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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>When Your Patience Has Dried Up...
momneedscoffee 10:49 AM 03-01-2016
What do you do when you run out of patience? Not with a specific thing, but just in general. Lately I have been finding myself feeling very snappy/irritable/annoyed over everything that has to do with kids. Sounds bad but it's true and I can't be the only one. It may be the weather/long winter. Makes going outside miserable. Plus I need a vacation, a real obe, nor just a couple days off at home. But I can't tell do much about either of these things at the moment. How do you guys cope?
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Michael 10:58 AM 03-01-2016
Some threads that may relate: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=overwhelmed

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=burnt+out
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Cat Herder 11:00 AM 03-01-2016
Physical exercise and de-stress time.

Evening walks with my DH works wonders for me. I sleep better, I feel like I got out of the "school marm/mom role" for a bit before bedtime, I feel more connected to DH and I feel calmer about life in general.
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Annalee 11:06 AM 03-01-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Physical exercise and de-stress time.

Evening walks with my DH works wonders for me. I sleep better, I feel like I got out of the "school marm/mom role" for a bit before bedtime, I feel more connected to DH and I feel calmer about life in general.
I agree with this, I just need to be more disciplined with walking myself. 30 minutes of steady walking a day does wonders!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 11:15 AM 03-01-2016
Are you getting enough sleep and are you eating nutritious foods? I find that if I'm ensuring that I'm getting both that I am a lot more patient. I tend to add in some fish oil for good measure and vitamin d (seriously helps).
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DaveA 11:18 AM 03-01-2016
Light the forge, grab a big hammer and start pounding. Something about beating on a 1800 degree piece of steel works wonders on the frustrations. I find the focus needed when creating something does wonders to center me.

We bought a portable massage table a couple years ago. Been one of the best purchases we ever made. Either giving or receiving one is just about equally enjoyable. Just the act of being pampered or pampering my wife can really burn off stress and tension.
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Ariana 12:00 PM 03-01-2016
You are not alone!


Just knowing that helps me
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momneedscoffee 12:43 PM 03-01-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Physical exercise and de-stress time.

Evening walks with my DH works wonders for me. I sleep better, I feel like I got out of the "school marm/mom role" for a bit before bedtime, I feel more connected to DH and I feel calmer about life in general.
I need to do that. But it's cold and I hate the cold
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momneedscoffee 12:45 PM 03-01-2016
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Are you getting enough sleep and are you eating nutritious foods? I find that if I'm ensuring that I'm getting both that I am a lot more patient. I tend to add in some fish oil for good measure and vitamin d (seriously helps).
I eat well, but tend to put off / skip meals lately. And sleep may have something to do with it. My 1 yr old has not been sleeping well AT ALL lately
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Cat Herder 12:46 PM 03-01-2016
Originally Posted by momneedscoffee:
I need to do that. But it's cold and I hate the cold
When the weather is too cold we go to the local Y and do laps around the indoor basketball courts (usually vacant, here). Malls are great for that, too... just avoid the food court.
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Controlled Chaos 12:51 PM 03-01-2016
Ditto to what everyone else has said. I hear you on the cold - it just started warming up here and it has done wonders for my mood. I had a super grumpy few months Dec-Jan and what I found helped, was when I got myself snapping at the kids or getting impatient was I took a deep breath and made myself watch and truly appreciate how they are just children. I would mentally go though a list like "Susy is only 2, look how she is so tender with the baby dolls" "Toby is only 3, how do little boys just know how to make car and dino sounds?" "Sara is 1, she misses her momma, it is hard to be so small and control so little in your world, look how she is learning by touching everything" The litany of observations helps me center and appreciate how young the children in my care are and remember they are individual little people who need treated with respect. Hope it warms up near you soon!
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childcaremom 01:28 PM 03-01-2016
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
Ditto to what everyone else has said. I hear you on the cold - it just started warming up here and it has done wonders for my mood. I had a super grumpy few months Dec-Jan and what I found helped, was when I got myself snapping at the kids or getting impatient was I took a deep breath and made myself watch and truly appreciate how they are just children. I would mentally go though a list like "Susy is only 2, look how she is so tender with the baby dolls" "Toby is only 3, how do little boys just know how to make car and dino sounds?" "Sara is 1, she misses her momma, it is hard to be so small and control so little in your world, look how she is learning by touching everything" The litany of observations helps me center and appreciate how young the children in my care are and remember they are individual little people who need treated with respect. Hope it warms up near you soon!
I like this.

I have been feeling in a funk lately, too and find myself feeling the same way. I think the dcks are feeling it, too. We have spent the past two days out as much as possible which has helped everyone's mood.


