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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Feeling Really Disrespected
sahm2three 09:03 AM 08-25-2011
Most of my parents right now seem to think that the world revolves around THEIR child(ren). I live and breath to care for their kids. WHAT on EARTH do I do when their kids go home?!?! I actually had a parent ask me what I was going to do without their kids when we went on vacation. Oh gosh, I don't know! Your kids are far more important than my own kids!! UGH! Here are some of the situations I am dealing with:
My screamer (x colicky baby, now a VERY high needs toddler). He screams pretty much as long as he is awake. He is HARD. Parents have been pretty good with taking my advice on things. Not that I think I know it all, but just giving advice when asked. I had a ds who was also very colicky and very high needs, so have some BTDT experience to offer. That is one of the only reasons that he is still here. I remember thinking when my son was little how fortunate I was to not have to work because I feared as hard as he was that he would get mistreated. So I want to offer the best I can for him here. Yeah, I think I wear a super hero cape. Ugh. Anyway, today mom texts me and says that he will be late. Not how late, but is running late. I text back about 45 mins later and say, "He is missing him morning nap. Hope he is taking one at home." I say this because without his schedule, he is a NIGHTMARE. Well, he shows up here at about 9:15 (which is about the time I would have gotten him up from morning nap. He isn't napping well in the afternoon so we are attempting to shorten his morning nap, which is helping). So he shows up at 9:15 and hasn't had a nap, but woke up at 8. So now this child who is hard, has to wait until after lunch (done with lunch around 12:30) to go to bed. He is already screaming and being awful while we are trying to keep the babies asleep. He is impossible to keep quiet. I just don't know what to do with him. I dont' really want to term, I mean I do, but I don't. I fear for him.
Issue #2: My 3 month old. I think for one he is held all the time. He screams if not being held or talked to all the time. Also, I think he may have some health issues, but mom knows all even though I spend FAR more waking hours with him than she does. I was on vacation for 2 weeks and the FIRST thing I noticed when they came in the door is the growth of his head. It has gotten SOOOOOO much better. It's very veiny. It has grown so much in the back and forehead that it is kind of squishing his face. He looks SOOOOOO different. I was holding him when my dh got home and he wondered who he was. Didn't even recognize him. How do you say, "Your baby's head looks abnormally big" without offending the mom? I did tell her that he was having a hard time holding his head up, which he is, and she said that she did notice that he looked a little swollen. Ok, if MY kids head was swollen you bet your booty I would be knocking down the doors of the ER getting him in there! But she said he was just constipated and it was making his head swollen. OK then. If something happens to him on my watch, I am going to get inspected. Fantastic.
#3: My breastfeeding mom. She is weaning but still wants to come at lunch. I told her that if she is weaning that we needed to just start working on getting her on our schedule. She said that she will just continue to breastfeed at lunch then because she isn't ready to not see her until the end of the day. Ugh. We struggle because the dcbaby is on a different schedule than the other kids. I have been accomodating for 7 months, but it needs to either start working for the daycare schedule or it needs to stop. I just need to grow a big enough pair to say it to her.
#4: A sibling set that I have lost their dad last week and I am struggling with being sensitive to behaviors and not letting too much slide by. It has been rough. This set are kids that I have already had lots of behavioral issues with, and this is just making it worse, of course.
I can't believe it will be another year before I get another vacation!
My screamer (x colicky baby, now a VERY high needs toddler). He screams pretty much as long as he is awake. He is HARD. Parents have been pretty good with taking my advice on things. Not that I think I know it all, but just giving advice when asked. I had a ds who was also very colicky and very high needs, so have some BTDT experience to offer. That is one of the only reasons that he is still here. I remember thinking when my son was little how fortunate I was to not have to work because I feared as hard as he was that he would get mistreated. So I want to offer the best I can for him here. Yeah, I think I wear a super hero cape. Ugh. Anyway, today mom texts me and says that he will be late. Not how late, but is running late. I text back about 45 mins later and say, "He is missing him morning nap. Hope he is taking one at home." I say this because without his schedule, he is a NIGHTMARE. Well, he shows up here at about 9:15 (which is about the time I would have gotten him up from morning nap. He isn't napping well in the afternoon so we are attempting to shorten his morning nap, which is helping). So he shows up at 9:15 and hasn't had a nap, but woke up at 8. So now this child who is hard, has to wait until after lunch (done with lunch around 12:30) to go to bed. He is already screaming and being awful while we are trying to keep the babies asleep. He is impossible to keep quiet. I just don't know what to do with him. I dont' really want to term, I mean I do, but I don't. I fear for him.
