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  #1  
Old 06-13-2016, 11:14 PM
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Default Parent Visiting Day Care Every Day for an Extended Time

This is this situation at one of the daycare that my friend sends her daughter to.

There is this non custodial parent, who has a restraining order against himself from going near the other parent(and previously the child too). This non custodial parent is visiting the day care for extended periods of time(like 2-3 hours each day), every day of the week, to spend time with his child. He gets very limited supervised time outside day care with the child, because of the restraining order.The day care provider is sympathetic to him and is encouraging this(without any notice to the parents of other children at the day care). This is happening while other children are actively playing or going about their activities at day care.

There is a law that says a parent can inspect the day care facility at all times, but is there anything that says how much time they can spend at the day care? Is this legal, Is this parent/day care owner breaking any privacy laws of the other children? Is the daycare owner breaking any licensing requirements, by having a non-background checked person on site everyday(without letting the parents of the other children at day care).

My friend does not like this, is there any way she can ask the daycare owner not to allow this on a regular basis.
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Old 06-14-2016, 04:18 AM
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I think a lot depends on which state you're in. Maybe give a call to licensing and ask.

I know personally I would not care for this situation either. I don't allow parents to stay longer than 15 minutes at my daycare.
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Old 06-14-2016, 05:08 AM
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Maybe dcprovider feels sympathetic but she's begging for trouble doing this! The dcm knows she's allowing this?
I know if I had a child going to that dc, I'd be highly suspicious to see someone hanging around that wasn't there due to their job or in some kind of volunteer effort. I'm sure each state varies in their regs. so yeh, calling licensing and explaining the situation is your best bet.
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Old 06-14-2016, 05:09 AM
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Originally Posted by JackandJill View Post
I think a lot depends on which state you're in. Maybe give a call to licensing and ask.


I wouldn't like it, either. Does he have clear background checks? Is he fingerprinted? Etc etc.

Fwiw, I don't allow my daycare parents to stay. Period.
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Old 06-14-2016, 05:44 AM
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She is essentially supervising his visits for free. If he can't have unsupervised visits with his kid then why can he be around others kids?

If he can have unsupervised visits with his kid then he can pick the kid up and return the child at specific times.

If the provider is expected to supervise she needs to charge a $20 an hr supervised visit fee. Paid up front and not to be included in the tuition fees.
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Old 06-14-2016, 06:20 AM
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I see several reasons I would have issues with this. First being that I wouldn't allow a stranger to hand around the daycare kids, my parents would be livid! The next issue is with supervised court ordered visits, they usually set a time, place and duration for them. Often times they have a professional there monitoring looking for certain things or lack of them as the case could be. Last but not least for sure is that I don't want anyone hanging out at daycare during the day. My job is to take care of the children, spend the day with them in some fashioned. I can't do that if I have an extra person hanging around to entertain.

Honestly if I was your friend, I would look for a new provider. This would bother me that much.
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Old 06-14-2016, 06:32 AM
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I don't know legally what the rules are but if it were me, I'd pull my kids after knowing that. Daycare is NOT the place for supervised visits.
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Old 06-14-2016, 06:34 AM
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Honestly I would be very surprised if licensing had an issue with this provided the parent was signing in (if required by regulations) and never alone with the other children. Most regulations are very much on the side of parental rights and allowing parents access to their kids. As for notifying parents, again, this is a parent visiting. It's probably protected the same way your friends provider couldn't tell other parents about her or her child.

Not saying it's something I agree with, but from a licensing standpoint it's probably not the issue it is for your friend.

That said, if your friend isn't comfortable with it she should approach the provider and be ready to find other care.
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Old 06-14-2016, 06:40 AM
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The laws governing family childcare and centers vary widely from state to state. Without knowing what state you in, it would be difficult to say. Some states do require regular visitors to pass background checks and others have no such requirements.

That said, your friends best option here is direct communication with the provider. If this situation is making her feel unsafe/uncomfortable with the environment, she needs to communicate that. If she feels that the environment may no longer be suitable for her child, if these visits don't stop, then she may need to give notice.

