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Old 03-23-2012, 10:46 AM
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Lightbulb 4 yr old Not Being Nice

Does anyone have suggestions to help with a 4 yr old being mean to other children? The child will take toys, play keep away (not let the other children have something), block the other children from playing. The child will only let the other kids play whatever she picks for them to play. I hate to use the term bully but I really cant think of anything else.. What do you do in your setting if this was happening?
Time outs are not working... the only thing I can think of is to give her a area by herself and when she is being mean she must play there...

Advise.... suggestions.... anything please
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Old 03-23-2012, 10:48 AM
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Welcome to the forum. Suggest you sign up. Here are some other threads that relate to MEAN children. http://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=mean+child
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Old 03-23-2012, 10:49 AM
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Bullying starts at the age of 2 and it sounds like exactly what this child is doing.

It also sounds like you have figured out what works....I would do exactly what you are doing. Separate the child from the group and give them their own space until they can make better decisions.....

I would also tell them...When you hit (fill in name) that hurts them and makes them sad. I am not happy at your when you do this.

Tell the child how they make the child feel when they are being mean.....
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Does anyone have suggestions to help with a 4 yr old being mean to other children? The child will take toys, play keep away (not let the other children have something), block the other children from playing. The child will only let the other kids play whatever she picks for them to play. I hate to use the term bully but I really cant think of anything else.. What do you do in your setting if this was happening?
Time outs are not working... the only thing I can think of is to give her a area by herself and when she is being mean she must play there...

Advise.... suggestions.... anything please
I have that child's clone. I've tried everything you've done and what Daycare suggested and nothing works. He just doesn't care and neither do his parents. They have gone so far as to blame the bullied child for getting bullied. I don't want to take over your thread but I just had to join in for advice too.
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Old 03-23-2012, 02:09 PM
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I have a decision making mat???

I give choices to all of my children... example:

the child won't stop kicking the table during meal time. I say, johnny, please show me your good table manners and stop kicking the table. I then say Johnny, would you like to sit at the table like a big boy with good table manners, or would you like to stand while you finish your food? Let them decide.

If it happens again, you are telling you that they cannot and will not listen. So last time I will ask you, would you like to stop kicking the table or go to your decision making mat? I count in my head to 5 then let them decide. Whatever they decide you follow through with each and every time.

If it happens again at all no more questions, its to your mat. You stay there and get to think about making a better decision. I usually have them sit there for about 5 minutes. Then I will approach them (as long as they are screaming or crying) and ask them if they were able to think about making a better decision.

I had a kid that used to do what yours is doing and this is what I had to do. YOu can't play with the rest of the kids until you can show me that you can and will play nicely.

If they can't and do ok in their own environment playing toys, i would let them be until they asked to go play with the other kids. Which they will. especially if the other kids are doing something fun. YOu have to remind the child, you can only play with the other children when you can do it nicely.
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Old 03-23-2012, 06:46 PM
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Since I'm trying to phase out timeouts, this sounds like a good idea. Thanks for the suggestion.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:04 PM
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no advice but my neice is like this and on tuesday she had to leave because my sister didn't want to discipline her because it will hurt her feelings (they only come for visits they are not one of my dck's)
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Old 03-24-2012, 06:27 AM
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no advice but my neice is like this and on tuesday she had to leave because my sister didn't want to discipline her because it will hurt her feelings (they only come for visits they are not one of my dck's)
LOL...modern parenting! "I don't want to hurt her feelings"...but don't care if she tromps all over other people's feelings...the other kids...her aunts...her mothers....nope as long as SHE's happy!
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