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Old 03-25-2010, 05:17 AM
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Default Slow Children

Okay, I am really getting tired of bad behavior and feeling that the 2 brothers I watch just don't seem to get it. I have decided that maybe if I think of them as a little slow, maybe that will help me to have more patience with them. They have very poor communication skills, are not articulate at all. I don't believe my girls are genius children, but they are very verbal and I have never had trouble communicating with them. These boys are 3 and 5 and really do not seem to answer questions, or engage in a conversation. I find it very frustrating. I had to teach them to ask for things because their family, mom, grandmothers just give them everything before they ever have to even ask. I feel bad, but they are slow, maybe not because they were born that way but because they have not really been taught anything. Does it make sense? I feel I am losing my mind and I dread them coming because they just do not understand anything I am trying to teach them. It takes SO long to get through.

I really do not think I am a better parent than anyone else, I feel I am average, my kids are average, and I just do not understand why I can't get through to them. I am running out of options. My house and everything in it is going to be torn to shreds if I do not figure out what to do. I watch them like a hawk, but as soon as I go to the bathroom or something they go ape on me! Any suggestions are much appreciated. We do time-outs and when they are extreme, they go to the corner for a time-out. I know some of you probably have children with bad behavior, what do you do?
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:38 AM
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Be firm and consistent. At those ages, you should be able to go potty without issues from them. When ever you need to go potty or do something, I would make them set on a chair while you are gone. Once they can prove they can follow that, then move on to something else.

I also would tell them that after 3 time outs/or what ever you feel is fair in a day, the remainder will be spent on a naughty mat, or in a chair sitting off to the side. It gets very tiring dealing with children like that. I have one, and when I have had enough, he is put on a permanant time out in the dc room but alone. At some point they will get it.
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mac60 View Post
Be firm and consistent. At those ages, you should be able to go potty without issues from them. When ever you need to go potty or do something, I would make them set on a chair while you are gone. Once they can prove they can follow that, then move on to something else.

I also would tell them that after 3 time outs/or what ever you feel is fair in a day, the remainder will be spent on a naughty mat, or in a chair sitting off to the side. It gets very tiring dealing with children like that. I have one, and when I have had enough, he is put on a permanant time out in the dc room but alone. At some point they will get it.
At least you hope someday they will get it.LOL!!!
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:53 AM
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Unfortunately some never "get it", that is why if you don't get it, you can enjoy the comfort of my chair.
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Old 03-25-2010, 06:43 AM
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I didn't think about that, I am still learning at this! Thanks for the advice, I am going to put him out if he can't get it after 3 time-outs.
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Old 03-25-2010, 07:16 AM
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You may want to consider a parent's perspective befor you sit them out for the entire day. Obviously they parent different than you and they probably won't take to kindly to knowing that their child spent a day in a chair.

My opinion is, if you have a child who is constantly disruptive, and it ruins your entire day, then you need to replace them. OR, you need to find a new approach that will work for all of you. Start by researching and finding out what is and is not developmentally appropriate and learn appropriate techniques to deal with behaviors that bother you. Sometimes behaviors occur due to boredom....are you offering enough stimulating, play-based activities that they are INTERESTED in, etc. If thier language skills bother you, are you offering activities that you interact with the child, helping them develop language skills, or are you just expecting them to pick it up along the way? ETC.

There are LOTS of ways to deal with it without it sucking out all of your emotional energy.

Good luck!
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Old 03-25-2010, 07:25 AM
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And don't forget- if they make any progress at all, be quick to praise and reinforce the good behavior. Sometimes I get caught up in looking out for the bad things that I remind myself to watch for the positives that happen.
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Old 03-26-2010, 06:59 AM
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Good point missnikki, I will definitely remember that.

I do offer play based activities. I personally feel that children need to play independently for a while and should not have to be entertained by someone else at all times. We have free-play time, story & song time and recess outdoors, puzzles, blocks and lots to do. I do not do crafts with them. I have tried in the past and they are such terrors that it does not work. I am not a facility or school and do not charge what daycares do. Playdoh does not even work because it is like giving playdoh to a monkey or something. I have mostly girl toys, but a few boy things. I used to have a lot of boy stuff taking up space just for them and they did not play with any of it. They like playing and breaking toys or playing with things that are not toys. They have no discipline at home. I may try to replace them, but they have been here for almost 2 years. It just seems that without any discipline at home, kids just get worse as they get older and I am just frustrated with it.

