Daycare.com Forum Daycare Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-16-2019, 11:07 AM
Pandaluver21's Avatar
Pandaluver21 Pandaluver21 is offline
Lover of all things B&W
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Colorado
Posts: 330
Default Scratching, Biting and Hitting, Oh My!

A lady that I had helped out when starting her daycare, and am in contact with pretty regularly to help answer questions along the way, has said that all six of her daycare kids (including her own) bite, scratch, hit, etc. She talks about it like it's just a phase that toddlers go through and its not a big deal. She is FINALLY terminating one family because their 3yr old has been scratching kids (mostly the providers own child) for a while now and she says "she's not a baby anymore, she knows better" But I don't understand how it can be OK for a 2yr old and then suddenly not ok for a 3yr old?
I have done in-home for over 10 years, and worked with kids for over 20 years. I have had some kids that will do it a few times, but it gets nipped in the bud and isn't usually a problem. I just don't understand how it is at the point it is with hers.

I know that toddlers do go through a physical "phase" but it seems weird to me that it is all of her kids and doesn't seem to be getting any better. She tells them not to, I assume, but it's not really changing anything.

Do you have hitters/biters/scratchers? Do ALL of your toddlers do it on a regular basis? How do you handle it when a child is physical?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-16-2019, 12:45 PM
ColorfulSunburst's Avatar
ColorfulSunburst ColorfulSunburst is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Bronx, New York
Posts: 643
Default

It depends on what age group she has. Right now I have a bunch of 15mo-20mo kids. All of them are not verbal yet. One of them is very physical and the others start copying him. Yes, we are working on it. It was much less this kind of problem when we had just one or two kids under 2yo. Now we have six of them.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-16-2019, 12:58 PM
e.j.'s Avatar
e.j. e.j. is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,681
Default

I'm going to knock on wood while I type this but in 22 years of doing child care, I've only had 2 biters. In that situation, one child became a biter, too, after the other child started to bite him. Both of them eventually stopped but it took a lot of redirection, firm "No!"s and consistent reinforcement.

I have had hitters/pushers more so than biters. I have one enrolled with me now and she's a toy stealer, as well. Lots of fun everyday with that one! Usually if I tell a child once or twice to stop, the behavior does stop. For some, I have to get down on their level, look them in the eye and firmly tell them "No!" For some reason, that has worked very well for me. I have resorted to time outs with the dc child I have now. Nothing else seems to make a difference with her.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-16-2019, 01:23 PM
Mom2Two's Avatar
Mom2Two Mom2Two is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 1,851
Default

I wonder if other provider really believes that a 3 yo knows better just because of their age. They can learn rules/instructions more easily, but they're not going to know stuff instinctively. They need to be taught, and with some, it's a long process.

I've never had a biter (yet), but I've only been doing this 6.5 years and I'm only licensed for 8.

I've had a couple of hitters and quite a few toy snatchers. I'm pretty strict with violence towards each other. I don't wait til 3 years to start the process of teaching, even though I know it will be mainly managed by supervision until they're older.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-16-2019, 01:48 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,970
Default

It’s the permissive parenting style going around now. You can’t just start a daycare and suddenly know how to handle bad behavior, you have to learn it! It doesn’t help that the new pediatric recommendations for discipline are “positive parenting” which I feel people think is permissive parenting. Teachers and police officers are seeing MUCH more violence now than they used to.

These violent behaviors are no longer being nipped in the toddler years and are persisting into adolescence and beyond. Too many people in lab coats writing books and setting parenting recommendations rather than people actually working and educated in childcare.

/rant
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-22-2019, 08:15 AM
child care chat mommy child care chat mommy is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 3
Default Biting

I run an in-home daycare and have a 17-month old that has started to bite. When I told mom, she replied: "yeah, she bites her toddler cousin all the time and bites me when I tell her no." My room of kiddos is always in my sight but this toddler bites quickly and without much warning. There have been 5 incidents so far. The grandma told mom to give the 17-month-old a pacifier at daycare to chew on all day while she plays and does activities, to prevent further biting. This concerns me because this toddler was not a pacifier baby and if we start a new pacifier habit at this age, it will be hard to break causing more frustration for the toddler. Also, she is starting to talk more. Giving her a pacifier all day every day will slow her speech development. What can I suggest to mom? If it was my child I would firmly tell her no bite, which I do at daycare but at home, mom says she can't get mad at her for biting. She has a very laid back parenting style and I don't want to get personal and tell her that I disagree with her parenting style. Rather I want to address the daycare portion of the child's day. Me staying close and saying no bite firmly has helped but just Friday, the toddler bit my 8-year-old. Any advice? I really don't want to term. This family lives on my street, just a few houses down. Also, I am financially tight. I can't afford to term this child.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-22-2019, 08:32 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,750
Default

What you allow is what will continue.

No, I don't have that here.
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-22-2019, 08:32 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by child care chat mommy View Post
I run an in-home daycare and have a 17-month old that has started to bite. When I told mom, she replied: "yeah, she bites her toddler cousin all the time and bites me when I tell her no." My room of kiddos is always in my sight but this toddler bites quickly and without much warning. There have been 5 incidents so far. The grandma told mom to give the 17-month-old a pacifier at daycare to chew on all day while she plays and does activities, to prevent further biting. This concerns me because this toddler was not a pacifier baby and if we start a new pacifier habit at this age, it will be hard to break causing more frustration for the toddler. Also, she is starting to talk more. Giving her a pacifier all day every day will slow her speech development. What can I suggest to mom? If it was my child I would firmly tell her no bite, which I do at daycare but at home, mom says she can't get mad at her for biting. She has a very laid back parenting style and I don't want to get personal and tell her that I disagree with her parenting style. Rather I want to address the daycare portion of the child's day. Me staying close and saying no bite firmly has helped but just Friday, the toddler bit my 8-year-old. Any advice? I really don't want to term. This family lives on my street, just a few houses down. Also, I am financially tight. I can't afford to term this child.


