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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>It Is Like Banging Your Head Against The Wall Repeatedly
DancingQueen 05:06 AM 10-01-2010
the rule is NO TOYS COME INTO MY DAYCARE
There is no reason for it.
Why is it so difficult?
Parent: "he isn't quite himself today but he promised not to cry when I leave if I let him bring in two toys. I told him he could only bring in one but he made was really upset so I told him only if he promised not to cry when I left"
These aren't little toys. One is a huge Thomas the tank engine and another is a car that goes when you push buttons.
So what happened? She left and he cried. Duh!
He cried for 20 seconds. Then I took the toys away and put them on the counter.
He asked if he could have them and I said "Chase, you know the rules. You cannot bring your toys into my house. When you bring toys here I take them from you and put them on the counter all day"
he said "mommy said I could have them"
is it so hard to say no to your kids? Really? Cuz I've perfected the art of saying no to my kids - just ask them. I'm the meanest mom in the world. I'm sure I'm ruining them.
There is no reason for it.
Why is it so difficult?
Parent: "he isn't quite himself today but he promised not to cry when I leave if I let him bring in two toys. I told him he could only bring in one but he made was really upset so I told him only if he promised not to cry when I left"
These aren't little toys. One is a huge Thomas the tank engine and another is a car that goes when you push buttons.
So what happened? She left and he cried. Duh!
He cried for 20 seconds. Then I took the toys away and put them on the counter.
He asked if he could have them and I said "Chase, you know the rules. You cannot bring your toys into my house. When you bring toys here I take them from you and put them on the counter all day"
he said "mommy said I could have them"
is it so hard to say no to your kids? Really? Cuz I've perfected the art of saying no to my kids - just ask them. I'm the meanest mom in the world. I'm sure I'm ruining them.
Childminder 06:18 AM 10-01-2010
My home my rules. I take them from the child and give back to parent BEFORE they leave. Make me the bad guy, I really don't care.
missnikki 06:28 AM 10-01-2010
I've had this happen. Here's what I did. The kid brought a stuffed kitty to me at drop off to show me. I praised it and said, "Now give the kitty to mommy so she can keep it safe." Mom said "She's going to leave it here. I told her she can bring it." (Policy, handbook, interview..yadda yadda...) I said "Well, any toy that is here is for everyone to play with, and may get lost or ruined. We don't want that to happen to kitty, so give it to mom."
About 15 minutes later, guess what the girl was playing with- you guessed it.
I took it away and boy, did the waterworks come out. I was very annoyed. (Not at the girl.)
When mom picked up that day, I told her that I couldn't help but notice the kitty was left here. She smiled a big smile and said, "Yeah, I told her to play nice with it and to be careful." I told mom "And I told her that if she wants to bring a toy in to play with, it will live here from now on. Unless you are donating a toy, leave it home. In the future, let's try to stay on the same page and work together, so that we don't end up sending mixed signals anymore, ok?"
About 15 minutes later, guess what the girl was playing with- you guessed it.
I took it away and boy, did the waterworks come out. I was very annoyed. (Not at the girl.)
When mom picked up that day, I told her that I couldn't help but notice the kitty was left here. She smiled a big smile and said, "Yeah, I told her to play nice with it and to be careful." I told mom "And I told her that if she wants to bring a toy in to play with, it will live here from now on. Unless you are donating a toy, leave it home. In the future, let's try to stay on the same page and work together, so that we don't end up sending mixed signals anymore, ok?"
DancingQueen 07:07 AM 10-01-2010
The problem is that mom has to hand a crying kid to me every morning. I am prying him out of her arms. And he is screaming and kicking as she walks out the door - but is fine in 1 minute (sometimes less).
So I can't talk to him during drop off - or rationalize with him.
The longer mom stays the worst drop off is and if I took the toy from him and handed it to her during drop off she'd stay another 10 minutes to console him.
Which won't work because he won't stop crying til she leaves.
Why doesn't she get this?
So I can't talk to him during drop off - or rationalize with him.
