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  #1  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:03 PM
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Default Ya Just Can't Help Children Of Rude, Entitled Parents!!

So I have a couple kids that are always wearing hand me downs and never given anything new by the DCMs own words. These 2 kids have been wearing the same smelly pair of shoes since enrollment in January! The were 2nd hand from Goodwill back then! They don't fit right. I fight to get them on. Although they don't complain of sore feet I know they have to be. I have mentioned to DCM a couple months ago about them and asked if they had a good pair so we could go to a museum. She tells me no only those and that she knows she has to get them some more but can't afford it.

Little background this family makes about $2,000 per month counting the employment and other income as well as assistance programs! WHY can they not afford shoes??? Answer, they CAN they just don't care (AHEM some of u may be with me here...)

Anyway, I am planning on buying them both NEW shoes as well as a few outfits NEW because they never had anything NEW! Uggh.. Until I get enough saved to do so I am searching for shoes. So I text DCM today asking what size they wear because I forgot to look while they were here.
She asks why I want to know.
I said well you yourself said the other day they were outgrowing them right?
She replies yes but I cant afford shoes now.
I text back ok well my cousin has some shoes that her kids outgrew and before she puts them in her yardsale I wanted to know if they would fit your kids. What size are they?
She replies with I don't know I will have to look.
So I wait for an hour and nothing... I text back asking if she looked.
She said no she will look later.
WTH??? I reply well can u look now please so I know if they fit or not and I can get them for u.
She replies with "just get them and I will look at your shoes when I get there Saturday morning and if they fit I will take them.

WHOOOO acts like that??? I mean i know shes got entitlement fever but damn!!! RUDE RUDE RUDE!! Can't even get off your lazy azz to check the size on a shoe so u can get MORE FREE stuff?

I feel like pulling my hair out! I say to myself fine I am not buying the new shoes if she cant help by supplying a damn size! Then I think of the children... I guess I will wait and check them on Saturday for myself!
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Old 08-17-2011, 03:12 AM
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Im like you. Sometimes I HATE some of the things the parents do but I always remid myself its not the childrens fault, they didnt choose thier parents. But boy those parents make it hard to care! By the way, since the mom wont ever say it. i will "thank you for what you are doing for these children"
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Old 08-17-2011, 04:57 AM
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They definitely should be buying their kids shoes. But 2K a month is not a lot of $$$ with a family. Of course I have no idea what funds they make with assistance but I could understand why they have a hard time buying shoes with that little amount of $$$. Not sure why she wouldn't accept your help & tell you the shoe sizes. Strange!
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Old 08-17-2011, 04:59 AM
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Here! Measure them yourself - don't wait for lame Mom to do it:
http://www.famousfootwear.com/App_Th...s_brannock.pdf

BTW - Payless shoes has their BOGO sale going on right now. Not the best shoes in the world but at least they will be clean and new for a while.

I'm not a big fan of 2nd hand shoes. Clothing you can wash but shoes... bleh!

Don't spend a fortune - it won't be appreciated.
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Old 08-17-2011, 05:23 AM
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She can afford a texting cell phone but not shoes for her kids?

You are sweet for trying to help, but don't expect her to appreciate it. I would just check the size or measure their feet and get them the shoes. Be fully prepared for negative comments if she doesn't like what you have chosen.
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Old 08-17-2011, 05:29 AM
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If you get them new shoes and clothes, you won't get thanked, and may never see either again. I think if it were me, I'd keep the new shoes and clothes at my house, change them when they get there, and change them back when it's time to go home. That way you KNOW that they have what they need when you go on trips and such.
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:16 AM
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Get some basic good quality stuff for them for your house and just switch them when they arrive and switch them back before they leave. Save whatever you use for them for the next ones that come along.

I have a huge stock of clothing, shoes, coats, jammies, etc here. I want to have everything I need every day for every kid. I don't care what the parents send them in... I have what I need. I have parents who are REALLY great about clothing now so I don't have to use much of mine but I have had years where we had to undress, dress, undress and redress kids every day. Some of that was due to money but some of it to parents sending kids in cumbersome or ill fitted clothing.

Clothing is one my big big big pet peeves. I can't stand having kids in clothing that doesn't fit or is hard to manage. I like onesies and socks on the babies and easy zipper clothing for them. If they come in something I don't like to manage, we just swap them into our clothes. Makes the day easier.

I provide ALL outdoor wear so I don't care what they send for coats, hats, shoes etc.
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:22 AM
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I do very similar to Nan.

I have back-ups of EVERYTHING and provide everything but formula.

I don't like constant policing, recording or enforcing so I limit what I can.

If an issue requires me to depend on the parents to provide proper care, I find a better, simpler, solution.

Some days I don't have to use my supplies at all...most days I do.
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:37 AM
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yup, keep everything at your house and don't even tell the mom you are changing them. don't let them take anything home because you will never see it again and mom will assume you will begin providing play clothes and shoes for them.
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:45 AM
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Oh, boy. I don't even know where to start here. First of all, $2,000 a month is NOT a lot of money. Yes, they should be able to buy their children shoes and in fact they HAVE bought them shoes. They are just not up to YOUR standards. I agree with others who say that if you don't like what the parents provide, to buy items for the child to wear there, and leave it alone.

Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with second-hand clothing. My child wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and items bought at Goodwill and eBay. They are perfectly good clothes and cost me a fraction of what it would to buy new. Not buying your kids new clothes does not make you a bad parent. Guess what? Kids don't know or care if their clothes are new or not! My daughter looks adorable in brand-name clothing that I have bought on a budget. I think it's something to be proud, not ashamed of!

Finally, I encourage you to look at this from the parent's point of view. You have basically told her that what she is providing for her child isn't good enough. It's really presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to decide this woman's children "deserve" new clothes and that since she is not buying them for them, it is up to you. Rather than ask her if the children had "good" shoes to wear to the museum, maybe you could have just said that you thought the child's shoes were getting a bit snug and it was time for a larger pair. When you started texting her about the clothes, she was probably thinking, "Oh no, not this again!" I think your heart is in the right place but you are a bit misguided. If you want to broach the subject with her again, tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. I just thought maybe it would help you out to have these clothes since you said you were short on cash. I hope that I haven't offended you, I just wanted to help. Are you still interested in the clothes?"
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Old 08-17-2011, 07:12 AM
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Are the kids coming in with dirty/too small of clothes?
If their birthdays are coming up, get them a new outfit. Christmas isn't too far away either!

I wouldn't supply clothes for your house...especially if they are dressed appropriately.

I wouldn't send my kids to daycare in good/new clothes for the simple reason of THEY SHOULD BE PLAYING. Play clothes are separate from good/new clothes.

My kids still have clothes for school and clothes for play.

I understand the shoe situation. There's nothing worse than shoes that don't fit or fit right! I've never bought a used pair of shoes and never intend to! Doctors don't suggest it either!

If these parents have a car and can afford the car insurance and payment and registration and gas for it, they can afford to go spend $10 on a pair of shoes at Walmart or Target! Ridiculous!
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Old 08-17-2011, 07:25 AM
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The mom CAN'T tell you what size shoes the kids wear because she doesn't know. Draw an outline of the kids' feet and take it from there.
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Old 08-17-2011, 07:33 AM
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The mom CAN'T tell you what size shoes the kids wear because she doesn't know. Draw an outline of the kids' feet and take it from there.
That is what I was thinking.
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Old 08-17-2011, 07:47 AM
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Oh, boy. I don't even know where to start here. First of all, $2,000 a month is NOT a lot of money. Yes, they should be able to buy their children shoes and in fact they HAVE bought them shoes. They are just not up to YOUR standards. I agree with others who say that if you don't like what the parents provide, to buy items for the child to wear there, and leave it alone.

Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with second-hand clothing. My child wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and items bought at Goodwill and eBay. They are perfectly good clothes and cost me a fraction of what it would to buy new. Not buying your kids new clothes does not make you a bad parent. Guess what? Kids don't know or care if their clothes are new or not! My daughter looks adorable in brand-name clothing that I have bought on a budget. I think it's something to be proud, not ashamed of!

Finally, I encourage you to look at this from the parent's point of view. You have basically told her that what she is providing for her child isn't good enough. It's really presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to decide this woman's children "deserve" new clothes and that since she is not buying them for them, it is up to you. Rather than ask her if the children had "good" shoes to wear to the museum, maybe you could have just said that you thought the child's shoes were getting a bit snug and it was time for a larger pair. When you started texting her about the clothes, she was probably thinking, "Oh no, not this again!" I think your heart is in the right place but you are a bit misguided. If you want to broach the subject with her again, tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. I just thought maybe it would help you out to have these clothes since you said you were short on cash. I hope that I haven't offended you, I just wanted to help. Are you still interested in the clothes?"
I provide second hand clothes and LOVE them.

I wanted you to know that some of this is that when we are inspected WE get in trouble if the kids are not in what the inspector thinks is appropriate.

Childcare providers are being forced to be the "parenting police". It is an awkward place to be in. We get cited/fined if children are "neglected" and we don't report it (up to jail time) but the rules of neglect are way too grey.

That is why many of us just change the kids into "uniform" clothing/shoes for their day then change them for going home. Or why we stress out about it so much. We are scared, that is all.

