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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Not Daycare Related At All, Just Looking For Input
Francine 07:09 AM 02-18-2012
I'm looking for some input on an idea that I have, I totally understand if some of you think it's a terrible idea if you have other ideas to offer up I am interested in hearing them.

My DD is 8 weeks pregnant, her husband is in the Army stationed in Texas. I am in Michigan, not a hop skip and a jump away unfortunately. We were talking the other day and my DD mentioned a baby shower " if I am even going to get to have one" I so want her to have a shower, she is going to need everything! They have only been in TX for a few months so she doesn't have a huge group of friends there that will throw her a shower but they do have 2 or 3 couples that they get together will quite often, one in particular shares their duplex with them. I have been doing some research on Virtual baby showers but I'm not sure if it will work in this situation. The one idea was to go ahead and have the shower here in Michigan and set up a webcam so that she can watch. I don't want to do that, not only will I then have to ship everything to TX but there are alot of people who would have to travel, I don't want to ask them to travel hours to come to a shower that the "Mom" is not going to be at. All of the people that we would invite understand the situation, I think they would all understand that it's more important for my DD and DH to save his leave time and their money to fly home after the baby is born. They can't do both! Having a shower after the baby is born isn't going to work either because for one they will be flying home so everything would have to be shipped back to TX. AND they are going to need everything right away. I have been thinking about maybe setting up some sort of a web page, somebody suggested creating a Facebook page for the baby. People would have to be invited (somehow), we could link the registrations to the page, DD could post pictures, comments etc. regarding her pregnancy, others could keep updated etc. I would come up with paper invitations too, explaining how this untraditional shower is going to work. We would ask that all gifts or gift cards be shipped to TX. I thought I could contact her closest friend in TX and coordinate a shower with her, she can have maybe a couples shower so there would be more people there. We have family here where I am obviously and both DD and her Dh have family a few hours away from me. Somehow we could set up a couple of locations, one here and one downstate where laptops could be set up to sypke while the shower is going on in TX so that the people who wanted to could watch as she opens the gifts that they have sent.

I don't want this to seem like we are just begging for gifts! The people that would be invited are close personal friends and family that will want to support DD and DH. Would you be offended? Is it just begging for gifts? Do you have any other ideas? PLEASE offer up any suggestions I would love to here them. Thank you! Sorry this is sooooo long!
MsMe 09:08 AM 02-18-2012
I don't have much advice about when and where you should have the party.

but, I do know that your guests could purchase their gifts online..(wal-mart, target, ect...) and have them shipped directly to your DD. Most of the time shipping is free or cheap....wal-mart always has free site to store shipping.

I have done this a couple of times for baby and wedding showers that I was unable to travel too.

Hope this helps!
cheerfuldom 11:53 AM 02-18-2012
I think the whole thing sounds really confusing and I personally would probably not attend a "skype" shower where the mom is not going to be at anyway. I would just send a gift.

I think you should go down to TX (thats not a huge problem, right?) and help coordinate what people are there for a small shower. Then have a another whenever your daughter and baby can visit your home. It might be a few months from now but then you can do a "meet and greet" and people can actually see the baby. You or her can still start the FB page and let people know what the situation is and anyone is welcome to send a gift before hand or just wait till the later shower. (you can find a way to say that without sounding greedy).

I know a lot of first time moms think they need everything right away, but that is not true. There are plenty of things that you don't need to buy right off...large size clothing, feeding supplies, toys, larger size dipes. I would encourage her to start shopping second hand and register for only the must have items. As long as she is thinking of just the basics, it shouldn't be a huge deal for her to wait till a bigger shower later. At the big shower, let everyone know that there is the issue of transporting gifts home so anything purchased online or anything huge can be sent to their house (just print out a picture of the purchase and stick that in the card).
lpperry 12:02 PM 02-18-2012
I don't like the idea of a Skype shower where the mom is not there.

Is there anyway you can afford to fly DD out to you prior to baby's birth to have a shower? Or could she afford just the ticket for herself? There is no reason that her husband would need to come to Michigan for a baby shower. They can save the money for his ticket and his leave.

If just flying DD out for a shower doesn't work, I would just have the baby shower after the baby is born, when they come to visit. How soon are they planing a visit? Babies don't need much when they are newborns. Much of the stuff that you register for and get at a baby shower isn't even used until the baby is older. Your daughter could get a few things that she needs right away and then just wait until after the shower to get the rest. Also, most close family and friends send a gift when the baby is born in addition to at the shower, so if she registers, I am sure she will get some essentials right away.
godiva83 12:30 PM 02-18-2012
I agree, I don't love the idea of a Skype shower. I would wait and have a 'Baby Q' after baby is born and they come home to visit.

Tell your daughter to register somewhere like Walmart that has online shipping and store to store shipping so guests can send her gifts.
Perhaps when sending out the invites explain gifts are not nessecary; however, if you would like to purchase a little something for the baby, she is registered at _____ and the receiving store is _______.

Maybe, email her friend there to see if they are thinking of hosting a shower? Or get your DD to plan a 'diaper poker' night for DH. I did this for my DH and it was a blast. The guys each brought a pack of diapers and we supplied all the drinks and snacks and the guys enjoyed a great guys night before baby came.
cheeseheadmama 02:43 PM 02-18-2012
For my family, we did a "meet the baby party" when my son was about 6 weeks old. We invited ALL the relatives (men & women) and they all loved to coo and gush over the baby. Most brought gifts as if it was a shower and was really wonderful.

Maybe something like that would work when your daughter is able to visit after the baby is born?
Breezy 02:49 PM 02-18-2012
My Dh is in the military and we are stationed in Arizona. Our whole family is in Minnesota. People that wanted to buy gifts just had them sent to me. A few people came to visit before and after the baby was born and took us to dinner and bought big stuff (travel system, swing).
Francine 03:49 PM 02-18-2012
Thank you all for your input, I really appreciate your thoughts and advice.
SandeeAR 11:37 AM 02-19-2012
This is one of the best 2nd hand events to attend.

Check out your area and hers. I go everytime it is here. (November and February). I just spent $250, I got around $800 retail. I bought a toddler bed with mattress (like new) for $20!

There are opportunities to volunteer that get you in on the early shop days. Anytime, is cheaper than retail, but The earlier you attend, the better the choice. And, if you are the first group or two in, you can price shop and get the cheapest priced.
beachgrl 02:30 PM 02-19-2012
Im wondering if there is a website for this like a "virtual shower" since she lives far away where they can have their registered stuff showing and people can pick from it to send directly to her?

They have wedding sites like this where people can "buy" the couple parts of their honeymoon or donate $ to their new home, etc but not sure if there is any sites like that for baby shower type things and even with a wedding if you are invited, it is up to u whether u make it or not so if most won't be able to..maybe just a simple "baby announcement" card with places they are registered at included? idk if that goes against etiquette or not but you would think they would have something for such situations as I know several family members who are not just across the country from all their friends and family but even across the world from them when they are military families.
smb757 03:18 PM 02-19-2012
My brother was in the military and stationed away when my SIL had their first. I can't remember what I called it at the time - a box shower or mail shower. I sent out a letter explaining that she was away, but we could still shower her with our love. I asked that if they wanted to send her a gift to write "do not open until xx/xx" on it. Some people gave me the gifts and I sent a big package of wrapped gifts.