Issue #2: My 3 month old. I think for one he is held all the time. He screams if not being held or talked to all the time. Also, I think he may have some health issues, but mom knows all even though I spend FAR more waking hours with him than she does. I was on vacation for 2 weeks and the FIRST thing I noticed when they came in the door is the growth of his head. It has gotten SOOOOOO much better. It's very veiny. It has grown so much in the back and forehead that it is kind of squishing his face. He looks SOOOOOO different. I was holding him when my dh got home and he wondered who he was. Didn't even recognize him. How do you say, "Your baby's head looks abnormally big" without offending the mom? I did tell her that he was having a hard time holding his head up, which he is, and she said that she did notice that he looked a little swollen. Ok, if MY kids head was swollen you bet your booty I would be knocking down the doors of the ER getting him in there! But she said he was just constipated and it was making his head swollen. OK then. If something happens to him on my watch, I am going to get inspected. Fantastic.
#3: My breastfeeding mom. She is weaning but still wants to come at lunch. I told her that if she is weaning that we needed to just start working on getting her on our schedule. She said that she will just continue to breastfeed at lunch then because she isn't ready to not see her until the end of the day. Ugh. We struggle because the dcbaby is on a different schedule than the other kids. I have been accomodating for 7 months, but it needs to either start working for the daycare schedule or it needs to stop. I just need to grow a big enough pair to say it to her.
#4: A sibling set that I have lost their dad last week and I am struggling with being sensitive to behaviors and not letting too much slide by. It has been rough. This set are kids that I have already had lots of behavioral issues with, and this is just making it worse, of course.
I can't believe it will be another year before I get another vacation!
sharlan 09:33 AM 08-25-2011
Lots of cyber hugs coming your way.
#1 - good luck. Screamers wear me out. I had one that we named Screamer because that's all he did. Happy to see that one leave.
#2 - this kid needs to see a dr ASAP. He may be screaming because he's in pain. The swelling may be putting pressure on his little brain.
#3 - sorry Mom, but you are now disrupting the care of my other children. Isn't this the one that thinks it's funny when she wakes the other babies up? Give her two weeks to get her act together or they're out the door.
#4 - not much you can do there. These kids' lives have been turned upside down and ripped apart. You are probably the only consistant in their little lives. Lots of hugs and kisses.
#1 - good luck. Screamers wear me out. I had one that we named Screamer because that's all he did. Happy to see that one leave.
#2 - this kid needs to see a dr ASAP. He may be screaming because he's in pain. The swelling may be putting pressure on his little brain.
#3 - sorry Mom, but you are now disrupting the care of my other children. Isn't this the one that thinks it's funny when she wakes the other babies up? Give her two weeks to get her act together or they're out the door.
#4 - not much you can do there. These kids' lives have been turned upside down and ripped apart. You are probably the only consistant in their little lives. Lots of hugs and kisses.
familyschoolcare 09:42 AM 08-25-2011
Issue #2: When is the next time the child goes to the doctor for a well baby check they will measure his head then. If it is soon-ish then maybe mention to mom that she might want to mention to the doctor that she thought In her words that his head was swollen let the doctor deiced if it is a problem and tell the mom if it is. By the way what you are describe about the child head is very similar to the way my sons head (now 16 years old) looked at that age he was with in normal and doc. did not think there was any reason for alarm. Skip ahead until he is in school and he is identified as gifted and still has a large head compared to the size of his body still normal and looks normal just looks large. We tease him saying that his head is that big Because, Gad had to have somewhere to all his brains.
MamaBear 09:43 AM 08-25-2011
Ugh... i'm sorry your having a hard time. I feel ya... I'm having a bit of a rough week here too. I hope it gets better for you soon
Koukla 09:44 AM 08-25-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Lots of cyber hugs coming your way.
#1 - good luck. Screamers wear me out. I had one that we named Screamer because that's all he did. Happy to see that one leave.
#2 - this kid needs to see a dr ASAP. He may be screaming because he's in pain. The swelling may be putting pressure on his little brain.
#3 - sorry Mom, but you are now disrupting the care of my other children. Isn't this the one that thinks it's funny when she wakes the other babies up? Give her two weeks to get her act together or they're out the door.
#4 - not much you can do there. These kids' lives have been turned upside down and ripped apart. You are probably the only consistant in their little lives. Lots of hugs and kisses.
Lots of cyber hugs coming your way.
#1 - good luck. Screamers wear me out. I had one that we named Screamer because that's all he did. Happy to see that one leave.
#2 - this kid needs to see a dr ASAP. He may be screaming because he's in pain. The swelling may be putting pressure on his little brain.
#3 - sorry Mom, but you are now disrupting the care of my other children. Isn't this the one that thinks it's funny when she wakes the other babies up? Give her two weeks to get her act together or they're out the door.
#4 - not much you can do there. These kids' lives have been turned upside down and ripped apart. You are probably the only consistant in their little lives. Lots of hugs and kisses.