It isn't always about what we feel is "good enough". Frankly I wish parents would not send $100 shoes on the toddlers...I can't take the pressure!!! I am afraid to let them touch dirt...
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Old 08-17-2011, 07:48 AM
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I would say if you are worried about the shoes being comfy, get a few pair to keep at your house of all sizes, then if the kids complain or you will be going on a field trip just put the shoes on them. I wouldnt send them home, maybe mom is ashamed? not sure, but nothing you can do about how they dress or shoes when they are at home.
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:02 AM
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Just curious. For those that are changing the kids during the day. How old are the kids? Are they old enough to be telling the parents you are changing them each day? Don't the parents question this?
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:06 AM
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Just curious. For those that are changing the kids during the day. How old are the kids? Are they old enough to be telling the parents you are changing them each day? Don't the parents question this?
I keep birth to 4.

I tell the parents in the interviews.

They see the pictures weekly of our activities.

They LOVE that the kids come home clean and freshly dressed everyday.

They love that their shoes and nice clothes don't get stained or otherwise ruined.

It is a HUGE selling point.
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Old 08-17-2011, 08:29 AM
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Oh, boy. I don't even know where to start here. First of all, $2,000 a month is NOT a lot of money. Yes, they should be able to buy their children shoes and in fact they HAVE bought them shoes. They are just not up to YOUR standards. I agree with others who say that if you don't like what the parents provide, to buy items for the child to wear there, and leave it alone.

Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with second-hand clothing. My child wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and items bought at Goodwill and eBay. They are perfectly good clothes and cost me a fraction of what it would to buy new. Not buying your kids new clothes does not make you a bad parent. Guess what? Kids don't know or care if their clothes are new or not! My daughter looks adorable in brand-name clothing that I have bought on a budget. I think it's something to be proud, not ashamed of!

Finally, I encourage you to look at this from the parent's point of view. You have basically told her that what she is providing for her child isn't good enough. It's really presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to decide this woman's children "deserve" new clothes and that since she is not buying them for them, it is up to you. Rather than ask her if the children had "good" shoes to wear to the museum, maybe you could have just said that you thought the child's shoes were getting a bit snug and it was time for a larger pair. When you started texting her about the clothes, she was probably thinking, "Oh no, not this again!" I think your heart is in the right place but you are a bit misguided. If you want to broach the subject with her again, tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. I just thought maybe it would help you out to have these clothes since you said you were short on cash. I hope that I haven't offended you, I just wanted to help. Are you still interested in the clothes?"
I may be the odd man out here but I agree with this 100%.

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I provide second hand clothes and LOVE them.

I wanted you to know that some of this is that when we are inspected WE get in trouble if the kids are not in what the inspector thinks is appropriate.

Childcare providers are being forced to be the "parenting police". It is an awkward place to be in. We get cited/fined if children are "neglected" and we don't report it (up to jail time) but the rules of neglect are way too grey.

That is why many of us just change the kids into "uniform" clothing/shoes for their day then change them for going home. Or why we stress out about it so much. We are scared, that is all.

It isn't always about what we feel is "good enough". Frankly I wish parents would not send $100 shoes on the toddlers...I can't take the pressure!!! I am afraid to let them touch dirt...
Cat, you are right about providers having to be "parenting police" but I had to chuckle a bit about the OP's post because my licensensor would NEVER even notice or mention poorly dressed kids or even filthy dirty ones. I've called on parents before when they haven't had shoes (only bare feet) in the dead of MN winters and was told that it is poor parenting but not neglect. It would only be neglect if the parent were forcing a child to stand in snow for a certain length of time.

I've had a a few of what I thought were bad parents in my program over the years and have also had my fair share of filthy dirty kids but I make the best of it and clean them up the best I could. I have picked up garage sale shoes, snow gear, swim suits and misc for when a dck may need them, but I don't buy anything specifically for any one child to keep or bring home.

I had a dcm a few years back who brought her child in the same clothes every day for the week and when I brought up the fact that he was dirty, the mom said, we are just too busy to take a bath every night. She also said he gets dirty everyday so she wasn't going to bother putting clean clothes on her kid each day to start all over again. She said doing laundry was too expensive.

This family was very middle class with two college educated hard working parents that were by no means poor. After I got to know her better, I learned they were VERY frugal (and I say that nicely) and the kids even wore garage sale underwear. But the point I am trying to make is cleanliness doesn't make a good or bad parent. I know there is the whole "ick" factor with dirty kids and even some health related things that can happen, but unless the OP's dck's are suffering health-wise and truly being neglected I think, in this case unregistered may have been spot on.

I also think OP should talk with her licensor and find out what her state/county considers neglect. I live in a state where what you have described as being cited for would never happen here so I think this is a case of "location rules" and the action taken to correct it should be dependant on what her state/county rules are. If it isn't a state/county rule that she would be cited for, she should either decide to not keep the kids if it bothers her too much or simply stay out of it because as the mother who obviously has a different way of parenting than the OP, I would truly be offended if my daycare provider over stepped her boundaries with something like this. This is just MY personal opinion.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:25 AM
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OP the title of your post is ...
"Ya Just Can't Help Children Of Rude, Entitled Parents!!"

How exactly did/does this mom (you did not write anything about dad) act entitled?

I agree with many other here and maybe just maybe she relay can not afford new shoes/clothing.

Clothing is expensive and I always shop and second hand stores first for my children clothing, (yes, my children and not me because I do not out grow clothing I out wear it). Until recently one of the boys has slowed down on growing enough that is it worth the investment of buying new clothing. My 12 year old daughter has had very few new clothing things bought for her. I do buy shoes new usually the cheap ones at pay less ect. but that is because buying shoes at the local used stores is not a easy. Any way nothing wrong with second hand clothing.

I think you are the one acting entitled. If the children having that kind/type of clothing could get you into trouble then you need to report it, its that simple. but please for the sake of all struggling under paid parents every where stop judging.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:30 AM
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She can afford a texting cell phone but not shoes for her kids?
the additional charge for my cell phone to have texting coverage is $5 a month so if mom went with out that service for 8 months then she could afford a pair of $20 shoes for each child. That is if nobody texts her during that time because everybody assumes everyone has text coverage these days. How does that help now. Stop judging I think we do not know enough about this to know if mom is making poor budget choices.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:38 AM
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the additional charge for my cell phone to have texting coverage is $5 a month so if mom went with out that service for 8 months then she could afford a pair of $20 shoes for each child. That is if nobody texts her during that time because everybody assumes everyone has text coverage these days. How does that help now. Stop judging I think we do not know enough about this to know if mom is making poor budget choices.
If she's getting welfare AND making $2000 a month, clearly she has bills coming out the wazoo, she is living beyond her means, or she is making poor spending choices.

And that doesn't even count if she's getting child support. If she's getting her daycare for free and collecting food stamps each month, she can afford to cloth her children properly!

I've been broke as in flat bottom broke. No job, no unemployment, no phone, no cable, no car, no nothing. The state gave my family of 5 a welfare check of $598 a month. That paid the rent, utilities and left us with little to nothing.

No one else was going to make sure my kids were clothed and shoed properly! It's a selfless act. Take away from yourself to provide for your children.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:38 AM
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I may be the odd man out here but I agree with this 100%.
Cat, you are right about providers having to be "parenting police" but I had to chuckle a bit about the OP's post because my licensensor would NEVER even notice or mention poorly dressed kids or even filthy dirty ones.
Oh, sorry, I did leave out a sentence, didn't i? I though it...

I agreed with her post, too. THAT is why I wanted her to know the other side of it.

I wanted her to know that most of us were not judging based on income or second hand items...just out of fear of not meeting our requirements.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:44 AM
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Oh, sorry, I did leave out a sentence, didn't i? I though it...

I agreed with her post, too. THAT is why I wanted her to know the other side of it.

I wanted her to know that most of us were not judging based on income or second hand items...just out of fear of not meeting our requirements.
And I thank you for sharing with me the other side of it. I did not realize that providers could get in trouble. That is really not fair. However, the OP doesn't say anything about that. It seemed more to me that she thought this mom was awful for not buying her kids new clothes. Perhaps I was mistaken. As for me, I will continue to send my child to daycare in secondhand clothes. I try to send her dressed in things that are comfortable, easy for diaper changes, and that I don't care if they come home ruined. She gets really dirty sometimes and I'd rather just laugh and think about the fun time she must have had rather than spend an hour crying and scrubbing stains out of a $40 outfit.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:53 AM
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And I thank you for sharing with me the other side of it. I did not realize that providers could get in trouble. That is really not fair. However, the OP doesn't say anything about that. It seemed more to me that she thought this mom was awful for not buying her kids new clothes. Perhaps I was mistaken. As for me, I will continue to send my child to daycare in secondhand clothes. I try to send her dressed in things that are comfortable, easy for diaper changes, and that I don't care if they come home ruined. She gets really dirty sometimes and I'd rather just laugh and think about the fun time she must have had rather than spend an hour crying and scrubbing stains out of a $40 outfit.
You sound like you would be my favorite parent...
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:54 AM
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oh, sorry, i did leave out a sentence, didn't i? i though it...

i agreed with her post, too. That is why i wanted her to know the other side of it.

I wanted her to know that most of us were not judging based on income or second hand items...just out of fear of not meeting our requirements.
I agree. (((hugs))) to you just for having some of the rules and policies you have in your area! I commend you for staying in the business despite all the reasons not to.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:55 AM
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If she's getting welfare AND making $2000 a month, clearly she has bills coming out the wazoo, she is living beyond her means, or she is making poor spending choices.

And that doesn't even count if she's getting child support. If she's getting her daycare for free and collecting food stamps each month, she can afford to cloth her children properly!