The providers heart may be in the right place here but she may not realize how it's making her other clients feel. I'd tell your friend to share her concerns in a nice but direct way. If it's a deal breaker for her child continuing to stay, the provider needs to know.
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Old 06-14-2016, 07:29 AM
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Why isn't your friend sharing her feelings/thoughts with the provider?
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Old 06-14-2016, 08:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
This is this situation at one of the daycare that my friend sends her daughter to.

There is this non custodial parent, who has a restraining order against himself from going near the other parent(and previously the child too). This non custodial parent is visiting the day care for extended periods of time(like 2-3 hours each day), every day of the week, to spend time with his child. He gets very limited supervised time outside day care with the child, because of the restraining order.The day care provider is sympathetic to him and is encouraging this(without any notice to the parents of other children at the day care). This is happening while other children are actively playing or going about their activities at day care.

There is a law that says a parent can inspect the day care facility at all times, but is there anything that says how much time they can spend at the day care? Is this legal, Is this parent/day care owner breaking any privacy laws of the other children? Is the daycare owner breaking any licensing requirements, by having a non-background checked person on site everyday(without letting the parents of the other children at day care).

My friend does not like this, is there any way she can ask the daycare owner not to allow this on a regular basis.
~I wonder if dcm, the custodial parent who the restraining order is protecting, knows about this...that dad is visiting their child at the daycare everyday for a few hours, and if so, I wonder what she thinks about it?
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Old 06-14-2016, 09:06 AM
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I wouldn't allow this. Personally, the daycare provider is playing with fire. Not only is she putting herself in the middle of a situation that is truly none of her business. She is being wildly irresponsible by allowing a stranger around the other children.

This situation is not a good one all the way around. No matter the feelings of the provider, she shouldn't get involved in parents seeing their child. There is a reason there was a restraining order. There is a reason his visitation is limited. I would personally pull my child and report the provider.
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Old 06-14-2016, 10:34 AM
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I would not be comfortable as a parent in this situation. Agreed the provider is walking a thin line. I wonder if the provider heard this parent's sob story, only one side of the story, and felt badly. There is a reason for a restraining order and supervised visits. Not a good situation at all. Also, if the provider made this questionable choice, what other questionable choices have they made ?
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Old 06-14-2016, 11:40 AM
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Thank you for your replies, I am also thinking a call to licensing is the best way go forward here.

This is in California.
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Old 06-14-2016, 11:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
She is essentially supervising his visits for free. If he can't have unsupervised visits with his kid then why can he be around others kids?

If he can have unsupervised visits with his kid then he can pick the kid up and return the child at specific times.

If the provider is expected to supervise she needs to charge a $20 an hr supervised visit fee. Paid up front and not to be included in the tuition fees.
My first thought!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler View Post
I wouldn't allow this. Personally, the daycare provider is playing with fire. Not only is she putting herself in the middle of a situation that is truly none of her business. She is being wildly irresponsible by allowing a stranger around the other children.

This situation is not a good one all the way around. No matter the feelings of the provider, she shouldn't get involved in parents seeing their child. There is a reason there was a restraining order. There is a reason his visitation is limited. I would personally pull my child and report the provider.


The restraining order and supervised visitation makes this muddy water, imho. Was there some claim of abuse towards the child? What are the specific policies for the provider for visitors? I have to have a visitor policy, and a visitor log in sheet. I do NOT encourage parents to stay because I would be allowing strangers around other peoples children. I would not be comfortable AT ALL if my child was enrolled.
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Old 06-14-2016, 12:08 PM
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In the op it says the restraining order no longer includes the child but because of the current order with the spouse, visitation outside of day care isn't happening.

Again, I'm not comfortable with the situation but the providers hands may legally be tied. Unless there is a current order of protection in file that includes the child, she probably can't deny access to a parent.
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  #17  
Old 06-14-2016, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Thank you for your replies, I am also thinking a call to licensing is the best way go forward here.