I dont think you could have said this any better. for child #2 I would call mom and say she needs to pick up and gget a dr. note for the child to return. you can blame the State. say you called and wanted to see what the pollicy is and they said that you should have a dr. note stating everything is ok and baby is ok to return to care. also make a journal for thischild. Keep putting in everything that you see and date it. this will also help cover you if you should need it.
hugs being sent your way
Unregistered 09:50 AM 08-25-2011
I cannot believe anyone would think constipation would cause a change in head size! I had a dck w/ an enlarged head and he needed surgery to correct. I would be afraid of seizures. Yes get a doctor's note asap. Tell the mom you NEED one! I was a nervous wreck taking care of my dck before the surgery, even knowing he was under dr. care.
sharlan 11:57 AM 08-25-2011
My concern for the child is hydrocephalus.........
Get started Symptoms
By Mayo Clinic staff
The signs and symptoms of hydrocephalus vary by age group and disease progression.
In infants, common signs and symptoms of hydrocephalus include:
An unusually large head
A rapid increase in the size of the head
A bulging "soft spot" on the top of the head
Vomiting
Sleepiness
Irritability
Seizures
Eyes fixed downward (sunsetting of the eyes)
Developmental delay
Get started Symptoms
By Mayo Clinic staff
The signs and symptoms of hydrocephalus vary by age group and disease progression.
In infants, common signs and symptoms of hydrocephalus include:
An unusually large head
A rapid increase in the size of the head
A bulging "soft spot" on the top of the head
Vomiting
Sleepiness
Irritability
Seizures
Eyes fixed downward (sunsetting of the eyes)
Developmental delay
cheerfuldom 01:27 PM 08-25-2011
you sound like a provider that is very loving and wanting to provide the best BUT you have to draw the line somewhere for your own sanity. revamp your program (and families!) if necessary to gain that control back. it sounds like a lot of things are open to discussion or open to the parents doing whatever they prefer and you are getting lost in the shuffle. only you can change that but you might lose a family or two in the process. i did this about a year ago and has the most wonderful year since then. as for the kiddos that lost their parent, that is something that I have never been through but the same thing stands. if they are not fitting into your program then there is only so much you can do to make it work.
PitterPatter 03:57 PM 08-25-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
Most of my parents right now seem to think that the world revolves around THEIR child(ren). I live and breath to care for their kids. WHAT on EARTH do I do when their kids go home?!?! I actually had a parent ask me what I was going to do without their kids when we went on vacation. Oh gosh, I don't know! Your kids are far more important than my own kids!! UGH! Here are some of the situations I am dealing with:
My screamer (x colicky baby, now a VERY high needs toddler). He screams pretty much as long as he is awake. He is HARD. Parents have been pretty good with taking my advice on things. Not that I think I know it all, but just giving advice when asked. I had a ds who was also very colicky and very high needs, so have some BTDT experience to offer. That is one of the only reasons that he is still here. I remember thinking when my son was little how fortunate I was to not have to work because I feared as hard as he was that he would get mistreated. So I want to offer the best I can for him here. Yeah, I think I wear a super hero cape. Ugh. Anyway, today mom texts me and says that he will be late. Not how late, but is running late. I text back about 45 mins later and say, "He is missing him morning nap. Hope he is taking one at home." I say this because without his schedule, he is a NIGHTMARE. Well, he shows up here at about 9:15 (which is about the time I would have gotten him up from morning nap. He isn't napping well in the afternoon so we are attempting to shorten his morning nap, which is helping). So he shows up at 9:15 and hasn't had a nap, but woke up at 8. So now this child who is hard, has to wait until after lunch (done with lunch around 12:30) to go to bed. He is already screaming and being awful while we are trying to keep the babies asleep. He is impossible to keep quiet. I just don't know what to do with him. I dont' really want to term, I mean I do, but I don't. I fear for him.
Issue #2: My 3 month old. I think for one he is held all the time. He screams if not being held or talked to all the time. Also, I think he may have some health issues, but mom knows all even though I spend FAR more waking hours with him than she does. I was on vacation for 2 weeks and the FIRST thing I noticed when they came in the door is the growth of his head. It has gotten SOOOOOO much better. It's very veiny. It has grown so much in the back and forehead that it is kind of squishing his face. He looks SOOOOOO different. I was holding him when my dh got home and he wondered who he was. Didn't even recognize him. How do you say, "Your baby's head looks abnormally big" without offending the mom? I did tell her that he was having a hard time holding his head up, which he is, and she said that she did notice that he looked a little swollen. Ok, if MY kids head was swollen you bet your booty I would be knocking down the doors of the ER getting him in there! But she said he was just constipated and it was making his head swollen. OK then. If something happens to him on my watch, I am going to get inspected. Fantastic.
