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  #1  
Old 08-12-2014, 12:16 PM
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Unhappy Father not respecting personal time

I have a child who is 14 months that I have had in my care since he was 6 weeks old, and his sister (from another father) for about 1 year prior to that. 1 month after he was born, the parents went through a nasty divorce which I of courses was stuck in the middle of. I was even added into the dissolution paper as part of the separation agreement that no one parent could remove him form my care without consent from the other. I was very accommodating and offered to help by letting them use me, lol, to exchange paperwork and a drop off/pick up location. As the time went on things would roller coaster. I am now 6 months pregnant and still fully running my daycare of 8 awesome kids! About 1 month ago the father was in route to pick up there child and the child hit his eye causing a laceration, on the coffee table. I immediately provided care and got the bleeding to stop, and no bandage was used. It was the last day I was to work before closing for my 1 week vacation time, and 5 minutes prior to closing. My husband was there and was very helpful, and took the child for a moment while i notified the mother and waited for the father. We left 15 minutes after that to start our family vacation, and both parents were notified by that time and very understanding.
I had found out on my return that the father had some difficulty finding care for the week, and had the mothers family watch him. He his his head there which caused a bruise and was angered because they notified him upon pickup and her immediately telephonically.
The child last friday his his other eye on the table again and the father was notified at pick up. No laceration or bruising, but subtle swelling. 1 hour after closing he start questioning me as to what I had told the mother and what he expects, being aware that I don't respond top after hours calls and texts. Started back up the next morning and I called him angered letting him know he was crossing the lines and to communicate with the mother himself, not me on my off hours. He is now being demanding and making unreasonable requests to call him after ANY scrapes, bumps or bruises and the mother too. The mother and I are on great terms and it is not what she expects, and I log all accidents in the childs attendance folder.
He obviously is irate with me not following through with his requests, but its my daycare and I give out policy packets and he is stressing me out!!! Any ideas on how to deal with this man? I can assure you he is this way with many things and makes me feel bullied and harassed. He treats me like I am his significant other, not the professional caring for his amazing child!!
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  #2  
Old 08-12-2014, 12:25 PM
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One clarification.

He is asking for you to notify him of any incident of which you also notify the mother? So equal notification?

That should be pretty easy to accommodate. Photo copy all boo-boo reports.

BUT

You may need to clarify with him what incidents REQUIRE notification.

IMHO, it would be in your best interest to not cozy up to Mom either. You are in a triangular relationship with a toxic couple. Not your best decision I am sure.

Good luck
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  #3  
Old 08-12-2014, 12:28 PM
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I would notify the parent who is picking up that day. I would inform both parents if there is an incident/accident your policy and plan of action will be to inform the parent who is schedule to pick up the particular day.

I would add you do not deal with parents outside of daycare business hours unless previously schedule. Any deviation from this policy may lead to termination of services.
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:35 PM
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He says that I need to CALL him and the mother in the event that any scrape, bump, bruise, or laceration occurs. She is a professional and prefers that I only contact her when there is a cut or serious medical emergency. This was not an issue to him until I called him to tell him to stop calling and texting me on my off hours. I always notify parents on a daily basis, not at the occurrence of every accident. I am not trying to make trying difficult for him in anyway. I tried not to write a novel but there are so many branches that stem from this tree. This is just the one that makes me feel enough is enough.
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:43 PM
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Thank you kidgrind, that basically is what my policy states, but also that I will call both parents in the event of a medical emergency. I guess my only option would be to terminate, its just unfortunate because myself and the other kids have such an amazing relationship with the two children. Talked with CCR&R this morning and my policies are completely legal and acceptable. He's just a scorn man I suppose with nothing better to do
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:43 PM
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I hate to say this, but you may need to get out of this situation. It sounds like he is trying to make everyone miserable. You put your foot down and followed your own rules, and he is trying to punish you for it. If you want, you can call them both in together for a conference and if you do I would let them know that I do x,y, z for you and no other provider would do that, but you are welcome to find someone else if you are not comfortable with my care.
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
He says that I need to CALL him and the mother in the event that any scrape, bump, bruise, or laceration occurs. She is a professional and prefers that I only contact her when there is a cut or serious medical emergency. This was not an issue to him until I called him to tell him to stop calling and texting me on my off hours. I always notify parents on a daily basis, not at the occurrence of every accident. I am not trying to make trying difficult for him in anyway. I tried not to write a novel but there are so many branches that stem from this tree. This is just the one that makes me feel enough is enough.
I once had a mother who requested I log anything in the event that it turn into a bruise on the child's legs. So, I created a "Bruise Log" and I required that she also log any fall that may turn into a bruise. Child was with me 3 days a week and her 4. I logged all bruises the first day, sent home the professionally made folder with Bruise Log so she could also use it at home, and never saw it again.


I wouldn't be CALLING any parent unless their child was in serious medical danger. I wait until the end of the day, hand an accident report, have them sign a copy for the child's file, and call it good. It is to cover my rear. It is not required by the state. If he wanted a copy of any accident reports I would tell him to ask Mom to make it for him.
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:48 PM
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Thank you so much everyone!! I appreciate all of your inputs and time taken to do so!
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:49 PM
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Tell him notification for all those little things would require an assistant as you already have your hands full with your regular day to day activities.