The longer mom stays the worst drop off is and if I took the toy from him and handed it to her during drop off she'd stay another 10 minutes to console him.
Which won't work because he won't stop crying til she leaves.
Why doesn't she get this?
Jewels 07:07 AM 10-01-2010
I have it in my policies also for the children not to bring toys from home, it causes alot of jealousy, and they don't like to share toys that are their own, That being said, if a child brings a toy, unless it causes a huge scene right away, I just take it away after the parent is gone, They are just trying to make their day easier getting out of the house with their kid, I have no problem saying no to my child, He also says I'm mean all the time, But when it was 6:30am in the morning and he already throws huge fits to leave for daycare (under the age of 2) he hated it, and I never hung around, I would drop him in the door and walk away, and call later, and sometimes he would stop after a couple minutes, but she would tell me that alot of times he cried for 15 minutes, I had to go to work, and I always felt extremly guilty, I hated leaving him, And if not ripping a toy out of his hand before going to daycare in the morning made it a little easier for him and I, I didn't care, I didn't care if it got lost either, and I didn't care if she took it away from him, If she would have taken it away from him and given it to me, and made him more upset right in front of me, my guilt would have been even worse, It would have really made me upset, Its a stupid toy, by all means, take it away after I leave and let him cry while I'm not there to feel more guilty, what I don't know makes my day easier. So whatever parents do to make their mornings easier dropping their kids off, doesn't bother me, I'm not going to make them get mad over a toy. My daycare lady knew how hard it was for me, all I wanted to do was be home with my son, and thats where I am now, I know 3 out of 5 of my daycare parents are strict with their kids, and they get No's all the time, But I know its important for their mornings to go good so they can get to work on time, so they can earn their income, so they can pay me.
tenderhearts 07:23 AM 10-01-2010
Omg I had issues with this too, why can't parents say NO, that is the rules. I had 2 parents let them bring the toys in on several occassions and said ok, Michelle can tell you no toys, WHAT
they are the parents why can't they do their job. So then one of the boys was 4 he totally knows, he'd say why can't I bring it, it's just a book, or it's just this or that, I'd have to explain, why should I? This mom did this several times, the other boys dad truly did it to spite me, I would just hand it back and he'd laugh whatever. I don't understand why parents just can't say no, the mom always said I just know you're going to tell him so instead of me having to argue with him and listen to him cry and complain I just let you take care of it I don't get it. All of my parents now follow the rules great and I don't have to say anything to anyone anymore.
they are the parents why can't they do their job. So then one of the boys was 4 he totally knows, he'd say why can't I bring it, it's just a book, or it's just this or that, I'd have to explain, why should I? This mom did this several times, the other boys dad truly did it to spite me, I would just hand it back and he'd laugh whatever. I don't understand why parents just can't say no, the mom always said I just know you're going to tell him so instead of me having to argue with him and listen to him cry and complain I just let you take care of it I don't get it. All of my parents now follow the rules great and I don't have to say anything to anyone anymore.
Unregistered 05:38 AM 10-02-2010
When we first opened we didn't have a rule in place but within a month we had to stop allowing toys from home. Too much crying & fighting, too many broken toys. We still have 2 parents that will let their children bring in home toys. And we respond the same way everytime - we remove the toy immediately and the majority of the time, the child is fine with it after a brief crying bit.
The only time we occasionally bend the rules is if when a new child arrives and they have a stuffed animal or "lovey" that they need to carry for security. We will usually let them carry them for a few weeks or until they no longer cry when they are dropped off. And oddly enough, we've never had a problem with other children trying to take these away. They seem to have a built-in knowlege that these are off-limits & will even return them to the child if they come across them on the floor.
The only time we occasionally bend the rules is if when a new child arrives and they have a stuffed animal or "lovey" that they need to carry for security. We will usually let them carry them for a few weeks or until they no longer cry when they are dropped off. And oddly enough, we've never had a problem with other children trying to take these away. They seem to have a built-in knowlege that these are off-limits & will even return them to the child if they come across them on the floor.