I've been broke as in flat bottom broke. No job, no unemployment, no phone, no cable, no car, no nothing. The state gave my family of 5 a welfare check of $598 a month. That paid the rent, utilities and left us with little to nothing.

No one else was going to make sure my kids were clothed and shoed properly! It's a selfless act. Take away from yourself to provide for your children.
that is a lot of ifs I wonder what service mom is actualy on.
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Old 08-17-2011, 10:03 AM
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It's so nice of you to reach out to help them. Mom may not be appreciative and it could be she is embarrassed, but I know it will be a special treat for the kids to have new shoes!

Fortunately I have never had to deal with a sad situation like this and the kids are very lucky to have such a caring provider!

I would do as Sharlan suggested and trace around their feet and go from there!
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Old 08-17-2011, 10:13 AM
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I agree. (((hugs))) to you just for having some of the rules and policies you have in your area! I commend you for staying in the business despite all the reasons not to.
Thank you!!! It was a long read, wasn't it?

After a while it gets to be a game. "Let's outfox the system"...

As long as I stay in the lead and the kids are safe, injury free, healthy and happy, I am happy..

Their budget just took a head dive....maybe they will HAVE to slack off some now.

Fingers crossed.
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Old 08-17-2011, 10:35 AM
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The mom CAN'T tell you what size shoes the kids wear because she doesn't know. Draw an outline of the kids' feet and take it from there.
She can't tell the size on the ones she has because they are so old and worn the size marking is faded. She hasn't bought any since at least January so she most likely has no clue of their size.

I can't imagine a little kid going seven eight months with the same pair of shoes. My son went up in size every five to six weeks. YIKES

Bringing kids in shoes that are worn out, stink, and don't fit is the same thing as bringing them to care without shoes.
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Old 08-17-2011, 11:02 AM
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the additional charge for my cell phone to have texting coverage is $5 a month so if mom went with out that service for 8 months then she could afford a pair of $20 shoes for each child. That is if nobody texts her during that time because everybody assumes everyone has text coverage these days. How does that help now. Stop judging I think we do not know enough about this to know if mom is making poor budget choices.
I'm sorry if that came across as judging. My point was texting on a cell phone, no matter how affordable, is a 'want'. Shoes for your children whether new or used are a 'need'.

I think people have a hard time distinguishing between wants and needs these days.
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Old 08-17-2011, 11:06 AM
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I'm lucky and I not that. I have VERY good parents that take great care of their kids.

I'm just wondering. I see so many threads on filthy, dirty kids. When you do the interview, how do they come in? Are the filthy and dirty then? Or are they cleaning them up for the first contact and first week?
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Old 08-17-2011, 11:10 AM
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Oh, boy. I don't even know where to start here. First of all, $2,000 a month is NOT a lot of money. Yes, they should be able to buy their children shoes and in fact they HAVE bought them shoes. They are just not up to YOUR standards. I agree with others who say that if you don't like what the parents provide, to buy items for the child to wear there, and leave it alone.

Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with second-hand clothing. My child wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and items bought at Goodwill and eBay. They are perfectly good clothes and cost me a fraction of what it would to buy new. Not buying your kids new clothes does not make you a bad parent. Guess what? Kids don't know or care if their clothes are new or not! My daughter looks adorable in brand-name clothing that I have bought on a budget. I think it's something to be proud, not ashamed of!

Finally, I encourage you to look at this from the parent's point of view. You have basically told her that what she is providing for her child isn't good enough. It's really presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to decide this woman's children "deserve" new clothes and that since she is not buying them for them, it is up to you. Rather than ask her if the children had "good" shoes to wear to the museum, maybe you could have just said that you thought the child's shoes were getting a bit snug and it was time for a larger pair. When you started texting her about the clothes, she was probably thinking, "Oh no, not this again!" I think your heart is in the right place but you are a bit misguided. If you want to broach the subject with her again, tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. I just thought maybe it would help you out to have these clothes since you said you were short on cash. I hope that I haven't offended you, I just wanted to help. Are you still interested in the clothes?"
Where I live $2,000 a month is plenty. I don't make that myself and I manage to pay my bills AND keep my kid in clean clothing and good shoes that fit. This DCM stood here and admitted that her kids NEVER get new only 2nd hand. She did NOT BUY them shoes!! She said they were hand me downs and already torn when she got them! When she does buy it's from goodwill or free from the salavtion army bin and they don't even fit. THAT is a damn shame I don't care how much she makes she can buy her kids an outfit at Walmart right now for $5. I just bought them 2 more and she makes more than I do! I am offended by what u say because I am not picky about what other people wear but when the shoes are so worn that the inside mesh is exposed everywhere and sock is showing through and the soles are coming off then it is time to spend money on shoes not new cell phones! I have beat around the bush with this DCM for months and she doesn't care so I have started getting more blunt I admit that.

For you to assume that I am being rude about MY STANDARDS is just ignorant! I have bought 2nd hand clothing as well for myself and my family I NEVER said it was a problem. The outfits that I bought them last month were from ebay BUT they FIT!! AND they were not ragged or stained! The problem is when that is ALL a child is permitted to have! AND they are ragged or don't fit! So GUESS WHAT, it DOES bother the kids when their feet hurt and the clothes keep hanging off or are too tight!!

These parents have many dif phones. Home, welfare cell that is reloaded with mins every month for free and the other phones thru altel. They don't need all of them so they could cut the Altel phone since the welfare phones are free! Also the don't pay for gas welfare pays that too every month. They don't pay for food welfare gives them hundreds in stamps, they don't pay for daycare either. The kids also get free med insurance so no bills there. They don't pay rent either. Soo $2,000 is plenty here. Actually I think she isn't reporting her income to welfare so she can get all those extras! I can see if we lived in a big city but we don't. We live in a small town where a 3-4 bedroom home can be rented for $300-$600 per month depending on size and area but again she doesnt have to pay rent! DCM stands here and brags about all the free benefits they get.

These poor kids don't even have clean clothes yet DCM usually does. Let me guess, Kids don't care if their clothes are clean right? NOOO reason for kids to be dirty and wear dirty clothing! She had the same sticky jelly stained shirt on a child for 3 days in a row!! WHY??? I finally took it off and called a friend to sit ith the kids so I could wash it! The shirt on DCB yesterday was so tight and small I couldn't get it off when he spilled choc milk down it! Yet DCGs tank top was so big the neck line lays on her belly exposing her whole chest! She has to keep pulling it up so she isn't exposed. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Wait they don't mind that right? (see u don't like when I assume and twist things do u) The shoes are just a part of it and I finally snapped on that because they smell so foul I cant take it in my home anymore. I just went out and bought them each a new pair today. I spent a whole $30 for both! Now tell me why DCM couldn't do that once in a while? $30 isn't much for your childrens feet to be comfortable! In MY opinion anyway!

I tried very hard to be discreet at first here with these poor neglected children but U just set me off trying to turn the tables on me! So now u have the whole story... go ahead pick it apart and twist it some more! I try to help these poor kids and THIS is what I get. I am all for honest opinions when I ask for advise and such but to totally twist this. Not having it, sorry. I am done here!
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Old 08-17-2011, 12:31 PM
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I make sure that every parent that has a child here or has toured at my daycare understands that the children in my care do get messy. It's not just a possibility of getting messy, it's a guarantee that they will. I don't want the kids to wear nice clothes here because they will get messy. Second hand clothes are awesome!
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:38 PM
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I'm sorry if that came across as judging. My point was texting on a cell phone, no matter how affordable, is a 'want'. Shoes for your children whether new or used are a 'need'.

I think people have a hard time distinguishing between wants and needs these days.
yes sometimes deciding that a want is a want and not a need is hard
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:45 PM
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So I have a couple kids that are always wearing hand me downs and never given anything new by the DCMs own words. These 2 kids have been wearing the same smelly pair of shoes since enrollment in January! The were 2nd hand from Goodwill back then! They don't fit right. I fight to get them on. Although they don't complain of sore feet I know they have to be. I have mentioned to DCM a couple months ago about them and asked if they had a good pair so we could go to a museum. She tells me no only those and that she knows she has to get them some more but can't afford it.

Little background this family makes about $2,000 per month counting the employment and other income as well as assistance programs! WHY can they not afford shoes??? Answer, they CAN they just don't care (AHEM some of u may be with me here...)

Anyway, I am planning on buying them both NEW shoes as well as a few outfits NEW because they never had anything NEW! Uggh.. Until I get enough saved to do so I am searching for shoes. So I text DCM today asking what size they wear because I forgot to look while they were here.
She asks why I want to know.
I said well you yourself said the other day they were outgrowing them right?
She replies yes but I cant afford shoes now.
I text back ok well my cousin has some shoes that her kids outgrew and before she puts them in her yardsale I wanted to know if they would fit your kids. What size are they?
She replies with I don't know I will have to look.
So I wait for an hour and nothing... I text back asking if she looked.
She said no she will look later.
WTH??? I reply well can u look now please so I know if they fit or not and I can get them for u.
She replies with "just get them and I will look at your shoes when I get there Saturday morning and if they fit I will take them.

WHOOOO acts like that??? I mean i know shes got entitlement fever but damn!!! RUDE RUDE RUDE!! Can't even get off your lazy azz to check the size on a shoe so u can get MORE FREE stuff?

