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  #1  
Old 12-08-2011, 07:50 AM
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Zoe Zoe is offline
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Default Well I Feel Like An Idiot

I have a dcf that I suspect was getting a divorce, based on some comments that dcg was saying a while back. I never said anything because it wasn't affecting me. DCG's behavior was normal, everyone was obeying the policies, I was getting paid on time. No problems.

Well this morning dcg didn't get dropped off on time, and I had to leave to get DD to school. So I text dcm asking if she's coming. DCM responds with "her dad has the girls today. I'll see what's going on." Then DCD texts me saying dcg will be dropped off after I take DD to school. Ok, that's totally fine.

But that got me thinking that I really should know dcd's address for paperwork right? Well, I got thrown off guard at drop-off because it was grandma. I wasn't expecting that, and NOT thinking at all, I ask grandma what dcd's address was. She seemed uncomfortable telling me and it wasn't until after I asked that I realized that was inappropriate. I should have waited until one of the parents came around that I should have asked.

I apologized to grandma and said I don't want to put anyone in the middle of anything. She said that they really should have told me and it doesn't make any sense that I didn't know about the divorce.

So yeah. I messed up and I will be apologizing to dcd when he picks up this afternoon.

But now I'm curious, is there any information that you collect when the parents get a divorce? Should I know the custody schedule so I'm aware of who to contact? Help!
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Old 12-08-2011, 07:54 AM
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I've never gone through that, but I do think that you should be aware of changes involving the children. That is odd nobody clued you in to what was going on.
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Old 12-08-2011, 07:57 AM
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I have the primary parent resign the contract. I need copies of custody agreements. I need new paperwork from both parents with updated phone & addresses. I want a schedule of who is picking up and dropping off each day.
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Old 12-08-2011, 08:24 AM
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Awww....don't feel bad. I'm sure they are fine with it!

I would defintiley request copies of custody agreement, and should they ever need to deviate from the written court order, I would require a written notice from them of any change they both agree to.

Good luck!
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Old 12-08-2011, 08:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
Awww....don't feel bad. I'm sure they are fine with it!

I would defintiley request copies of custody agreement, and should they ever need to deviate from the written court order, I would require a written notice from them of any change they both agree to.

Good luck!
I agree with Crystal. I wouldn't worry too much about it but I would mention it to DCD anyway. You didn't mean to, it just happened and that's ok.

What about your contract with DCF? Did only one parent sign or did both sign? If both signed I would ask for DCD's info. I have a clause in my handbook that says that any changes in address or family status needs to made in writing within 5 days. This way there is no confusion. I think it's important to give this type of info to your caregiver in either case, it could give clues and insight to a child's behavior and could come in handy in emergencies KWIM?
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Old 12-08-2011, 08:46 AM
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Thanks guys. It wasn't like I was trying to be sneaky so I will be sure to clarify that with DCD. I am all about communication. I feel it is SO important in all aspects of my life and I think that's what has led to a successful and relatively stress free daycare here.

This family has been with me for over a year and dcd was living at home at the time, so I have the contract with both of them. They both signed the paperwork. There hasn't been any issues with this family ever so I've never given my suspicions any thought. I'll ask for the custody agreement this afternoon at pick-up.
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:25 AM
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I had a family divorce and luckily they clued me right in. I immediatly asked for there addresses. Dont beat yourself up about it. They should of clued you in right away. I would have an update sheet ready for him to fill out the next time you see them. Actually I have had two families divorce the other one was a friend of mine. Our kids go to school together. They divorced a couple years ago. You need to be in the know! I would also make payment arrangments with both of them to. Just to cover yourself incase theres an issue.
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:37 AM
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Me, personally, I don't care what custody agreements say and I wouldn't get involved. I have the primary parent handle the paperwork and payments. I don't do half from DCM, half from DCD bologna.

Find out who is picking up and who is dropping off and leave it be.

Most parents that get divorced, have children and live in the same town have to be civil so it shouldn't matter what their custody is on paper because some never do it that way. Some parents are able to get along and just go about living their life with little change except where they are living.
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
Me, personally, I don't care what custody agreements say and I wouldn't get involved. I have the primary parent handle the paperwork and payments. I don't do half from DCM, half from DCD bologna.

