Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-04-2017, 12:27 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Unhappy Don't Trust My Daughter's Daycare Center

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-04-2017, 12:31 PM
midaycare's Avatar
midaycare midaycare is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,659
Default

I would talk to them about it. I would see if she did get a cupcake, and if not, why. Are there other things, or just the cupcake issue? It could be a simple misunderstanding.

If you don't trust the place, don't take her back. Not today, not tomorrow. But I would expect to pay whatever fees you will need to if there is no outstanding reason to pull her.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-04-2017, 12:54 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I have dropped by unannounced in the past to pick my DD found her sleeping in corner away from the other children. My DD has always had a napping schedule specially since I run my own daycare and she's been following it since day one. Their excuse was that she was not sleeping and making too much noise so she had to be by herself in the corner. My DD who's been potty trained since she was 2 has started peeing on herself and wetting the bed at night ever since she started her DDC back in October. The DC teacher are always telling me that she's peeing on the way to the bathroom. Which never happens at home.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-04-2017, 12:43 PM
racemom's Avatar
racemom racemom is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: nebraska
Posts: 932
Default

If you honestly don't feel safe, I would pull immediately. But if the cupcake incident is the only one, I think there is probably a good explanation for it.

Have you considered maybe the teachers saw you were there before she got hers, and they knew she was leaving so they didn't give one to her because you were ready to go. I find when I give cupcakes to 3 year olds, it is going to take them forever to eat only the frosting, because that is all they like.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-04-2017, 12:54 PM
e.j.'s Avatar
e.j. e.j. is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,996
Default

From what you've said, your daughter's version of events didn't quite mesh with your own observation. She told you that only the boys got to eat cupcakes yet you say the other girls were eating cupcakes, too. Based on that, I would say take a deep breath and contact one of the teachers to ask what happened. Speak calmly and don't be accusing and listen with an open mind. Once you hear the teacher's explanation, you'll be able to make a better decision as to what your next step should be. Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-04-2017, 01:45 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 16,785
Default

I agree with e.j. and would ask to speak with the teacher's directly. Many times a 3 yr olds version of what happened is no where near the truth. I am not saying your DD is lying but she may be misunderstanding or interpreting differently.

I would never deny a child snack or lunch but there have been times in which we've had sugary food rewards that not all kids earned so not all kids got. Many times if they haven't eaten lunch I will give them crackers to eat first BEFORE allowing the sugary treat so that they have something good for them in their belly first. kwim?

As for the potty accidents, I've been in this business for 25+ yrs now and I have yet to meet a child that performs at home the same way they do here. The different environments could be a valid explanation for that.

All in all though I would absolutely schedule a time to talk with the teachers and get their take on what's happening.

If, however you feel uncomfortable about anything...remove your child. Instincts are usually there for those times in which our logic or our brains are saying something different.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-04-2017, 01:31 PM
284878's Avatar
284878 284878 is online now
Day Care Owner
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,224
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I have dropped by unannounced in the past to pick my DD found her sleeping in corner away from the other children. My DD has always had a napping schedule specially since I run my own daycare and she's been following it since day one. Their excuse was that she was not sleeping and making too much noise so she had to be by herself in the corner. My DD who's been potty trained since she was 2 has started peeing on herself and wetting the bed at night ever since she started her DDC back in October. The DC teacher are always telling me that she's peeing on the way to the bathroom. Which never happens at home.
If you run your own dc, why isn't your DD in your DC?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-04-2017, 01:44 PM
storybookending's Avatar
storybookending storybookending is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 1,170
Default

My cousin runs a home daycare and she put her child into another daycare for the socialization and to be around older kids when she was around 3.

I would go in to this conference and try to stay level headed and ask your questions calmly. 3 year olds donít always have their stories lined up correctly. I know in my state withholding food is considered child abuse but Iím not sure where the line is on serving some children a treat and not others. Giving cupcakes to some and not others seems cruel if there is no medical reason (allergies).

Iíve seen the wetting on the way to the bathroom many times in a daycare setting. Itís different than at home where she may be busy playing and not realize until itís too late that she has to go. Children do regress sometimes with training of a sudden change occurs, such as starting a new daycare.

