Daycare.com Forum Daycare Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-07-2013, 04:58 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Exclamation The DCP Was VERY Aggressive With My Kid In Front Of My Eyes

Actually I am writing this post and I feel I will loose my mind. I can't believe that it happened in front of me and I did NOTHING.
This is the story:
I used to send my daughter ( 4 y) to a home daycare. I pay the lady on time never late in my payment BUT I have been Late many many times in picking up .. yes I say that I am late most of the time but out of my hands. The provider have been changed a lot in the last period. I had a feeling in myself that she is hitting my daughter or at least aggressive with her. Tonight I was late 30m, when my daughter saw me she run toward the door to open it for me, THEN the provider very aggressively and firmly hold my daughter's little hands in her hand and the with her thumb and index squeezed my daughter cheeks and told her in a very rough voice "you are not allowed to open the door .. we don't open the door" . Yes that happened in front of my eyes and all I did is giving the provider an angry look and I pulled my child.

I know I am wrong because of the late picking up, I know I am passive because I didn't ??? her when she did that in front of my eyes. I feel the provider is abusing because I am new to the USA and don't have much experience here or my be she is sure that I will not take an action with her....

Please Let me know what should I do, how to report her?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-07-2013, 05:19 PM
itlw8's Avatar
itlw8 itlw8 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,199
Default

I would agree that was not the way to treat a child. but abusive hard to tell if not there t see it. If she left a mark then it is surely abusive. You did not say there were marks so I assume there is not.

What do you do? If she is licensed you call licensing and make a report and then you do not take your child back there.

If she is not licensed then you would hotline ( if there is marks) and do not return.

This does not mean your child is being hit. I would let the provider know you are not returning and are not giving notice because of the way she restrained your child by grabbing her face.

When you are looking for a new provider find one that stays open later 1/2 hour late means you need to find someone open later so you are not late.

You do say you USED to take your child to this provider That leads me to think this was not today and you left owing money or she terminated you. I hope that is not the case and you are not accusing just because you are mad at her.
__________________
It will wait
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-07-2013, 06:58 PM
blandino's Avatar
blandino blandino is offline
Daycare.com member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Tulsa area
Posts: 1,508
Default

Being physical with a child is never okay - but I can understand wanting your child to understand the seriousness of opening the door. At my daycare we NEVER EVER EVER open doors. It is probably the number one rule we have. The dangerous potential for what happens when a child opens the door is terrifying to me. So I can understand being as firm as possible about that rule.

Maybe I am reading incorrectly, but a squeeze on the hand doesn't sound that bad to me. I will probably be in the minority saying that, but uncomfortable pressure on the hand is different than pain. The cheek pinching isn't acceptable, but I would definitely not make the leap from cheek pinching to any sort of hitting or abuse. Those are definitely not clear indicators of abuse.

I would assume you did the right thing for your family by pulling her. And if you really feel that she did wrong, I would file a report - but only mention what oh saw in front of your eyes. Your inclination to believe she was abused there should not be part of your complaint since there is no proof that anything more than what you saw happened to your child.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-07-2013, 09:31 PM
brittburk's Avatar
brittburk brittburk is offline
Paleo Mama
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 11
Default

I agree with the above that firmly grabbing and hand or arm (but not squeezing to the point of pain) is okay. Sometimes a kiddo needs some physical contact in order to focus on what you are saying when in a dangerous or potentially dangerous situation in which somebody could get hurt, or if they are really acting out. But by firm I mean gently and firmly, not whipping or pulling a kid around by any means.

Pinching the cheeks though is wrong to me on every level when it isn't your kid (or even when it is in my opinion). You have every right to file a complaint about the treatment of your kid, but if you do only file what you actually saw. Making false accusations won't get you anywhere. But trust your instincts for sure, if you think your kiddo is being mistreated don't hesitate to drop-in unannounced if you can, or even pull your kid from that particular provider. Often times a mother's instincts are spot-on.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-08-2013, 05:06 AM
DaisyMamma's Avatar
DaisyMamma DaisyMamma is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,239
Default

I dont like that at all.
Have you questioned your child about abuse?
Don't bring your child back. Call state licensing. You can find their number by typing "(your state) daycare licensing" into google.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:21 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma View Post
I dont like that at all.
Have you questioned your child about abuse?
Don't bring your child back. Call state licensing. You can find their number by typing "(your state) daycare licensing" into google.
Thank you! But I still have some unresolved financial issues with her so, do you recommend me contacting her first or go directly and call the licensing?
AND If I paid her to hold the spot before traveling, then my daughter came back to her spot ( only for less than two weeks), should I ask her to return that money which I paid to held the spot ?
I am sure she wants to terminate, and did that with my daughter to make me feel that it is time to look for another provider.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:39 AM
DaisyMamma's Avatar
DaisyMamma DaisyMamma is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,239
Default

