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Unregistered 01:04 PM 01-02-2015
Hi all! I am a registered user, but for some reason can not get my password reset.
I'm looking for advice on how to handle a situation.

I have a family that has been with me for over 4 years. They are amazing clients. Pay on on time, drop off and pick up when they say, etc. I love this family! So what's the problem right?
Their ds is my nightmare! He is 17 months old and a handful! He throws toys (very well that he has broken things) he hits (people and animals) and scratches. I have tried everything with him, even timeouts and positive reinforcements. I tell this child no, and that it is not nice or acceptable to throw, hit, etc... But he is 17 months old and laughs at me and the proceeds to slap me in the face.

I now have other dcf's complaining about this child and I fear are on the verge of leaving.

This behavior of his has been going on for months and only gets worse. When I have addressed it to the parents, they tell me about the other things he has done at home. And tell me what THEY do to discipline. None of which I am willing to do at my daycare (let alone to my own children).

I'm curious to see how you would handle this?

Right now I'm going to have a talk with them and basically give them a warning, but I don't know if i should threaten a suspension, or full termination.
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daycare 01:14 PM 01-02-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi all! I am a registered user, but for some reason can not get my password reset.
I'm looking for advice on how to handle a situation.

I have a family that has been with me for over 4 years. They are amazing clients. Pay on on time, drop off and pick up when they say, etc. I love this family! So what's the problem right?
Their ds is my nightmare! He is 17 months old and a handful! He throws toys (very well that he has broken things) he hits (people and animals) and scratches. I have tried everything with him, even timeouts and positive reinforcements. I tell this child no, and that it is not nice or acceptable to throw, hit, etc... But he is 17 months old and laughs at me and the proceeds to slap me in the face.

I now have other dcf's complaining about this child and I fear are on the verge of leaving.

This behavior of his has been going on for months and only gets worse. When I have addressed it to the parents, they tell me about the other things he has done at home. And tell me what THEY do to discipline. None of which I am willing to do at my daycare (let alone to my own children).

I'm curious to see how you would handle this?

Right now I'm going to have a talk with them and basically give them a warning, but I don't know if i should threaten a suspension, or full termination.
I had this same exact situation a few years back.

dcks was the youngest of 3 and the dcf had been with me for about 4 years prior.

DCK was spoiled rotten to the core. When I discussed it with the family they told me what they were doing, which was a lot of spanking. I told them that of course I would and could not spank any child in my care and that we needed to decided on something together that works here and at home.

I told them that if they always used spanking for every little thing, the child learned to not care about it anymore. It also made my job harder, because what was I going to do? One day dck at age 2 kicked my cat in the stomach, looked up at me and said you can't spank me. That was dcks last and final day.

I never got complaints from the other parents, but I am sure if she stayed long enough something would have happened and it would not have been good.

If I were you, I would have a very serious sit down and tell the parents what a huge issue it is becoming for your other clients. You guys need to all be on the same page as far as what the consequences will be if the child hits, kicks, scratches and etc.

then put them on probation. Tell them that over the next 3 weeks you need to see some drastic changes in DCKs behavior for the better or you will have no choice but to let them go.

I became friends with the dcf I mentioned above and the parents still to this day have all the same issues as before. DCM actually quit work to stay at home with dcg, she was that bad that no one will take her....sad
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Kabob 01:26 PM 01-02-2015
If I were going to lose other families over another child's ongoing behavior, I'd terminate.

If you want to keep this child, I'd tell the family that they have X amount of days to help you curb the child's behavior or he'll have to leave.

I'd nicely tell them that my daycare no longer is a good fit. He needs a nanny, one-on-one, etc.

Time-outs at this age aren't really that effective. Whenever I have a physically aggressive child at this age, I give them a separate area to play in for the remainder of that activity if they choose to harm their friends. I tell them "No hit. Hitting hurts." And then move them to their play area and tell them to go play. They basically lose the privilege to do that particular activity if they are harming their friends. They also become my shadow until I see improvement. They are never left alone with another child or out of my reach. I managed to curb a biter this way.

Some people on here also will call parents for pick up if they hit/bite/etc X (however many times you choose) amount of times. Puts the responsibility back on the parents.

This age unfortunately can be tricky...

They need to know the behavior is not acceptable for group play but give them too much attention for the behavior and it becomes a game...
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Kabob 01:32 PM 01-02-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
I had this same exact situation a few years back.

dcks was the youngest of 3 and the dcf had been with me for about 4 years prior.

DCK was spoiled rotten to the core. When I discussed it with the family they told me what they were doing, which was a lot of spanking. I told them that of course I would and could not spank any child in my care and that we needed to decided on something together that works here and at home.