Lucy 01:31 PM 10-02-2010
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
The only time we occasionally bend the rules is if when a new child arrives and they have a stuffed animal or "lovey" that they need to carry for security. We will usually let them carry them for a few weeks or until they no longer cry when they are dropped off. And oddly enough, we've never had a problem with other children trying to take these away. They seem to have a built-in knowlege that these are off-limits & will even return them to the child if they come across them on the floor.
That is so true. I have a now-eleven year-old girl who has been here since 3 months old. Others have come and gone during her time here, but at no time did any of them have a problem with her "Teddy" (which she still has, btw!) They just instinctively know which "special" items belong with which kid, and will hand it to them. I've had kids with a stuffed cow, a soft stuffed baby doll, etc., and everybody knows who it belongs to and they don't touch it, except as a favor to return it to the owner. So sweet.The only time we occasionally bend the rules is if when a new child arrives and they have a stuffed animal or "lovey" that they need to carry for security. We will usually let them carry them for a few weeks or until they no longer cry when they are dropped off. And oddly enough, we've never had a problem with other children trying to take these away. They seem to have a built-in knowlege that these are off-limits & will even return them to the child if they come across them on the floor.
Now, toys are a different story. When they bring a car, fire truck, etc. that moves and makes noise and is fun to play with, it definitely causes problems. I would really prefer those stay home, but I have all long-term clients (3 yrs, 6 yrs, 11 yrs and younger siblings of all of them) and I can't really say no all of a sudden. So I just tell them they have to be willing to share, and if they don't, it gets put up. Many, many times I have put them up and told the mom it got put up. But many times they play very nicely with it and even ask the other one first "can I play with your..." The bigger ones have brought DS's and the games that go with it, and they are so good about letting the others use their games. They even let them play their DS if asked. I have a good group.
Crystal 01:40 PM 10-02-2010
I used to get alot of " I couldn't get it away from him" I'd look at the child, hold my hand out and say "give me the (insert name of toy or food here) please." And not once has a child EVER refused to give it to me or cry about it. I'd then hand it over to the parent. I cannot understand how a parent cannot "get it away" from a two or three year old.
That being siad, I would tell Mom that the rule is that no toys are allowed to be brought from home and to not let it happen again. We do not bribe children not to cry.
That being siad, I would tell Mom that the rule is that no toys are allowed to be brought from home and to not let it happen again. We do not bribe children not to cry.
boysx5 03:05 PM 10-02-2010
I have one mom that would let her kids bring the kitchen sink if I let them anything not to ever say no to her girls
Jewels 06:31 PM 10-02-2010
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
The only time we occasionally bend the rules is if when a new child arrives and they have a stuffed animal or "lovey" that they need to carry for security. We will usually let them carry them for a few weeks or until they no longer cry when they are dropped off. And oddly enough, we've never had a problem with other children trying to take these away. They seem to have a built-in knowlege that these are off-limits & will even return them to the child if they come across them on the floor.
All of my kids have a special lovey or blanket they bring or have to keep here everyday, and no kids every try to touch these, The only time they touch them is to bring them back to their rightful owner, they just know these are special, and I like to have all my kids have one special item at my house, that is just theirs, that they don't have to let anyone else touch, my own kids have all the items in their bedrooms they dont have to share and their loveys, so its only fair to me, for every child to have something, but not toys.The only time we occasionally bend the rules is if when a new child arrives and they have a stuffed animal or "lovey" that they need to carry for security. We will usually let them carry them for a few weeks or until they no longer cry when they are dropped off. And oddly enough, we've never had a problem with other children trying to take these away. They seem to have a built-in knowlege that these are off-limits & will even return them to the child if they come across them on the floor.