This is in California.
There is no law in California that prevents the provider from allowing it. . I just moved from that state and know those laws well. Your friend needs to talk it out with the provider.
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  #18  
Old 06-14-2016, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Why isn't your friend sharing her feelings/thoughts with the provider?
Good question. She should talk with the provider to get the full story.

I feel bad for the Dad and the child. Obviously there are some issues, but at least he wants to spend time with his child. Not all non-custodial Dads are like that.
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Old 06-14-2016, 12:44 PM
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Good question. She should talk with the provider to get the full story.

I feel bad for the Dad and the child. Obviously there are some issues, but at least he wants to spend time with his child. Not all non-custodial Dads are like that.
Unless he is like my ex was. He was all about his kids, as long as he could use them as a way to control me. Once he could no longer get to me with that, he signed them over for DH to adopt. Which is great, I am just still angry the way he used them. This may be that case or a case where dad was told no for a good reason and is trying to find a loophole. We don't know why he has supervised visitation, but I can promise you there is a reason.
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Old 06-14-2016, 12:52 PM
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In the op it says the restraining order no longer includes the child but because of the current order with the spouse, visitation outside of day care isn't happening.

Again, I'm not comfortable with the situation but the providers hands may legally be tied. Unless there is a current order of protection in file that includes the child, she probably can't deny access to a parent.
I get what you're saying but then he needs to take the child elsewhere, not hang out at the daycare. Also, I wouldn't allow this type of behavior from either parent. I would never want to be in the middle of this type of situation. If anyone tried to pull this with me, I would replace and term based on the simple fact of not making it my problem.
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Old 06-14-2016, 05:03 PM
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Honestly I would be very surprised if licensing had an issue with this provided the parent was signing in (if required by regulations) and never alone with the other children. Most regulations are very much on the side of parental rights and allowing parents access to their kids. As for notifying parents, again, this is a parent visiting. It's probably protected the same way your friends provider couldn't tell other parents about her or her child.

Not saying it's something I agree with, but from a licensing standpoint it's probably not the issue it is for your friend.

That said, if your friend isn't comfortable with it she should approach the provider and be ready to find other care.
In Texas, he would be required to have a background check. Anyone around the children that much would need the background check.

I would NEVER allow this.
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Old 06-14-2016, 05:08 PM
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Good question. She should talk with the provider to get the full story.

I feel bad for the Dad and the child. Obviously there are some issues, but at least he wants to spend time with his child. Not all non-custodial Dads are like that.
She already knows more than the provider is legally allowed to disclose. I would seriously question this provider's judgement.
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Old 06-14-2016, 05:13 PM
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I'm in California and I would think this would not be allowed according to what my licensor says. She told me any person in the house for more than regular occasional drop in needs to be fingerprinted and background checked. We had this conversation because I have several sisters in town that like to come by and visit me while I am working and I needed to know if they needed to be fingerprinted or not. As a provider, and as a parent, I would not feel comfortable with the situation at all nor would I want to risk the trust of my other parents not feeling comfortable either.
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Old 06-14-2016, 05:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
In the op it says the restraining order no longer includes the child but because of the current order with the spouse, visitation outside of day care isn't happening.

Again, I'm not comfortable with the situation but the providers hands may legally be tied. Unless there is a current order of protection in file that includes the child, she probably can't deny access to a parent.
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I wouldn't like it, either. Does he have clear background checks? Is he fingerprinted? Etc etc.

Fwiw, I don't allow my daycare parents to stay. Period.
I cannot speak for other states but in California many preschools and schools require parents who volunteer or are present on site beyond drop off and pick up to be background checked and finger printed. While you cannot deny access to the child IF the parent has custody AND if they have legal access to the child at that time, you can set boundaries on how much and in what capacity a parent can be on-site regardless of custody status.

If the child were school age, say 2nd grade, what do you think the reaction of a principal would be to a non-custodial parent asking to spend 3 hours a day just in class with their child? At my school age dd's school we don't just get to sit in the class anytime we want.... we don't get to volunteer in class just because we have the day off ---- there are guidelines set by the school in place.