#3: My breastfeeding mom. She is weaning but still wants to come at lunch. I told her that if she is weaning that we needed to just start working on getting her on our schedule. She said that she will just continue to breastfeed at lunch then because she isn't ready to not see her until the end of the day. Ugh. We struggle because the dcbaby is on a different schedule than the other kids. I have been accomodating for 7 months, but it needs to either start working for the daycare schedule or it needs to stop. I just need to grow a big enough pair to say it to her.
#4: A sibling set that I have lost their dad last week and I am struggling with being sensitive to behaviors and not letting too much slide by. It has been rough. This set are kids that I have already had lots of behavioral issues with, and this is just making it worse, of course.
I can't believe it will be another year before I get another vacation!
My biggest worry is for the child with the enlarged head. I would tell her you have never seen this before and you worry for his sake as well as your own. Constipation does not cause sweliing in the head! Tell her you need a Drs note stating he has been checked out and is ok to return to daycare. I fear the same as you something may happen to this child and with my luck it would be on my watch.Most of my parents right now seem to think that the world revolves around THEIR child(ren). I live and breath to care for their kids. WHAT on EARTH do I do when their kids go home?!?! I actually had a parent ask me what I was going to do without their kids when we went on vacation. Oh gosh, I don't know! Your kids are far more important than my own kids!! UGH! Here are some of the situations I am dealing with:
My screamer (x colicky baby, now a VERY high needs toddler). He screams pretty much as long as he is awake. He is HARD. Parents have been pretty good with taking my advice on things. Not that I think I know it all, but just giving advice when asked. I had a ds who was also very colicky and very high needs, so have some BTDT experience to offer. That is one of the only reasons that he is still here. I remember thinking when my son was little how fortunate I was to not have to work because I feared as hard as he was that he would get mistreated. So I want to offer the best I can for him here. Yeah, I think I wear a super hero cape. Ugh. Anyway, today mom texts me and says that he will be late. Not how late, but is running late. I text back about 45 mins later and say, "He is missing him morning nap. Hope he is taking one at home." I say this because without his schedule, he is a NIGHTMARE. Well, he shows up here at about 9:15 (which is about the time I would have gotten him up from morning nap. He isn't napping well in the afternoon so we are attempting to shorten his morning nap, which is helping). So he shows up at 9:15 and hasn't had a nap, but woke up at 8. So now this child who is hard, has to wait until after lunch (done with lunch around 12:30) to go to bed. He is already screaming and being awful while we are trying to keep the babies asleep. He is impossible to keep quiet. I just don't know what to do with him. I dont' really want to term, I mean I do, but I don't. I fear for him.
Issue #2: My 3 month old. I think for one he is held all the time. He screams if not being held or talked to all the time. Also, I think he may have some health issues, but mom knows all even though I spend FAR more waking hours with him than she does. I was on vacation for 2 weeks and the FIRST thing I noticed when they came in the door is the growth of his head. It has gotten SOOOOOO much better. It's very veiny. It has grown so much in the back and forehead that it is kind of squishing his face. He looks SOOOOOO different. I was holding him when my dh got home and he wondered who he was. Didn't even recognize him. How do you say, "Your baby's head looks abnormally big" without offending the mom? I did tell her that he was having a hard time holding his head up, which he is, and she said that she did notice that he looked a little swollen. Ok, if MY kids head was swollen you bet your booty I would be knocking down the doors of the ER getting him in there! But she said he was just constipated and it was making his head swollen. OK then. If something happens to him on my watch, I am going to get inspected. Fantastic.
#3: My breastfeeding mom. She is weaning but still wants to come at lunch. I told her that if she is weaning that we needed to just start working on getting her on our schedule. She said that she will just continue to breastfeed at lunch then because she isn't ready to not see her until the end of the day. Ugh. We struggle because the dcbaby is on a different schedule than the other kids. I have been accomodating for 7 months, but it needs to either start working for the daycare schedule or it needs to stop. I just need to grow a big enough pair to say it to her.
#4: A sibling set that I have lost their dad last week and I am struggling with being sensitive to behaviors and not letting too much slide by. It has been rough. This set are kids that I have already had lots of behavioral issues with, and this is just making it worse, of course.
I can't believe it will be another year before I get another vacation!
Next the screamer! May the good Lord give u strength to deal with that because I know I couldn't do it!
The breastfeeder is going to delay her childs natural need to wean just so she can see him? That is nice to have a caring mom and all but I would point that out. The child should wean when he's ready. 2nd she is a disruption to your daycare daily. Tell her maybe you can send a pic or 2 through the day or something to help her get by.
Last, children that lost the Dad. God bless you for being these poor childrens rock! You are their main support right now and a safe consistant routine. They know they can trust you and probably feel loved there. Keep up the good work!
sharlan 07:25 AM 08-30-2011
Is there an update on this little boy?