BentleysBands 05:40 AM 10-04-2010
seems like an ongoing problem for us all 
I will allow the toy so the parent can just go but yep, once mom is gone
either the toy is shared or taken. I really dont care anymore...many times mom comes and we are scrambling to find a toy...too bad, u lost it . its so sad that because of parents lack of being a parent , the child suffers
I will allow the toy so the parent can just go but yep, once mom is gone
either the toy is shared or taken. I really dont care anymore...many times mom comes and we are scrambling to find a toy...too bad, u lost it . its so sad that because of parents lack of being a parent , the child suffers
countrymom 11:37 AM 10-04-2010
I had a little boy bring upsy daisy the other day, and I had 3 boys and 1 girl fight over that toy, sadly i had to remove it.
bgmeyers 12:27 PM 10-04-2010
How about something like this:
Effective immediately, I am enforcing the no toys from home rule. If a toy is brought into my home it will be considered a donation to the daycare.
Effective immediately, I am enforcing the no toys from home rule. If a toy is brought into my home it will be considered a donation to the daycare.
MarinaVanessa 12:46 PM 10-04-2010
I had a toy kitty incident here too, and a baby doll incident as well. Even though I have said over and over that you can't bring it they still did so you know what I did? I let them bring their toys and inspected them as they came in for small parts, dangers, age appropriateness etc. I had them all sign waivers that said that I was not responsible for the well-being of the toys that were brought from home. If they became damaged, oh well.
Do you know what happened to kitty and baby doll? Kitty (a plush toy) took a bath in my toilet and when I hung him outside to dry on the fence the littles used a ball to knock him down and he landed in my garden and ended up full of mud. I left him there (there was chicken wire around it so they couldn't get him out). When DCM came at pick-up and asked for kitty I said "Oh yes, let me get him" and stuffed him in a plastic bag. This mom never brought anything here again.
Baby doll ended up with crayon on his face, no clothes and was ripped apart on the first day he was here also. 'Till this day I still have no idea where his clothes ended up. Last time this DCM brought anything also.
No matter how many times you try to tell them, they don't listen and they have to learn the hard way.
Do you know what happened to kitty and baby doll? Kitty (a plush toy) took a bath in my toilet and when I hung him outside to dry on the fence the littles used a ball to knock him down and he landed in my garden and ended up full of mud. I left him there (there was chicken wire around it so they couldn't get him out). When DCM came at pick-up and asked for kitty I said "Oh yes, let me get him" and stuffed him in a plastic bag. This mom never brought anything here again.
Baby doll ended up with crayon on his face, no clothes and was ripped apart on the first day he was here also. 'Till this day I still have no idea where his clothes ended up. Last time this DCM brought anything also.
No matter how many times you try to tell them, they don't listen and they have to learn the hard way.
DCMom 05:32 AM 10-05-2010
It used to bug me, now I don't let it.
If you bring it, you share it. If you don't want to share it, it goes in your cubby. 99% of the time, the child is asking me to put it in his cubby in the first half hour of arrival and it is forgotten until pick up.
Then of course, the fit starts until the child gets the toy and we come full circle in the day
If you bring it, you share it. If you don't want to share it, it goes in your cubby. 99% of the time, the child is asking me to put it in his cubby in the first half hour of arrival and it is forgotten until pick up.
Then of course, the fit starts until the child gets the toy and we come full circle in the day
momofsix 05:50 AM 10-05-2010
I'm the odd one here in that I really don't care if the kids bring toys or not. They know if they bring it they need to share, and they know I will NOT be searching for it at the end of the day-anything that happens to it is their problem. It hasn't really caused any problems for me, though sometimes I do wonder what the parents are thinking when the kid brings his whole toybox!
Blackcat31 01:52 PM 10-07-2010
Originally Posted by Childminder:
My home my rules. I take them from the child and give back to parent BEFORE they leave. Make me the bad guy, I really don't care.
Yep! Me too! I don't care if I have to be the bad guy...someone has too!My home my rules. I take them from the child and give back to parent BEFORE they leave. Make me the bad guy, I really don't care.
I had huge issues with this too but I came up with a great solution....I tell the kids that if they want to bring a toy they can, but the catch is that once it comes into my house it can not leave and now belongs to me. After everyone graciously "gave" me one or two toys I never had that problem again. At least not with the same kid!