I feel you can set policy that works for your program as a home daycare provider and as long as the policy is the same for everyone (and is not in violation of the law or licensing) it would be fair.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
She is essentially supervising his visits for free. If he can't have unsupervised visits with his kid then why can he be around others kids?

If he can have unsupervised visits with his kid then he can pick the kid up and return the child at specific times.

If the provider is expected to supervise she needs to charge a $20 an hr supervised visit fee. Paid up front and not to be included in the tuition fees.
I think the dad is able to now have unsupervised visited based on one of the post BUT if that were not the case.....

California does have guidelines and often in the legally binding custody order most often states who can or cannot provide that supervision and in some cases where those supervised visits can take place.

If there is a restraining order between the non-custodial parent and the custodial parent is allowed access to the child by the court and no arrangements have been made then the non-custodial parent should go to court to have such arrangements made either thru a judge or a mediator. They should pick the child up like Nanny De notes!

Non-custodial parents who cannot be around the custodial parents make arrangements all the time to see their child without the burden being on the daycare provider.

Some examples:
  • Child will be picked up Friday from daycare by NCP Friday evening at 5:00pm and returned to daycare Monday morning by 8:00am. Child will be in the custody of CP from Monday at 8:00am - Friday at 5:00pm.
  • Child will be dropped off at X park by Grandma or Grandpa to NCP at 8:00am on Saturday and returned to Grandma or Grandpa at X park at 5:00pm on Saturday
  • Child and NCP will have supervised visits at X Courthouse under the monitor of a court appointed supervisor.

Btw - the court appointed supervised visits can be $$$$ so know there is a value in that. Also know your rights that you cannot be forced to supervise the visits as a dcp in California even if the parents have it added to their custody plan. You can say you are unable to supervise visits because you need to supervise X number of children and cannot focus and thus accept liability for the supervision of the NCP and child visit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by spedmommy4 View Post
That said, your friends best option here is direct communication with the provider. If this situation is making her feel unsafe/uncomfortable with the environment, she needs to communicate that. If she feels that the environment may no longer be suitable for her child, if these visits don't stop, then she may need to give notice.

The providers heart may be in the right place here but she may not realize how it's making her other clients feel. I'd tell your friend to share her concerns in a nice but direct way. If it's a deal breaker for her child continuing to stay, the provider needs to know.
I agree will all that is stated above by spedmommy4, all of info I shared above is more related to IF the friend on the OP is the custodial parent.
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Old 06-14-2016, 07:21 PM
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She already knows more than the provider is legally allowed to disclose. I would seriously question this provider's judgement.
Exactly! Why does the OP ("a friend") even know this information?

Sounds to me like the parent needs to be questioning the providers integrity, not the issue with a non-custodial parent visits.

Unless OP isnt who they say they are....
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Old 06-14-2016, 07:35 PM
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In Texas, he would be required to have a background check. Anyone around the children that much would need the background check.

I would NEVER allow this.
In my State the only people who need background checks are the ones who are alone with kids.

While I personally have a policy saying that parents can't hang out, I truly don't know if the State would back me up. Here anyway, parental rights trump providers.
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Old 06-14-2016, 07:55 PM
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She already knows more than the provider is legally allowed to disclose. I would seriously question this provider's judgement.
Assuming it's the provider who shared all of this info. Maybe the dad told the friend who told the OP. Or maybe it was a friend of a friend, which isn't as weird as it seems. I've had several situations where dc families discovered that they had friends in common that they didn't know about before.
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Old 06-14-2016, 08:11 PM
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Assuming it's the provider who shared all of this info. Maybe the dad told the friend who told the OP. Or maybe it was a friend of a friend, which isn't as weird as it seems. I've had several situations where dc families discovered that they had friends in common that they didn't know about before.
Well that can happen. Kids from two of my families realized they had a cousin in common (but I think actually by marriage), but this is a ton of details to know without being in the situation IMHO.
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Old 06-14-2016, 08:36 PM
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Imo, the OP sounds like the parent. They are mad that NC father is seeing the kid at daycare and are looking for a way to force the provider to stop letting it happen.
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Old 06-15-2016, 04:12 AM
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Eh, I run a SMALL in home. While parents don't find information out from me, it's absurd to think they don't ever talk or even know each other outside of day care.

