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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>When Should Kids Wipe Own Bottom?
EchoMom 11:04 AM 07-20-2012
When should children be able to wipe their own bottom?

Completely independently?
On their own but you check?

How do you teach them how to do it without being inappropriate?

Do you say butt?

I have a 4 1/2 year old boy who wants me to wipe his butt completely for him. I used to do it when he was a younger 4 but then I saw someone on here say no way they don't wipe that old! So now I'm not sure. Today when I had him do it himself he seemed very unfamiliar with it and did not do a good job and I thought he was going to stick his fingers in his mess and he tried to hand me the poopy wipe, In my mind: "Ew, I don't want that! Ugh!"

He's got modesty because he doesn't ever want me to see him pee so I know he wants privacy but yet he wants me to wipe his butt. Also, does anyone say butt??? He was offended when I used the word butt but I don't see anything wrong with it, that's what it is!

Does EVERYONE say bottom???
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SquirrellyMama 11:17 AM 07-20-2012
I used to think 4 or 5 but my own 7 year old dd has a hard time with it. I don't think her arms are long enough or something. She tried really hard.

Could he wipe first and then you check him until he is doing it well on his own?

K
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youretooloud 12:14 PM 07-20-2012
I stop at age four. I stopped wiping my daughter's bottoms before that, but they took baths every night.

I don't expect other people to wipe my child's bottom after age three. My child can either learn to do it, learn to poop at home only, or deal with a messy bottom for the rest of the day. None of those are a big deal.
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youretooloud 12:18 PM 07-20-2012
Originally Posted by glenechogirl:
he word butt but I don't see anything wrong with it, that's what it is!

Does EVERYONE say bottom???
We don't say butt here. None of my kids have ever said it. I'm not sure why, but I am uncomfortable with it too.

I also dislike the words "panties" and "perspire"...soooo..
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nanglgrl 12:19 PM 07-20-2012
Like so many things they are not going to learn how to do it correctly unless you let them do it themselves. They may not do the best job and that's fine as long as their parents bathe them and give them new undies everyday (if the child has regular UTI's they should be re-taught wiping in case that is the culprit). I say you stop wiping about a month after they are potty trained. If they are showing signs of needing privacy or of being embarrassed you should stop right away. All it takes is one child saying "Mrs. Teacher touched my butt" to close your daycare until an investigation is completed. As far as calling it a butt or a bottom I would say butt. I teach the kids all of the correct names for their parts, my 2 year old son knows he has a penis and my 4 year old daughter knows she has a vagina. You are supposed to teach them the correct words so if something were to happen there would not be any confusion. As for arms being to short, it sounds like the same excuse I told my mom when I didn't want to play violin anymore! The truth is I was just lazy and didn't want to practice...
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youretooloud 12:23 PM 07-20-2012
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
As for arms being to short, it sounds like the same excuse I told my mom when I didn't want to play violin anymore! The truth is I was just lazy and didn't want to practice...
I agree... unless you have freakishly short arms, you can wipe. It's OK if you don't do a good job, but you can do it anyway.
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Blackcat31 12:23 PM 07-20-2012
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
.

I also dislike the words "panties" and "perspire"...soooo..
Sorry, but that made me laugh!

I don't know why but in the two decades I have been in this business I can't say I have ever had a child who asked me to wipe their butt, bottom or tushie for them.

I help the new potty trainers but it seems that once they learn to use the bathroom unassisted, I am no longer needed and have never been asked.

I must have weird kids or else bunch of kids who are walking around with dirty tushies
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nanglgrl 12:42 PM 07-20-2012
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
We don't say butt here. None of my kids have ever said it. I'm not sure why, but I am uncomfortable with it too.

