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Old 02-04-2011, 07:36 PM
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gkids09 gkids09 is offline
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Default I Need Opinions...(Caution: Long...)

Okay, I have a dcb who will be 5 in the fall. He has been with me since he was two. I honestly LOVE this kid, and on his good days, he's so loving and really really funny. BUT...with that being said, there's something that just doesn't seem right. When he first started, he had never been anywhere but home, and all his parents did was put him in front of the TV. They even went so far as to tell me that everything he knew came from the shows he watched (Sesame Street, Thomas the Train, that sort of thing...). That in itself proved to me that he NEEDED to be in a child care setting, and I wanted to do everything I could to help. He started at my daycare, and had a bit of a hard time adjusting, except when his cousin was there, and he LOVED being with him. But when something didn't go right, he screamed...not just a screaming little kid who wanted to get his way, it was like he was in extreme pain. He literally scared some of the kids I had in my care. After a few months, he quit that, and just threw fits occasionally. When we had class pictures last year, I waited until very last to get him. And he threw a fit in which he slammed his head into the wall repeatedly. Needless to say, he didn't get his picture made last year. He had fits like this occasionally, usually when the schedule got messed up. He never wanted to be touched, he always played alone, and when he picked toys up, he'd get them by the handful and then rub them together making them all fall to the floor. When his mom was around, she'd say that she acted just like him when she was little, so we never questioned anything. In the past year, dcb has improved GREATLY. I had chalked up his past behavior to being babysat by the TV, immaturity, and just being spoiled. We had class pictures a couple months ago, and his pictures are some of the absolute cutest of anyone's in the daycare. He LOVES being in front of a camera now, he hugs, tries to kiss, and is a very smart boy. He knows all the months, all the days of the week, all the coins & what they're worth, all the shapes and colors, how to spell his name and others' names, he can do 100 piece puzzles with no help at all, and he looks at books and spells words and tries to figure out what they say by sounding them out....BUT he's a complete loner. He never ever ever wants to play with anyone but himself. He gets cars, and as he's rolling them on the floor, he lays his head down and drags his head across the floor with the car, watching the wheels. He can't draw anything, he simply scribbles and says he makes a racetrack, EVERY SINGLE TIME. He wants to watch TV or be in the computer center all the time, and here lately when anyone tells him to do anything he yells, says "YOU'RE NOT MY BEST FRIEND!!" and sits himself down. I have completely taken the computer center out, because he never did anything but that. I have reduced TV time to be on only when children arrive in the mornings (it gets their attention away from their parents so they can leave). I have encouraged him to play with other kids, but he doesn't seem to know how. He has his days where all he wants to do is puzzles, which is great sometimes, but he needs to be social, doesn't he??? He would LOVE to sleep all day long, and begs to go to bed early, which we allow within reason. He will sleep until he is woken up, sometimes up to almost 4 hours. (The next longest nap is 2.5 hours, and that's a one year old!) His mom is a nurse, and thinks all of his behavior is normal, or so she says. I have had three visitors come in the past three weeks, and every one of them have asked if something is wrong with him. I always say no, just because I don't feel like it's their place to know my opinion of him!! He is very behind in his speech, and is not going to school this fall. He is very very tall for his age, and is HUGE compared to the kids who will be going to school with him next year. I feel like we have helped him a lot with his development, and I would never think of terminating him because I do love him, and he is not harming anyone else, he's just different. I have looked online to see if there are any specific disorders that he may have, but I can't decide...I am not even going to name the ones that are possibilities. I want some opinions. Do you guys think there is something wrong, or is he really a "normal" kid?? I have other four year olds who don't act like this, and never have, but I know every kid is different, so I don't know what to do. Anyway, from the info I have given, what do you think it could be?? Is there something more than just a slow developing child, or am I worrying about something I shouldn't? Thanks in advance...
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Old 02-04-2011, 07:48 PM
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SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
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From what you say, there is a possibility that he may fall somewhere on the Autism spectrum. Some of it does sound autistic (watching the wheels, loner, fixated on certain things), and some of it sounds like it could be side effects from his early upbringing (lack of attention in the early years, lack of stimulation, etc). Some of it sounds like it could be personality.

Why won't he be going to school in the fall? Is his birthday just a little past the cut-off? If you suggest to his parents (and possibly push his parents) to get an evaluation at least for his speech delay, and they do find that he needs services and intervention, I'm betting that your school district has a special needs preschool program he'd be able to be in.