I feel like pulling my hair out! I say to myself fine I am not buying the new shoes if she cant help by supplying a damn size! Then I think of the children... I guess I will wait and check them on Saturday for myself!
My first thought is...does she just not care about her child, does she have a mental health problem or does she do drugs?
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Old 08-17-2011, 01:55 PM
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Where I live $2,000 a month is plenty. I don't make that myself and I manage to pay my bills AND keep my kid in clean clothing and good shoes that fit. This DCM stood here and admitted that her kids NEVER get new only 2nd hand. She did NOT BUY them shoes!! She said they were hand me downs and already torn when she got them! When she does buy it's from goodwill or free from the salavtion army bin and they don't even fit. THAT is a damn shame I don't care how much she makes she can buy her kids an outfit at Walmart right now for $5. I just bought them 2 more and she makes more than I do! I am offended by what u say because I am not picky about what other people wear but when the shoes are so worn that the inside mesh is exposed everywhere and sock is showing through and the soles are coming off then it is time to spend money on shoes not new cell phones! I have beat around the bush with this DCM for months and she doesn't care so I have started getting more blunt I admit that.

For you to assume that I am being rude about MY STANDARDS is just ignorant! I have bought 2nd hand clothing as well for myself and my family I NEVER said it was a problem. The outfits that I bought them last month were from ebay BUT they FIT!! AND they were not ragged or stained! The problem is when that is ALL a child is permitted to have! AND they are ragged or don't fit! So GUESS WHAT, it DOES bother the kids when their feet hurt and the clothes keep hanging off or are too tight!!

These parents have many dif phones. Home, welfare cell that is reloaded with mins every month for free and the other phones thru altel. They don't need all of them so they could cut the Altel phone since the welfare phones are free! Also the don't pay for gas welfare pays that too every month. They don't pay for food welfare gives them hundreds in stamps, they don't pay for daycare either. The kids also get free med insurance so no bills there. They don't pay rent either. Soo $2,000 is plenty here. Actually I think she isn't reporting her income to welfare so she can get all those extras! I can see if we lived in a big city but we don't. We live in a small town where a 3-4 bedroom home can be rented for $300-$600 per month depending on size and area but again she doesnt have to pay rent! DCM stands here and brags about all the free benefits they get.

These poor kids don't even have clean clothes yet DCM usually does. Let me guess, Kids don't care if their clothes are clean right? NOOO reason for kids to be dirty and wear dirty clothing! She had the same sticky jelly stained shirt on a child for 3 days in a row!! WHY??? I finally took it off and called a friend to sit ith the kids so I could wash it! The shirt on DCB yesterday was so tight and small I couldn't get it off when he spilled choc milk down it! Yet DCGs tank top was so big the neck line lays on her belly exposing her whole chest! She has to keep pulling it up so she isn't exposed. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Wait they don't mind that right? (see u don't like when I assume and twist things do u) The shoes are just a part of it and I finally snapped on that because they smell so foul I cant take it in my home anymore. I just went out and bought them each a new pair today. I spent a whole $30 for both! Now tell me why DCM couldn't do that once in a while? $30 isn't much for your childrens feet to be comfortable! In MY opinion anyway!

I tried very hard to be discreet at first here with these poor neglected children but U just set me off trying to turn the tables on me! So now u have the whole story... go ahead pick it apart and twist it some more! I try to help these poor kids and THIS is what I get. I am all for honest opinions when I ask for advise and such but to totally twist this. Not having it, sorry. I am done here!
If you've made hints and came off blunt, you've done about all you can do, aside from supplying them with a new wardrobe.

The only other option I see is to made a anonymous call. Maybe a visit to the home will wake up DCM! The only other thing I can think of is that their living conditions might be sub-par or they don't have a washing machine...either of which may be the case but not an excuse for the shoes!
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Old 08-17-2011, 02:03 PM
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Where I live $2,000 a month is plenty. I don't make that myself and I manage to pay my bills AND keep my kid in clean clothing and good shoes that fit. This DCM stood here and admitted that her kids NEVER get new only 2nd hand. She did NOT BUY them shoes!! She said they were hand me downs and already torn when she got them! When she does buy it's from goodwill or free from the salavtion army bin and they don't even fit. THAT is a damn shame I don't care how much she makes she can buy her kids an outfit at Walmart right now for $5. I just bought them 2 more and she makes more than I do! I am offended by what u say because I am not picky about what other people wear but when the shoes are so worn that the inside mesh is exposed everywhere and sock is showing through and the soles are coming off then it is time to spend money on shoes not new cell phones! I have beat around the bush with this DCM for months and she doesn't care so I have started getting more blunt I admit that.

For you to assume that I am being rude about MY STANDARDS is just ignorant! I have bought 2nd hand clothing as well for myself and my family I NEVER said it was a problem. The outfits that I bought them last month were from ebay BUT they FIT!! AND they were not ragged or stained! The problem is when that is ALL a child is permitted to have! AND they are ragged or don't fit! So GUESS WHAT, it DOES bother the kids when their feet hurt and the clothes keep hanging off or are too tight!!

These parents have many dif phones. Home, welfare cell that is reloaded with mins every month for free and the other phones thru altel. They don't need all of them so they could cut the Altel phone since the welfare phones are free! Also the don't pay for gas welfare pays that too every month. They don't pay for food welfare gives them hundreds in stamps, they don't pay for daycare either. The kids also get free med insurance so no bills there. They don't pay rent either. Soo $2,000 is plenty here. Actually I think she isn't reporting her income to welfare so she can get all those extras! I can see if we lived in a big city but we don't. We live in a small town where a 3-4 bedroom home can be rented for $300-$600 per month depending on size and area but again she doesnt have to pay rent! DCM stands here and brags about all the free benefits they get.

These poor kids don't even have clean clothes yet DCM usually does. Let me guess, Kids don't care if their clothes are clean right? NOOO reason for kids to be dirty and wear dirty clothing! She had the same sticky jelly stained shirt on a child for 3 days in a row!! WHY??? I finally took it off and called a friend to sit ith the kids so I could wash it! The shirt on DCB yesterday was so tight and small I couldn't get it off when he spilled choc milk down it! Yet DCGs tank top was so big the neck line lays on her belly exposing her whole chest! She has to keep pulling it up so she isn't exposed. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Wait they don't mind that right? (see u don't like when I assume and twist things do u) The shoes are just a part of it and I finally snapped on that because they smell so foul I cant take it in my home anymore. I just went out and bought them each a new pair today. I spent a whole $30 for both! Now tell me why DCM couldn't do that once in a while? $30 isn't much for your childrens feet to be comfortable! In MY opinion anyway!

I tried very hard to be discreet at first here with these poor neglected children but U just set me off trying to turn the tables on me! So now u have the whole story... go ahead pick it apart and twist it some more! I try to help these poor kids and THIS is what I get. I am all for honest opinions when I ask for advise and such but to totally twist this. Not having it, sorry. I am done here!
If you've made hints and came off blunt, you've done about all you can do, aside from supplying them with a new wardrobe.

The only other option I see is to made a anonymous call. Maybe a visit to the home will wake up DCM! The only other thing I can think of is that their living conditions might be sub-par or they don't have a washing machine...either of which may be the case but not an excuse for the shoes!
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Old 08-17-2011, 02:12 PM
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Where I live $2,000 a month is plenty. I don't make that myself and I manage to pay my bills AND keep my kid in clean clothing and good shoes that fit. This DCM stood here and admitted that her kids NEVER get new only 2nd hand. She did NOT BUY them shoes!! She said they were hand me downs and already torn when she got them! When she does buy it's from goodwill or free from the salavtion army bin and they don't even fit. THAT is a damn shame I don't care how much she makes she can buy her kids an outfit at Walmart right now for $5. I just bought them 2 more and she makes more than I do! I am offended by what u say because I am not picky about what other people wear but when the shoes are so worn that the inside mesh is exposed everywhere and sock is showing through and the soles are coming off then it is time to spend money on shoes not new cell phones! I have beat around the bush with this DCM for months and she doesn't care so I have started getting more blunt I admit that.

For you to assume that I am being rude about MY STANDARDS is just ignorant! I have bought 2nd hand clothing as well for myself and my family I NEVER said it was a problem. The outfits that I bought them last month were from ebay BUT they FIT!! AND they were not ragged or stained! The problem is when that is ALL a child is permitted to have! AND they are ragged or don't fit! So GUESS WHAT, it DOES bother the kids when their feet hurt and the clothes keep hanging off or are too tight!!

These parents have many dif phones. Home, welfare cell that is reloaded with mins every month for free and the other phones thru altel. They don't need all of them so they could cut the Altel phone since the welfare phones are free! Also the don't pay for gas welfare pays that too every month. They don't pay for food welfare gives them hundreds in stamps, they don't pay for daycare either. The kids also get free med insurance so no bills there. They don't pay rent either. Soo $2,000 is plenty here. Actually I think she isn't reporting her income to welfare so she can get all those extras! I can see if we lived in a big city but we don't. We live in a small town where a 3-4 bedroom home can be rented for $300-$600 per month depending on size and area but again she doesnt have to pay rent! DCM stands here and brags about all the free benefits they get.