When I had a situation with a client who had custody issues, everyone knew and not because of me.

The OP said the provider was "encouraging" the parent to hang out at the dc, which is what I've tried to address. The provider may not have a choice or feel she has a choice.
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Old 06-15-2016, 10:03 AM
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In the op it says the restraining order no longer includes the child but because of the current order with the spouse, visitation outside of day care isn't happening.

Again, I'm not comfortable with the situation but the providers hands may legally be tied. Unless there is a current order of protection in file that includes the child, she probably can't deny access to a parent.
~I understand she can't deny the parent access, I understand that the current order doesn't include the child, but here's what I don't understand- are CA providers not allowed to have their own policy like no one can visit for hours at a time, or if a parent wants they can stay at daycare all day with their child? I know that this particular CA provider is allowing it, but surely she doesn't have to right?
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Old 06-15-2016, 10:12 AM
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~I understand she can't deny the parent access, I understand that the current order doesn't include the child, but here's what I don't understand- are CA providers not allowed to have their own policy like no one can visit for hours at a time, or if a parent wants they can stay at daycare all day with their child? I know that this particular CA provider is allowing it, but surely she doesn't have to right?
~Sorry...I'm slow today! I see where others above have already answered this question . Again, I apologize.
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Old 06-15-2016, 03:08 PM
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The way I see it, the dad has a right to his child, as in he can pick up whenever he wants but he does not have the right to stay and be around other kids or on the daycare property beyond what is normal. I would not allow this kind of thing to happen under any circumstances.
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Old 06-16-2016, 10:30 AM
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~Sorry...I'm slow today! I see where others above have already answered this question . Again, I apologize.
A provider can make any policy they want - the issue is IF that rule will be upheld by licensing.

For instance, I know some providers here have a rule that doesn't allow pick ups during nap time. This is actually against regulations in my state. If a parent wants to pick up their child at any time, I need to hand their kid over. Doesn't matter that it might be in my contract and the parent signed it.

Now, I don't *think* licensing would condone a parent hanging out for hours at a clip, but I couldn't swear to it.

Again, the op should really bring her concerns to the provider.
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Old 06-16-2016, 10:46 AM
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Good question. She should talk with the provider to get the full story.

I feel bad for the Dad and the child. Obviously there are some issues, but at least he wants to spend time with his child. Not all non-custodial Dads are like that.
I thought that once. I had a dad who came regularly to see his daughter. He seemed like a nice guy who just wanted to spend time with his child.

Turns out he was a pedophile. Had a record in another state...rape of a child.

He had been coming to my daycare to get his jollies being around all the little ones. He was abusing his own daughter. He ended up in prison...but I had let this monster in my home regularly.

NEVER again. I do not allow parents to come and hang out.
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Old 06-16-2016, 10:47 AM
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Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler View Post
I get what you're saying but then he needs to take the child elsewhere, not hang out at the daycare. Also, I wouldn't allow this type of behavior from either parent. I would never want to be in the middle of this type of situation. If anyone tried to pull this with me, I would replace and term based on the simple fact of not making it my problem.
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Old 06-16-2016, 11:01 AM
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In my state (Utah) a parent must have ACCESS to their child at any time they are in care.

Some people assume that means they can come and hang out at daycare. Not so.

A parent must have access which means their child cannot be kept from them. They are to be able to have their child brought to them at any time.

It does NOT mean the parent had access to the providers home for as long as they wish. Anyone spending time on a regular basis has to have a background and fingerprint check.

Parents must have access to THEIR child. They have NO rights to access to other people's children.

