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  #1  
Old 04-25-2012, 10:40 AM
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Question Need Suggestions :)

Background: My dcg4 lost her mother to ovarian cancer less than two months ago. It was very sad situation, dcm was only 34yo
Of course, dcg is still grieving. She talks about dcm sometimes, often cries and needs comforting at naptime, etc. so she's definately still working through this emotionally (as is to be expected). I'm not having any problems with her really, and her dad is fantastic, so I know she will be ok in time.

My question is, with Mother's Day coming very soon, we will be making lots of little craft projects for moms. What do I do with dcg?

I considered making a "in loving memory" item that dcg can keep for herself. Otherwise I'm at a loss, but I don't want her to be left out.
Any ideas?
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:42 AM
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Maybe you could make it a mothers day/grandmas crafts and gifts.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:50 AM
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This is always so hard when working with a group of kids from different situations!
I second the idea of making it a celebration for Grandmom too or 'in memory'

When my Mum left us, because it was so close to Mother's day my teacher skipped making a mothers day craft and sent home each child the materials and note to make breakfast for Mum in bed with an explanation to the Dads.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:51 AM
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This a dilemma most often found on Fathers Day too.

I would make a gift or card that she could give to anyone female. Grandma, aunt etc.

I always make sure that cards we make for Fathers Day, just say Happy Fathers Day. Never "To Dad" as some of do not have a father on the scene (or some have three or four )
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:15 AM
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Maybe you could turn it into a celebration for a special woman in your life. Most kids will choose mom obviously but she could choose someone else. It's very sad that she will have to go through this pain every year for the rest of her life but it's good that you can be there for her.

I also see many cards at the store with Happy Mothers day to dad. Really shows how many kids are dealing with this unfortunately
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:25 AM
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I would have her make her crafts/gifts for grandma. If she has TWO grandmas, then she gets to make TWO crafts. That may make her feel extra special.
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:51 AM
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Thanks so much for the great suggestions!! You ladies are always so helpful!

I honestly am not sure if she has a grandmother (dcd is the only adult I know in her family). I attended her mothers funeral, and I seem to remember the dad and a couple of uncles and cousins, but no grandparents or aunts.

I'll have to pull dad aside and ask him this afternoon if there are any other female family members she could make a gift for.
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:57 AM
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I would skip it for this year. The other kids will call it a Mother's Day present and it will just upset dcg more. Please skip it this year. It is more kind to skip it for her sake than to have the other kids make it for their mother's. I promise the other moms WILL understand why they didn't get a craft this year.
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Old 04-25-2012, 12:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenNJ View Post
I would skip it for this year. The other kids will call it a Mother's Day present and it will just upset dcg more. Please skip it this year. It is more kind to skip it for her sake than to have the other kids make it for their mother's. I promise the other moms WILL understand why they didn't get a craft this year.
I agree! Maybe do a nice craft, something a little more time consuming then normal, or just extra special, include a note for the families to explain why there is no "mothers day craft" this year. This way the moms still get something without giving a painful reminder to the little girl that she doesn't have one. So sad for both her and you!
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:39 PM
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Ohhh...my gosh...reading this post broke my heart...sorry..it is getting close for that special time of the month..

I agree with Jen...You can contact the other Mother's and explain..they will understand. This is to new and fresh for this little girl to deal with right now. My heart goes out to this family.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:02 PM
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I would not skip this mother's day because of the DCG. Not to sound uncaring but this is a situation the girl will have to learn to "deal" with. The

child must have a favorite auntie or grnadma or someone. When I worked at a center we solved this problem by asking the parent if the child had a

special female person they would like to honor for mother's day.

Last edited by Michael; 04-25-2012 at 10:01 PM.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted by familyschoolcare View Post
I would not skip this mother's day because of the DCG. Not to sound uncarrying but this is a situation the girl will have to learn to "deal" with. The

child must have a favorite auntie or grnadma or someone. When I worked at a center we solved this problem by asking the parent if the child had a

special female person they would like to honor for mother's day.
Yes, and I am sure she will learn to "deal with it" through her father's guidance and therapy. I think shoving Mother's Day in her face two months after her mother's death is cruel. She is a child. She does not have the tools to "deal" with it yet and won't for sometime. Death is very confusing to young kids and very scary. It is compounded by the fact that it is her mother who has died. Her world is shattered. Making a craft for any other female in her life would be akin to betrayal for someone who has just lost her mom.