If you want to you can call and let her know you're leaving first and ask for the refund. She might think you won't turn her in if she pays you back. But still, It's very unlikely you will get it. Most providers take deposits and prepayments as non refundable.
As a parent I might try to get the refund, but in the end it doesn't really matter as long as my child is safe.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:44 AM
snbauser's Avatar
snbauser snbauser is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,385
Default

If your child attended after your travels, I highly doubt you will get a refund of any sort. I would guess that you signed a contract and although as a parent I would fight it, she probably has some sort of notification period in there for leaving such as a 2 week notice or loss of deposit. I certainly wouldn't pay it if I felt my child was being mistreated but expect her to try and collect.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:44 AM
NeedaVaca's Avatar
NeedaVaca NeedaVaca is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: The Middle
Posts: 2,248
Default

I am a little confused by your posts. You say she used to go there but then you say you think the provider did that because you think she wants to terminate. Is your daughter still going to this daycare? I wonder if there are missing pieces to the story. Opening doors would be a big no no, taking the child by the hand and firmly explaining that it's not allowed sounds fine and long as she's not hurting her. Cheek pinching not okay but was she really squeezing her cheeks or just gently turning her head to face her so the child is looking at her?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:48 AM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,414
Default

no, you should not be asking for refunds. you gave her that money to hold your spot, which she did so you got what you paid for.

if you feel that your daughter is being mistreated, remove her immediately and call the licensing dept. to report
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:55 AM
SilverSabre25's Avatar
SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Where I am legally unlicensed ;), USA
Posts: 7,625
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
no, you should not be asking for refunds. you gave her that money to hold your spot, which she did so you got what you paid for.

if you feel that your daughter is being mistreated, remove her immediately and call the licensing dept. to report
This
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:56 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma View Post
If you want to you can call and let her know you're leaving first and ask for the refund. She might think you won't turn her in if she pays you back. But still, It's very unlikely you will get it. Most providers take deposits and prepayments as non refundable.
As a parent I might try to get the refund, but in the end it doesn't really matter as long as my child is safe.
Thanks DaisyMama!Actually I didn't send my daughter to her today and yet I din't take any steps.. I was crazy when my daughter told me that the Provider hit her because she didn't want to take her nap. I see my daughter yells at her brother saying " go sleep", It seems that the lady yells at the kids and I don't know what else she do .. but I am sure she is somehow aggressive.

I will try contacting her first before any further steps. I don't care if she didn't pay me but I will never send my daughter to her again. I am really sad that I trusted her one day.

Thanks again Daisymama and thanks to everyone who replied to my post.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-08-2013, 08:10 AM
jenn's Avatar
jenn jenn is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Kansas
Posts: 695
Default

If you are questioning your child's safety while in her care, do not take your daughter back. At all. I would tell the provider you are not returning and look for new care. I would not ask for a refund and I would pay any payments due according to your contract (does she require a 2 week notice when leaving? If so, pay it). The main thing at this point is not the money, it is keeping your child safe.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-08-2013, 08:14 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca View Post
I am a little confused by your posts. You say she used to go there but then you say you think the provider did that because you think she wants to terminate. Is your daughter still going to this daycare? I wonder if there are missing pieces to the story. Opening doors would be a big no no, taking the child by the hand and firmly explaining that it's not allowed sounds fine and long as she's not hurting her. Cheek pinching not okay but was she really squeezing her cheeks or just gently turning her head to face her so the child is looking at her?
NO, my daughter is no longer there, I didn't send her today and I will not send her again.
I know that opening the door is not allowed, but the door is locked and I know that the door will never be opened if my daughter tried because simply she is too short.. My daughter run to the door when she saw me, and she did as If she is opening the door for me to let me in quickly ( It is normal ! she is a child and is happy seeing me at pick up).

What happened exactly is pressing firmly over my daughters hands, then firmly squeezing the cheeks between her index and thumb.. No it is not just a gentle turn of the head.

