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gumdrops 04:49 AM 02-07-2019
I've posted about this DCG before. I have a lot of part-timers who come 2-4 days/week. Whenever there is conflict, this DCG4 is almost always involved. Today she and another DCG4 can't even look at each other without complaining that "she's looking at me mean". And they've only been here for 15 min. What do you do?
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rosieteddy 05:56 AM 02-07-2019
I always told the children"hey you don't have to like each other,but do not be rude".I would set up different areas and separate them.
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gumdrops 06:08 AM 02-07-2019
Originally Posted by rosieteddy:
I always told the children"hey you don't have to like each other,but do not be rude".I would set up different areas and separate them.
That's what I try to do, but then I feel guilty that this DCG always has to play by herself. I worry that her parents will get upset. When I replay it in my head to tell her parents at the end of the day, it sounds so petty, so I don't end up saying anything. The few occasions that I do say something, they are real nonchalant, kids will be kids, or yeah, she does that at home too, like it's no big deal.
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Ariana 07:53 AM 02-07-2019
At that age I would sit at eye level and help them brainstorm ways to get along. “It seems like you both are having a hard time getting along, what seems to be the problem”? Then talk about how they can do better. Give them proper language to use and encourage them to make better choices. Sometimes simply saying to do better is not teaching them HOW to do better so tell them what you are looking for
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Blackcat31 07:59 AM 02-07-2019
Originally Posted by gumdrops:
That's what I try to do, but then I feel guilty that this DCG always has to play by herself. I worry that her parents will get upset. When I replay it in my head to tell her parents at the end of the day, it sounds so petty, so I don't end up saying anything. The few occasions that I do say something, they are real nonchalant, kids will be kids, or yeah, she does that at home too, like it's no big deal.
She creates the conflict. She SHOULD have to play by herself. That's a natural consequence for her behavior.

IMHO, that is the best teacher. I agree with PP though about teaching them the skills to manage conflict.

Managing conflict does NOT mean others HAVE to play with her. But it does mean they need to use their words and tell her why they don't want to play with her.

When I have kids that simply don't get along (and I know they have the skills to communicate) I leave them be. They don't have to play with anyone they do not want to play with but they cannot be mean or physical about it.

You can't control others. You can only control yourself.
This is a common phrase in my program as I have kids that will tattle about someone else singing or talking etc and one child wants the talker to be quiet. I always tell them you can't control them from talking but you don't have to listen or reply.
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Msdunny 10:31 AM 02-07-2019
I have a "before you talk to me you have to talk to each other" policy. If one of my dcg's (I have all g's except for one, and he's never the issue!) come to me tattling on the other, I tell them they have to ask the other dcc to stop or tell them why the behavior bothers them, first. They may only come to me if the other little doesn't listen. I am listening to conversations after the tattling to be sure the 'right' words are exchanged, and will step in if I need to.
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trytobearunner34 11:50 AM 02-07-2019
I agree with Arianna. It’s clear this little girl has had little to no direct modeling (aside from your setting) or teaching in building positive relationships with peers or respectfully resolving conflict. Sounds like she needs some coaching from you as to how to be a friend and how to respectfully resolve conflict with friends. If after instruction, modeling, practice and reminders if she still struggles then your regular methods of discipline makes sense. Also even if it sounds petty it’s important for the parents to know she is struggling to get along respectfully with her peers so do try to let them know when you can.
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Mom2Two 01:01 PM 02-08-2019
Originally Posted by rosieteddy:
I would set up different areas and separate them.
Yes, that is what I do. I have a sibling pair (2.5 & 1.5 years) who arrive 45 mins before anyone else, and I often have to separate them just so I get some peace. They aren't so bad when there are other kids here, and they are too young to really learn much from the consequence, but it sure helps me!

I separate with a baby gate and they aren't allowed to hang out at the gate.

Originally Posted by Msdunny:
I have a "before you talk to me you have to talk to each other" policy.
Me too, especially when they are four years old. In normal circumstances I have them try talking to the other person at least once, and then if it's not resolved I'll get involved.


"She's looking at me mean." Yep, I can see how this would get on your nerves really quickly!
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gumdrops 05:56 AM 02-09-2019
Today she was all about taking everyone's toys.

Did I mention SHE'S 4.5!

If anyone was not physically touching what they were playing with, she would take it and claim "they put it down!" (insert high pitch, whiny voice) One child was sitting in a play chair and stood up to walk 2 steps to pick something up and she swooped in and sat on their chair. I talked with DCM a bit at pick up and she said she does the same thing to little sis at home.

She spent a lot of time playing alone today!

She's intelligent, sweet and loving. Comes from a great family. She is just in constant "competition" with everyone!

My SIL is friends with the family and I have mentioned the behavior to her and she said when they get together, she's never noticed any of this behavior. So I feel I've created the atmosphere for her to act this way.

I Love my job....I Love my job....I Love my job! Maybe I'll believe myself it if I say it often enough
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