This is the perfect situation for the 3kidzmama to be a shining example of empathy and compassion. To have the daycare families rally around her support of this girl during the most difficult time in her young life. To build her up instead of kick her while she is down.

It isn't 3kidz job to force this girl to "deal" with it. It is her job to CARE for this girl. And the caring thing to do is being a constant source of love and understanding. I think a group of adult women can handle going without a trinket for Mother's Day when the fragile emotional well being of a child whose mother just died is at stake.

I am not one to get up on my soapbox, but dang! Talk about being cruel and thoughtless!!
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  #13  
Old 04-25-2012, 03:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenNJ View Post
Yes, and I am sure she will learn to "deal with it" through her father's guidance and therapy. I think shoving Mother's Day in her face two months after her mother's death is cruel. She is a child. She does not have the tools to "deal" with it yet and won't for sometime. Death is very confusing to young kids and very scary. It is compounded by the fact that it is her mother who has died. Her world is shattered. Making a craft for any other female in her life would be akin to betrayal for someone who has just lost her mom.

This is the perfect situation for the 3kidzmama to be a shining example of empathy and compassion. To have the daycare families rally around her support of this girl during the most difficult time in her young life. To build her up instead of kick her while she is down.

It isn't 3kidz job to force this girl to "deal" with it. It is her job to CARE for this girl. And the caring thing to do is being a constant source of love and understanding. I think a group of adult women can handle going without a trinket for Mother's Day when the fragile emotional well being of a child whose mother just died is at stake.
Well said JenNJ! I think that is one of the many perks of being a self-employed person... we do get to make decisions like this.

We don't have to follow guidelines that are all politically correct and blah blah blah, we can make an empathy call and do what is in the best interest of ONE child if we choose to. This is a great example if how we CAN be that one person in a child's life.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:36 PM
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OMG I am almost 40 year old and just reading this made me cry......... How very sad for this girl...I agree I would NOT be celebrating this in my house if a child just lost their mother.......

I would just let it go and go on as normal. I feel so sad for this child....what a horrible thing to have to go through for anyone let alone a child.......................
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:50 PM
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I found some helpful information on how to deal with loss with a preschool aged child, hope it helps

http://teacher.scholastic.com/profes...child_loss.htm

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/death.html

This article is how to do mothers day for kids with out mothers, but personally i feel its too soon for this child, since it happened only 2 months ago, so maybe for the future

http://voices.yahoo.com/mothers-day-...s-8162527.html
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Old 04-25-2012, 06:36 PM
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My first thought is that I would skip it this year.
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Old 04-25-2012, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenNJ View Post
Yes, and I am sure she will learn to "deal with it" through her father's guidance and therapy. I think shoving Mother's Day in her face two months after her mother's death is cruel. She is a child. She does not have the tools to "deal" with it yet and won't for sometime. Death is very confusing to young kids and very scary. It is compounded by the fact that it is her mother who has died. Her world is shattered. Making a craft for any other female in her life would be akin to betrayal for someone who has just lost her mom.

This is the perfect situation for the 3kidzmama to be a shining example of empathy and compassion. To have the daycare families rally around her support of this girl during the most difficult time in her young life. To build her up instead of kick her while she is down.

It isn't 3kidz job to force this girl to "deal" with it. It is her job to CARE for this girl. And the caring thing to do is being a constant source of love and understanding. I think a group of adult women can handle going without a trinket for Mother's Day when the fragile emotional well being of a child whose mother just died is at stake.

I am not one to get up on my soapbox, but dang! Talk about being cruel and thoughtless!!
Well said. My heart breaks for that little girl.

To the 3kidzmama, I commend you too for trying to come up with a way to ease the pain for this little girl.