Thanks for your reply!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03-08-2013, 08:17 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by snbauser View Post
If your child attended after your travels, I highly doubt you will get a refund of any sort. I would guess that you signed a contract and although as a parent I would fight it, she probably has some sort of notification period in there for leaving such as a 2 week notice or loss of deposit. I certainly wouldn't pay it if I felt my child was being mistreated but expect her to try and collect.
Thank You!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 03-08-2013, 08:24 AM
youretooloud's Avatar
youretooloud youretooloud is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The desert.
Posts: 1,956
Default

I wouldn't call that abuse, but it certainly is wrong to grab her face like that.

I get that she was frustrated. 30 min late is a very long time. (if she was closed) I would be very upset too. I would be SUPER upset that she opened the door by herself. I've had kids do that too, and I will actually yell at the child.

But, there is no reason, ever that i'd grab a child's face. I can't even picture a time i'd do that unless maybe the child had something in his or her mouth.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 03-08-2013, 08:39 AM
snbauser's Avatar
snbauser snbauser is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,385
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by youretooloud View Post
30 min late is a very long time. (if she was closed) I would be very upset too.
Although there is NEVER a reason to harm a child, you also need to understand that if you are continually late you will lose providers more often than you can imagine. I am very flexible with all of my families as far as drop off times but I am firm on pick up times. When I close it is time for my family. I get very irritated very quickly when parents are habitually late. Keep that in mind when you are looking for a new provider.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 03-08-2013, 10:02 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
NO, my daughter is no longer there, I didn't send her today and I will not send her again.
I know that opening the door is not allowed, but the door is locked and I know that the door will never be opened if my daughter tried because simply she is too short.. My daughter run to the door when she saw me, and she did as If she is opening the door for me to let me in quickly ( It is normal ! she is a child and is happy seeing me at pick up).

What happened exactly is pressing firmly over my daughters hands, then firmly squeezing the cheeks between her index and thumb.. No it is not just a gentle turn of the head.

Thanks for your reply!
Is this the same provider that you suspected was spanking your DD in regards to bathroom use?
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 03-08-2013, 10:08 AM
Crystal's Avatar
Crystal Crystal is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3,955
Default

This whole thing sound hokey to me.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 03-08-2013, 11:00 AM
MissAnn's Avatar
MissAnn MissAnn is offline
Preschool Teacher
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,210
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
This whole thing sound hokey to me.
Exactly what I've been thinking. Seems to be more about the money. Seems like the cheek hold/pinch is exaggerated.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 03-08-2013, 11:11 AM
snbauser's Avatar
snbauser snbauser is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,385
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
This whole thing sound hokey to me.
I wondered as well but since the OP said she was new to the USA I figure it might just be a language barrier as well.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 03-08-2013, 11:26 AM
Crystal's Avatar
Crystal Crystal is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3,955
Default

Refer to Blackcat's post above. I personally think it is someone who is trying to start controversy
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 03-08-2013, 11:45 AM
MissAnn's Avatar
MissAnn MissAnn is offline
Preschool Teacher
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,210
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
Refer to Blackcat's post above. I personally think it is someone who is trying to start controversy
We'll have to see if OP vanishes.

Not cool.

Hate when the "stories" make providers look awful.

I apologize if I'm wrong.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 03-08-2013, 01:05 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnn View Post
We'll have to see if OP vanishes.

Not cool.

Hate when the "stories" make providers look awful.

I apologize if I'm wrong.
When I posted here I thought I would find an advice from people who know more than me in this field.. But I am really sorry to see that some of you are presuming. I have never told one word which is not true in this story.
You don't know me.. If I am a trouble maker or exaggeration things, so you wouldn't see me here asking for advice..
I have never thought of making the provider awful..

Please try to help and advice people and don't presume.
Thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 03-08-2013, 01:14 PM
Crystal's Avatar
Crystal Crystal is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3,955
Default

My response comes from your many different stories about this provider, and that you post under the username fairymama and as unregistered, as well as have been given some VERY good advice about this provider when she SPANKED your child and then you continued to take her there. IMO, a legitimite poster/parent would have taken that advice and NOT have taken her child back to the provider who you say HITS your child.

So, if I was wrong and you are INDEED being genuine, then I have to question WHY ON EARTH have you continued to take your child to a provider you claim ABUSES your child? I also have to question WHY would you be late, on a regular basis? That is BEYOND rude and as a provider I would have terminated services A LONG time ago.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:39 PM
DaisyMamma's Avatar
DaisyMamma DaisyMamma is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,239
Default

I'm confused.

How does anyone know she has posted as fairymama? Or that she thought her daughter had been spanked for bathroom issues?