I also dislike the words "panties" and "perspire"...soooo..
Today it was so hot outside that I couldn't help butt perspire. I asked one of the kids to get me a towel so I could wipe the perspiration off butt instead they brought me a pair of panties! I laughed so hard I fell on my butt and the panties flew out of my hand and landed on the dogs head. So the dog is running around the yard with panties on his head, I'm sitting on the ground laughing my butt off and trying not to perspire anymore!
Sorry, it's Friday, I'm tired and when I'm tired I'm a goofball.
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Neekie 12:51 PM 07-20-2012
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
Today it was so hot outside that I couldn't help butt perspire. I asked one of the kids to get me a towel so I could wipe the perspiration off butt instead they brought me a pair of panties! I laughed so hard I fell on my butt and the panties flew out of my hand and landed on the dogs head. So the dog is running around the yard with panties on his head, I'm sitting on the ground laughing my butt off and trying not to perspire anymore!
Sorry, it's Friday, I'm tired and when I'm tired I'm a goofball.
LOL LOL LOL This is just too funny!
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countrymom 02:52 PM 07-20-2012
butt perspire is called SWASS (sweaty a**)

once your potty trained I stop, everyone has to learn to wipe their bums. I had a 4 yr old ask me yesterday and there was no way I was going to do this because he's been trained for over a year, but being home with mom, well.....
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Nickel 07:40 PM 07-20-2012
I allow my two yr old to wipe her butt with a wet wipe or cottonelle wipe or whatever. Then she pats her front with toilet paper and then I check. lol but my oldest had problem wiping at seven. I had to reteach her. It was very uncomfortable at that point for me and she was my own child. I just stood at the door directed her on what to do and used hand gestures in the air or away from my clothes
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Snowbunny 09:04 AM 07-21-2012
I don't like saying butt, so we call it bottom or tushie. Personally, I prefer to wipe those little bottoms if they want help, no matter what the age. Of course, once they are about to enter preschool (age 4 here), I do encourage them to do it themselves. I just cannot imagine a 2 or 3 year old always wiping themselves. Not all BM's are formed and solid; I mean, some can leave a real mess, and I'm not comfortable with a child running around with a mess on their bottom all day. First of all, they are not going to smell very pretty. Second, some of my daycare kids have gotten a bad rash from not being wiped well. I keep wet wipes available for everyone. Heck, I prefer to use a wet wipe for myself sometimes. Enough said!
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Michael 11:13 AM 07-21-2012
Originally Posted by Snowbunny:
I don't like saying butt, so we call it bottom. Enough said!
Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! I upgraded your status. You can post freely now.
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Kaddidle Care 06:55 PM 07-21-2012
I've had to instruct 5 year olds to "take a bunch of toilet paper - I watch to make sure they have enough and wipe where your poopoo comes out. Get more until it comes out clean." and then I offer a wipie or two to them.

I have helped older ones when they have been really messy. I've never had a parent complain that I touched their child's tush. Sometimes you just have to help them.

But.. my son had a friend who's mother wiped him still at 9! I was like "you've got to be kidding me!" Sorry but that's just nuts.
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momma2girls 01:20 PM 07-22-2012
I teach them at potty training time to do it. By age of 3 or 4 they should be able to do it themselves. I had one Mom bring baby wipes for a 4 1/2 yr. old to wipe his bottom, or else have myself do it. He was going to 4 yr. old preschool and going to Kindergarten next yr. I am pretty sure, no teacher is going to wipe his bottom!!
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kansasmom85 02:52 AM 02-19-2014
Wow. Many of you expressed some pretty cold feelings on this topic. The story of the mother not helping their daughter...what is wrong with you people??? No wonder children are mean these days.

Love, nurture and HELP your child. (Not to mention its completely unhealthy and neglectful to let children walk around with feces all over their ASS!) You "daycare" people should have your licenses revoked.
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Josiegirl 03:07 AM 02-19-2014
Wowsa, Kansas, that's a bit strong. Don't you realize the fear "daycare" people have about privacy issues and touching private parts??? There have been so many false claims against perfectly great providers due to misunderstandings. It causes a provider's world to be turned upside down, not to mention loss of income plus reputation because you betta believe once it gets whispered about town a provider is being investigated, that provider will more than likely be talked about the rest of their days. You know how gossip and rumors fly around.