It sounds like you're an amazing provider who has taken a very emotionally neglected little boy and helped him do a complete 180! Trust your instincts; if you think something's off, and especially if complete strangers think something off there's a very very good chance that there is. Try, try, try to get mom to get him eval'd on the basis of speech (since she sounds like she might not be open to any other ideas)--a good evaluation will catch anything else that might be there, as I believe that they usually do a full evaluation even if only one area is a suspected problem.
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Old 02-04-2011, 07:53 PM
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SilverSabre, you are right, she's not very open to any other ideas...I have tried, even gone so far as giving all the parents a handout on different childhood disorders so she can't say I'm singling them out.
He isn't going to school this fall because his birthday is "close to the cutoff date" according to mom. I am afraid she thinks there is something wrong too, but won't admit it to anyone, and that bothers me. I would think as a parent you would want to do anything possible to help your child, but I am not a parent yet so I guess I can't make those assumptions yet...Thank you so so so much for your response. I will try my best to get something done for him. I have talked to my CCR&R and they said they'd get me the number of someone to evaluate all the children, and see if they notice anything with any specific kids, but they never got back with me. Every time I mention it again to them they say something like "Oh yeah, we'll get that to you in a week or so..." And I never hear anything back. I thought these people were supposed to HELP!! Anyway, that's a whole other story. Thank you though, really. I am going to try again!!
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Old 02-04-2011, 08:04 PM
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It sounds like Autism because i have a daughter who is on Autism Spectrum. She used to like that when she was 3 just like your dcb. Since he can speak, I guess he have PDD/NOS or High Functioning Autism. My 10 years old daughter has diagnosed with PDD when she was 3. She is doing much better and she can use sign over 300 vocabulary (She is deaf also). She is good kid.
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Old 02-04-2011, 08:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gkids09 View Post
SilverSabre, you are right, she's not very open to any other ideas...I have tried, even gone so far as giving all the parents a handout on different childhood disorders so she can't say I'm singling them out.
He isn't going to school this fall because his birthday is "close to the cutoff date" according to mom. I am afraid she thinks there is something wrong too, but won't admit it to anyone, and that bothers me. I would think as a parent you would want to do anything possible to help your child, but I am not a parent yet so I guess I can't make those assumptions yet...
I just want to give a different perspective for anyone who has encountered a parent who appears to have their head in the sand. My middle child, who is now 16, had horrible speech problems. At age three he was still not speaking where anyone (but me, I guess) could understand him. In fact, everyone said he was going to be a preacher when he grew up because he was always "speaking in tongues". I knew his speech was a problem, as I had an older child who did everything early. I knew his speech was off, but I just thought since he was a boy, that he would catch up. I didn't have my head in the sand, but was really unaware that he actually had any problems. I just thought boys did everything later. Also, I was too close to the situation, since I could understand everything he said. At some point, on a whim, I decided it sure wouldn't hurt to have him evaluated, just in case something was wrong. Not only did he have a MAJOR speech delay, he also suffered from a huge gross and fine motor skills delay. That was such a shock to me, as I didn't see that AT ALL!! I started him immediately in a head start program, and when we moved to a city that had it, we enrolled him in an early intervention program. We saw improvements almost immediately. By the time he started kindergarten, he was put into the special ed class for the majority of his school day, only in his regular K class 1 hour a day. Within a week of starting K, they flipped it and he was with his regular K class most of the time with only 1 hour a day in Spec Ed class. He had speech therapy until 4th grade. Still today, when he talks too fast, it's hard to understand him. But he's a smart kid. So, all this to say, I was a sah mom for most of that time, and I think I was just too close to the situation. I could understand him, so even though I knew he was a little delayed, I had no idea he was that delayed because I was with him all that time and 'got used to' him and his personality and the way he did things. I just thought it was normal for him. It could be what this mom is feeling. Let's face it, no one wants to think their child could have anything wrong with them, and it's so easy to think there's nothing really wrong.

As for what you have said about dcb, it does sound like he may be on the asperger's spectrum. If I were you, I would call, and keep calling your CCR&R until they get that info to you. Call weekly. If that doesn't work, call daily. You are right - they are there to help the children. Boo on them for not doing what they are being paid to do!! You know what they say...the squeaky wheel gets the grease! Bug the heck out of them so they will do what you are asking them to do, just to get you off their back!
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Old 02-04-2011, 09:06 PM
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for the record - the fact that she's a nurse means NOTHING when it comes to understanding child development. that's one thing i'm sure of. i have a BS degree in early childhood development and i'm in school now working on my BS in nursing. nowhere in nursing do we learn about child development. even the nurses/doctors who work in pediatrics specialize in MEDICAL aspects of care -not social, emotional, cognitive development. i didn't learn how to do blood pressure or determine oxygen levels when i was in school to be a teacher and i'm not learning about how children develop while in school to be a nurse.

this mother is in denial and don't let her "i'm a nurse" act intimidate you.
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Old 02-05-2011, 03:37 AM
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sounds like Autism specturm I have a son who has this
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