Did I miss something?
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:52 PM
Hunni Bee's Avatar
Hunni Bee Hunni Bee is offline
False Sense Of Authority
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the Rainbow...
Posts: 2,320
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma View Post
I'm confused.

How does anyone know she has posted as fairymama? Or that she thought her daughter had been spanked for bathroom issues?

Did I miss something?
I had the same question.

I could be wrong, but I don't think this is the same person.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 03-08-2013, 08:09 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma View Post
I'm confused.

How does anyone know she has posted as fairymama? Or that she thought her daughter had been spanked for bathroom issues?

Did I miss something?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
I had the same question.

I could be wrong, but I don't think this is the same person.
I posted a veiled comment questioning the OP about the provider being the same provider who spanked her DD. I may have wrongly (?) tied the OP to another member but never actually named them.

My reasoning was based on OP's "tone" and speech patterns as well as OP's focus on being habitually late for pick up and her mention of paying her provider during her time away traveling.

Several commonalities between the two.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 03-08-2013, 08:27 PM
MissAnn's Avatar
MissAnn MissAnn is offline
Preschool Teacher
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,210
Default

I noticed that the OP and Fairymama have the same habit of putting a space after the first parenthesis, ( like this)

So, can we now stop with the......my child's provider is abusive and what should I do stories?
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 03-08-2013, 08:43 PM
mamac's Avatar
mamac mamac is offline
Tantrum Negotiator
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnn View Post
I noticed that the OP and Fairymama have the same habit of putting a space after the first parenthesis, ( like this)

So, can we now stop with the......my child's provider is abusive and what should I do stories?
Nice observation.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 03-08-2013, 09:04 PM
NeedaVaca's Avatar
NeedaVaca NeedaVaca is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: The Middle
Posts: 2,248
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnn View Post
I noticed that the OP and Fairymama have the same habit of putting a space after the first parenthesis, ( like this)

So, can we now stop with the......my child's provider is abusive and what should I do stories?
Wow, well done!
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 03-08-2013, 09:07 PM
Childminder's Avatar
Childminder Childminder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: MI
Posts: 1,499
Default

Can you as moderators check ip addresses to se if they are the same?
__________________
I see little people.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 03-09-2013, 09:25 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnn View Post
I noticed that the OP and Fairymama have the same habit of putting a space after the first parenthesis, ( like this)

So, can we now stop with the......my child's provider is abusive and what should I do stories?
Several members/posters do that. It is most common when typing/using their phones to post.

You dont KNOW that the abuse is or isn't true so my advice would be to simply ignore and not reply if you have no advice to offer.

What if the situation is true?!
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 03-09-2013, 09:39 AM
MissAnn's Avatar
MissAnn MissAnn is offline
Preschool Teacher
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,210
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Several members/posters do that. It is most common when typing/using their phones to post.

You dont KNOW that the abuse is or isn't true so my advice would be to simply ignore and not reply if you have no advice to offer.

What if the situation is true?!
If its true, I do apologize.

Just as you said Blackcat, there are many commonalities.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 03-09-2013, 02:06 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnn View Post
If its true, I do apologize.

Just as you said Blackcat, there are many commonalities.
Oh, I most definitely agree there are commonalities that point in a certain direction.

I just thought it was better to let OP clarify her identity rather than any of us just assuming. And then perhaps being completely wrong... Kwim?
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 03-09-2013, 04:20 PM
MissAnn's Avatar
MissAnn MissAnn is offline
Preschool Teacher
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,210
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Oh, I most definitely agree there are commonalities that point in a certain direction.

I just thought it was better to let OP clarify her identity rather than any of us just assuming. And then perhaps being completely wrong... Kwim?
Agree!
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 03-09-2013, 04:40 PM
Michael's Avatar
Michael Michael is online now
Admin & Owner-Daycare.com
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Moorpark CA, Ocean Ridge, FL
Posts: 7,806
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Childminder View Post
Can you as moderators check ip addresses to se if they are the same?
All of the unregistered posts are from the same person IP.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
aggression, parents - rude

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
DCPs Opening and Closing My Front Door 10 Times in 30 Degree Weather... WWYD? SunshineMama Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 29 11-09-2012 01:15 PM
Keeping sunscreen out of the eyes Country Kids Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 6 08-13-2012 05:13 PM
DCK's Playing In The Front Yard? SunshineMama Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 18 05-03-2012 09:23 AM
Aggressive 18 Month Old..Looking for Advice My4SunshineGirlsNY Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 3 05-18-2010 09:54 AM
DKB in front seat My4SunshineGirlsNY Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 9 05-18-2010 09:37 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:10 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming