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Old 01-16-2012, 05:39 AM
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LittleD LittleD is offline
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Default Omg! What Do I Do?

So my one DCB (4) who is leaving next week, pulled the same behavior as he did on Thursday. I could tell it was going to be a rough drop off as soon as I saw them coming up the drive way
He started crying as the put his stuff in his cubby, so they tried to soothe him, but he kept clinging. I put up the gate so dad could put him over when he was done hugging him good bye. As soon as his feet touched the floor he started flipping out, ripping the gate down and trying to run after his mom. I picked him up and told them to go.

He starts screaming at the top of his lungs, crying and flailing about. He's tooo heavy for me to hold him to long so I put him down, and he starts running for the stairs. So I grab him and guide him back to the play room. I did this about 4 times. He got by me and ran to the door. So I pick him up and carry him back down,while he's hitting and kicking me. I am talking to him the whole time saying that they have to go to work and he needs to eat breakfast because it's almost time for school. After he hit me though, I got stern and told him that he knows better then to hit and kick, he needs to go for a timeout. Of course he won't stay in time out.

He runs up the stairs again and I bring him up to my house to look out the front window. I said They are not there, they have left for work. He bangs the window and screams for his mom for a few times, then settles down.
He stands there for 10-15 mins (quietly at least) then says "Miss D I want my breakfast now" Of course it's 10 mins til we need to start getting ready for school, but he managed to eat and they all managed to get to the bus stop on time.
I CAN'T be doing this everyday until he leaves. I've always had some sort of issue with him at drop off, and this summer we did do Nanny D's changing of the guard until we could get drop offs to run smoothly. This is a new thing, and totally different from anything he's done. Changing of the guard will not improve this behavior.
What in the world do I do with this kid???

Last edited by Michael; 01-17-2012 at 01:59 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-16-2012, 06:01 AM
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Breezy Breezy is offline
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Oh my gosh hes a little over the top, yeah? So sorry this happened first thing Monday morning. Are the parents preparing him for drop off on the way over?

"You're going to have SO much fun today at LittleD's house before school this morning!" I would think thata would ease him a little bit? Preparing to be dropped off and not to just dropped off. Though, shouldn't he be used to it by now?

That's my only suggestion but I am sure others will come along with some!!
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Old 01-16-2012, 06:14 AM
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It is over the top. He's been here over a year. I don't know if it's the stress of moving, as he's lived where he is now his whole life, or he knows he's going to a new provider soon and decided he no longer has to listen to me? I thought maybe he just woke up, was gotten dressed, then dropped off here, but mom said he didn't just wake up. Of course she didn't offer how long he was up for. Not long enough for him to be hungry enough to eat breakfast at home, anyways.
Mom tends to spoil him, I had to teach him to put his shoes and jacket on, because everything was done for him. She still baby talks to him as well.
But this, this is just way out of control, even for him!
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Old 01-16-2012, 06:46 AM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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If it is that bad and they are leaving next week, I would just let him go early. Tell the parents that his behavior has escalated out of control and you think it's best if he begin the transition now of leaving your daycare. There is no way i would be restraining a wild child like that.....or risk me or another child getting hurt.
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Old 01-16-2012, 08:59 AM
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Mary Poppins Mary Poppins is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
If it is that bad and they are leaving next week, I would just let him go early. Tell the parents that his behavior has escalated out of control and you think it's best if he begin the transition now of leaving your daycare. There is no way i would be restraining a wild child like that.....or risk me or another child getting hurt.
Yep pretty much this exactly. Maybe he is suffering from some pre-separation anxiety because he knows he is leaving your dc? Either way, you should not have to put up with that much abuse.
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Old 01-16-2012, 09:16 AM
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I went through this right before Christmas. My DCG got sick and missed a couple of days and when dad brought her in he was coddling her and wouldn't let her go. She obviously took this as a sign to not trust being here and everytime he dropped her off after that the tantrum escalated. This was a girl who didn't have any transition issues when she first started and would sometimes not want to go home!!

I basically told the parents that drop off needed to be short and sweet. Place her inside the door, say goodbye and leave. No matter what, just leave. When she started tantrumming and rolling all around and hitting her head off the floor I just ignored it until she was calm. when she was calm I engaged her, took off her coat and we then went down to the playroom. I didn't acknowledge the tantrum or comfort her in that state. She would recover around 5 minutes after they left if I ignored. This lasted 3 days and now she happily comes to daycare again and is even excited when they pull into my driveway according to the parents.

Kids feed off parental anxiety and the longer the goodbye is in the morning the more they "sense" something is wrong. I think the parents are feeling anxiety at drop off for some reason and that needs to be nipped in the bud.
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Old 01-17-2012, 08:38 AM
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I spoke with mom last night. Explained what happened in detail. She figures it's the transition that he is having a hard time with. I asked her how long he was up for before he came over. (1 hr 23mins - which begs the question why he didn't eat breakfast at home ?) I thought maybe he just had wanted more time with his mom. I told her that she needed to have a talk with him, and that she should try to get a visit in with the new daycare before he has to start - might ease his fears. She had an appointment scheduled for today while he was at school to sign papers (perfect time to bring him, IMO)

Sooo he comes today, mom had a talk with him before hand, it seems to be going ok, lots of hugs kisses and promises to do something special after school today. Starts walking to the table to have breakfast and as soon as he hears the door shut, he's off and running up the stairs screaming! Same routine as yesterday, bring him back down, offer him to go sit in the boat, or the reading center if he doesn't want to eat. I start walking away and he's up the stairs again. His mom must have been standing outside the door listening because after 5-10 minutes of this she comes back in. So I leave them to talk, and a few minutes later she comes down to grab his stuff. She says shes taking him home, she'll just reschedule the daycare a appointment and his new school appointment! I'm thinking "WHAT?"So I say "Well that would be a perfect opportunity to bring him! Since you are already scheduled to go! This way he can see his new daycare AND his new school!" She says, oh do you think so? Uh ya. You were just going to take him home by the sounds of it and have miss school anyways!

As for early terming, not really an option. I'm not exactly privately run. I'm contracted out by an agency (who holds my license) I kind of need the go ahead from them first. I called my co-ordinater and am waiting to hear back from her. She knows about the Thursday incident, I just wanted to see how today went before I go running to her. If he's not here, I don't get paid
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Old 01-17-2012, 01:47 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleD View Post
I spoke with mom last night. Explained what happened in detail. She figures it's the transition that he is having a hard time with. I asked her how long he was up for before he came over. (1 hr 23mins - which begs the question why he didn't eat breakfast at home ?) I thought maybe he just had wanted more time with his mom. I told her that she needed to have a talk with him, and that she should try to get a visit in with the new daycare before he has to start - might ease his fears. She had an appointment scheduled for today while he was at school to sign papers (perfect time to bring him, IMO)

Sooo he comes today, mom had a talk with him before hand, it seems to be going ok, lots of hugs kisses and promises to do something special after school today. Starts walking to the table to have breakfast and as soon as he hears the door shut, he's off and running up the stairs screaming! Same routine as yesterday, bring him back down, offer him to go sit in the boat, or the reading center if he doesn't want to eat. I start walking away and he's up the stairs again. His mom must have been standing outside the door listening because after 5-10 minutes of this she comes back in. So I leave them to talk, and a few minutes later she comes down to grab his stuff. She says shes taking him home, she'll just reschedule the daycare a appointment and his new school appointment! I'm thinking "WHAT?"So I say "Well that would be a perfect opportunity to bring him! Since you are already scheduled to go! This way he can see his new daycare AND his new school!" She says, oh do you think so? Uh ya. You were just going to take him home by the sounds of it and have miss school anyways!

As for early terming, not really an option. I'm not exactly privately run. I'm contracted out by an agency (who holds my license) I kind of need the go ahead from them first. I called my co-ordinater and am waiting to hear back from her. She knows about the Thursday incident, I just wanted to see how today went before I go running to her. If he's not here, I don't get paid
How about a "chill zone"? A playard he can go into or a separate area he can vent and finish his episodes before he re-joins the group?
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Old 01-17-2012, 01:54 PM
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Christian Mother Christian Mother is offline
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I have one of those...mine are for tantrums or crying...I walk the child back the crying room and let them know they can scream cry what ever they need right in that room...It's propped open with a wooden piece between the door and wall so no one can close it. I just walk them in the room and step out as soon as I hear there over the crying I walk back in and ask if they are finished and if they say yes then I say "Ok!! Lets plan or eat or what ever we are all doing...sometimes they just need a time to them self to get it all out. Eventually it lessons. But if no one is playing into it and don't much attention then it goes a way...I don't pay much mind to them I say the same thing all the time..oh, i think it's time to have that cry in the cry room...or cry spot which ever you have designated for it. Works perfect for me..even my own kids go there if they throw a tantrum...well only one..the other is 9 yrs old lol!!
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Old 01-17-2012, 03:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
How about a "chill zone"? A playard he can go into or a separate area he can vent and finish his episodes before he re-joins the group?
we used to do this. He would go to a comfort zone and CIO, when he was feeling more sociable he's come out and interact (or watch us)

The thing is HE IS TRYING TO RUN OUT THE DOOR!! The door to outside. I keep bringing him back into the daycare, and soon as I am out of arms reach, he runs back to the door. He's big enough to unlock it, so I can't just let him go pound on it, he had it open and one foot out when I caught him!

I spoke with my co-ordinater, she is going to try and come by and 'have a talk' with him. See whats up, why he is so upset. My mom said I should video tape him so I can show here, (and mom) just how out of control his behaviour is. I don't believe anyone realizes just how extreme it is. Sigh. I guess I'll just wait and see how tomorrow goes, and see what should be done next.
Thanks for the input ladies, under most circumstances the ideas are fantastic. This is just one of those times where conventional just may not be the answer
I'm going to call my now and see what happened today, I hope he went to see his new daycare!
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4 year old, bad behavior - child, drop off, screaming, separation anxiety, tantrums

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