I was just informed by DCM that DCG 4 may possibly be going to a dance class on Tuesdays at 12:30 p.m. She said her mother would pick-up and drop-off for this class. She also mentioned she was not sure if grandma could do it so it may not happen.

I don't want to say anything unless it's certain, but I have a couple issues with this, and was hoping I could get some insight or advice.

My first issue is that grandma is a pain in the butt! She is a former preschool teacher and thinks she knows everything! Always wants to stay and "help". She dropped off here one other time and was into everything and stayed over an hour!!! I didn't know how to kick her out lol. If this does end up happening, I want to tell DCM that grandma can't stay.

Also, this time falls right at nap time. Leaving at 12:30 or a little before would be OK as our nap time doesn't start until 1:00, but I am sure that she will be coming back before nap time is over and probably wake the others.

How would you handle this situation? What would you say to DCM?

TYIA for any help!

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May need to lay it out in a way that works best for your group. If class starts at 12:30, how early will she need to be picked up to get there on time? Will pick up take place during lunch?
Are you expected to have her dressed for dance class(during lunch time?). Will Grandma be expecting to dress her at your place? Would this be disruptive?

Perhaps mention that you are sure she understands this is a busy time of day when schedule needs to be maintained to get tired children feed and down for nap. Child could be brought to door for a quick departure. She is welcome to return at 3:00 or when ever your nap ends.

Timing is a challenge on this one.

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I would tell mom that you're willing to try it on say a 1 month trial basis. Tell her gma must pick up at the specified time and you will have dcg ready and waiting and pickup right at the door, gma needs to just sign her out and go so not to get the whole group fluffed up. Be firm and direct with mom. As far as gma dropping dcg back off, I wouldn't even start that but if you are comfortable with it tell mom she can't come back til after naptime.

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I think my biggest issue will be addressing that I don't want grandma to stay. I think that she thinks since I only have my kids, her grandkids and one other child, that it's not a REAL daycare.

When she came last time, she had an entitled attitude. She was going thru my cabinets and just would NOT leave. I was completely taken aback as I had never had that happen. DC Grandma is extremely pushy, and in your face. I am a little scared of her tbh. lol

I LOVE DCM, but not fond of grandma ... I want to put it out there without causing a problem with DCM.

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Mom knows what Grandma is like. TELL her you were offended when she came last time and she invaded your private space. Tell her she was in your cabinets and it will not be allowed. EVER then tell her she may not come back until after nap at ----- and you will not have time to dress her and will not change lunch time to suit so grandma may need to pic up earlier to buy her lunch and dress her when she gets to class. They always have a changing room

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You should stand up for your home and program. I don’t think it’s the DCM to tell her mother what to do. It’s your responsibility to set & maintain boundaries in your home. “Thank you _________ for dropping off _______. We will see you next Wednedsay.” (I forgot which day she has lessons.)

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I agree with you! And, I tried that. As soon as I said, "Thank you! Drive Safe!" DCG starts crying and screaming that she wants grandma to stay. Then, all the other kids start it too as they get excited with anyone new and different. So grandma says, "OK I will stay a few more mins".

Then I thought it would be a great idea to bring the kids outside to play in the rain, her car was in the way of our play area - surely grandma won't stay out in the rain and realize she is in the way and leave, right? - nope she stayed even longer.

I feel like everytime I try to say in a nice way that she needs to leave, she seems to find a reason to stay.

I want to find a way to say she can't stay that is NICE but that also can't be argued with as I feel like she would be the one to argue it.

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“______ I know you love your granny. However, we are not having visitors today. You can see her another time.” Then look at Granny and say, “Okay thanks _______ see you next Tuesday.”


I KNOW IT IS HARD. Honestly, I would’ve resigned to her staying too!

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First off, you tell mom that IF gma is coming to pick up, she MUST text/call prior to arrival. Then you get DCG ready and send her out the door.

Tell mom that gma is NOT allowed to come in and stay. Insurance does NOT allow for this.

Go about your daily routine. When gma texts/calls that she is on her way, have DCG get her coat on and send her out when you see gma in the drive.

Your house = your rules.

NO way would I allow grandma to enter. period.

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I'm sorry but it is against regulation to have anyone stay that doesn't have the proper clearances by the state. You don't want the "daycare police" to take away my license do you?

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If mom asks why grandma can't stay, tell her it upsets DCG that she (gma) isn't allowed to stay so it's best if gma just picks up quick and swift.

If mom resists, then tell her gma needs to keep DCG on dance days so this situation isn't YOUR problem.

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If possible don't even let Granny past front door. Open door, block with your body.

"Hi DCG say bye to Granny. Thanks Granny, see you next week."

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Thank you all for your advice. I am legally unlicensed. I think I will attempt blocking my door off and just saying, "Thanks! Bye bye!" If she forces her way in, I will tell DCM and gma that drop offs need to be quick since DCG gets so upset and it gets the other kids all riled up.

I know I need to have a strong back bone on this, but it's so tough since I know she has a stronger one

Thanks again everyone!

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If you can't use the licensing won't allow it excuse, you can always say your insurance won't allow anyone but custodial parents to be present in the home during working hours.

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1 drop off and one pick up per day.

I had a family want to do this and no way jose.

I also had this mom that was just like your granny.


I think that having a nice conversation with the DCM is in order. I would have this talk now as opposed to later after they have made their decision to attend.

I would just say something like.

Hey DCM I know that you are thinking about having gma take susie to dance classes on ______. Please keep in mind that per our daycare polices, we can only allow for one drop off and pick up to occur per family per day.

If you would like me to help susie prepare for dance, I can do my best to help, however, gma would need to keep her for the rest of the day after her class is over.

I hope you understand that it is very difficult for a child to say goodbye more than once a day. Changing a child's routine makes for a very difficult day for them and for the other children here.

As always, I want to thank you for understanding and supporting all of our daycare policies.
from
DCP

If you did it this way, you would not even have to worry about gma coming in to stay, as she would be picking up to leave.

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Exactly, she knows how her mother is!

Laurel

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Can you ask that Grandma just keep her out on those Tuesdays so it won't disrupt your entire group??? Sounds like she has the ability.

I was unclear, is DCM expecting DCG to come back after class???

You can tell DCM that you already have a Mother and MIL, you are all good on anxiety for the year.

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Honestly, I would not allow her to bring her back after dance class. Have her ready to go when gma picks up and send her out the door quickly. I would tell her that bringing her back after dance is too much of an disruption on the group. She sounds like the type that will end up waking the entire group. Gma can take her back to her house and let her nap.

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I would say that she must be picked by 12pm and make a quick exit since this one of your busiest times, Gramma needs to be on time or I would just go ahead and put child down for a nap with the rest of the group, also I would not allow child to be returned to daycare that same dat after "class". its very disruptive. I only do one drop-off and one pick up per day per child. Parents can not plan around my schedule, they need to plan activities around their own times.
I would tell Mom this already so she can stop making plans around daycare hours.
no visitors are allowed to stay and help or hang around etc never, specially if she's a pain, teacher or not.
I would explain this to mom very clearly. You might want to add something about this to your policies.

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Oh and I DO NOT get children ready for no activities, thats also to be done on their own time.

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This sounds a plan!

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Exactly what I was thinking..

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Why would you let anyone that is not in your family go through your stuff? I would have said excuse me can I help you with something? If still pushy after that I would be blunt and say I don't let people outside of my family go into my cabinets. This is my home. With a puzzled look on my face at the lady of why she would feel she could do that.

I would talk to parent about dance falling in right at nap time and if that is what she wants grandma would have to keep her the rest of the day as it would be too disruptive to everyone and the child would be resist nap from the adrenaline rush of dance which would make for a miserable afternoon for everyone. Put it back on parent. I would also tell Mom that gram can't stay any longer then a quick pick up and drop off as it disturbs everyone and for liability issues with insurance and licensing.

As much as it is uncomfortable, don't let anyone intimidate you in your own home. Your home, your rules- Best-

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No way would someone come into MY house and start going through my cabinets. Stand up for yourself

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Thank you everyone! I feel empowered! My house=my rules.

Do you know what is so funny about this situation?

Gma was pushing for DCM to put DCG into preschool. I said "Oh well, Susie knows her letters/numbers/colors/shapes, etc. We do lots of learning together. Gma said "She needs to be in a bigger group environment and learn to sit and listen, take turns, you know that kind of thing"
I told her even though we are a small group, we still do all those things and Susie is great with it.

Well, DCM wanted to stay with me, but I think to appease her mom, she put her in the dance class.

DCG is being moved up to the higher level class after only a few weeks since she using her manners and take turns and listens so well ... wonder where she learned that lol

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I was just going to type this. Also I'd require her to be dropped back off after nap or not come back at all for the day.

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I have I my contract no DOs or PUs during our lunch/nap times. I would also consider saying there's a 1 DO and 1 PU a day, to ease their confusion about being brought multiple times a day and to keep the DCKs from getting too stresses. I hope it works out and you don't even have to try dealing with Gma picking up and then bringing back later... sounds like it would be too rough on her and you!!

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