Bottom line is if you feel the daycare is unsafe why are you still sending your child there?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-04-2017, 01:47 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 16,785
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 284878 View Post
If you run your own dc, why isn't your DD in your DC?
I sent my own child to a structured program/preschool at 3 and at that time I still took school aged kids. My kid needed what I was unable to provide. I think it's common for providers to do this.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-04-2017, 01:56 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 6,709
Default

I also sent my 4 yr old to a preschool seperate from me. She needed more socialization than what I could offer her at the time.

I also have a child in my daycare who started wetting his pants when he started with me. He suddenly needed pullups at nap time for the first time ever...and he has been potty trained since 2 years old. No clue why, other than major anxiety issues when away from his home and routine.

As for the napping I am not sure what to think about that. Maybe a few more drop in unannounced and a talk to the director is in order. I never want to tell moms to go against their instincts but sometimes parents do suspect the worst when nothing is really happening.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-04-2017, 01:59 PM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 9,811
Default

Were you later than your typical pick-up time?
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-04-2017, 02:06 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
Were you later than your typical pick-up time?
No 7am-6pm I picked her up at around 3:20pm
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 12-05-2017, 05:12 AM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 7,237
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child.

I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise
Your daughter isn't a good historian or she wouldn't have said only boys had cupcakes when you saw that the girls had them too.

I will NEVER understand why a parent would bring their child to a daycare they didn't trust and fear for their child. You have the ability to pay them for this month but just keep her home. You have a home child care and for some reason you have chosen to have her cared for by others. You have the option to just keep her with you.

Pay them their required notice and find somewhere else where you don't fear for her life.

It's not a tough one.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-05-2017, 05:15 AM
amberrose3dg's Avatar
amberrose3dg amberrose3dg is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: somewhere
Posts: 1,122
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
Your daughter isn't a good historian or she wouldn't have said only boys had cupcakes when you saw that the girls had them too.

I will NEVER understand why a parent would bring their child to a daycare they didn't trust and fear for their child. You have the ability to pay them for this month but just keep her home. You have a home child care and for some reason you have chosen to have her cared for by others. You have the option to just keep her with you.

Pay them their required notice and find somewhere else where you don't fear for her life.

It's not a tough one.

Also you don't trust them over thinking your daughter didn't get a cupcake? I have kids refuse all types of stuff here. I am not taking up for them but you either trust them or you don't. I would never leave my child somewhere I didn't feel was safe.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-05-2017, 07:59 AM
mommyneedsadayoff's Avatar
mommyneedsadayoff mommyneedsadayoff is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,676
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise
I think you should pay your notice and stop bringing her if you feel this way. Hopefully you have room in your daycare ratios to keep her home without having to end care of one of your other daycare children, but when it comes to your child's safety, you figure something out.

For what it's worth, I don't think the cupcake incident is probably as big of deal as you think it is. My guess is that she may be a little harder to handle or is acting up and the daycare is taking away privelege as a consequence. These consequences are coming off as punishment that you don't find acceptable, which is not unusual as you are also a daycare provider and probably do things a bit differently than they do. Your daughter may even be acting up since she has to leave home and go to a daycare versus getting to stay home at your day care. At her age I'm sure she's well aware of the situation. And sometimes they act out because of it, so it's a possibility.

All that aside, if you don't trust them and you fear for your daughter then don't send her for one more day. Pay the money and move on.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 12-06-2017, 04:06 AM
PhotogMum PhotogMum is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 8
Default

I always took things with a grain on salt at that age. 3year olds are notorious for fibbing/exaggerating. At that age my DS told us his JK teacher had a flame thrower. Oh, and real bricks that the good kids got to hit the bad kids on the head with... For some reason I didn't believe him!
Plus, in the grand scheme of things, is it really THAT big of a deal if she didn't get a cupcake? It's likely the staff had a reason IMHO
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 12-06-2017, 04:29 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,212
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I agree with e.j. and would ask to speak with the teacher's directly. Many times a 3 yr olds version of what happened is no where near the truth. I am not saying your DD is lying but she may be misunderstanding or interpreting differently.