I think an email or note to the other moms explaining the situation would be gift enough They will understand and love you for the compassion you are showing this little girl. After all, it's not like they won't get anything for Mother's Day if you don't do a craft this year.
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Old 04-25-2012, 06:55 PM
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Something I did before with a child who lost her father was to send his birthday wishes to him by balloon. We went to a nearby park, sang happy Birthday and had our b-day cake there. Then when she was ready, we released her gift to Daddy and watched it float out of sight. I neglected to mention that they shared a birthday. Depending on what you do for Mother's Day, she could send it off with balloons. Or she could send a photo off. It's going to be painful for your dcg whether you do anything or not. Support her and be there for her. Follow her lead if she wants to do something or not. That's most important.
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Old 04-25-2012, 06:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenNJ View Post
Yes, and I am sure she will learn to "deal with it" through her father's guidance and therapy. I think shoving Mother's Day in her face two months after her mother's death is cruel. She is a child. She does not have the tools to "deal" with it yet and won't for sometime. Death is very confusing to young kids and very scary. It is compounded by the fact that it is her mother who has died. Her world is shattered. Making a craft for any other female in her life would be akin to betrayal for someone who has just lost her mom.

This is the perfect situation for the 3kidzmama to be a shining example of empathy and compassion. To have the daycare families rally around her support of this girl during the most difficult time in her young life. To build her up instead of kick her while she is down.

It isn't 3kidz job to force this girl to "deal" with it. It is her job to CARE for this girl. And the caring thing to do is being a constant source of love and understanding. I think a group of adult women can handle going without a trinket for Mother's Day when the fragile emotional well being of a child whose mother just died is at stake.

I am not one to get up on my soapbox, but dang! Talk about being cruel and thoughtless!!
I think perhaps you took my post the wrong way. I was not saying that it was any one job to "force" the girl to "deal". I know I have much different views on death than most of the people in the world. I do not believe in cottling or changing things for others because someone close to them died. In my opinion this makes it harder in the long run. The whole world around her will be "shoving" Mother's day in her face. As far as it being a betrayal that is a persoanl feeling and while the child might feel that way we have no way of knowing unless the child can tell us.

Last edited by Michael; 04-25-2012 at 10:02 PM.
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Old 04-25-2012, 07:01 PM
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Originally Posted by gwenpatt.dc View Post
Something I did before with a child who lost her father was to send his birthday wishes to him by balloon. We went to a nearby park, sang happy Birthday and had our b-day cake there. Then when she was ready, we released her gift to Daddy and watched it float out of sight. I neglected to mention that they shared a birthday. Depending on what you do for Mother's Day, she could send it off with balloons. Or she could send a photo off. It's going to be painful for your dcg whether you do anything or not. Support her and be there for her. Follow her lead if she wants to do something or not. That's most important.
I LOVE THIS IDEA! I think that would be an awesome thing to do with a child. Please, please make sure that its ok with the Father though or better yet, invite him to be there with the group if you did this. Brings tears to my eyes imagining a little one doing this.
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Old 04-25-2012, 07:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gwenpatt.dc View Post
Something I did before with a child who lost her father was to send his birthday wishes to him by balloon. We went to a nearby park, sang happy Birthday and had our b-day cake there. Then when she was ready, we released her gift to Daddy and watched it float out of sight. I neglected to mention that they shared a birthday. Depending on what you do for Mother's Day, she could send it off with balloons. Or she could send a photo off. It's going to be painful for your dcg whether you do anything or not. Support her and be there for her. Follow her lead if she wants to do something or not. That's most important.
Totally off topic but:

Every year on our pets birthdays we send a balloon up. We all say a prayer, kiss the balloon and set it free. Which reminds me. We have to send a balloon to Rainbow Bridge on Saturday. It would have been one of little ones 22nd bday.

Back on topic:

My heart aches for that little girl. What she is going through I can not even being to imagine. While I have no words I just want to commend you for the being there for her. She will need your (and others) strength to build up hers.
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Old 04-25-2012, 08:05 PM
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Talk to her father and ask him how he thinks it's best to handle it. Present him with three options. #1 Skip it this year, too fresh for the child. #2 Have her make the craft with the other kids to give to a grandparent or aunt. #3 Have her make the craft for her mother and she and her dad can take it to the cemetery or her mom's favorite spot and leave it for her mom.

A friend lost her husband and when his birthday was approaching, their 4yr old son asked to take his present and a cake to the cemetery. It was a healing time for them and my friend was glad she'd done it.
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