These poor kids don't even have clean clothes yet DCM usually does. Let me guess, Kids don't care if their clothes are clean right? NOOO reason for kids to be dirty and wear dirty clothing! She had the same sticky jelly stained shirt on a child for 3 days in a row!! WHY??? I finally took it off and called a friend to sit ith the kids so I could wash it! The shirt on DCB yesterday was so tight and small I couldn't get it off when he spilled choc milk down it! Yet DCGs tank top was so big the neck line lays on her belly exposing her whole chest! She has to keep pulling it up so she isn't exposed. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Wait they don't mind that right? (see u don't like when I assume and twist things do u) The shoes are just a part of it and I finally snapped on that because they smell so foul I cant take it in my home anymore. I just went out and bought them each a new pair today. I spent a whole $30 for both! Now tell me why DCM couldn't do that once in a while? $30 isn't much for your childrens feet to be comfortable! In MY opinion anyway!

I tried very hard to be discreet at first here with these poor neglected children but U just set me off trying to turn the tables on me! So now u have the whole story... go ahead pick it apart and twist it some more! I try to help these poor kids and THIS is what I get. I am all for honest opinions when I ask for advise and such but to totally twist this. Not having it, sorry. I am done here!
How do you know so much about your clients finances?
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Old 08-17-2011, 03:17 PM
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How do you know so much about your clients finances?
I was wondering the something but was afraid to ask. And if they relay are getting complementary free rent and day care and making 2,000 a month they are lie to someone. I have been on welfare and by the way that is not what it is called any more.
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Old 08-17-2011, 04:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Incognito View Post
Where I live $2,000 a month is plenty. I don't make that myself and I manage to pay my bills AND keep my kid in clean clothing and good shoes that fit. This DCM stood here and admitted that her kids NEVER get new only 2nd hand. She did NOT BUY them shoes!! She said they were hand me downs and already torn when she got them! When she does buy it's from goodwill or free from the salavtion army bin and they don't even fit. THAT is a damn shame I don't care how much she makes she can buy her kids an outfit at Walmart right now for $5. I just bought them 2 more and she makes more than I do! I am offended by what u say because I am not picky about what other people wear but when the shoes are so worn that the inside mesh is exposed everywhere and sock is showing through and the soles are coming off then it is time to spend money on shoes not new cell phones! I have beat around the bush with this DCM for months and she doesn't care so I have started getting more blunt I admit that.

For you to assume that I am being rude about MY STANDARDS is just ignorant! I have bought 2nd hand clothing as well for myself and my family I NEVER said it was a problem. The outfits that I bought them last month were from ebay BUT they FIT!! AND they were not ragged or stained! The problem is when that is ALL a child is permitted to have! AND they are ragged or don't fit! So GUESS WHAT, it DOES bother the kids when their feet hurt and the clothes keep hanging off or are too tight!!

These parents have many dif phones. Home, welfare cell that is reloaded with mins every month for free and the other phones thru altel. They don't need all of them so they could cut the Altel phone since the welfare phones are free! Also the don't pay for gas welfare pays that too every month. They don't pay for food welfare gives them hundreds in stamps, they don't pay for daycare either. The kids also get free med insurance so no bills there. They don't pay rent either. Soo $2,000 is plenty here. Actually I think she isn't reporting her income to welfare so she can get all those extras! I can see if we lived in a big city but we don't. We live in a small town where a 3-4 bedroom home can be rented for $300-$600 per month depending on size and area but again she doesnt have to pay rent! DCM stands here and brags about all the free benefits they get.

These poor kids don't even have clean clothes yet DCM usually does. Let me guess, Kids don't care if their clothes are clean right? NOOO reason for kids to be dirty and wear dirty clothing! She had the same sticky jelly stained shirt on a child for 3 days in a row!! WHY??? I finally took it off and called a friend to sit ith the kids so I could wash it! The shirt on DCB yesterday was so tight and small I couldn't get it off when he spilled choc milk down it! Yet DCGs tank top was so big the neck line lays on her belly exposing her whole chest! She has to keep pulling it up so she isn't exposed. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Wait they don't mind that right? (see u don't like when I assume and twist things do u) The shoes are just a part of it and I finally snapped on that because they smell so foul I cant take it in my home anymore. I just went out and bought them each a new pair today. I spent a whole $30 for both! Now tell me why DCM couldn't do that once in a while? $30 isn't much for your childrens feet to be comfortable! In MY opinion anyway!

I tried very hard to be discreet at first here with these poor neglected children but U just set me off trying to turn the tables on me! So now u have the whole story... go ahead pick it apart and twist it some more! I try to help these poor kids and THIS is what I get. I am all for honest opinions when I ask for advise and such but to totally twist this. Not having it, sorry. I am done here!
I definitely understand where you are coming from. Where I live (and I know that things are different in different cities) you can go to Social Services, the food bank, the library...anywhere and tell them you can't afford shoes for your children...you will receive most likely a brand new pair, and if not a nice gently used pair and more clothing than you can carry.

Whether she doesn't have the money to buy new shoes or have clean clothes that fit for her children, or whether she just chooses not to spend it is neither here nor there. It's the fact that she did not try to get these things because she doesn't care. That's why she doesn't know what size they wear. I'm sure she doesn't wear dirty clothing hanging from her body or stinking, falling-apart, ill-fitting shoes. And to me that IS bad parenting. Soon those children will be in school and they will be ridiculed for being dirty and smelly, when it doesn't have to be that way.
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Old 08-17-2011, 04:58 PM
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I was wondering the something but was afraid to ask. And if they relay are getting complementary free rent and day care and making 2,000 a month they are lie to someone. I have been on welfare and by the way that is not what it is called any more.
To answer the question How I know? I know because she stands here day after day bragging! Rent is free through a housing program but yes she must be lying to them to get it. People pick a house to rent and they pay the rent. I could go into more detail as to what exactly she has said she does but I can't here. To give u an idea about the open bragging though, another DCM (DCM2) needed help with food and electric bills and asked us both 1 day if we knew where to get help. So I handed out local charities and resources information sheets to everyone last week just as a courtesy if they wanted them. DCM 2 stood here and thanked me for the info and DCM 1 said right in front of DCM2 that she didn't need those numbers because she already "tapped them all out" with a giggle. She thinks the whole thing is funny! She went on to tell DCM2 all she could get for FREE from certain places without them making u prove what your income is. DCM1 stood there and proudly commented that she makes a little over $2 G and still gets it all free and suggested that DCM2 just say she makes less as they won't even check it as she has done it for years. DCM2 looked like a deer caught in headlights so I think she has some sense!

I don't know where u are from but here everyone still calls it welfare. It's DHHS same thing but people say welfare here. It differs from place to place. Oh and for the record she has a new washer and dryer. Welfare bought it for her just last year because she was on a "works program" So she is just lazy.

Point is this DCM has proven over a period of many months to be neglectful and I was just trying to extend yet another courtesy to her and she didn't care and it pizzed me off. Now had it been for a pack of smokes or something for HER then she would be all up for it. The kids shoes are just the final straw and I was venting my disgust. I'm sorry that I even brought it here. I won't do it again. My apologies to everyone I may have offended by making it seem like 2nd hand isn't good. It is great! I am all for 2nd hand. We make messes here and get messy so I don't expect new clothing to be worn here but there is a difference between general 2nd hand and 2nd hand lazy freebies because u just don't care.
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Old 08-18-2011, 06:14 AM
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Where I live $2,000 a month is plenty. I don't make that myself and I manage to pay my bills AND keep my kid in clean clothing and good shoes that fit. This DCM stood here and admitted that her kids NEVER get new only 2nd hand. She did NOT BUY them shoes!! She said they were hand me downs and already torn when she got them! When she does buy it's from goodwill or free from the salavtion army bin and they don't even fit. THAT is a damn shame I don't care how much she makes she can buy her kids an outfit at Walmart right now for $5. I just bought them 2 more and she makes more than I do! I am offended by what u say because I am not picky about what other people wear but when the shoes are so worn that the inside mesh is exposed everywhere and sock is showing through and the soles are coming off then it is time to spend money on shoes not new cell phones! I have beat around the bush with this DCM for months and she doesn't care so I have started getting more blunt I admit that.

For you to assume that I am being rude about MY STANDARDS is just ignorant! I have bought 2nd hand clothing as well for myself and my family I NEVER said it was a problem. The outfits that I bought them last month were from ebay BUT they FIT!! AND they were not ragged or stained! The problem is when that is ALL a child is permitted to have! AND they are ragged or don't fit! So GUESS WHAT, it DOES bother the kids when their feet hurt and the clothes keep hanging off or are too tight!!

These parents have many dif phones. Home, welfare cell that is reloaded with mins every month for free and the other phones thru altel. They don't need all of them so they could cut the Altel phone since the welfare phones are free! Also the don't pay for gas welfare pays that too every month. They don't pay for food welfare gives them hundreds in stamps, they don't pay for daycare either. The kids also get free med insurance so no bills there. They don't pay rent either. Soo $2,000 is plenty here. Actually I think she isn't reporting her income to welfare so she can get all those extras! I can see if we lived in a big city but we don't. We live in a small town where a 3-4 bedroom home can be rented for $300-$600 per month depending on size and area but again she doesnt have to pay rent! DCM stands here and brags about all the free benefits they get.

These poor kids don't even have clean clothes yet DCM usually does. Let me guess, Kids don't care if their clothes are clean right? NOOO reason for kids to be dirty and wear dirty clothing! She had the same sticky jelly stained shirt on a child for 3 days in a row!! WHY??? I finally took it off and called a friend to sit ith the kids so I could wash it! The shirt on DCB yesterday was so tight and small I couldn't get it off when he spilled choc milk down it! Yet DCGs tank top was so big the neck line lays on her belly exposing her whole chest! She has to keep pulling it up so she isn't exposed. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Wait they don't mind that right? (see u don't like when I assume and twist things do u) The shoes are just a part of it and I finally snapped on that because they smell so foul I cant take it in my home anymore. I just went out and bought them each a new pair today. I spent a whole $30 for both! Now tell me why DCM couldn't do that once in a while? $30 isn't much for your childrens feet to be comfortable! In MY opinion anyway!

