Crying & Screaming At Drop Off

[CountryRoads]

Dcb, almost 2, has such a hard time at drop off. He's been coming to me off and on since he was 12 weeks old, and has been full time with me for almost a year. This is nothing new, only a handful of times he hasn't thrown a fit at drop off - and this is usually because I give him food to distract him.

He screams and cries when mom sets him down, he sometimes hits her. He's fine after mom leaves (although he is a very sensitive/emotional child), but the drop-off is not fun for all 3 of us. As soon as he sees his mom at pick-up he's back to crying and screaming (about 90% of the time), although it's not as bad.

Mom mentioned awhile back that she's worried he is on the spectrum for autism. She sent me a message apologizing and is trying to think of a way to make drop off easier. He really just acts up when she's around. Example: when mom tries to take off his hat and coat, he throws a massive fit. She then lets him keep them on and I remove them after she leaves.

Any ideas on how to make drop-off easier for everybody?

[lovemykidstoo]

Originally Posted by CountryRoads

Dcb, almost 2, has such a hard time at drop off. He's been coming to me off and on since he was 12 weeks old, and has been full time with me for almost a year. This is nothing new, only a handful of times he hasn't thrown a fit at drop off - and this is usually because I give him food to distract him.

He screams and cries when mom sets him down, he sometimes hits her. He's fine after mom leaves (although he is a very sensitive/emotional child), but the drop-off is not fun for all 3 of us. As soon as he sees his mom at pick-up he's back to crying and screaming (about 90% of the time), although it's not as bad.

Mom mentioned awhile back that she's worried he is on the spectrum for autism. She sent me a message apologizing and is trying to think of a way to make drop off easier. He really just acts up when she's around. Example: when mom tries to take off his hat and coat, he throws a massive fit. She then lets him keep them on and I remove them after she leaves.

Any ideas on how to make drop-off easier for everybody?

She thinks he has autism because he throws a fit at dropoff? If that's true I've a ton of kids that are autistic. My 17 month just started this this week actually, so mom comes to the door, I open it, take him and close the door. That truly is the only thing that works. The longer the parent stays, the worse it is, the bigger the audience. I wouldn't give food to make him stop though. Just do the bye bye outside. It works.

[Ac114]

Originally Posted by CountryRoads

Mom mentioned awhile back that she's worried he is on the spectrum for autism. She sent me a message apologizing and is trying to think of a way to make drop off easier. He really just acts up when she's around. Example: when mom tries to take off his hat and coat, he throws a massive fit. She then lets him keep them on and I remove them after she leaves.

Any ideas on how to make drop-off easier for everybody?

He has learned that all he has to do is throw a fit and he will eventually get his way. It’s a learned behavior. As lovesmykiddos said bye bye outside will solve this. Hand child over, good bye mom and it should resolve itself in a few weeks.

[Ac114]

I accidentally erased my quote marks... sorry I don’t know how to edit it back

[Mom2Two]

Do you see any signs of autism? If even you are wondering, maybe it's time to get him assessed.

[Michael]

Originally Posted by Ac114

I accidentally erased my quote marks... sorry I don’t know how to edit it back

I fixed it for you.

[Indoorvoice]

I had this same issue I wrote about a few weeks back. My dcb is close in age. The only thing that has worked is I immediately take him from dcd and shoo him out the door. I then have dcb take all his own stuff off. I think our issue was dcd was thinking the tantrum was cute and it turned into a routine. Once I took away the show it was a non issue. Dcb still comes in with tears in his eyes but there is no more screaming because there is no one to scream to. Dcb knows that I don't think it's cute and we just go about our business with a tantrum anyway so it's just easier for him to not tantrum now.

[CountryRoads]

Originally Posted by Indoorvoice

I had this same issue I wrote about a few weeks back. My dcb is close in age. The only thing that has worked is I immediately take him from dcd and shoo him out the door. I then have dcb take all his own stuff off. I think our issue was dcd was thinking the tantrum was cute and it turned into a routine. Once I took away the show it was a non issue. Dcb still comes in with tears in his eyes but there is no more screaming because there is no one to scream to. Dcb knows that I don't think it's cute and we just go about our business with a tantrum anyway so it's just easier for him to not tantrum now.

Yes, I wish this mom would drop and leave, but she doesn't. She shows up around 7:10ish and then talks to me for like at least 15 minutes (I vented on the venting thread about her this morning - she spends those 15 minutes telling me how difficult and hard her child/life is). Yesterday was a big issue. Dad dropped him off for the first time and dad would not leave. He would set him down, dcb would scream and cry, dad would pick him up again, repeat, repeat, repeat. Until I finally grabbed dcb said "say bye to daddy". He finally left after that.

[Indoorvoice]

I kind of had to force it. I explained in a nice way. I just said something similar to "hey, I hope you're not thinking I'm being mean or rude by doing this, but it's just soooo much easier for dcb if I just grab him from you and shoo you out the door. It's nothing you're doing, I just don't want him associating being so upset with me so from now on well just rip off the band-aid and he'll be so much better off. I promise he stops as soon as you leave. " Dcd took it really well and now he just steps in to sign in and hands dcb over to me right away. Really its easier for dcd too. sometimes they just need us to force them in the right direction. My mornings are so much nicer now. It was worth the 5 minutes of uncomfortable conversation to put it into action.

[Snowmom]

I'd be blunt with the issue. They may not realize that they are actually the ones causing stress for their child.

I'd phrase it in a way that defines it as beneficial to meet the child's needs... because it is.

"Mom/Dad, we need to make a change in your arrival procedure to help Billy start his day with less stress and help maintain a peaceful environment for everyone. I will need you to say your goodbyes before walking in the door. I will take his hand from the door and help transition him into daycare. You don't need to come in at all. I believe this will help with his morning ritual and help us all start our day off on the right foot.

If they say...but I need time to talk to you about ....
"Send an email. I'll check it at lunch."

[lovemykidstoo]

Don't you wish all parents would just come in, hand you the child and leave anyway? That is the worst part of my day honestly. Exactly at 7:30, I get loud mom in (my husband went to bed at 3 am, he works 2nds) and I continue to talk in my quiet voice and she still booms loud. Talks talks talks. Then her husband at the end of the day stands there holding their son and literally says nothing and I have to make up conversation that is just awkward because he says nothing. Just grab your child and leave please. I have others I'm caring for.

[knoxmomof2]

I do drop off/ pick up at a side door and I make it a point in my interview to cover what I expect--including that drop off and pick up needs to be less than 5 minutes. Since the daycare room is adjacent to the side room, I need to get back to the kids. Longer discussions can be handled by text / email or we can set an appointment for anything lengthy. It has worked like a charm with my new clients this year. I didn't do that previously and I had lingerers... Including one that would stay for 45 minutes!! (I was new and had no backbone)

In your case, just email/ text and let them know that since Johhny is so loud it's hard to discuss it in person, but you think it's best if drop off and pick up happen at the door in order to reduce the stress it's causing everyone. Let them know that you're available by text / email, etc for any major issues that need discussing.

[CountryRoads]

Thank you all for your input!
I've told her multiple times that he stops as soon as she leaves and doesn't cry after shes gone. I hoped she would get the point, but I guess not.
Dad dropped off this morning and he was much better than he was the other morning. He still screamed but stopped before he left.
And you know what I told dcm at pick up tonight?
"He was much better this morning, the other morning with dad he was pretty awful."
I obviously didn't think how that would come out.
Open mouth, insert foot.