I told them that if they always used spanking for every little thing, the child learned to not care about it anymore. It also made my job harder, because what was I going to do? One day dck at age 2 kicked my cat in the stomach, looked up at me and said you can't spank me. That was dcks last and final day.

I never got complaints from the other parents, but I am sure if she stayed long enough something would have happened and it would not have been good.

If I were you, I would have a very serious sit down and tell the parents what a huge issue it is becoming for your other clients. You guys need to all be on the same page as far as what the consequences will be if the child hits, kicks, scratches and etc.

then put them on probation. Tell them that over the next 3 weeks you need to see some drastic changes in DCKs behavior for the better or you will have no choice but to let them go.

I became friends with the dcf I mentioned above and the parents still to this day have all the same issues as before. DCM actually quit work to stay at home with dcg, she was that bad that no one will take her....sad
Sorry I didn't see your post first!

I find the older the child the harder it is to deal with...I like my under 4 age group right now! Some kids are just tough to teach at any age but the older they get the more set in their ways they seem to get...

Ugh...this is why I keep my cats away from the daycare area...they are old and I would be livid if someone kicked them. Sorry that child was so difficult.
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Leigh 01:50 PM 01-02-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
I had this same exact situation a few years back.

dcks was the youngest of 3 and the dcf had been with me for about 4 years prior.

DCK was spoiled rotten to the core. When I discussed it with the family they told me what they were doing, which was a lot of spanking. I told them that of course I would and could not spank any child in my care and that we needed to decided on something together that works here and at home.

I told them that if they always used spanking for every little thing, the child learned to not care about it anymore. It also made my job harder, because what was I going to do? One day dck at age 2 kicked my cat in the stomach, looked up at me and said you can't spank me. That was dcks last and final day.

I never got complaints from the other parents, but I am sure if she stayed long enough something would have happened and it would not have been good.

If I were you, I would have a very serious sit down and tell the parents what a huge issue it is becoming for your other clients. You guys need to all be on the same page as far as what the consequences will be if the child hits, kicks, scratches and etc.

then put them on probation. Tell them that over the next 3 weeks you need to see some drastic changes in DCKs behavior for the better or you will have no choice but to let them go.

I became friends with the dcf I mentioned above and the parents still to this day have all the same issues as before. DCM actually quit work to stay at home with dcg, she was that bad that no one will take her....sad

I have found that kids who are hit at home are the WORST to deal with at daycare. I try to weed those kids out at interviews. When their parents hit them, they quickly figure out that you won't, and there is no deterrent for bad behavior. They never learn how to control themselves because there are no consequences beyond getting smacked, and they know that won't happen at daycare. Their parents don't MODEL self control (since most parents hit their kids when they reach a breaking point themselves).

IMO, it's not worth trying when the parents hit-I, personally, have found nothing to motivate these kids.
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daycare 02:03 PM 01-02-2015
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I have found that kids who are hit at home are the WORST to deal with at daycare. I try to weed those kids out at interviews. When their parents hit them, they quickly figure out that you won't, and there is no deterrent for bad behavior. They never learn how to control themselves because there are no consequences beyond getting smacked, and they know that won't happen at daycare. Their parents don't MODEL self control (since most parents hit their kids when they reach a breaking point themselves).

IMO, it's not worth trying when the parents hit-I, personally, have found nothing to motivate these kids.
I couldn't agree more. I just don't understand how you can say don't hit, but then you turn around and hit the kid yourself. UGH it is a frustrating thing to understand. I as a parent do not use spanking. However, to each their own.

I don't know if any of my current DCFs spank their kids, but I also don't have any kids that act out in that manner anymore.

and I so agree that the parents have to model the behavior they expect in return.
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Michael 02:15 PM 01-02-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi all! I am a registered user, but for some reason can not get my password reset.
I sent you a password reminder. Let me know if you received it. You can also email me at michael@ccin.com if you want to change the password through me.
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Unregistered 02:41 PM 01-02-2015
I got the email,many i clicked the link and it says I'll get an email with my new password, but never get that email
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Controlled Chaos 06:33 PM 01-02-2015
I would give them until a specific date that the behavior needs to stop or they are terminated.

That's a hard age. Do you have a play yard? Or way to gate off a small area for dck to play alone?
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Sunchimes 08:33 PM 01-02-2015
Time may be a factor here, but in the last year, I've had 2 kids with rage issues. Through ECI, we got one enrolled in anger management therapy. It worked wonders. We didn't enroll the other child because our therapists are so willing to share information to help me with all of my kids. Somewhere, I have a handout of tips. If I can find it, I'd be happy to post it here or send a copy.

If the parents are on board, I highly recommend contacting your local ECI.
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Tags:bad behavior, disruptive behaviors, mixed ages, spanking
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