I have a child in daycare who will turn 2 in June. Her older brother has major developmental and speach delays. This child's parents, however, refuse to believe that anything is wrong developmentally with their two year old daughter. All she says is duh, duh, duh, over and over again. It gets faster when she's nervous and she shakes her head back and forth faster and faster as she gets nervous. She's scared of everything, whether it's taking off her shoes, changing her diaper, playing in a wading pool, a toy that makes loud sounds, or a new person or toy. She doesn't have a single other word in her vocabulary, other then the sound of "duh". She is very behind in her gross motor skills as she cannot feed herself very well and she's scared of the spoon if I try to feed her. She cannot color or play with blocks, etc. because her coordination is off. The parents said she has been in preschool for over a year before coming to us when they moved to our town. Shouldn't she be further along? Is a home daycare a good environment for her? I have found it very difficult to work on gross motor skills, etc with her as I have no experience with developmentally delayed children. Should I just ignore it and let her stay the way she is, or confront the parents? Should I keep a child with such bad impairments or tell them they need to find someone who can help her better?

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I don't know about "confronting" her parent's but I would deffinetely bring it up to the parent's. Just mention the things that you mentioned here and give them a handout of where she should be developmentally (you can probably find something online that states what she should be able to do). Before I talked to the parent's, however, I would make a list of the things she should be able to do by this age and go through the list with her (the two year old) and make an assessment. Do it a couple of times to make sure that she can or can't do these things and mark the list with yes or no. This way when you talk to the parents you can say "Listen, I'm bringing this to your attention because I am concerned and this is what I have found." Be honest and gentle with them. Parent's don't like to listen when they are being told that there might be something wrong with their children and bring up the fact that you have no experience or special training for the children. Reinforce that you love the children and you just wanted to make sure that they were aware that she may need to be professionally evaluated. For years my cousin was in denial that her son had autism even though the rest of us could plainly see it. She had him evaluated finally and it was confirmed and she found him a child therapist that goes to his daycare to work with him. You might want to recommend that.

Here are some milestones that are put out by the American Academy of Pediatrics but keep in mind that not all children can do ALL of these but they should at least be able to master most of them:

Movement milestones
Walks alone, Pulls toys behind her while walking, Carries large toy or several toys while walking, Begins to run, Stands on tiptoe, Kicks a ball,, Climbs onto and down from furniture unassisted, Walks up and down stairs holding on to support.
Milestones in hand and finger skills
Scribbles spontaneously, Turns over a container to pour out contents, Builds tower of four blocks or more, Might use one hand more frequently than the other.
Language milestones
Points to object or picture when it’s named for him, Recognizes names of familiar people, objects, and body parts, Says several single words (by fifteen to eighteen months), Uses simple phrases (by eighteen to twenty-four months), Uses two- to four-word sentences, Follows simple instructions, Repeats words overheard in conversation,
Cognitive milestones
Finds objects even when hidden under two or three covers, Begins to sort by shapes and colors, Begins make-believe play.
Social and emotional milestones
Imitates behavior of others, especially adults and older children, Increasingly aware of herself as separate from others, Increasingly enthusiastic about company of other children, Demonstrates increasing independence, Begins to show defiant behavior, Increasing episodes of separation anxiety toward midyear, then they fade.

Alert your pediatrician, however, if she displays any of the following signs of possible developmental delay for this age range.

Cannot walk by eighteen months, Fails to develop a mature heel-toe walking pattern after several months of walking, or walks exclusively on his toes, Does not speak at least fifteen words by eighteen months, Does not use two-word sentences by age two, Does not seem to know the function of common household objects (brush, telephone, bell, fork, spoon) by fifteen months, Does not imitate actions or words by the end of this period, Does not follow simple instructions by age two, Cannot push a wheeled toy by age two.

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This is hard. I agree with MarinaVanessa though. Be very gentle with the parents, but if they do not follow through and have her evaluated, then i would be more firm. She does sound like she might have some delays and possibly some stress disorders and/or autism/aspergers. If she is diagnosed, your local public school district should offer some intervention, classes or therapy that would be free to the family. Is that what they meant when they said she had been in preschool for over a year? I've never heard of a child that's only one going to a preschool before. Here is a link to another checklist for 2 year olds. http://www.kidsgrowth.com/resources/...il.cfm?id=2226

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i've had a similar situation once - i was working in a daycare and i was also close to obtaining my degree in early childhood development.

the boy in my class didn't seem to understand anything i said. he didn't talk like he should - he wouuld make awkward noises instead of words, etc.

finally, i decided to "confront" his mother, but before i did that, i got some contact information for an organization that would come and observe children for free and refer them to the proper programs if they qualified for special assistance.

i simply asked his mother, "does he follow simple directions at home?" or "does he make noises over and over instead of words?" ...etc. she poured her heart out to me after i asked those questions. parents know deep down something isn't right. sometimes it takes someone else speaking up to get the ball rolling. after a long, heartfelt conversation, i told her that i had a degree in early childhood development, and i had a phone number she could call to have her son evaluated for free - and she was grateful. she called the number, they came, and her son ended up going to a special program 2 days per week where a bus would pick him up and then drop him off at the daycare.

approaching a parent is hard because the first stage is ALWAYS denial - but it has to be done - so just do it gently and be careful with what you say.

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You may want to get information on the early intervention services that your county offers. Every state has some type of early intervention services that they offer for free to children who are experiencing developmental delays. If the child qualifies, a therapist will come out to your daycare and work with the child a couple of times a week. Be very careful in how you approach the mother. She may resent hearing this from you, however it is necessary for her to hear your observations. Good luck.

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