So, she received a bunch of gifts and got to open them the same day.
Francine 04:16 PM 02-19-2012
These last two ideas of sort of what I was thinking, I guess I didn't explain it well in my first post. The skyping would just be for anybody, like close family that might want to come over to my house to watch her open the gifts. One of his sisters could offer that same thing for his side if she wanted to, that part of it isn't really such a big deal. It wouldn't be something that we put on the invitation/letter. I want to do something special for her, she is away from home for the first time and now that she is pregnant she is really feeling the separation. To fly her home for the shower won't work either because 1. I can't afford to do that, I am trying to save money so that I can go to her when she has the baby. I would love to be there for the birth but I don't know how we could swing that unless she has a scheduled C-section. 2. We would then have to ship all of the gifts to TX, not a huge deal for receiving blankets and small stuff but that could really run into quite a bit of money for bigger things. I'm going to do some more research on virtual showers, maybe talk to some other family members to see what they think. It's still early so I do have time but I've got the Grandma bug Thanks again!
blueclouds29 04:25 PM 02-19-2012
I live far away from all my family. When i got pregnant my mom had a baby shower (or get together) for all my family to attend with gifts and what not. (nothing too big) Then when she drove to be here for my DD birth( weeks before) we had another baby shower from my husbands side and my mom brought all the gift I had recieved from the other shower. So I got to open up all the gifts from everyone! It worked out great!
bunnyslippers 03:09 PM 02-20-2012
My cousin-in-law had a virtual shower. I personally did not attend - it was in Maine, and I live in Mass, but it was actually a big hit. All the gifts were ordered online or directly in store and shipped to her. She waited to open them on Skype when everyone was there to watch. Her mom had games and stuff going on that my c-i-l watched on Skype. It wasn't ideal - of course everyone wants to see the mom to be - but it did go off quite well and I know my c-i-l really appreciated it. As a mom of 2...I can't imagine what it would feel like to not have a baby shower! I think you should give it a shot ~
daycare 03:26 PM 02-20-2012
My family all lives very very far away. Some in Egypt, some in Europe, and the one state side are also far away.

I had a virtual shower when my youngest was born. He is now 4.

Everyone sent me gift to my house. It was super hard not to open them when they came. It

My friends that were local, came and set up a shower for me. All of us also created games, prizes and favors. I sent one box of gifts/prizes to Egypt, one to Europe and then the other states, state side too.

Then in Egypt about 20 of my family members got together at my parents place. My mom made a ton of food. Same for those in Europe and state side.

At each place there was someone in charge of the baby shower.

We all logged into a website, I forget what its called, but I can find out for you.

Everyone could see me, but all talk to each other. When it came on, I had to tell everyone to not talk over each other and what to do if we experienced lag. Which we did a few times.

We played games. Typical shower games. Each person in charge started the games at the same time and we ended them at the same time. We then would read the results and choose a winner. They got their prize. it was very very fun and I think that every had a great time.
Everyone got to ohh and ahhh over all of the gifts that I got too as they watched me open them.

Then when the baby came, we had a welcome party. My parents came from Egypt and then again we had another virtual viewing. NO gifts this time. Just to see the new little gift from god....
SilverSabre25 03:33 PM 02-20-2012
Honestly...being from the "Digital Generation" or whatever it's called, I don't mind the idea.

For families/friends that are widespread, and with the prevalence of online shopping, skype, etc, it seems like a natural progression of the thing.

Now, you could fly your DD to you for a shower where you are...people do that all the time. You could specify that due to baggage constraints, it needs to be a gift card shower, or shower where everyone contributes to buy some BIG things that you will then purchase and ship to DD's home, or ask that everyone ship the gifts to DD's home instead of bringing them to the party, or something.

Be creative; in this day and age, few people are actually offended by the different ideas that folks come up with for these "traditional" things.
SilverSabre25 03:36 PM 02-20-2012
Here's a website with some interesting ideas and input on a long distance baby shower
Francine 05:45 AM 02-21-2012
Thank you all so much! I am feeling much better about this now.
Francine 06:03 AM 02-21-2012
I have been thinking about maybe creating a facebook page or a web site of some sort for my DD and the baby. SO that the people that are invited to the shower can follow along with her pregnancy, post comments, see pictures as she progresses etc. BUT I don't want it open to the public, I want it to be by invite like the Weight Watchers Facebook page that I am a member of, I had to request an invite I think. Does anybody know anything about this, there is a "create a page" tab on the facebook page I don't know if I just do that. The main thing is that I don't want just anybody to be able to get into it, I want it by invite only. Any ideas?
Breezy 07:32 AM 02-21-2012
When my dh was deployed they had a private group page by invite only for his squadron to post info about coming home, comments from the guys like asking qho wants to go eat at the chow hall. So, it can be done! Not sure how though. Sorry im not much help.
Tags:assistance, gifts, military, shower - skype, skype. monitor, wedding - shower
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