I tried very hard to be discreet at first here with these poor neglected children but U just set me off trying to turn the tables on me! So now u have the whole story... go ahead pick it apart and twist it some more! I try to help these poor kids and THIS is what I get. I am all for honest opinions when I ask for advise and such but to totally twist this. Not having it, sorry. I am done here!
Wow. You seem like a very angry person. Maybe if you hate them so much, you should just stop doing daycare for them. And like previous posters, I wonder how you know so much about their finances?
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Old 08-18-2011, 10:14 AM
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To answer the question How I know? I know because she stands here day after day bragging! Rent is free through a housing program but yes she must be lying to them to get it. People pick a house to rent and they pay the rent. I could go into more detail as to what exactly she has said she does but I can't here. To give u an idea about the open bragging though, another DCM (DCM2) needed help with food and electric bills and asked us both 1 day if we knew where to get help. So I handed out local charities and resources information sheets to everyone last week just as a courtesy if they wanted them. DCM 2 stood here and thanked me for the info and DCM 1 said right in front of DCM2 that she didn't need those numbers because she already "tapped them all out" with a giggle. She thinks the whole thing is funny! She went on to tell DCM2 all she could get for FREE from certain places without them making u prove what your income is. DCM1 stood there and proudly commented that she makes a little over $2 G and still gets it all free and suggested that DCM2 just say she makes less as they won't even check it as she has done it for years. DCM2 looked like a deer caught in headlights so I think she has some sense!

I don't know where u are from but here everyone still calls it welfare. It's DHHS same thing but people say welfare here. It differs from place to place. Oh and for the record she has a new washer and dryer. Welfare bought it for her just last year because she was on a "works program" So she is just lazy.

Point is this DCM has proven over a period of many months to be neglectful and I was just trying to extend yet another courtesy to her and she didn't care and it pizzed me off. Now had it been for a pack of smokes or something for HER then she would be all up for it. The kids shoes are just the final straw and I was venting my disgust. I'm sorry that I even brought it here. I won't do it again. My apologies to everyone I may have offended by making it seem like 2nd hand isn't good. It is great! I am all for 2nd hand. We make messes here and get messy so I don't expect new clothing to be worn here but there is a difference between general 2nd hand and 2nd hand lazy freebies because u just don't care.
If you know where/who she is likely lying to then you should report her. It is people like her that make it harder for people that really are trying to use it as a leg up like I was to get the help they need.

I am sorry your felt attacked, you do not need to not post such things in the future. However, I little more background on the parent in question would have help people (myself included) understand exactly where the parent and you where coming from.h

I know that this is a very sensitive issue for me as I have only been off of social service for 4 years and still remember in great detail the mean things people said to me when I asked for help, and the things people said when I had to put off buying shoes for my children until I had the money. I could go into more detail but do not want to hi-jack the post.

You really should report to anyone that you know this mom is getting help form that she brags to you abut making $2000 a month.
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Old 08-18-2011, 01:22 PM
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To answer the question How I know? I know because she stands here day after day bragging! Rent is free through a housing program but yes she must be lying to them to get it. People pick a house to rent and they pay the rent. I could go into more detail as to what exactly she has said she does but I can't here. To give u an idea about the open bragging though, another DCM (DCM2) needed help with food and electric bills and asked us both 1 day if we knew where to get help. So I handed out local charities and resources information sheets to everyone last week just as a courtesy if they wanted them. DCM 2 stood here and thanked me for the info and DCM 1 said right in front of DCM2 that she didn't need those numbers because she already "tapped them all out" with a giggle. She thinks the whole thing is funny! She went on to tell DCM2 all she could get for FREE from certain places without them making u prove what your income is. DCM1 stood there and proudly commented that she makes a little over $2 G and still gets it all free and suggested that DCM2 just say she makes less as they won't even check it as she has done it for years. DCM2 looked like a deer caught in headlights so I think she has some sense!

I don't know where u are from but here everyone still calls it welfare. It's DHHS same thing but people say welfare here. It differs from place to place. Oh and for the record she has a new washer and dryer. Welfare bought it for her just last year because she was on a "works program" So she is just lazy.

Point is this DCM has proven over a period of many months to be neglectful and I was just trying to extend yet another courtesy to her and she didn't care and it pizzed me off. Now had it been for a pack of smokes or something for HER then she would be all up for it. The kids shoes are just the final straw and I was venting my disgust. I'm sorry that I even brought it here. I won't do it again. My apologies to everyone I may have offended by making it seem like 2nd hand isn't good. It is great! I am all for 2nd hand. We make messes here and get messy so I don't expect new clothing to be worn here but there is a difference between general 2nd hand and 2nd hand lazy freebies because u just don't care.
My advice to you is this...when she starts talking about her income or use of programs, simply look her in the eye and say, "Oh my goodness! That is really none of my business" and then change the subject.
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Old 08-18-2011, 08:14 PM
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Wow. You seem like a very angry person. Maybe if you hate them so much, you should just stop doing daycare for them. And like previous posters, I wonder how you know so much about their finances?
LOL whatever. I am not an angry person I got angry with u when u started twisting things. I do not hate anyone but thanks for trying to twist things yet again. Had u read on to other posts, I answered the finance question. Maybe if u were really interested in the issue instead of just twisting it for an arguement then u would have known that.
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Old 08-18-2011, 08:39 PM
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If you know where/who she is likely lying to then you should report her. It is people like her that make it harder for people that really are trying to use it as a leg up like I was to get the help they need.

I am sorry your felt attacked, you do not need to not post such things in the future. However, I little more background on the parent in question would have help people (myself included) understand exactly where the parent and you where coming from.h

I know that this is a very sensitive issue for me as I have only been off of social service for 4 years and still remember in great detail the mean things people said to me when I asked for help, and the things people said when I had to put off buying shoes for my children until I had the money. I could go into more detail but do not want to hi-jack the post.

You really should report to anyone that you know this mom is getting help form that she brags to you abut making $2000 a month.
I didn't feel attacked by u or anyone else but the unregistered troll who is still twisting things after I explained it all. U are right I should have gave more background but I worry who may read this forum so I try to be a little descreet. I just had no one to talk to when this happened over the shoes and I had to vent. This on top of last weeks promise (from her to her kids) to buy shoes when she stood there poking her finger through one of the holes in the shoe laughing saying "I really gotta get them some new shoes huh?" It just makes me mad all over again so dropping this subject entirely. I just wanted to make sure u knew I meant no offense to u or anyone else. I may have come across against 2nd hand and assisted familes but that was not my intention at all!

As for it being a sensitive issue for u I totally understand and apologise if I insulted u in anyway. That was not my intentions at all! I too have been on assistance in the past and there is nothing wrong with it or needing it. What is wrong is the people who abuse it. It should be used to keep your head above water not take and take like this family does. That was my whole point but I guess I neglected to get it out right. I don't mind people being on assistance. I know a lady that has been on it for years actually BUT she doesn't abuse it. She reports her income although it is not much. I checked into the guidlines and dcm is making too much to get as much assistance that she is getting so she isn't reporting something wether it be her income or her husbands. I don't care anymore I am putting a stop to her long chatty visits when she returns Saturday morning. I have decided to adopt these kids and just buy them what they need when they need it. I have seen children going to school and being made fun of for the rags they wore and I will not allow that to happen under my watch so decision made, I bought them clothing and shoes.

Just to clairify again so it is not twisted by certain unregistered people...

I do NOT have a problem with 2nd hand clothing. I am wearing a goodwill shirt right now that says Earth Day. What I had a problem with was the neglect to buy anything new at all, ever, or at least more 2nd hand when the old ones become ragged. I admit we make messes here so old clothing is fine, even a hole or 2 but just not torn, hanging and clothing that doesn't fit at all.

I do NOT have a problem with govt assistance. I do have a problem with the people that abuse it and still can't treat their kids to a clean pair of shoes without holes. Especially when they run around with good shoes, new purses, cigarettes, and sodas every day.

I hope this clears everything up. If I am still wrong then so be it.
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Old 08-19-2011, 09:30 AM
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I didn't feel attacked by u or anyone else but the unregistered troll who is still twisting things after I explained it all. U are right I should have gave more background but I worry who may read this forum so I try to be a little descreet. I just had no one to talk to when this happened over the shoes and I had to vent. This on top of last weeks promise (from her to her kids) to buy shoes when she stood there poking her finger through one of the holes in the shoe laughing saying "I really gotta get them some new shoes huh?" It just makes me mad all over again so dropping this subject entirely. I just wanted to make sure u knew I meant no offense to u or anyone else. I may have come across against 2nd hand and assisted familes but that was not my intention at all!

