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  #1  
Old 02-27-2014, 10:40 AM
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Default WWYD Overprotective DCD Making Me Worry...

I have a 10m dcg in my care that came in a month and a half ago not eating any solids. She doesn't hold a bottle, had never tried a sippy cup and was barely crawling. Her development here in the past month and a half suggests parents holding constantly (which was in line with the first couple weeks of adjustment of wanting held) and being in a pack n play or similar in past daycare. NOW she drinks primarily from a sippy, eats normal table solids for a 10 month old and is attempting to walk. DCPs have been through 2 other providers in the past. I contacted them prior to accepting DCG and they both said that parents didn't agree with their policies and left. I discussed my policies with DCPs and they have agreed to and been good at abiding by all of them. In the past month and a half of being in my daycare environment, DCD and I have struggled to meet eye to eye though. I have met him 3 times total - interview, a pick up --this was a odd pick up too as I had my MIL and DH helping during pick ups as I had to get ready for a dinner, which I did inform mom of earlier in the day -- and one time he dropped in randomly thinking he needed to pick her up when grandma already had.

Yesterday DCG lost her balance and fell into a bookcase. She had a tiny bruise on her forehead which is completely gone today. DCM communicates with me openly and often about DCD: "He's a little weird and overprotective of her, wants you to make her bottles with this bottled water as he thought the local water tasted more chlorine-y than normal." or this morning after I mentioned her fall yesterday to DCM (grandma picked up yesterday). "Yeah, DCD was freaking out and took pictures and everything..." and she rolls her eyes.

That makes me extremely uncomfortable. Is this a normal DCP reaction to a first bump at daycare? I document all incidents and this one was no different. However all my other DCPs are very realistic about a 10-18 month olds bumps as they are learning to walk and whatnot. I mean last week the 12 month old had a nosebleed from trying to run on the ceramic tile before he was able to run

WWYD in relation to DCD in this situation? I feel very uncomfortable that a DCP would be taking pictures of a regular, normal looking tiny bruise from a fall that disappeared within 18 hours of the happening. Yes, they completely have the right to protect their child of course - but it seems extreme? I may just be a little antsy as this is the first parent to react this way...
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Old 02-27-2014, 10:44 AM
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I have never had a parent react that way, and I would feel uncomfortable with it, to say the least.

In this business, trust is key. If they don't trust me, then we cannot do business. I would say something to that affect to dcm.
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Old 02-27-2014, 11:06 AM
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They better get ready to take a lot of pictures then. New walkers will have more bruises on heads, knees, shins, etc!
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Old 02-27-2014, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
I have never had a parent react that way, and I would feel uncomfortable with it, to say the least.

In this business, trust is key. If they don't trust me, then we cannot do business. I would say something to that affect to dcm.
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They better get ready to take a lot of pictures then. New walkers will have more bruises on heads, knees, shins, etc!
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Old 02-27-2014, 11:33 AM
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Yes, it's over the top...let them know the situation works the same in reverse, I take pictures of all new bruises when they come to my house too Hope we have good cameras because over the next year there will be quite a few little bumps and bruises! That's just what happens when little ones are learning to walk and explore the surroundings...
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  #6  
Old 02-27-2014, 12:01 PM
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I would make a call to DCD

"Hi Steve. I just wanted to call because I was informed that you took a picture of the bruise that Suzie got here yesterday, which by the way is completely gone today as I am sure you have noticed. I was wondering if you could shed some light on why you thought it was necessary.... (DCD's response) ... thank you for clarifying it for me.

I want to go ahead and point out that Suzie is attempting/learning to walk. Bumps and bruises are a normal part of a childs development as they build their large motor skills. Will you be recording every bump and bruise that she incurs while in daycare? (Yes). Okay, I have to be honest with you and tell you that I think that its a little excessive but I respect ypur decision. However because you will be documenting every bump and bruise I will need to do the same, you know, so that we don't get our bumps and bruises mixed up. It's a liability thing for me, I'm sure you understand. I just don't want to be blamed for every bruise. Each day when Suzie gets dropped off I will do a full wellness check and document any bumps,marks, bruises and scratches and whoever drops her off will need to sign off on it. I will also take photos. At pick up I will do the same and it will need to be signed off again. I will continue to report any falls and bruises to whoever drops off as I have always done. I'm sure you understand. "

Or something like that. The point is to bombard the parent with the overall silliness of the overreaction and they will then have to think about how hard it will be to keep Suzie from getting bruised at home and the idea of how now every single bruise will be recorded and photographed. There really is no need for all of this however because I'm always thinking about worst case scenario I would be worried about liability.

I would also think about whether I thought that going through the whole process would be worth it and contemplate terminating them. What is the purpose of his documenting the bruise? Is he going to collect photos and call licensing? Even if licensing understood that it was excessive and pointless, for me at least on CA, the report/complaint would still be in my file and potential clients would be able to access it. Even if it was dismissed my file would still show that I had the complaint and other parents may shy away from signing with me. It could still hurt my business.

I would have a really deep reflection on the situation and really put some thought into this.
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  #7  
Old 02-27-2014, 12:07 PM
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Do you do boo-boo reports?

DCD could simply be keeping records in case a pattern ever develops. This is pretty common in centers and is probably in his new parenting advice book under the "daycare" section. I keep a copy of them in their folder for my own records.
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File Type: jpg ouch_report.jpg (20.8 KB, 14 views)
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  #8  
Old 02-27-2014, 12:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MV View Post
I would make a call to DCD

"Hi Steve. I just wanted to call because I was informed that you took a picture of the bruise that Suzie got here yesterday, which by the way is completely gone today as I am sure you have noticed. I was wondering if you could shed some light on why you thought it was necessary.... (DCD's response) ... thank you for clarifying it for me.

I want to go ahead and point out that Suzie is attempting/learning to walk. Bumps and bruises are a normal part of a childs development as they build their large motor skills. Will you be recording every bump and bruise that she incurs while in daycare? (Yes). Okay, I have to be honest with you and tell you that I think that its a little excessive but I respect ypur decision. However because you will be documenting every bump and bruise I will need to do the same, you know, so that we don't get our bumps and bruises mixed up. It's a liability thing for me, I'm sure you understand. I just don't want to be blamed for every bruise. Each day when Suzie gets dropped off I will do a full wellness check and document any bumps,marks, bruises and scratches and whoever drops her off will need to sign off on it. I will also take photos. At pick up I will do the same and it will need to be signed off again. I will continue to report any falls and bruises to whoever drops off as I have always done. I'm sure you understand. "

Or something like that. The point is to bombard the parent with the overall silliness of the overreaction and they will then have to think about how hard it will be to keep Suzie from getting bruised at home and the idea of how now every single bruise will be recorded and photographed. There really is no need for all of this however because I'm always thinking about worst case scenario I would be worried about liability.

I would also think about whether I thought that going through the whole process would be worth it and contemplate terminating them. What is the purpose of his documenting the bruise? Is he going to collect photos and call licensing? Even if licensing understood that it was excessive and pointless, for me at least on CA, the report/complaint would still be in my file and potential clients would be able to access it. Even if it was dismissed my file would still show that I had the complaint and other parents may shy away from signing with me. It could still hurt my business.

I would have a really deep reflection on the situation and really put some thought into this.
↑ ↑ ↑ ↑

to the bolded part
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  #9  
Old 02-27-2014, 12:24 PM
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I would ask dcm and dcd Do you want me to notify you immediately for every bump and fall or is the end of the day except for emergencies ok.. They show him that you document injuries including pictures . Let them know you also keep a record of those that happen at home so would they please let you know when something has happened. I would let him know you do everything you can to keep her safe but she will fall and get hurt as she learns to get around by herself.
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Old 02-27-2014, 12:26 PM
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This was my aunt. she lost her first child and was just crazy nuts over the top with her second child.

If this were me, I would just make a report, take a pic and have the parents sign your copy and give them one. Then just drop it.

perhaps he may have a similar experience with a family member, sibling or such.
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  #11  
Old 02-27-2014, 12:29 PM
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I have incident reports that are signed and copies go home with parents. All reports are kept in child's file.

I understand that you might take a picture of your child's bruise if you thought a pattern was developing, but this is the one and only thus far. Perhaps they had suspicious bruises at the other daycares, but WHY would DCM share that dad was doing it - she wasn't informing me, she was definitely venting about him.

I love your ladies' suggestions but some are a little strong for my backbone.

When DCM picks up today, I will hand her the copy of the incident report. "Since I document all bruises and bumps that happen here, DCD can file his copy and it should free up some time for him to worry and photograph the bumps and bruises that are and will be happening at home as you both encourage DCG to continue to grow and learn with walking and similar accident-prone development."
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Old 02-27-2014, 12:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
This was my aunt. she lost her first child and was just crazy nuts over the top with her second child.

If this were me, I would just make a report, take a pic and have the parents sign your copy and give them one. Then just drop it.

perhaps he may have a similar experience with a family member, sibling or such.
Exactly.

you know he had issues with previous daycares so clearly, this is him and not you. The mom is verbally on your side and realizes how over the top he is. I would just document everything and provided they are following the rules, I would just keep going as is. If he gets pushy or something, I would just tell him he is welcome to find a new daycare provider at anytime if you are no longer a good fit and you will do the same as by giving termination notice if see that the relationship is no longer working.

I am guessing he has some past experience or some anxiety that makes him like this. I know that I am really overprotective about my kids at other peoples houses without me. I dont trust anyone due to childhood trauma. I cant guarantee that I wouldnt be a terrible parent to work with in a daycare situation LOL School I am more comfortable with because I talk to my kids ALL the time about how to be safe, about their bodies and things like that.
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Old 02-28-2014, 01:12 PM
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I had a DCD behave this same way (from the same family I usually gripe about, wouldn't you know). I did do the same thing PP suggested about checking them over and recording marks, except I didn't have them sign off on them.

After the 3rd time DCD hiked up DCG's clothing to ask about some mark at drop-off - for the record, the 1st one was from a fall AT HOME that DCM pointed out the day before (guess he didn't know), the 2nd looked like she was scratching at a tag (not even scabbed so did not happen with me 14 hours or more ago), and the 3rd looked like imprints from the seatbelt that morning - so I told him I would be looking both kids over and recording at the beginning and end of the day. I did do that, and it shut him up...about that, anyway!
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  #14  
Old 02-28-2014, 01:25 PM
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I had a DCM call me after hours asking about a bump on DCB's head, also about 12mos old and learning to walk. DCD picked him up early and she wasn't home until about 3hrs later. I guess DCD said he didn't know how it happened and it must have happened here but I KNOW he was just too scared to admit that either he didn't know how it happened or DCB got hurt while he was watching him. She was one of those over the top, controlling, anal first-time parents. I explained that I document every injury, big or small, and he did not get an injury at my home. She brought him here once after that with a HUGE bruise on his forehead. They went to look at new furniture and he whacked his head on a display coffee table. I have pics of him with that bruise too and it was bad! The one DCG I have here now who's almost 18mos has bruises on her shins, scraped on her elbows... she's just a rough and tumble kinda girl but none occurred here aside from perhaps while climbing or playing. No actual "injuries" or something.

It would make me nervous as well and I would start documenting everything!!
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TaylorTots View Post
I have a 10m dcg in my care that came in a month and a half ago not eating any solids. She doesn't hold a bottle, had never tried a sippy cup and was barely crawling. Her development here in the past month and a half suggests parents holding constantly (which was in line with the first couple weeks of adjustment of wanting held) and being in a pack n play or similar in past daycare. NOW she drinks primarily from a sippy, eats normal table solids for a 10 month old and is attempting to walk. DCPs have been through 2 other providers in the past. I contacted them prior to accepting DCG and they both said that parents didn't agree with their policies and left. I discussed my policies with DCPs and they have agreed to and been good at abiding by all of them. In the past month and a half of being in my daycare environment, DCD and I have struggled to meet eye to eye though. I have met him 3 times total - interview, a pick up --this was a odd pick up too as I had my MIL and DH helping during pick ups as I had to get ready for a dinner, which I did inform mom of earlier in the day -- and one time he dropped in randomly thinking he needed to pick her up when grandma already had.

Yesterday DCG lost her balance and fell into a bookcase. She had a tiny bruise on her forehead which is completely gone today. DCM communicates with me openly and often about DCD: "He's a little weird and overprotective of her, wants you to make her bottles with this bottled water as he thought the local water tasted more chlorine-y than normal." or this morning after I mentioned her fall yesterday to DCM (grandma picked up yesterday). "Yeah, DCD was freaking out and took pictures and everything..." and she rolls her eyes.

That makes me extremely uncomfortable. Is this a normal DCP reaction to a first bump at daycare? I document all incidents and this one was no different. However all my other DCPs are very realistic about a 10-18 month olds bumps as they are learning to walk and whatnot. I mean last week the 12 month old had a nosebleed from trying to run on the ceramic tile before he was able to run

WWYD in relation to DCD in this situation? I feel very uncomfortable that a DCP would be taking pictures of a regular, normal looking tiny bruise from a fall that disappeared within 18 hours of the happening. Yes, they completely have the right to protect their child of course - but it seems extreme? I may just be a little antsy as this is the first parent to react this way...
I didn't read other responses. and to be perfectly honest I would start looking for reasons to term on a friendly note.
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Old 02-28-2014, 06:09 PM
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I once created a bruise log for a client who wanted me to document her preschooler's every mark/bruise. I required her to do the same at home. That log never came back. I can e-mail it to you, if you would like. Just message me your e-mail address and I will send it on over.
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Old 03-01-2014, 01:21 PM
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Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist View Post
I once created a bruise log for a client who wanted me to document her preschooler's every mark/bruise. I required her to do the same at home. That log never came back. I can e-mail it to you, if you would like. Just message me your e-mail address and I will send it on over.
typical.

i hate to be so pessimistic but it seems like 99% of the time, when parents ask for "special" they are not wanting to contributing anything to that. so annoying. but you have the right idea in putting this back on the parent. I do that now with infant reports. The parents need to print out and bring their preferred report and as long as they provide them, I will fill them out. Never had but one parent take me up on that LOL makes my life easier though. I do that approach for a lot of things, especially potty training and other hot button topics.
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