If he wishes to have someone notify him of every scrape, bump and bruise you will hire said assistant to do those things.

At HIS expense of course.
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  #10  
Old 08-12-2014, 01:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
He says that I need to CALL him and the mother in the event that any scrape, bump, bruise, or laceration occurs. She is a professional and prefers that I only contact her when there is a cut or serious medical emergency. This was not an issue to him until I called him to tell him to stop calling and texting me on my off hours. I always notify parents on a daily basis, not at the occurrence of every accident. I am not trying to make trying difficult for him in anyway. I tried not to write a novel but there are so many branches that stem from this tree. This is just the one that makes me feel enough is enough.
Sorry OP. I don't think I was clear. I was a bit tongue in cheek...

By telling him that you will notify him IN WRITING (in the form of boo-boo reports, as is required by most state regs) for every injury that the mother is notified of, you are telling him that you will NOT be calling him unless it is an emergency.

"Phone calls are only for injuries requiring emergency medical treatment and of course I would also notify you!!!"

Turn your "no" to "yes" by offering your original contract policies again.

Don't answer any after hours calls. Turn your phone off.

If you want to, you could give these a price... $1 per text. $1 per minute per phone call. If it is not ok with him tell him to read over your termination policy and that you would be happy as a clam to work a two week notice.
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  #11  
Old 08-13-2014, 11:21 AM
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Unhappy Update

So...I let the father know I will be terminating our contract. He is pleading with me to let the child stay and offering to do "whatever it takes". It is really pulling on my heartstrings. So funny how people change completely when they see you are serious and not just blowing smoke. I have made the decision to finish out the month for their convenience. It is so hard to let go, but I wish they would have respected my time and tried to make an effort prior to us getting to this point. Will be notifying the mother after her work ends today to save us both the stress of going back and forth, as I know it will be a shocker.
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  #12  
Old 08-13-2014, 11:31 AM
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I am sorry it came to that for you. However sometimes we have to do what is best for us. I am sure he is very apologetic now, but my fear would be that would last awhile and then go back to same old same old. That was how it was with my abusive ex husband anyway. Mom will probably be sad and in shock. They both likely already know that they will not find another provider to do the things you have for them. Something tells me that mom and dad may have a war tonight. Don't let them pull you into it.
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Old 08-13-2014, 11:42 AM
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Default That was how it was with my abusive ex husband anyway.

OMG that is exactly what it feels like! My mother has always made poor choices and got herself in abusive and controlling relationships...DCD has that same kind of neurotic controlling behavior. UGH!! But gotta love the kiddos, very dear to my heart I know I will feel better come the last day, and kinda wish I would have just ended it today, but will feel I have been an excellent provider and very accommodating to them till the end.
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
OMG that is exactly what it feels like! My mother has always made poor choices and got herself in abusive and controlling relationships...DCD has that same kind of neurotic controlling behavior. UGH!! But gotta love the kiddos, very dear to my heart I know I will feel better come the last day, and kinda wish I would have just ended it today, but will feel I have been an excellent provider and very accommodating to them till the end.
I'm sorry it came to that. (Terminating) but your mental health is more important than trying to pacify a controlling father.

It does suck to lose the kids you have grown attached to but the emotion weight you are feeling will be gone after they have gone and you have moved on with new clients.

Again...sorry it came to that but good for you for standing your ground!
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Old 08-13-2014, 01:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
He is pleading with me to let the child stay and offering to do "whatever it takes". It is really pulling on my heartstrings. So funny how people change completely when they see you are serious and not just blowing smoke.
They don't like you to break up with them. They want to break up with you.
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  #16  
Old 08-13-2014, 02:29 PM
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My policy for all families is pretty simple. I text (I'm sooooo in love with texting...) both parents the message. They take it from there. Whichever parent can respond, does.

Now, in the event of a true, honest to god MEDICAL EMERGENCY I'd be calling the easiest to reach parent first ad leave the rest up to them. In an emergency I have to take care of the child first, the other children second, and don't have time to be calling 2 different people AND my own back ups if needed AND 911 if needed...etc. Obviously if I don't get a hold of one parent I keep calling until I DO get someone.

Happened to me recently. child fell off the bench in the kitchen and struck his head on a shelf behind him. Blood everywhere. I was at his side in about half a second with pressure on the head. decided what needed done (ER/urgent care) and phone was in my hand by 10 ten seconds after the incident. my back up was here ten minutes after that and away we went. The time in between was spent getting the bleeding stopped, and getting the other kids squared away, as well as monitoring and observing for concussion symptoms. It happened to be my child, but I don't think my response would have been any different no matter whose child it was. I do NOT want a parent to think that I am going to CALL under those sorts of circumstances, unless he is the first one/best one to reach, kwim?
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  #17  
Old 08-13-2014, 06:52 PM
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welllll actually he is right. I had a dcm report me she said lack of supervision and I did not notify her. Well it was minor and I told dad..

I was cleared of everything but they told me that if a parent complains we are wrong unless we let them know immediately about any injury. They said to get it in writing the parent does not want to be called over every little cut or bump.
He said text is best. so jr falls and scratch arm send dcd a text. It will get old BUT you need him to respond so you know he got it. OR you can call him at work for every bump.
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