Their mother has told me to spank them because she knows how bad they are. I just can't because they are not mine and I do not feel comfortable. I have seen her slap them in the face before, but then when they do the same thing again she does nothing, she is very inconsistent and only disciplines when she can't take it anymore. She is young and immature and has no idea what to do with them. I know, I have been where she is, but without the slapping!
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:40 AM
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If I EVER saw a parent slap a child in the face I would IMMEDIATELY be reporting her. That is completely unnacceptable. If she's willing to do that in front of you, then what is she doing behind closed doors. This could explain alot about their destructive tendencies. I am pissed just reading that.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:03 AM
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I wont offer my opinion about the mom smacking because I have done the same things to my own kids. not alot but I have spanked on occasion, and popped their mouth if something ugly came out that they knew was unacceptable. There is a way to discipline, and I think most parents these days are more worried about wether they are going to be seen as an abuser,.. or that they will harm their childs inner self by smacking their butt. My kids knew,.. there are things you will get a spanking for,....end of story. Not many but there are some things my husband and I dont stand for. I sound mean and harsh but in reality I can think of one spanking my son (18) has had,.. 2 my 16 yr old,... 4 my 11 yr old, and 2 my 8 yr old. So its not like I go around beating them. But well,.. anyway (well lookie there, I did give my opinion,... lol sorry )


as far as them getting into something while you are pottying,.... I give them an empty paper towel roll, and have them try to "get" me under the door while I go,.. I say,.. ohhh,..almost,.. wow,.. ahhh,.. keep them thinking that they can reach me and in the 20 seconds it takes to pee and yank up my pants,.. I open the door and tell them how good they did while Im washing my hands.

just an idea,... good luck. =-)
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Old 03-26-2010, 10:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laundryduchess@yahoo.com View Post
I wont offer my opinion about the mom smacking because I have done the same things to my own kids. not alot but I have spanked on occasion, and popped their mouth if something ugly came out that they knew was unacceptable. There is a way to discipline, and I think most parents these days are more worried about wether they are going to be seen as an abuser,.. or that they will harm their childs inner self by smacking their butt. My kids knew,.. there are things you will get a spanking for,....end of story. Not many but there are some things my husband and I dont stand for. I sound mean and harsh but in reality I can think of one spanking my son (18) has had,.. 2 my 16 yr old,... 4 my 11 yr old, and 2 my 8 yr old. So its not like I go around beating them. But well,.. anyway (well lookie there, I did give my opinion,... lol sorry )


as far as them getting into something while you are pottying,.... I give them an empty paper towel roll, and have them try to "get" me under the door while I go,.. I say,.. ohhh,..almost,.. wow,.. ahhh,.. keep them thinking that they can reach me and in the 20 seconds it takes to pee and yank up my pants,.. I open the door and tell them how good they did while Im washing my hands.

just an idea,... good luck. =-)

Same here! My children are still very young but they know that there are some behaviors that will result in a spanking and some words/phrases that will result in being popped in the mouth. I use spanking as a last resort but I am not against physically disciplining my own children.
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:12 PM
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I use spanking, too for my own children when needed. I believe that most kids need a good old fashioned spanking at least once in their life. I use it as a last resort or when they are deliberately defiant. I just do not smack in the face and if I did, I sure would not do it in front of anyone!!!! I have not spanked often, either and probably could count on one hand my kids, too. My oldest is 15, 10, 7, 3 and 9 months. I could see with my teenager I may smack her before it is over! LOL, just kidding!

I would not report her, she smacked him but she did not hurt him. If she smacked hard, he wouldn't act like he does, he would be afraid of her, so apparently she has never hit him hard enough to give him any fear.

I totally agree with you, laundry. I think people think it is wrong to spank, so they don't do anything. To me no discipline is a form of abuse. If you do not teach your children how to act, it is just wrong. But that is my 2 cents and that is all it is worth nowadays@!!!!!!
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:34 PM
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While I personally have never used spanking as a method of discipline, I would not say that another parent should not use it. To each his own, so long as it is not abuse and there are no marks left. I was referring to slapping in the face - which is abuse IMO.

While I would not tell another parent they are wrong for spanking their own child, I do have to say, that it does not have to be used for a child to be compliant. I never used spanking and my children are very well-rounded, respectful, courteous children/adults. My 19 year old, 17 year old and 12 year old have turned out just fine - and would NEVER dream of talking back to me, disrespecting me or treating me badly. You seem to imply that by not spanking, I do not discipline and threfore I am being abusive....lol....PLEASE?!

I, of course, do not spank daycare children either, and they all respond quite well to redirection, positive reinforcement and limited choice. For the most part they are well-behaved children, with the occasional issue that is REALLY an issue.

Keep in mind when you say that you will not report, that you are a mandated reporter and if anything ever happens to that child at his mother's hand...it's right here in black and white that you were aware of this happening and you did nothing about it - which could leave YOU in the hotseat.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:41 PM
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I was not referring to you, I was making a statement in general. Seems that many who do not spank do not have any consequences for the bad behavior. I see it constantly everywhere. I worry about this generation of kids, it is scary.

Apparently there are people like you out there who manage to not spank and do a good job, but I would say you are in the minority from what I have seen in my lifetime!
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Old 03-27-2010, 05:37 PM
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Default A different perspesctive.

Have you considered that these boys may have special needs? If communication is an are of weakness, and they don't know who to act when you are around, it is a good possibility that tye could be autistic. Do they communicate with each other or their peers?
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Old 03-29-2010, 07:19 AM
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They do not have special needs. They are SPOILED ROTTEN, that is all. They do not have to communicate because mom and dad treat them like they are 6 months old. They don't have to talk because they want for nothing at any given moment. I have taught them to ask me for things that they want, to say please and how to put a question into words because they did not know how. I had to work with them for a long time and they learned, so no they are not special needs children.
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