Now, with that being said, even though this thread is a million years old(or 2 years old) I either wipe if they ask or check after they've done it. I'd be leery about sending a child home with a dirty bottom because parents will certainly see that. Plus some children's bottoms do become irritated in just a short while.
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Evansmom 06:22 AM 02-19-2014
Old post from 2012

Probably a troll.
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Unregistered 08:22 PM 03-11-2015
I found out in June of last year that I had a 10 yr old son. I dated his mother for about 5 months. The story was that she was barren due to complications as a teenager. We never used protection. I went to visit her one day and she had vanished. 11 years later, I got a text.
After meeting my son with his mother for a few weeks, we had our first weekend together. After a couple weekends, I noticed that he never had a bowel movement while he was with me. On our return trip back to his mother's on Sundays he would complain of belly-aches. I told him that my stomach would hurt too if I ate all weekend but never pooped. This conversation made him extremely nervous. I asked his mother if he had any trouble in that department and she replied"No, why?"
The next weekend I encouraged him to go several times and he would not, citing that he did not have the urge. As he was constantly filling the air with fumes. When we met at a coffee shop with his mom, he immediately ran to the bathroom there and managed to stop up and overflow the toilet at starbucks. It was obvious to me, that she had wanted to follow him in to the bathroom, but did not want to give herself away.
I discussed this with her and she stated that he would only use the bathroom with her because he did not know how to do it himself. I inquired whether or not her Mom was aware of this, as my son spends much time and many nights with her. She admitted that her mother was unaware that she was still wiping my sons rear end at nearly 11 years old. I demanded of her that she never wipe him again.
She let him try that week, but said he was just too gross about it. The next weekend, I taught my son how to wipe his own bottom. He asserts that she had never let him. It became obvious to me as well, that he was only defecating a couple times a week. Presumably, because of the humiliation that he was feeling at having his mother do this. I feel it is worth mentioning that when I met him, he was still wearing diapers at night, complete with diaper rash. He was wetting the bed 4 or more times a week. He has never spent the night with a friend, and when he had a slight boo boo, or was upset, he would ball his face up, fall to the ground limp and squall like an infant. (complete with murderous screams and hyperventilation)
The first time I saw this behavior, I said "get up from there", that is not going to work." He immediately stopped, grinned and stood up.
Within a month, my son was having bowel movements twice a day. Knows all about the bristow poop chart, has no skid marks, wakes up at night and uses the bathroom rather than wetting a daiper, is free of diaper rash, and is now confident enough to stay over at a friends house. He does not scream and cry, but rather uses his vocabulary to express his feelings.
No doubt in my mind, that any woman that is doing this, is just not willing to do right by a child that will someday soon be expected to act as an adult. All of these things are due to her own selfish wants.
For the sake of the children, if you see or pick up on something like this, please contact CPS.

Yes, I am seeking full custody, with only supervised visits for her.

Thanks for an opportunity to share my story, as most of these blogs are reserved for women only.

New Dad
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Starburst 02:08 PM 03-12-2015
It depends on the child, I watch an autistic 12 year old boy who still can't tie his shoes and still needs help wiping, thought his mother and I both think he can do a lot more then he let's on. There was once or twice he didn't ask for help in the bathroom (not sure how well he wiped) but recently he's started asking for help again (a lot of his behavior is inconsistent and his mom keeps changing his meds). But I recentlydiscovered he's been trying to trick me into feed him so I might try to work more on self-help skills with him.

To Unregistered New Dad: this forum isn't reserved for women only, it's mostly for childcare providers of any gender (women just so happen to dominate this field).
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kendallina 06:47 PM 03-12-2015
Once they are 4 years old, I talk with the parents about it and let them know that it's time to start encouraging them to try at home and here. It's not easy for them, though and I often help for a few months. After a while, they don't want me to help.
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Josiegirl 03:13 AM 03-13-2015
Another old post But always an issue. I help until they no longer need it.
My older 4 yo does great, she just informed me last week to not come in anymore, she can do it. I told her I'd need to check just to make sure. And she's fine. My other 4 yo is a messy pooper and when she does try, she gets it all over the place. ALL over. Ugh....Needless to say she gets help.
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