the child has over them and 10 years from now.... YIKES!
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:27 PM
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I agree, lack of rules at home is my take on it! I have been wondering the same thing. I think parents just give in and let them do whatever they want! I also think that at home parents are quick to set them in front of the tv/ computer and just not deal with the children. This group I have now is the worst behaved I ahve ever had and they just don't listen! When I try to talk to a parent about it, it seems it is always someone else that they think the issue lies with. never their child! It always comes back on me or someone else. They think they are all angels!
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:32 PM
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I remember discussing this here a few times...

Does anyone remember the article "Are you raising a douchebag?" by David Hochman
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:33 PM
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I have to agree with everything everyone is saying here.

I thought I was the only one who felt this way!

My husband and I have talked about this too. Even watching his daughter with her sons (2 & 5) is painful for us. They are good boys, really, but they walk ALL over her!
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
I remember discussing this here a few times...

Does anyone remember the article "Are you raising a douchebag?" by David Hochman
Excellent article. Funny too!
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:27 PM
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I think you ladies (and gents??) nailed it this time! I agree!
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Old 02-08-2012, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
I remember discussing this here a few times...

l:
It was probably me My memory is SHOT and im in my mid 30's
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