As for it being a sensitive issue for u I totally understand and apologise if I insulted u in anyway. That was not my intentions at all! I too have been on assistance in the past and there is nothing wrong with it or needing it. What is wrong is the people who abuse it. It should be used to keep your head above water not take and take like this family does. That was my whole point but I guess I neglected to get it out right. I don't mind people being on assistance. I know a lady that has been on it for years actually BUT she doesn't abuse it. She reports her income although it is not much. I checked into the guidlines and dcm is making too much to get as much assistance that she is getting so she isn't reporting something wether it be her income or her husbands. I don't care anymore I am putting a stop to her long chatty visits when she returns Saturday morning. I have decided to adopt these kids and just buy them what they need when they need it. I have seen children going to school and being made fun of for the rags they wore and I will not allow that to happen under my watch so decision made, I bought them clothing and shoes.

Just to clairify again so it is not twisted by certain unregistered people...

I do NOT have a problem with 2nd hand clothing. I am wearing a goodwill shirt right now that says Earth Day. What I had a problem with was the neglect to buy anything new at all, ever, or at least more 2nd hand when the old ones become ragged. I admit we make messes here so old clothing is fine, even a hole or 2 but just not torn, hanging and clothing that doesn't fit at all.

I do NOT have a problem with govt assistance. I do have a problem with the people that abuse it and still can't treat their kids to a clean pair of shoes without holes. Especially when they run around with good shoes, new purses, cigarettes, and sodas every day.

I hope this clears everything up. If I am still wrong then so be it.
Thank you for the additional info. I do not think you are wrong now that I fully and compleatly understand where you are coming form. Which is sometime hard to do here B/C like you said you want to be discrete at the same time as explain what is going on. Also not communication in person mean we do not get to see body language.

I am just as upset at this mother as you are now that I understand she is taking advantage of the system. Like I said it is people like her that make it hard for others to use the system as a leg up and causes people to question wither or not you really need abc or not.

I hope you have the courage to report her she is taken advantage of our tax dollars and making life hard for other truly needy people.
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Old 08-19-2011, 10:11 AM
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I didn't have time to read all the replies but as a DCP who provides care to 2 children who wear nothing but 2nd hand clothes that are too big or too small or with holes I feel your pain. I think your appraoch could have been a bit better because all you've accomplished is making the parent feel *this* small kwim? I know you're coming from a good place but perhaps you should have done what Nan suggested and have the stuff at your place to change into.
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Old 08-19-2011, 11:01 AM
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I'm 100% right with you on this one.

I too have clients who mooch off the state while making sure they have season tickets to Snowbird ski resort every year(the passes are on their coats).....but their home is FILTHY and so are the kids. Free rent, free food, free utilities, free health care, free cash allowance (see ski pass).....and yes I know this because they too boast about it openly. I too have asked about shoes that fit and don't STINK like h*ll. Mom has a fancy android phone and wears fancy clothes (she has a fetish for colossal heels) while her children are in filthy clothes and her home is disgusting (see my worms in the carpet thread)

I know your frustration VERY well.
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Old 08-19-2011, 01:21 PM
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Where I live $2,000 a month is plenty. I don't make that myself and I manage to pay my bills AND keep my kid in clean clothing and good shoes that fit. This DCM stood here and admitted that her kids NEVER get new only 2nd hand. She did NOT BUY them shoes!! She said they were hand me downs and already torn when she got them! When she does buy it's from goodwill or free from the salavtion army bin and they don't even fit. THAT is a damn shame I don't care how much she makes she can buy her kids an outfit at Walmart right now for $5. I just bought them 2 more and she makes more than I do! I am offended by what u say because I am not picky about what other people wear but when the shoes are so worn that the inside mesh is exposed everywhere and sock is showing through and the soles are coming off then it is time to spend money on shoes not new cell phones! I have beat around the bush with this DCM for months and she doesn't care so I have started getting more blunt I admit that.

For you to assume that I am being rude about MY STANDARDS is just ignorant! I have bought 2nd hand clothing as well for myself and my family I NEVER said it was a problem. The outfits that I bought them last month were from ebay BUT they FIT!! AND they were not ragged or stained! The problem is when that is ALL a child is permitted to have! AND they are ragged or don't fit! So GUESS WHAT, it DOES bother the kids when their feet hurt and the clothes keep hanging off or are too tight!!

These parents have many dif phones. Home, welfare cell that is reloaded with mins every month for free and the other phones thru altel. They don't need all of them so they could cut the Altel phone since the welfare phones are free! Also the don't pay for gas welfare pays that too every month. They don't pay for food welfare gives them hundreds in stamps, they don't pay for daycare either. The kids also get free med insurance so no bills there. They don't pay rent either. Soo $2,000 is plenty here. Actually I think she isn't reporting her income to welfare so she can get all those extras! I can see if we lived in a big city but we don't. We live in a small town where a 3-4 bedroom home can be rented for $300-$600 per month depending on size and area but again she doesnt have to pay rent! DCM stands here and brags about all the free benefits they get.

These poor kids don't even have clean clothes yet DCM usually does. Let me guess, Kids don't care if their clothes are clean right? NOOO reason for kids to be dirty and wear dirty clothing! She had the same sticky jelly stained shirt on a child for 3 days in a row!! WHY??? I finally took it off and called a friend to sit ith the kids so I could wash it! The shirt on DCB yesterday was so tight and small I couldn't get it off when he spilled choc milk down it! Yet DCGs tank top was so big the neck line lays on her belly exposing her whole chest! She has to keep pulling it up so she isn't exposed. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Wait they don't mind that right? (see u don't like when I assume and twist things do u) The shoes are just a part of it and I finally snapped on that because they smell so foul I cant take it in my home anymore. I just went out and bought them each a new pair today. I spent a whole $30 for both! Now tell me why DCM couldn't do that once in a while? $30 isn't much for your childrens feet to be comfortable! In MY opinion anyway!

I tried very hard to be discreet at first here with these poor neglected children but U just set me off trying to turn the tables on me! So now u have the whole story... go ahead pick it apart and twist it some more! I try to help these poor kids and THIS is what I get. I am all for honest opinions when I ask for advise and such but to totally twist this. Not having it, sorry. I am done here!
Oh my gosh...you have me in tears!! Don't take this wrong but I want to send you money to help these kids!!

Bless you for opening your heart to these kids and wanting to help. I bet when bought those new clothes and shoes regardless that they are 2nd hand or brand new...they are NEW to them and special. I bet they where just happy happy to wear it.

My thoughts are with Nan and Catherine. Keep these things in your home and change them back into there old clothing before pick up. I am not sure but I can claim anything that I buy specifically for daycare. So if you are able to claim these things do. You'll get your $$ back. I am not lic. but I run my biz at home so I keep tabs on anything clothes, supplies, food, gas etc.

Again, that was awesome that you bought those littles new things. Bless you!!
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:04 AM
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Saturday morning is here and I just wanted to update on the new shoes and outfits I gave the kids today. I had them in a bag and discussed it with DCM before showing the kids in case she didn't want them or would be offended. I took the advise I was given here and tried to be more gentle with her. I sat beside her with the bag and touched her arm to show my sincerity and said "Hon I know u said u need to get the kids some shoes and I thought maybe I could help. If u don't mind my helping u that is?" She peers over into the bag and says "Yeah I can use all the help I can get, what did u get?" I opened the bag and showed her. I said "there are 2 new outfits and 2 new pairs of shoes. I hope the kids will like them and I hope u don't mind me buying them, I just want to help the kids and I know u try..." She interrupted me with "**** u can buy them all u want that's less that I have to buy!" ( I'm sitting there speechless not knowing what to say now.) She starts digging through the bag and looking them over and says "cool"

She calls the kids over from across the room and says "look what u guys got! NEW STUFF!!" The DCG is jumping up and down and immediately take off her shoes and tries them on. DCB can't get his on but he takes them to the sofa and sits them beside him and plays with the laces. DCG is running around watching her feet and laughing. They didn't try on the clothes but she loved her princess outfit and he loved Elmo! I told DCM "I am glad they like them and I am sorry if I offended u earlier this week" She said "When did u offend me" I said "when we were discussing the shoes and then I text u asking sizes I apologise" She said "I wasn't offended I just didn't feel like going and looking for their shoes right then and just wanted u to go get your cousins and have them here so I could see for myself if they fit the kids" I told her I was glad I didn't offend her and that if I can help in anyway I would be happy to help with the kids. She said "I can use all the extra I can get so anytime u want to buy the kids stuff go ahead. I will never turn down free stuff". So being that I have her full permission now I will be doing all I can for the kids. Clothing is cheap when u catch sales. Right now at Walmart the toddler/preschooler clothing is $4.88 per piece. Not bad at all, under $10 for a whole outfit!