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Thriftylady 01:57 PM 03-01-2016
It is the weather for me. We have had a nice day here and there, and it works wonders for me. My irritations are usually with my family more than the DCKs though. Poor hubby bears the brunt of my moods. I start out venting, but he rarely takes it that way.
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Unregistered 02:25 PM 03-01-2016
Yes, take time to care for yourself...it's the little things. Whatever you define as relaxing to you. For me it's getting a latte or other coffee drink from the local cafe a few times a week before kids come, eating well, drinking enough water, exercise, buying a magazine and taking time to read it, sitting on my porch whenever it's sunny even if it's chilly for a few minutes, connecting with family and friends, getting outside on the weekends, candlelight, attending interesting classes, etc.

The things that makes each of us happy and helps us to de-stress is different for all of us.

I just saw a post on fb...it said, "The things that are good for your soul, do that."
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Play Care 05:20 AM 03-02-2016
It occurred to me last week that I probably have some degree of SAD, being snappy/irritated, not having energy to do things I typically enjoy, etc. Just kind of recognizing it has made a bit of difference. Though I suspect as it gets nicer and I can get out more it will be even better.

Do you have little ones of your own at home? I found when my own kids were not in school, days "off" felt kind of useless because it wasn't really a "break"
Then I would book a Saturday "off" and let DH take over.

If you have older kids, I would totally take a Friday and Monday off. I usually book a massage or meet a friend for lunch/movie on Friday and Monday would be a stay in jammies day. What ever is going to relax you. It might not be completely perfect but it could help. And it's less expensive than a plane ticket to Key West
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NightOwl 05:38 AM 03-02-2016
Consider a salt rock lamp. They're beautiful and provide some degree of relief for people with SAD. I bought one for my brother in law recently because he struggles with SAD every single winter and he also has kidney cancer, so it's doubly bad this time. Google hymilaian pink salt lamp and you'll find tons of info on its benefits.
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daycarediva 08:30 AM 03-02-2016
If I am cranky, I always change up things with the kids first.

More outside time.
Remove half the toys, replace with boxes.
Balloons, at least 5 per child
glow sticks/finger lights and dancing
PJ & movie day

get them LOTS of gross motor time and join in on the fun.

After hours- schedule days off. Plan something fun for those days (eg. I took a full day off for a dentist appt, planned a movie/lunch date with dh)

Eat well, I usually put my meals aside in the fridge so I can open them and eat something healthy.

Lots of sleep. Every night I take a hot bath, read a book. Sometimes I have a glass of wine if I didn't with dinner. Then I put myself to bed, lights and electronics off.

Install mirrors. Seriously, ever since I did that it made me very mindful of my facial expressions.
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Annalee 09:37 AM 03-02-2016
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
If I am cranky, I always change up things with the kids first.

More outside time.
Remove half the toys, replace with boxes.
Balloons, at least 5 per child
glow sticks/finger lights and dancing
PJ & movie day

get them LOTS of gross motor time and join in on the fun.

After hours- schedule days off. Plan something fun for those days (eg. I took a full day off for a dentist appt, planned a movie/lunch date with dh)

Eat well, I usually put my meals aside in the fridge so I can open them and eat something healthy.

Lots of sleep. Every night I take a hot bath, read a book. Sometimes I have a glass of wine if I didn't with dinner. Then I put myself to bed, lights and electronics off.

Install mirrors. Seriously, ever since I did that it made me very mindful of my facial expressions.
I may try this......
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Miss A 10:25 AM 03-02-2016
You have to make yourself a priority! You are important, and your mental health is important!

I like to look forward to a long, host soak in the tub after a particularly long, trying day. A good book and a Hot soak always make me feel better.

I also meet with a group of friends one night a week for dinner and drinks. It is so relaxing to sit and talk and joke with my friends, and enjoy that time away from the house.

Utilize nap time as your break. On stressful days, instead of cleaning or any other daycare business I usually care for, I will take a book and sit down and read. It helps me to relax and refresh while the kiddos are down for the count.
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Laurel 01:00 PM 03-02-2016
For me it was back to basics with daycare. With the children do what makes YOU happy. For example, I like to color so I give the kids coloring books. I put on music I like. I like to take walks so I took them on walks on the spur of the moment (I live in a warm climate though). Little kids don't really care all that much what they do as long as it is fun. Put the less annoying toys out. Mine loved musical things but they irritated me so I took them out for a while. When I had older kids like 4 or 5 we played beauty parlor as they liked to comb my hair and I loved that. I would do their hair too. That was relaxing to me.

Put out different toys more often to keep them engaged. Along with paper and crayons put out tape, a stapler, stickers, string or yarn, a hole punch, etc. Make your own playdough. It feels sooo good when it is warm in your hands. Give them different tools to use with it than they usually have.