Find out who is picking up and who is dropping off and leave it be.

Most parents that get divorced, have children and live in the same town have to be civil so it shouldn't matter what their custody is on paper because some never do it that way. Some parents are able to get along and just go about living their life with little change except where they are living.
You have a good point wdmmom. Honestly, most of my confusion about this whole thing was it seemed like nothing ever changed! I'll give what you said some thought.
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Old 12-08-2011, 10:01 AM
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I think it is important that you have copies of custody orders, and if you do not, that you have a very FIRM written agreement on who picks up which day, and in writing if they change that for even one day. It covers you if you release the child to a parent who does not have "physical custody" that day and the other parent gets upset about it. Also, since you cannot withhold a child from a parent, UNLESS there is a custody order on file that says they are not to have the child on specific days, your covering your butt if a parent shows up on a day they aren't supposed too and you don't have permission from the custodial parent for the other to pick up.

Also, it is imperative that you have emergency cards from both parents, with each of their physical addresses, work addresses, emergency contact info, etc. If anything ever happens, you'll need info for both parents in case you cannot reach one of them.

You may want to call your licensor just to verify that you should indeed have custodial information.
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Old 12-08-2011, 10:48 AM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
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The contact information for both parent is crucial.

But far too often, parents change agreements without going to court. DCD could have DCK every Wednesday but because of work, life, etc., him and mom worked it out to be every Monday instead?! Who knows. Just tell DCM and DCD to keep the lines of communication open and that you would prefer to stay out of it. If you can get it to one parent doing arrivals and departures, it'd be a lot easier for you.
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Old 12-08-2011, 10:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
I think it is important that you have copies of custody orders, and if you do not, that you have a very FIRM written agreement on who picks up which day, and in writing if they change that for even one day. It covers you if you release the child to a parent who does not have "physical custody" that day and the other parent gets upset about it. Also, since you cannot withhold a child from a parent, UNLESS there is a custody order on file that says they are not to have the child on specific days, your covering your butt if a parent shows up on a day they aren't supposed too and you don't have permission from the custodial parent for the other to pick up.

Also, it is imperative that you have emergency cards from both parents, with each of their physical addresses, work addresses, emergency contact info, etc. If anything ever happens, you'll need info for both parents in case you cannot reach one of them.

You may want to call your licensor just to verify that you should indeed have custodial information.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
The contact information for both parent is crucial.

But far too often, parents change agreements without going to court. DCD could have DCK every Wednesday but because of work, life, etc., him and mom worked it out to be every Monday instead?! Who knows. Just tell DCM and DCD to keep the lines of communication open and that you would prefer to stay out of it. If you can get it to one parent doing arrivals and departures, it'd be a lot easier for you.
You both have valid points. I sent an email to my licensor about this because I'm not sure of what I have the right to request from a parent in this situation. I don't want to overstep my boundaries.

This family always has different people doing drop-off and pick-ups. All that are on the approved list of course, so it's no different than when they were married. Mom's a nurse and her hours are crazy so they have many family members helping out. I stopped asking who was picking up because it's always different and it hasn't affected anything with my policies or upset anyone. They seem to have it all planned out even though it seems random to me, so whatever. It's really not a problem here.

I have contact info for both parents now, so at least if there's an emergency I'll have no problem getting ahold of anyone.
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  #13  
Old 12-09-2011, 09:38 AM
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Default Update

My licensor said that as long as there isn't an order against a parent coming to the daycare, I don't really need the custody agreement. All I need is both contact info and to make sure that both parents are still okay with who is on the approved pick-up list.

I apologized to DCD last night and he apologized to me that I didn't know what was going on. He told me his new address and told me how the custody thing happened, although they are very friendly with each other and help each other out with drop-offs and pick-ups (which would explain why it's all over the place and I never noticed anything was going on.)

So no worries! I'm up to date with my paperwork and finally am up to date on WTH is going on! Thanks for all your help!
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