I'm glad it went over smoothly. As DCM walked out the door she yelled back "If u want to go buy some new shoes for me I am a size 8!" and laughs closing the door. I know she was joking (hope anyway because that isn't happening lol) I feel a little odd about the way she accepted the stuff but I am not saying anything else here. I just wanted to update. Oh and I didn't keep the shoes and outfits here because the kids are old enough to tell DCM that I am changing them here so I just wanted to avoid a whole other issue with that. With DCG being so happy and dancing around watching her feet I know she won't want to take them off anyway and I just can't break her heart by making her leave them here. She shoould be able to be happy and comfortable at home too so I am letting her take them home today. If they get ruined quickly for some reason I will replace them then explain why they must be kept at daycare at that point. I am just thankful I got over this hurdle. Thanks for the advise everyone!
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Old 08-20-2011, 10:52 AM
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I'm so glad it went well! I'm sure it was extremely special for them to get the new outfits and shoes...especially your dcg! I would not have been able to tell them they needed to leave them at my house either. You handled it well and I think it is so cool what you did! They are so very lucky to have you!
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Old 08-20-2011, 12:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Incognito View Post
Saturday morning is here and I just wanted to update on the new shoes and outfits I gave the kids today. I had them in a bag and discussed it with DCM before showing the kids in case she didn't want them or would be offended. I took the advise I was given here and tried to be more gentle with her. I sat beside her with the bag and touched her arm to show my sincerity and said "Hon I know u said u need to get the kids some shoes and I thought maybe I could help. If u don't mind my helping u that is?" She peers over into the bag and says "Yeah I can use all the help I can get, what did u get?" I opened the bag and showed her. I said "there are 2 new outfits and 2 new pairs of shoes. I hope the kids will like them and I hope u don't mind me buying them, I just want to help the kids and I know u try..." She interrupted me with "**** u can buy them all u want that's less that I have to buy!" ( I'm sitting there speechless not knowing what to say now.) She starts digging through the bag and looking them over and says "cool"

She calls the kids over from across the room and says "look what u guys got! NEW STUFF!!" The DCG is jumping up and down and immediately take off her shoes and tries them on. DCB can't get his on but he takes them to the sofa and sits them beside him and plays with the laces. DCG is running around watching her feet and laughing. They didn't try on the clothes but she loved her princess outfit and he loved Elmo! I told DCM "I am glad they like them and I am sorry if I offended u earlier this week" She said "When did u offend me" I said "when we were discussing the shoes and then I text u asking sizes I apologise" She said "I wasn't offended I just didn't feel like going and looking for their shoes right then and just wanted u to go get your cousins and have them here so I could see for myself if they fit the kids" I told her I was glad I didn't offend her and that if I can help in anyway I would be happy to help with the kids. She said "I can use all the extra I can get so anytime u want to buy the kids stuff go ahead. I will never turn down free stuff". So being that I have her full permission now I will be doing all I can for the kids. Clothing is cheap when u catch sales. Right now at Walmart the toddler/preschooler clothing is $4.88 per piece. Not bad at all, under $10 for a whole outfit!

I'm glad it went over smoothly. As DCM walked out the door she yelled back "If u want to go buy some new shoes for me I am a size 8!" and laughs closing the door. I know she was joking (hope anyway because that isn't happening lol) I feel a little odd about the way she accepted the stuff but I am not saying anything else here. I just wanted to update. Oh and I didn't keep the shoes and outfits here because the kids are old enough to tell DCM that I am changing them here so I just wanted to avoid a whole other issue with that. With DCG being so happy and dancing around watching her feet I know she won't want to take them off anyway and I just can't break her heart by making her leave them here. She shoould be able to be happy and comfortable at home too so I am letting her take them home today. If they get ruined quickly for some reason I will replace them then explain why they must be kept at daycare at that point. I am just thankful I got over this hurdle. Thanks for the advise everyone!
It was very sweet of you to buy things for the kids. It shows how kind and thoughtful you are.

The Moms reaction is just telling you that she wants free and when she gets free she is happy. She's never going to be upset when she gets special and that special is free.

Just be prepared for the stuff that you bought them to either never come on them to child care or when they do come they will most likely get trashed pretty quickly. If you give the entitled free they want to use it on their own clock or they don't take care of it. You know this about her because she is getting so much for free and keeping it for herself and not spending the free she gets BECAUSE of the kids on the kids.

Just be prepared for either scenario.

If they don't have other shoes you will most likely see them on them. Just gear up for them to be worn out quickly or lost. I just don't want you to be upset if you end up in a few weeks with kids with ratty stinky shoes on and clothes that don't fit and are worn. There's just a really good chance that what you end up with on your end is what you had before you bought them the stuff.
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  #54  
Old 08-20-2011, 12:25 PM
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Ummm - Thank You might have been nice.

It sounds like the kids thanked you without the words though. Makes it all worth while.
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Old 08-20-2011, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Oh, boy. I don't even know where to start here. First of all, $2,000 a month is NOT a lot of money. Yes, they should be able to buy their children shoes and in fact they HAVE bought them shoes. They are just not up to YOUR standards. I agree with others who say that if you don't like what the parents provide, to buy items for the child to wear there, and leave it alone.

Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with second-hand clothing. My child wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and items bought at Goodwill and eBay. They are perfectly good clothes and cost me a fraction of what it would to buy new. Not buying your kids new clothes does not make you a bad parent. Guess what? Kids don't know or care if their clothes are new or not! My daughter looks adorable in brand-name clothing that I have bought on a budget. I think it's something to be proud, not ashamed of!

Finally, I encourage you to look at this from the parent's point of view. You have basically told her that what she is providing for her child isn't good enough. It's really presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to decide this woman's children "deserve" new clothes and that since she is not buying them for them, it is up to you. Rather than ask her if the children had "good" shoes to wear to the museum, maybe you could have just said that you thought the child's shoes were getting a bit snug and it was time for a larger pair. When you started texting her about the clothes, she was probably thinking, "Oh no, not this again!" I think your heart is in the right place but you are a bit misguided. If you want to broach the subject with her again, tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. I just thought maybe it would help you out to have these clothes since you said you were short on cash. I hope that I haven't offended you, I just wanted to help. Are you still interested in the clothes?"
I absolutely agree!!
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
It was very sweet of you to buy things for the kids. It shows how kind and thoughtful you are.

The Moms reaction is just telling you that she wants free and when she gets free she is happy. She's never going to be upset when she gets special and that special is free.

Just be prepared for the stuff that you bought them to either never come on them to child care or when they do come they will most likely get trashed pretty quickly. If you give the entitled free they want to use it on their own clock or they don't take care of it. You know this about her because she is getting so much for free and keeping it for herself and not spending the free she gets BECAUSE of the kids on the kids.

Just be prepared for either scenario.

If they don't have other shoes you will most likely see them on them. Just gear up for them to be worn out quickly or lost. I just don't want you to be upset if you end up in a few weeks with kids with ratty stinky shoes on and clothes that don't fit and are worn. There's just a really good chance that what you end up with on your end is what you had before you bought them the stuff.
I guess I am not this cynical. I try to look at things in a much more optimistic way...I may not always be right in doing so, but OP had her heart in the right place and had good intentions and IMHO those little ones will benefit in the end.

I believe God places "special" people in the lives of others for a reason and if she is able to reach out and do something nice...not expecting anything in return, then something good will come from it.

Yes, maybe dcm won't be appreciative and think she is deserving and expect to have her little ones taken care of by others, but in my years of experience NO good deed EVER goes unnoticed!

I welcome my dcks coming in second hand clothing and get concerned when I have someone that sends their child in something nice. We do lots of fun and messy activities and the dcms all know not to send them in their "Sunday Best!" However, they are clean and not ill fitting. Shoes fit and don't have holes. In my 25 years, I've never had to experience something this sad.

I also know that every parent does not make the best choices on how they spend their money and not every child is given what they need. Not a WANT, but a NEED! I truly believe that the OP is doing an awesome thing and whether mom acknowledges or merely expects it...this is definitely not what is important. The children are the ones that will benefit from this act of kindness and that is what resonates with me!

If the shoes get trashed...so be it! The kids will be the one wearing them and I have gotten things for children less fortunate too (not my own dcks, but other kids that were in need) and if anything they cherish those items and don't ever abuse them.
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Old 08-22-2011, 06:10 AM
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Originally Posted by mom2many View Post
I guess I am not this cynical. I try to look at things in a much more optimistic way...
Oh, hun..... It is not cynical.

Nan has listened to me for nearly two years crying about how I have paid Hospital bills for a couple DCK's after sitting bedside with them for weeks in the ICU, paid for their entire Christmas (for siblings, too) and provided free childcare for TWO YEARS only to have the family bad mouth me when I told them I could not afford to do it anymore. (once they got assistance, free housing and debt forgiven)

She is trying to let her know what could happen so she is not blind sided by it.

Not everything learned from experience is cynicism.
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Old 08-22-2011, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Catherder View Post
Oh, hun..... It is not cynical.

Nan has listened to me for nearly two years crying about how I have paid Hospital bills for a couple DCK's after sitting bedside with them for weeks in the ICU, paid for their entire Christmas (for siblings, too) and provided free childcare for TWO YEARS only to have the family bad mouth me when I told them I could not afford to do it anymore. (once they got assistance, free housing and debt forgiven)

She is trying to let her know what could happen so she is not blind sided by it.

Not everything learned from experience is cynicism.
Sad, but oh so true.
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Old 08-22-2011, 10:29 AM
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OP, thanks for taking care of these kids! Who cares what dcm says (or doesn't say), even though a little appreciation would be nice. What you did meant THE WORLD to those kids, and THEY will remember that someone loved them enough to give them new shoes & clothes.

IMHO, that's the most important thing
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:46 AM
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And I thank you for sharing with me the other side of it. I did not realize that providers could get in trouble. That is really not fair. However, the OP doesn't say anything about that. It seemed more to me that she thought this mom was awful for not buying her kids new clothes. Perhaps I was mistaken. As for me, I will continue to send my child to daycare in secondhand clothes. I try to send her dressed in things that are comfortable, easy for diaper changes, and that I don't care if they come home ruined. She gets really dirty sometimes and I'd rather just laugh and think about the fun time she must have had rather than spend an hour crying and scrubbing stains out of a $40 outfit.
As a provider I tell the parents to PLEASE send the children in play clothing that can get stained and dirty. I let them know in advance of our field trips so that they can wear nicer clothes out in public, but at my house nothing fancy.
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