Call a friend or another provider and chat a while. Two provider friends and I used to go to dinner/shop one evening a week.

I take a vitamin B-12 every day. That seems to make me feel better.

Also, evaluate your program. I found that when I had too many babies at a time, it was hard so started taking only one at a time. At one point, near the end (I am retired) I started taking only 3 when I was allowed 6 children. If there is one child who is making things rough then consider replacing. Things like that.
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Thriftylady 04:30 PM 03-02-2016
I clearly need to go to bed early. I was just scrolling threads and read the title as "when your panties dry up"! I hope I don't start having wet ones lol.
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momneedscoffee 06:29 PM 03-02-2016
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
Ditto to what everyone else has said. I hear you on the cold - it just started warming up here and it has done wonders for my mood. I had a super grumpy few months Dec-Jan and what I found helped, was when I got myself snapping at the kids or getting impatient was I took a deep breath and made myself watch and truly appreciate how they are just children. I would mentally go though a list like "Susy is only 2, look how she is so tender with the baby dolls" "Toby is only 3, how do little boys just know how to make car and dino sounds?" "Sara is 1, she misses her momma, it is hard to be so small and control so little in your world, look how she is learning by touching everything" The litany of observations helps me center and appreciate how young the children in my care are and remember they are individual little people who need treated with respect. Hope it warms up near you soon!
I need to remember to think like this. There is tImes I do, and I feel so happy and grateful that I am able to stay home with my 2 babies and care for them. There are times when I appreciate how special and sweet all the kids are. Then there are the times when I want to rip my hair out. I need to take a step back and be thankful for the opportunity I have to care for these little people. I could be stuck behind a desk daydreaming about staying home with my little ones.
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momneedscoffee 06:32 PM 03-02-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
It is the weather for me. We have had a nice day here and there, and it works wonders for me. My irritations are usually with my family more than the DCKs though. Poor hubby bears the brunt of my moods. I start out venting, but he rarely takes it that way.
Yes the weather impacts me more than I realize. Sunny days I feel happy and productive (even if it's cold). Cloudy days I don't feel like doing a damn thing and sometimes dont (beyond what i need to obviously). And the days when I do actively engage with the kids and do different activities are obviously always the better days. Sometimes I just don't do much more than necessary and that's not really fair to the kids.
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momneedscoffee 06:42 PM 03-02-2016
Originally Posted by Play Care:
It occurred to me last week that I probably have some degree of SAD, being snappy/irritated, not having energy to do things I typically enjoy, etc. Just kind of recognizing it has made a bit of difference. Though I suspect as it gets nicer and I can get out more it will be even better.

Do you have little ones of your own at home? I found when my own kids were not in school, days "off" felt kind of useless because it wasn't really a "break"
Then I would book a Saturday "off" and let DH take over.

If you have older kids, I would totally take a Friday and Monday off. I usually book a massage or meet a friend for lunch/movie on Friday and Monday would be a stay in jammies day. What ever is going to relax you. It might not be completely perfect but it could help. And it's less expensive than a plane ticket to Key West
My kids are 3 and 1. So no days off. Or nights. I look forward to the weekends but never really do anything. Usually take care of the kids and do more intense cleaning than I can do during the week and buy groceries. We will usually go out for a meal and do something with the kids -swimming, park, etc. I live in a small Midwest town so there really isn't anything exciting to do.
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momneedscoffee 06:44 PM 03-02-2016
Originally Posted by NightOwl:
Consider a salt rock lamp. They're beautiful and provide some degree of relief for people with SAD. I bought one for my brother in law recently because he struggles with SAD every single winter and he also has kidney cancer, so it's doubly bad this time. Google hymilaian pink salt lamp and you'll find tons of info on its benefits.
Oooh thanks! I'm gonna research that. I've saw a couple things about them recently but didn't know they helped with that!
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momneedscoffee 06:47 PM 03-02-2016
Originally Posted by Miss A:
You have to make yourself a priority! You are important, and your mental health is important!

I like to look forward to a long, host soak in the tub after a particularly long, trying day. A good book and a Hot soak always make me feel better.

I also meet with a group of friends one night a week for dinner and drinks. It is so relaxing to sit and talk and joke with my friends, and enjoy that time away from the house.

Utilize nap time as your break. On stressful days, instead of cleaning or any other daycare business I usually care for, I will take a book and sit down and read. It helps me to relax and refresh while the kiddos are down for the count.
I just took a 3 month old at the beginning of the year so my naptime break has been iffy. There is usuallly at least obe child awake. That may have something to do with my mood. Even 30 minutes to myself really helps!
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Tags:burnt out, overwhelmed, personal day
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