The father needs to told he can pick up his child any time he wants.....but he cannot hang out. That would mean HE has to be supervised by the provider and she is not paid for that.
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Old 06-17-2016, 09:06 AM
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I personally wouldn't do it as a matter of fact I probably would term just so I wouldn't be caught in the middle of their situation. Him having a restraining order lets me know he's probably a violent person. I wouldn't want to put myself or the other kids in my care in any danger if he decides he wants to kidnap his child and hurt me or any other kid in my care while doing so. You just never know what another person is capable of.
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Old 06-22-2016, 05:02 PM
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It almost sounds as though that parent is going around the restraining order by visiting that dc every day. I dont even like it when a parent comes by for a short visit. It disrupts the schedule. Its not that provider's responsibility to facilitate visits with the child.
Deb
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Old 06-26-2016, 02:08 PM
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She is essentially supervising his visits for free. If he can't have unsupervised visits with his kid then why can he be around others kids?

If he can have unsupervised visits with his kid then he can pick the kid up and return the child at specific times.

If the provider is expected to supervise she needs to charge a $20 an hr supervised visit fee. Paid up front and not to be included in the tuition fees.
Generally when supervised visits are ordered there is a supervisor assigned/agreed to. I somehow doubt the dcp is the assigned supervisor.

OP is your friend the mom of this child? If not, then IMO she needs to say something to the mom. I've BEEN the mom in this case.. and it is so very, very wrong to allow this.

He is NON custodial and does not have free and clear access. The court has ordered that he have supervised time with his child, and there will be a schedule to go with that. He is bypassing the court order. He absolutely should not be there. The mom of this child needs to be notified ASAP, and the DCP needs to give her head a shake.
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Old 06-26-2016, 02:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
In my state (Utah) a parent must have ACCESS to their child at any time they are in care.

The father needs to told he can pick up his child any time he wants.....but he cannot hang out. That would mean HE has to be supervised by the provider and she is not paid for that.
Even when there's a court order stating other wise? He only has supervised access.

Unless I missed something. This isn't a custodial parent.
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Old 06-26-2016, 04:12 PM
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Even when there's a court order stating other wise? He only has supervised access.

Unless I missed something. This isn't a custodial parent.
If he can't take the child with him, then he wouldn't be allowed to see the child at my daycare. I don't allow any parent to hang around on site. It is a disruption and a liability. So if he can't take the child, well I guess he has to go to his scheduled visitation. This is not the provider's issue, it is a family issue. One I as a provider would refuse to involve myself in.
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Old 06-26-2016, 10:17 PM
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If he can't take the child with him, then he wouldn't be allowed to see the child at my daycare. I don't allow any parent to hang around on site. It is a disruption and a liability. So if he can't take the child, well I guess he has to go to his scheduled visitation. This is not the provider's issue, it is a family issue. One I as a provider would refuse to involve myself in.
Exactly. The provider should have nothing to do with it. Nothing.

I have to wonder if OP is the provider given the amount of information she has.
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Old 06-27-2016, 06:49 AM
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Exactly. The provider should have nothing to do with it. Nothing.

I have to wonder if OP is the provider given the amount of information she has.
I've been thinking the same thing. She needs to know it isn't okay so it'd benefit her if it is her.
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Old 06-27-2016, 07:45 AM
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Generally when supervised visits are ordered there is a supervisor assigned/agreed to. I somehow doubt the dcp is the assigned supervisor.
This is not always the case. I know several providers who are the "assigned" person. It depends on the details of each situation.

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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
OP is your friend the mom of this child? If not, then IMO she needs to say something to the mom. I've BEEN the mom in this case.. and it is so very, very wrong to allow this.
Who says mom isn't aware? OP only stated the provider didn't notify OTHER parents. Maybe the mom prefers the non-custodial dad does his visiting at the daycare so that she doesn't have to deal with him for visits etc.


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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
He is NON custodial and does not have free and clear access. The court has ordered that he have supervised time with his child, and there will be a schedule to go with that. He is bypassing the court order. He absolutely should not be there. The mom of this child needs to be notified ASAP, and the DCP needs to give her head a shake.
There is an awfully lot of assumptions going on in this thread about what rights the father has and doesn't have and the only input comes from a third party.

NOT someone I'd trust has the full story.
Unless like we suspected earlier in the thread....that the OP isn't who they are saying they are.