I would never deny a child snack or lunch but there have been times in which we've had sugary food rewards that not all kids earned so not all kids got. Many times if they haven't eaten lunch I will give them crackers to eat first BEFORE allowing the sugary treat so that they have something good for them in their belly first. kwim?

As for the potty accidents, I've been in this business for 25+ yrs now and I have yet to meet a child that performs at home the same way they do here. The different environments could be a valid explanation for that.

All in all though I would absolutely schedule a time to talk with the teachers and get their take on what's happening.

If, however you feel uncomfortable about anything...remove your child. Instincts are usually there for those times in which our logic or our brains are saying something different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I sent my own child to a structured program/preschool at 3 and at that time I still took school aged kids. My kid needed what I was unable to provide. I think it's common for providers to do this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I was not referring to open to close hours. I was referring to your typical pick up time. Do you typically pick up at 3:15? If so the parent may have been given the number of kids that typically are there for afternoon snack. That is what the director would have gone by, average meal counts for pm snack on her admin page, when asked for a number by a parent intending to bring cupcakes to any classroom.

Also I would have a high index of suspicion that the person who told her the cupcakes were for boys only was the birthday boy or his buddy. Might even have been referring to a specific color of cupcake if, say, she wanted blue instead of green then refused the green one. Maybe the parent sent blue bugs for boys, green butterflys for girls? Sounds pretty familiar for the 3-4 year old classroom.
all of this.

What other concerns have you had? you said this isn't the first time?
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 12-06-2017, 06:08 AM
MomBoss's Avatar
MomBoss MomBoss is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 412
Default

My mom did in home daycare and she sent me to a preschool for a couple hours a couple days a week. For the preschool program and to be around kids my own age and to get away from her (i was stuck to her hip shy). I also put my son in an evening preschool through the community center. It was 2 1/2 hours 2 days a week. Does your daughter need to be there everyday all day? My personal opinion is that she should go to an actual preschool vs just another daycare. It seems pointless otherwise..to me..nothing personal.
One of the reasons why I started inhome daycare is so that I can be with my kids. I honestly dont trust centers with everything Ive been hearing in the news. More and more centers are found abusing/neglecting kids.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 12-06-2017, 07:03 AM
MelissaP's Avatar
MelissaP MelissaP is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 115
Default I'm not understanding.

I guess I am not understanding what the "big" issue is here. I've been following this for a few days now to see if I am missing something.
You are concerned that your child didn't get a cupcake. I understand that it may feel like it's something pointed directly towards your daughter and then your daughters teachers are not telling you what happened exactly. It can be frustrating.
When working at a center, one of the things that are expected of you is to pull reasons out of your a@@ to make parents happy. I'm surprised that they didn't do this but instead said that they don't remember. Even in the instance that your daughter was sleeping in the corner. Maybe that's just where she fell asleep. My own kids fall asleep in random places also.
If you really feel like you don't trust your center, pull your daughter. It's not that hard.
I have worked in centers long enough to know that I will never place my child in one. There's a ton of things that go on behind the curtain that a parent never sees. I would personally never hire the people that I work with because those teachers, assistants and aids are all a liability. Most of them are there for the paycheck and treat the children like that are stupid, or like they are tiny adults. Nobody realizes that these kids we work with are just that.. kids. And that they make a mess and that if the mess isn't there at the end of the day.. what the heck were you doing all day. The person that I work with literally yells at the kids to clean up all day long but she can't manage to get up and help them clean up. Of course they don't clean up because you are just sitting there yelling at them. Things are unfair and if anyone has a favorite the rest of the kids get screwed by that person and honestly, I am guessing that is what happened with the cupcake but please don't hold me to that.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
payment - monthly, providers own child, providers own children

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Licensed DayCare vs. Private DayCare marylmr Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 45 09-16-2017 08:50 AM
Daycare Center JeepGirl6 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 2 12-14-2014 07:06 AM
Help Me Translate 5 Years Center Experience to in Home Daycare bluemoose_mom Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 5 04-27-2012 12:02 PM
Daycare Center Visitation Rights Victoria Parents and Guardians Forum 3 07-22-2008 07:44 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:40 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming