Who has trouble with parents who are split? I usually don't but sometimes I end up right in the middle. Dad was going to keep dcg for a week. Friday before he sends his girlfriend and his brother at 10 a.m. to pick her up. She called me 5 min before she got here. I didn't hear her so she just walked in and announced she was picking the girl up. I assumed they informed the mother of their plans. Well, a week later the mom comes to pick up and in casual convo I said " we missed dcg since she got picked up so early on Friday." She said "what?!" I also mistakenly told her the girlfriend was a teacher and she said she was teaching dcg on the weekends. So the mom gets into a fight with the dad on the phone that week that the girlfriend is never to pickup and that she runs her mouth at my house. Great. Now I'm the shmo who gave that info. However, I don't feel it's my fault they didn't tell her anything. Now, fyi I have since typed up a 'who can pickup' form and the mom and I signed it and the girlfriend is NOT on the list. So no more surprise pickups. How do you guys deal with he said/she said parents? I'm dreading his pickup today. He usually comes back on me. Ready to stand my ground. Not my fault you don't communicate!

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...I dread it everyday as well. Why are we put in the middle of this nonsense and how can we avoid it? I am a registered member but don't want to give my name right now. One of my parents wants me to keep a notebook of how the kid acts on days the child is dropped off by the opposite parent. I did not agree but will do it for a fee. How much should I charge and how can I word it? If I DO end up doing the notebook and charging for it, I would want the charge to be the same each week. This sounds like a question for Miss NannyDe!!!!
Thanks all for any input!

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I would agree to document the childs behavior on ALL days attending and she can pick and choose what ones she wants to use for her case. I would let her know that I will be giving both parents a copy of it and keep a copy myself. I would do a general one paragraph a day for five dollars a day.

Once you attach money she will gladly change her mind.

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We legally in our regs have to have on file who is allowed and not allowed to pick up child. So if you didn't have girlfriend on file as being allowed to pick up, I can see why the mom would be upset. Also, who carries the contract with you. If it is both parents then both parents have the right to put on the contract who they want picking up the child.

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Here is what I did when I had to deal with a family going through an ugly divorce.

Once they split I had mom fill out a form for all of her emergency contact info, authorize pick up etc....Gave dad a seperate one to fill out.

LIC told me that by law I had to follow the request of both. Since they were no longer together and had seperate lives and days that anyone that the dad put down could pick up the child and vice versa..

The family that I was working with got UGLY! To the point that I told them if they brought any drama to my home that the authorities woule be called.

They brought drama once and then never again after I told them that.

If I were you I would have them each fill out the emergency contact forms again, along with authorized pick up....Unless the parent has a court oder saying that a certain person cannot pick up then the parents cannot dictate who cannot pick up the child. If dad writes down girl friend, mistress and the gorecry store clerk, well then thats his choice..Mom can't say anything about it.

I would also do a contract of hours for each parent and have them commit to what days and times the chld will be picked up.

One thing that you have to think about it lets say little johnny gets sick while in care on his moms day and you call the MIL to pick up johnny. It's going to put the DCM in a really bad situation if the MIL and mom don't get along...

they are chosing to seperate their lives, so they really don't have a say in what the other does as long as its legal...

Also don't talk about mom to dad and vice versa

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I did this! Told them it would be 5 bucks per kid and a paragraph a day on each, time permitting. I have had no response! Must've thought twice about it lol!!! Now, what to do when one parent is texting asking what time other parent dropped off and if someone other than parent dropped off or was along for the ride. What do you say? I haven't responded to the text this morning asking just that.....but, if I don't respond soon, the parent will be calling me! I really don't want in the middle of this nonsense. HELP!!!!?????

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I would tell both parents that all family drama stops at my front door. I would not report what time what parent dropped off or picked up.

My only divorce drama through the years............Mom moved out on Fri night, Dad moved kids out of state on Sunday without Mom's knowledge or consent. Both parents show up to court on Monday. Dad got full custody as Mom "abandoned" the kids by moving out.

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I would politely say something like:

"I did some research and I have come to realize that unfortunately due to the legal liability that I could potency be facing I would appreciate it greatly if you both handled all communication directly with each other and that all discussions with me in regards to your child be limited only to the childs behavior and care as it applies only and directly to me.

I will still continue to communicate with you about your child's day at daycare of course, and if any behavior issues should arise I will discuss this with both parents. Other information beyond that I am unable to disclose unless I have a subpeona from the court. In addition, I'd like to request a copy of your child's custody and visitation order to keep here at daycare so that I am aware of the visitation schedule and restrictions. Without it unfortunately I will legally be unable to deny your child's father the right to pick her up and your child's father will be able to pick her up whenever he wishes. I'm sure that you can understand my position and why having a custody agreement in DC is so important."

This is pretty much word for word the conversation that I had to have with a DCF that I had. Legally if it's DCD's day and time to pick up his child he can have whoever he wants pick the child up. During the time of his visitation or custody with his child she is his responsibility and he makes those decisions unless their custody agreement says otherwise. I agree that each parent should have their own emergency contact information including a list of who they are ok with picking the child up. CA has a good one, if you are interested I can give you the link and you can make one up yourself.

If this family does not have a custody and visitation order recommend that they get one because then otherwise the DCD has nothing to limit him from picking up his child at any time that he wants for however long he wants to keep her. If you deny him his child and there is no order you could get yourself into a legal pickle.

If there is an order and he tries to pick up DCG earlier than he should and you deny him and he becomes upset and calls the police you will need to show the police proof that he is in violation of the order, otherwise the police could either allow him to take her or they will call DCM at work and she will need to leave work to provide them with a copy of the order to be able to deny DCD the child. Either way, it creates drama in your DC that you don't need.

Unfortunately I have also personally been in this situation before with my DC provider and I can't emphasize how important it is to provide a copy of the custody agreement to your DCP.

Lots to think about.

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