Long story short........get your pots and pans out and hit me over the head....lol

seriously, I am about to jump off a bridge. I think I just dug my own grave.

I have had a dck that basically is like a ticking time bomb. I have had him for almost 3 years. When he first started, I really struggled with the kid. It took almost 3 full months for DCK to adjust. Actually, he is not fully adjusted. At least once or twice a week DCK comes in the morning screaming at the tops of their lungs. I can hear it from my kitchen. I run for the door, so we are quick to get him inside. I don't want my neighbors to complain. Yes, stupid me for doing this.

Then the screaming goes on for about an hour, sometimes more. Kid is supposed to eat breakfast here, but does not on these days, because dck is too busy screaming all through it. We often have to separate dck from the group because the screaming is just that loud.

Well DCK little sister started with me PT about 3 months ago and is due to go full time starting tomorrow.

NOW I have two kids that are doing this once a week or twice a week screaming at the top of their lungs.

When I ask the parents what is wrong, they will say oh they didn't want to stop watching TV or Ipad, etc.......

These kids rule the house, they go to bed when they want and eat when they want.

Over the years, I have talked to the DCP about this. I have told them that I will call them to pick up if I can't control the behavior, they need to get them to bed at a decent hour and so on.

Well 3 years later and nothing has changed.

AND now I am going to have not 1 but 2 kids that are going to be doing this.....

Can someone please help me find some kind and professional words so that I can let the parents know that this can NOT continue.

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Are you to term them or keep them?

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let me do say this......the parents are one of my favorites. they do everything by DC book and everything with THEM could not be more than perfect.

IT's the kids that do this 1-2 times a week scream drop off. ONce we get past the screaming fit, the day goes on just fine.

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Oh and I wanted to add, that I have never called the parents to pick up the DCK, because it's a double edged sword.

The kid is screaming saying I want to go home, but if I do call the parents and have them picked up, then I know this kid will do this every single day.....I don't want him to think, If I scream, I go home.........

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Then that is the parents job to tell their child, "You need to stop screaming upon arriving at daycare or x,y, z will happen."
It isn't your job to do the parenting. I would suggest they lay off the TV or iPad in the morning to make the transition smoother and let them know that you will call them to pick-up if the screaming continues for more than 5 minutes. I bet they'll start following your suggestion when they have to come get their kids.

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I agree with this, but do you think that it is also teaching the child that if they scream, they get to go home??

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I had a dcb misbehave and tell me "Maybe you should call Dad to come pick me up". He spent all morning trying to be as rotten as he could. I texted Dad, told him what dcb was up to, he phoned and had me put dcb on the phone. When they were finished talking, dcb apologized to me and that was the end of that.
His sister tried it a few months later and her brother warned her that it wasn't going to go the way she wanted it to. She didn't listen, texted Dad...same old same old.

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Oh man, I don't handle screaming very well. I don't know how you do it. I think the suggestion of the parents not allowing them a.m. tv is good, if they'd go along with it. Parents need to be parents. Are they afraid of hearing their own kids scream so it's an easy out for them to just plug 'em in? Then you get to listen to them after.
ETA: I also think calling dcps to come pick up is sending the kids the message they'll get to go home if they scream. It's gonna backfire, definitely.

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Yes. But, if you have tried everything you can think of to nip this bad behavior in the bud (and it seems like you REALLY have) then now it is the parents turn to do some parenting. They need to create a morning routine that makes the transition from home to daycare less difficult for YOU. Right now it is only difficult for you. It isn't difficult for the parents at all, so why would they truly work hard to change it?

If you start sending home then the parent will have to actually do some parenting to change this child's attitude in the mornings.

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yes you are very correct and this is why I have this rule. But in this case, the child is screaming so they can go home. calling the parents would not work, because you can't hear anything at all when this child screams. it sends chills up our spine and it causing ringing in our ears.

I guess I just have to call the parents to see what happens and deal with it at that time.......

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I wouldn't just "suck it up" and deal with this. If you can't get it under control then the parent need to. If that means they talk to the child over the phone, great. If it means they come talk to him there, great. If it means the child has to go home for the day because they won't stop screaming, then so be it.

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I completely agree with this.

I have this family and this is how I handled it. Called dad twice last week to come and get her. He works from home, so having the screamer home with home with him for two days did not work out well. I helped that her big sister got to stay and play. When it is inconveniences them and affects their job, they will take it seriously.

There has been a big improvement this week, not perfect, but a big improvement. Screamer Girl is only 2.5, so her age has to taken into account, obviously. But it was getting to the point that she was throwing herself on the floor and ripping things off of shelves in a rage. All to get her own way. Kinda scary really.

Sad thing is, we seem to see it more and more these days.

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How about every time they scream at drop off they lose ipad/tv privileges at home for the day/night? Parents would have to be on board though and follow through...

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sorry, I didn't mean to suck it up....what I mean is that I will need to just call them to pick up if dck won't settle. I have to try something different than what I am doing now. Which is make the call.

If that does not work, then I will have to figure out what to do next.


