My 21 month old DD has been going to the same daycare since she was 7 months old. She has been well-behaved until recently. It just so happens that at the same time she started to misbehave the daycare took in two new babies, 4 months and 7 months old. Prior to this DD was the baby for over a year. She is the baby at home, and her brother is 11 years older.

Now DD throws herself back on the floor and has full on temper tantrums. The daycare has said that they have caught her biting herself, and she has even hit the daycare provider. When I drop her off, when another kid has a toy or book that she wants, or when she changes an activity she cries really loud, goes limp, or throws herself backwards on the floor. She also takes toys from the babies, and has a hard time sharing.

She does not have a problem focusing. She can be at her puzzles for hours, and she loves sitting down for a story, but it appears that when the other babies are getting attention, or she has to go from one activity to the other, or she can’t have what she wants she loses it! The daycare provider keeps telling me that this is not normal (something every parent wants to hear, right?)

DD tried throwing these tantrums at home, and I put DD in her room and left her alone to calm down. I told her I understand she is upset, but I cannot help her when she acts like this. When she calmed down, I picked her up and told her I understand that she has very big feelings and that things can be tough, but I can only help her when she is calm. I then try to predict how she feels, and ask questions: “Are you tired”, “Hungry”, “Frustrated”, or “Do you need help”. Then I tell her that she needs to ask. She is getting better at asking and these tantrums almost never happen anymore. The only time I witness these is when I drop her off at daycare.

The daycare tells me that she is being punished 3+ times a day. I took her to the Dr. for a behavior appointment. The doctor thinks it is jealousy, and that she is acting out for attention. She said that my daughter is at the age when parents usually have a second baby, and that this is normal reaction to the new situation. She recommended that I tell the daycare how I handle it and recommend they do the same. My daughter used to love going there, and now she freaks out when I drop her off. The woman at the daycare (who has only been open for 2 ½ years) keeps telling me that my daughter is not normal, and has even asked for a copy of the doctor’s report. She says none of her other kids acted this way. (They are both 6 months older than my DD, and were about a year when my DD came in) I don’t know what to do. My DD is having a tough time with the change, and I don’t want to shuffle her around from daycare to daycare. Help!

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