You don't want to term or can't afford to lose this family but ask yourself, can you afford to lose all the other families?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-22-2019, 08:40 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,750
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by child care chat mommy View Post
toddler bites quickly and without much warning. There have been 5 incidents so far.
Nothing the parent does in their home will change toddler behaviors that happen in yours and vice versa.

This child should not be allowed access to other children until this child has proven safe to be. We cannot allow one child to continually harm another. This child should be shadowed during group activities and separated when not being shadowed. This needs to be consistent. No, it won't be easy.
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-22-2019, 09:08 AM
child care chat mommy child care chat mommy is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 3
Default

It's a small group of 5. This child is constantly shadowed. During all incidents, I was inches away, interacting with the group. It happens very quickly. I may have to move her away from the others. Such as when we read stories, the children all sit in a group circle. I am also in this circle. I will start having her next to me and leave a gap of a couple of feet between her and the other children. If it continues when she is eventually reunited with the group, I may have to term. The awkward part is this is my neighbor. I frequently see them during everyday situation after daycare hours.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-22-2019, 09:18 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by child care chat mommy View Post
It's a small group of 5. This child is constantly shadowed. During all incidents, I was inches away, interacting with the group. It happens very quickly. I may have to move her away from the others. Such as when we read stories, the children all sit in a group circle. I am also in this circle. I will start having her next to me and leave a gap of a couple of feet between her and the other children. If it continues when she is eventually reunited with the group, I may have to term. The awkward part is this is my neighbor. I frequently see them during everyday situation after daycare hours.
I know you are just trying to explain how quickly this happens but the explanation you posted basically says you are not able to provide a safe environment for the other kids when the biter is present.

5 separate biting incidents is alot and honestly I'm surprised other families aren't complaining about their child being bitten more than once.

The awkwardness (due to family being your neighbor) has nothing to do with the physical safety of the other children.

Biting is probably the biggest issue providers deal with in group care with mixed ages.

Here are other threads about biting: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=biting
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-22-2019, 09:56 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,750
Default

Is this child biting out of aggression, provocation or frustration? Can she make eye contact with you during storytime or is she often blocked by others? Does she avoid eye contact? Does she participate in story time appropriately like mooing, barking, clapping or laughing along with the storyline?

Does it seem to just occur randomly, like when no one is directing attention to her at all?

Have you tried any of the sensory teething items?
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-22-2019, 12:17 PM
child care chat mommy child care chat mommy is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 3
Default

Thank you for the sensory teether idea. That may help. I have worked in child care for over 20 years and this is the first biter that I've had in my room. I wasn't aware sensory teethers for biters and autistic children existed but I just looked on Amazon and they look helpful. I do know this family has issues at home that is affected by the child. Both parents have had previous drug use (possibly during the pregnancy too.) Dad is now serving time in prison. The child is very young (17 months) but all these things must affect her and her response to situations. I am not ready to give up on this child. I will try the sensory teether, separation at times, and rewards for when I see she is playing well with the other kids, without biting. Thank you for your advice.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-24-2019, 04:47 PM
Pandaluver21's Avatar
Pandaluver21 Pandaluver21 is offline
Lover of all things B&W
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Colorado
Posts: 330
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
...you are not able to provide a safe environment for the other kids when the biter is present.

... I'm surprised other families aren't complaining about their child being bitten more than once.
That right there is why I posted the original question. This provider says ALL 6 of her kids are biting, scratching, hitting etc on a regular basis. I have been sent pictures the "victim" and I just don't understand how other parents are ok with this?! I went to help her out a few times and she definitely does not pay attention to the kids like I think she should I had to either stop a child or point it out to her many times in just a few hours. I do not want to recommend parents to her, in fear of them being hurt :/

Like Cat Herder said "What you allow is what will continue. " I think that's exactly the problem. I just wouldn't allow it to continue like she seems to.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-25-2019, 08:24 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandaluver21 View Post
That right there is why I posted the original question. This provider says ALL 6 of her kids are biting, scratching, hitting etc on a regular basis. I have been sent pictures the "victim" and I just don't understand how other parents are ok with this?! I went to help her out a few times and she definitely does not pay attention to the kids like I think she should I had to either stop a child or point it out to her many times in just a few hours. I do not want to recommend parents to her, in fear of them being hurt :/

Like Cat Herder said "What you allow is what will continue. " I think that's exactly the problem. I just wouldn't allow it to continue like she seems to.
So true!!

Stopping this kind of behavior takes so much more than just a firm no and maybe a time out or two.

It requires constant supervision and hardly enough time to complete a full sentence as toddlers are quick when it comes to biting and/or hitting.

Simply not allowing it to happen takes hard work and constant supervision. So much so, that most providers don't want to do the hard work it requires.

I 100% agree with you, I would not recommend other families to this provider and I would probably shy away from trying to help her out. I just wouldn't want to be connected to any of that chaos.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
aggressive behavior, biting, destructive behavior, discipline - consistency, hitting, scratching

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
HELP! My own child is hitting/ biting! FCCProvider Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 2 05-15-2015 10:43 AM
Another Biting Question... TaylorTots Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 3 05-19-2014 12:41 PM
Biting Policy???? hope Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 10 03-31-2014 07:57 PM
Q About Biting, What To Say When A DCK Gets Bit Holiday Park Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 31 12-10-2012 05:20 AM
Hitting and Biting Amadia Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 3 03-17-2010 07:18 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:52 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming