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  #1  
Old 08-06-2013, 02:37 PM
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Default Need Some Serious Advice Please

Dcb - 10 told me today that when his bio dad gets his house set up, bio dad is going to fight for full custody (mom has primary w/visitation at bio dad every other weekend).

Dcb - 10 then follows it up with "but I can't tell mom. Dad said not to bc mom will find a way to take me away. So don't tell my mom."

Wwyd? Wwy say to dcb? I kinda stuttered an answer about "cross that bridge when you get to it." But I'm at a loss for what to say next time.

The whole situation is screwy. Dcb showed up on my doorstep at 10 am, obviously had been crying. He tells me his step dad is a jerk so he left and walked to my house (a mile away). Step dad never called. I call mom...she has no idea. Asks if I can keep him for the day. Fine.

Anywho...wwyd? Say?
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Old 08-06-2013, 02:47 PM
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Nothing. But I would certainly call CPS and let them know that child came over and BOTH mom and step-dad were unaware of him leaving.

As far as keeping DCB's "secret" goes, I wouldn't feel as though it is my place to get involved.

Mom will find out soon enough and bio-dad is more than likely just talking smack to his kid and the whole gaining full custody thing will NOT happen.

He may try but I doubt he will get very far considering what kind of parent involves their 10 year old in something of that nature

I would encourage DCB to talk to his mom though about anything in his life that makes him sad or unhappy (including his step-dad) but I would walk carefully when it comes to getting in the middle of anything else going on.

I know we have insight in to these kinds of things all the time but IMPO, it is still not part of the job description to get involved.

I am sure others will think/feel differently but in the end only YOU know the right thing to do based on your relationship with DCB and DCM....kwim?

Some providers are VERY personal and some are not.

I am not. I concern myself with the immediate day to day care of the child and that is all.
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Old 08-06-2013, 02:55 PM
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Ty BC. I'm leaning that way as well. Obviously there's way more to the story (as there always is) but I'm attempting to stay out of it. The CPS call has already been made.

Ty again. I guess more than anything I just needed confirmation that it's ok to stay out of it.
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Old 08-06-2013, 02:56 PM
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I have a divorce/custody issue going on with a infant of mine. DCM had custody, DCD got custody outta the blue. I was told yesterday the Guardian Ad Litem‎ will be contacting concerning the child. I do NOT want to get involved & only want to give the gild a safe haven away from it all. In the meantime, my mouth is shut until they ask me.
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Old 08-06-2013, 03:17 PM
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I would stay out of it unless the safety of the child is in question (If one parent is threatening or making threatening comments about the other parent or the child). I would be more concerned about the child leaving home and walking to your house without a parent knowing, than I would about the custody situation.
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Old 08-06-2013, 03:23 PM
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I would also stay out of it and just be a listening ear for the child to talk to.
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Old 08-06-2013, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist View Post
I would also stay out of it and just be a listening ear for the child to talk to.
Same here.
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Old 08-06-2013, 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Trummynme View Post
Ty BC. I'm leaning that way as well. Obviously there's way more to the story (as there always is) but I'm attempting to stay out of it. The CPS call has already been made.

Ty again. I guess more than anything I just needed confirmation that it's ok to stay out of it.
. Hope all this works out ok for him!!
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Old 08-07-2013, 05:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trummynme View Post
Dcb - 10 told me today that when his bio dad gets his house set up, bio dad is going to fight for full custody (mom has primary w/visitation at bio dad every other weekend).

Dcb - 10 then follows it up with "but I can't tell mom. Dad said not to bc mom will find a way to take me away. So don't tell my mom."

Wwyd? Wwy say to dcb? I kinda stuttered an answer about "cross that bridge when you get to it." But I'm at a loss for what to say next time.

The whole situation is screwy. Dcb showed up on my doorstep at 10 am, obviously had been crying. He tells me his step dad is a jerk so he left and walked to my house (a mile away). Step dad never called. I call mom...she has no idea. Asks if I can keep him for the day. Fine.

Anywho...wwyd? Say?
Is it possible he is just saying these things because he WANTS his Dad to get full custody because he doesn't like his step dad? I would let him blow off steam to you and be there for him, and unless you hear something dangerous, I would keep his confidence.

I also would have called CPS over him showing up there without his parents knowledge BUT how wonderful that he comes to YOU for a safe place to be.
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Old 08-07-2013, 06:51 AM
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No idea why parents use their children as confidants.
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Old 08-07-2013, 07:08 AM
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Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
Is it possible he is just saying these things because he WANTS his Dad to get full custody because he doesn't like his step dad? I would let him blow off steam to you and be there for him, and unless you hear something dangerous, I would keep his confidence.

I also would have called CPS over him showing up there without his parents knowledge BUT how wonderful that he comes to YOU for a safe place to be.
i second this. I wonder if he WANTS dad to get full custody. It could have been more like a promise, "Son once I get things set up, I will fight for full custody, I promise. You just have to hold on a little longer." sort of thing.

it sure doesn't sound like life with mom and step dad is a bed of roses. I wonder if he's better off with bio dad...

And as for what you should do, keep being his safe place. You did the right thing calling CPS (probably the report will add fuel to bio dad's fight!). Be the safe sounding board dcb can talk to. He clearly needs it.
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Old 08-07-2013, 10:51 AM
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It's also really easy for a parent to play the 'good guy' when they only have them periodically. Full time parents have to discipline, make sure you eat healthy, do your homework, get plenty of sleep, and all sorts of other things that aren't fun. Being a 'step dad' makes this job even tougher. Be there for the dck and don't make any assumptions on what would be best for him (even if dck thinks he would prefer it somewhere else)
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Old 08-07-2013, 07:20 PM
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Thank you all for the advice. Dcm received an immediate termination after dcb purposely injured a younger child. Wish I didn't have to do it but I had to.
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