Still an awful lot of assumptions about what's going on and who has what rights. Each state and each custody situation is unique so there is no one black and white rule that applies here.
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Old 06-27-2016, 09:14 AM
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This is not always the case. I know several providers who are the "assigned" person. It depends on the details of each situation.



Who says mom isn't aware? OP only stated the provider didn't notify OTHER parents. Maybe the mom prefers the non-custodial dad does his visiting at the daycare so that she doesn't have to deal with him for visits etc.






There is an awfully lot of assumptions going on in this thread about what rights the father has and doesn't have and the only input comes from a third party.

NOT someone I'd trust has the full story.
Unless like we suspected earlier in the thread....that the OP isn't who they are saying they are.

Still an awful lot of assumptions about what's going on and who has what rights. Each state and each custody situation is unique so there is no one black and white rule that applies here.
OK, so why does the OP say in her post that the "provider is sympathetic to him and is encouraging this..."

OP also says in her post that the father has "very limited supervised time outside day care with the child, "

You can roll your eyes all you want, to me this says something is going on that possibly shouldn't be. It also says to me that the Mom of the child likely isn't aware.

OR the situation would be that the dad does his visiting at daycare under the Provider's supervision, but the Provider hasn't informed other parents. Then it wouldn't matter that he only gets limited supervised time outside of daycare, because he's getting 2 - 3 hours/day AT daycare. That's about as much time as some parents with full custody have outside of daycare hours, depending on their schedule.

As someone who has been a parent with a "supervised access only" ex, this whole thing raises huge red flags.
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Old 06-27-2016, 09:22 AM
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OK, so why does the OP say in her post that the "provider is sympathetic to him and is encouraging this..."

OP also says in her post that the father has "very limited supervised time outside day care with the child, "

You can roll your eyes all you want, to me this says something is going on that possibly shouldn't be. It also says to me that the Mom of the child likely isn't aware.

OR the situation would be that the dad does his visiting at daycare under the Provider's supervision, but the Provider hasn't informed other parents. Then it wouldn't matter that he only gets limited supervised time outside of daycare, because he's getting 2 - 3 hours/day AT daycare. That's about as much time as some parents with full custody have outside of daycare hours, depending on their schedule.

As someone who has been a parent with a "supervised access only" ex, this whole thing raises huge red flags.


I have ZERO clue as to why the OP said ANY of what she said or HOW or WHY she knows the info she/he posted.

THAT is my point. The OP is a third party to this.

I HIGHLY doubt she/he (OP) knows anything first hand.
She hasn't even come back to answer any questions posted or to add any further details to the thread.

Im sorry you went through something similar but that doesn't change the situation HERE within this thread.

There could be a whole lot of bad stuff going on or this could be a made up story posted by anyone....who knows...

but for what it's worth, I'm not rolling my eyes at you/anyone.

I'm rolling my eyes at the assumptions and statements that have been made in this thread that have no merit, no proof and no additional follow up......

The OP was advised to have her "friend" talk directly to the provider and to report this to licensing.
Great advice and advice I hope she/he takes.
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Old 06-27-2016, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler View Post
I wouldn't allow this. Personally, the daycare provider is playing with fire. Not only is she putting herself in the middle of a situation that is truly none of her business. She is being wildly irresponsible by allowing a stranger around the other children.

This situation is not a good one all the way around. No matter the feelings of the provider, she shouldn't get involved in parents seeing their child. There is a reason there was a restraining order. There is a reason his visitation is limited. I would personally pull my child and report the provider.
I agree 100%.
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Old 06-27-2016, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
I thought that once. I had a dad who came regularly to see his daughter. He seemed like a nice guy who just wanted to spend time with his child.

Turns out he was a pedophile. Had a record in another state...rape of a child.

He had been coming to my daycare to get his jollies being around all the little ones. He was abusing his own daughter. He ended up in prison...but I had let this monster in my home regularly.



NEVER again. I do not allow parents to come and hang out.


That's horrible!
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Old 06-28-2016, 11:40 AM
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I have ZERO clue as to why the OP said ANY of what she said or HOW or WHY she knows the info she/he posted.

THAT is my point. The OP is a third party to this.

