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Old 06-20-2011, 10:37 AM
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Default Advice Needed!!!

I have a DCG 4yrs that I have had in my care since 12 weeks.

Even when she was an infant she would have major 'tantrums' and then seconds later be happy and smiling.

1,2, and 3 years old she has had screamed everytime there is een the smallest conflict. There is no inbetween it is happy or screaming mad. Sometimes it is about things all kids would get upset about and other time he is very sensitive to anything...i.e "he looked at me' and it ony made worse bc then all the kids stare bc she is acting so dramaticly.

Now that she is 4 I have noticed that when she is angry she gets physical...mostly with herself. hitting her legs, twisitng the skin on her arm, pulling on her cloths and hair. She gets really angry and has a 'look' on her face that is blank with rage.

Int he last 6 months she has also had sensory issues, such as saying her hands and feet are dirty and she wants them washed (when we have only played in the house)

I mentioned my conserns to the DCM when this child was younger and it was not recieved well. I banked on the fact that when pre-school started teh teachers would bring it to their attention, but if they did it was never shared with me, and he can't be recieving any addition help bc he is with me every hour I am open.

Terming is not an option. Does anyone else have a child like this? What works best for you.

I always interact with her in a calm voice and manner and she spends lots of time doing activites away from the group or with one or two others she can be around without being upset.

Any advice is welcome.
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Old 06-20-2011, 10:47 AM
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I have a 3 yo DCB that does the same thing but he screams when he doesn't get his way. High pitched shreaks and squeels. I also have a 2 yo DCB that hits himself when things don't go his way.

I've been told to just ignore him and so far, that advise has proven beneficial.

I would suggest when she gets mad to remove her from the other kids, let her throw her fit and tell her she's welcome to return when she's done.
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Old 06-20-2011, 11:19 AM
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sounds like she doen't know how to express her anger. Maybe ask her to use her words, like "are you mad because...." or teach her breathing techniques, I know it sounds funny but maybe taking deep breaths might work too or give her a rubber ball and when she gets angry sqeeze the ball.
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Old 06-20-2011, 11:29 AM
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Do you have a developmental center or something similar in your area that does assessments? I have assessments done at my home once a year and all my parents LOVE it. The parents give permission and fill out forms, then the team comes to your daycare and checks all the kids...where you can then share your concerns. This might be a good way to get her some OT (which here they will come do during daycare too!)
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Old 06-20-2011, 11:58 AM
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All of the advice you've received is good so far. It sounds like you are looking for ways to make the situation better, and I hate to say it, but you might want to readjust your thinking to focus more on how to live with the situation exactly as it is, because just as things get better, something else usually comes up and a new, equally irritating behavior starts up. That was my experience, and that was the advice others had for me as well. I'm not saying the child will not grow and improve, but her temperament isn't going to change and her habits aren't really going to change since it sounds like they're being reinforced by the parents, so the WAY she grows and improves is going to be within the parameters of the behaviors she's already showed you (because those are the only tools she has in her toolbox at the moment). If you're not going to term, then you need to be ready for the rollercoaster ride.

Really not trying to be negative, but I had the mindset that things would get better with the kid I had to term and if someone had just explicitly told me to let go of the wishful thinking, I would have been happier.

As to your question, the only thing that worked for my screaming tantrum thrower was to give her exactly what she wanted when she wanted it within, like, 5 seconds, or all hell would break loose. What she mostly wanted was to be held and to have ALL the attention to herself, which I obviously couldn't do. But seriously, some kids really need that, and IMO, those type of kids need to be home with a family member who loves them. Or they need a nanny with a big heart.

When I called the local CCRR for help, they suggested a home visit by a "behavioral specialist", which is just a less scary term for an infant mental health specialist. I would have been all for it if I hadn't already terminated my contract. I'd try that if I were you, because they may be able to give you specific advice on how to deal with the disruptive behavior in a proven way. Good luck, and keep us posted if you get any solid, professional advice!
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Old 06-20-2011, 11:58 AM
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I use one phrase.....

"That doesn't work here".

Then prove it and ignore the behavior.

She's doing it for attention. She likes being a "special case".

I make sure I give LOTS of attention to the kids who are behaving well and ignore the one having a hissy. Sit them on a chair or even in a pack n play if need be and then walk away. I tell the other kids to ignore a temper tantrum king/queen too. I will not talk to a child having a temper tantrum other than to say "That doesn't work here"

Usually works although it can take time because they are confused at first. They are used to grown ups rushing around trying all kinds of things to "make it better". Being the center of attention is very important to them. They need to know that GOOD behavior gets the attention, not the bad.
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