I just talked to dcm and asked her how we can work together to help the morning drop off time go smoother and she was puzzled.

she said dck is not allowed to play ipad at home nor do they watch much tv.......I guess this morning dck asked to play ipad and was told NO so this is why the meltdown.

I told DCM that normally I can help the child calm down, but today nothing worked. I did let DCM know that next time I need to send home.

DCM is a stay at home parent and I think that this could be some of the cause too. The DCK knows that DCM is home, so they scream to not come here....

thanks for your advise. I know I need to make the next more to making the call

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If you think the main trigger is them wanting to be home with their parents because they miss them what about seeing if you can offer something linked to that as a reward? You said mom is a SAHM so see if she would go for something like coming in to read a special story or do a craft on Friday if there was no screaming all week.

I had a DCB who would cry and cry for his Dad at drop off. We arranged that if he came in calmly we would write a quick email to his Dad together so that it would be waiting when his Dad got to work. Then Dad would write back. I would also send pics via text of our day & his mom & dad would send a short text back and that also really helped. He just needed a connection and after a few weeks there was no more crying and it was rare he asked to send an email, but he knew he could if he needed to.

Some kids are just desperate for time and connection with their parents and they will go to desperate measures to get it. He probably knows that screaming is not acceptable but if he feels he has already lost what he wants the most (being with his mom and dad) then he has nothing to lose, especially if he thinks negative behavior might send him home and help him obtain his goal.

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Some kids are just desperate for time and connection with their parents and they will go to desperate measures to get it. He probably knows that screaming is not acceptable but if he feels he has already lost what he wants the most (being with his mom and dad) then he has nothing to lose, especially if he thinks negative behavior might send him home and help him obtain his goal.

I think that you are so right about this. and I love the idea of rewarding him with something special if he comes in calmly.

after 3 years, you would think that this would be done and over with, but it is still going on....

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Ok-Am I the only one who thinks it's odd that a sahm is sending her kids to daycare? Why isn't she taking care of them? That is messed up in my book!

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7 out of 15 of my enrollment are mothers who do not work.

I don't care what they do, I love their business.

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I think the special email to the parent was a great idea!!!!

I had a four year old once, only child, AWESOMEST PARENTS EVER!!!!!

She had never been to daycare and we knew that would be a challenge. She was enrolled M-W-F for socialization and my pre k for four year olds program I was doing at that time.

She LOVED LOVED COMING HERE. and she loved the learning and friends.

She didn't scream but the first few months, she just was so sad. Her behavior was fine but she truly was sad. She missed her mom.

After the first few weeks of new wore off, she would just sit in the corner and cry and NOTHING WORKED.

We tried so many different things. Mom tried bribes but really she wasn't misbehaving so we ran out of ideas on how to help her.

So, about two months in, one day my daughter was at school and my husband skyped and my son was talking to him on the laptop computer on the media table. All of a sudden, this little girl got up from the corner, walked across the room and just stood there staring at them having their conversation. And then it hit me.

I called up mom, and a few minutes later daycare girl had her first skype with her mama while she was in her lunch break at her part time job. Oh.my.gosh. Is little girl was BEAMING. two minutes of conversation and she was CURED.

so, we came up with a plan. If the little girl didn't cry and did her work etc and was on green, then right before her mom left work to come pick her up, she could skype her for five minutes.

A month later, we changed it to only on Mondays. And a month later, she was able to make it all of her part day with me.

It all came down to the fact this little girl just missed her mom. Her parents were awesome though, not like with the op. The mom and daughter had spent four years every day together and this girl just missed her.

It was difficult though because it couldn't be chalked up to anything her parents were doing wrong. And because she had great behavior, we really couldn't give her a consequence.

Op, I know this isn't an answer for you.

But my point is that sometimes you have to think outside the box. But regardless of the options, the parents HAVE to be on board and willing to help you with this.

My question::: if the child is with you, and they want something and you tell them no, does the child scream?? When the child isn't coming to daycare and the parents say no, do they scream at home? If so, what do the parents normally do to stop it?

I agree with what you are saying that calling for pickup would be a reward for the child. And temporarily, that's true. But the point right now isn't that he child will think they are being rewarded. The point is it will give the PARENTS a consequence. And that's what we have to do sometimes for parents to take it seriously.

For instance.... If a parent beings a baby without diapers, you send them away at the door. The point is that it makes the parents uncomfortable enough that maybe next time they won't forget.

I wouldn't worry about making the child think they got what they wanted. I would want to make a point to the parents so they take this disruption seriously and get on board with you.

One option.... Take away the tv and/or iPad COMPLETELY for as many days as it takes to not even have the child ask for it in the morning. That means don't let them use it or watch tv at home at ALL , even in the afternoon.

Encourage them to get the child's morning behavior under control by giving THEM consequences.

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I took your advise and talked to the mom about setting up some reward system.. I asked that they try to enforce something similar at home.

I also told that the kids need to get to bed at a decent hour. no more 11pm bed time. yes that is right.

I think that if we are able to work together that we should be able to figure it out. the child is so well behaved otherwise....

and I love this family.....

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