I HIGHLY doubt she/he (OP) knows anything first hand.
She hasn't even come back to answer any questions posted or to add any further details to the thread.

Im sorry you went through something similar but that doesn't change the situation HERE within this thread.

There could be a whole lot of bad stuff going on or this could be a made up story posted by anyone....who knows...

but for what it's worth, I'm not rolling my eyes at you/anyone.

I'm rolling my eyes at the assumptions and statements that have been made in this thread that have no merit, no proof and no additional follow up......

The OP was advised to have her "friend" talk directly to the provider and to report this to licensing.
Great advice and advice I hope she/he takes.

I'm the PP you've been responding to. I just have this suspicion that OP is actually the provider. I'm hoping IF she's reading responses that she clues in that this could be a very bad idea. In the event that there is a court order involved in this dad's time with his child.. that needs to take precedence over anything the provider thinks she can or can't allow. (I hope what I'm trying to say makes sense.)

Otherwise, yes absolutely the "friend" needs to discuss this with the provider. Maybe read through the contract too and see if this sort of thing is addressed as far as parents visiting the daycare in this manner.

Also, as a mom who has had the ex with supervision ordered? Everyone involved with my child was aware of the potential issue. Daycare, school -- anyone who was responsible for caring for my child. First he had NO access. None, zilch.. stay away. They had a photo of him. Anyone allowing him access without my permission was actually breaking a court order, and there were no licensing laws etc. that over rode that. Once he had supervised visits the same thing applied, or would have if he had followed through. There would have been a supervision schedule set up, with one or two possible supervisors. Anything beyond that would not have been allowed without my permission.

Thinking back on all of that, OP.. you're missing a lot of the finer details.

Just... an FYI.

(Black cat I had to post again. I dreamed last night of all of the issues... lol)
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  #51  
Old 06-28-2016, 12:23 PM
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http://tomcopelandblog.com/long-can-...-visit-program
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Old 07-01-2016, 02:00 PM
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OP's friend should just talk to the provider and let her know how she feels about the situation. If my child were enrolled, no, I would not feel comfortable with another child's parent in the dc for hours each day, but that's my opinion.

If OP does happen to be the provider, then I HIGHLY suggest you obtain a copy of the current court order and go by that and that only. Divorce orders (if it was a divorce; I don't remember if it was said) are public record where I'm from.. if neither parent will provide it. Child custody cases may be public record, but I'm not sure.

Child custody orders clearly outline what days and times each parents are legally entitled to parenting time. Go by that. For example, my ds's father has parenting time from Friday at 5 pm until Sunday at 5 pm. If he were to go up to the school at any time and try to spend time with ds or attempt to take him from the school he would be in contempt.

No matter what, though, I would not allow a parent ever for any reason to spend extended amounts of time just chillin' in my home with other children present. Nope.
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Old 07-01-2016, 04:34 PM
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OP's friend should just talk to the provider and let her know how she feels about the situation. If my child were enrolled, no, I would not feel comfortable with another child's parent in the dc for hours each day, but that's my opinion.

If OP does happen to be the provider, then I HIGHLY suggest you obtain a copy of the current court order and go by that and that only. Divorce orders (if it was a divorce; I don't remember if it was said) are public record where I'm from.. if neither parent will provide it. Child custody cases may be public record, but I'm not sure.

Child custody orders clearly outline what days and times each parents are legally entitled to parenting time. Go by that. For example, my ds's father has parenting time from Friday at 5 pm until Sunday at 5 pm. If he were to go up to the school at any time and try to spend time with ds or attempt to take him from the school he would be in contempt.

No matter what, though, I would not allow a parent ever for any reason to spend extended amounts of time just chillin' in my home with other children present. Nope.
I wish all custody orders were that cut and dried. When I got divorced, it said I would give my ex "reasonable visitation" and it was up to us to decide what that was. But where there have at some point been restraining orders and at some point supervised visitation the one in question is likely more clear.

And there is no way I would ever agree to being the person supervising visitation. Apparently some providers do, but I don't want any part of that.
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