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Parents and Guardians Forum>What Do About Unprofessional Daycare Director And Teachers?
Unregistered 12:49 PM 10-22-2010
My 4 yr old son attends a daycare preschool program full time. The director says that he is not consistently raising his hand during group time, doesn't follow directions and is occassionally aggressive. When asked to provide documentation, for example, I found out that it's interrupting 4 times during a 10 hour day. They are putting him in frequent and lengthy time outs. They told me that the next time, they're going to ask him to leave group voluntarily and that he can come back when he's ready to not interrupt. He's trying to answer questions she is asking and he is very intelligent. I've found out from other children's parents that they are doing it too, but director does nothing to their kids. When I've discussed his day with teacher, teacher tells director that they're uncomfortable talking to me. If I don't ask, the teacher complains to the director that I don't care. No matter what I say or do, the teacher and director aren't happy. Director yells at me and only reports negative things about my son. Son isn't doing anything bad outside of school. I thought preschools were suppose to teach kids how to take turns, etc? They are punitively punishing him! They are now trying to say that I'm disrespectful to the teachers, which is a lie. I think they are trying to force us out, because director has never addressed other parents about their kids behaviors that are worse. How should I handle the teachers and director unprofessional behavior with myself and my son?
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Blackcat31 01:41 PM 10-22-2010
I'd find a new preschool.
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MN Mom 08:08 PM 10-22-2010
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My 4 yr old son attends a daycare preschool program full time. The director says that he is not consistently raising his hand during group time, doesn't follow directions and is occassionally aggressive. When asked to provide documentation, for example, I found out that it's interrupting 4 times during a 10 hour day. They are putting him in frequent and lengthy time outs. They told me that the next time, they're going to ask him to leave group voluntarily and that he can come back when he's ready to not interrupt. He's trying to answer questions she is asking and he is very intelligent. I've found out from other children's parents that they are doing it too, but director does nothing to their kids. When I've discussed his day with teacher, teacher tells director that they're uncomfortable talking to me. If I don't ask, the teacher complains to the director that I don't care. No matter what I say or do, the teacher and director aren't happy. Director yells at me and only reports negative things about my son. Son isn't doing anything bad outside of school. I thought preschools were suppose to teach kids how to take turns, etc? They are punitively punishing him! They are now trying to say that I'm disrespectful to the teachers, which is a lie. I think they are trying to force us out, because director has never addressed other parents about their kids behaviors that are worse. How should I handle the teachers and director unprofessional behavior with myself and my son?
Not to jump down your throat, but the bold and underlined part bother me.

NO it is not the school or daycare's JOB to teach your son manners. They are to reinforce what SHOULD be taught at home, by you the parent. You should also not be concerned with the punishment (or perceived lack thereof) of other children. That is between the daycare / preschool and the parents of those children. Be more concerned about your son, his behavior and working with the facility to correct that behavior.

Far too often today's parents expect the schools and daycare's to raise their children for them. That is why society has taken a turn for the worse (opinion here, not fact). Children are no longer raised by parents, but an institution...and how can a child truly learn about personal responsibility, caring, respect, thoughtfulness, and love from an institution? They can learn the basics and the ideals somewhat, but an institution doesn't love...a parent does! Children learn what they see, and mimic their elders. Be responsible, BE the parent.

If you are not happy with this program, for whatever reason, it's probably best to find a new facility that will meet your needs / wants.
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QualiTcare 11:39 PM 10-22-2010
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'd find a new preschool.
i agree.

MN mom, i think you're digging a little deep. the OP didn't say she expected the preschool to raise her child, but she thought they were supposed to teach how to take turns. she's exactly right.

i'm a teacher and i still send my son to preschool because it doesn't matter that i can teach him manners, how to read, write, etc - i can't possibly teach him how to socialize with peers from home. i can teach 20 children in a classroom how to do that, but not a 4 year old who is at home alone with me.

to the OP: if the teachers are saying you're disrespectful, etc. u might as well find a new preschool. they obviously don't like you (warranted or not) and their feelings toward you WILL be reflected on how they treat your child. it's sad, but it's true. get him out of there.
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MN Mom 11:58 AM 10-23-2010
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
i agree.

MN mom, i think you're digging a little deep. the OP didn't say she expected the preschool to raise her child, but she thought they were supposed to teach how to take turns. she's exactly right.

i'm a teacher and i still send my son to preschool because it doesn't matter that i can teach him manners, how to read, write, etc - i can't possibly teach him how to socialize with peers from home. i can teach 20 children in a classroom how to do that, but not a 4 year old who is at home alone with me.

to the OP: if the teachers are saying you're disrespectful, etc. u might as well find a new preschool. they obviously don't like you (warranted or not) and their feelings toward you WILL be reflected on how they treat your child. it's sad, but it's true. get him out of there.
Yep, you are right. I was probably digging too deep. But like I said, the bolded part bothers me. My son is 4, not in school, and knows how to take turns, say please and thank you, and respect his peers and elders. /shrug. I guess I'm just upset at parents who expect those things to be taught at school / daycare but refuse to teach them at home..or even compromise and work with the schools to mold them.

Thanks for reeling me back in. Though, it may not be the case with this mother (we don't know beyond what was posted anonymously)...I still maintain that many parents in today's society expect manners and life skills to be taught by anyone but them.
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Unregistered 07:24 PM 10-25-2010
Thanks everyone for your replies, but my son was terminated today just as I suspected they were going to do.
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Unregistered 06:30 AM 11-02-2010
MN Mom - This might be off-topic, and I do not want to cause any hard feelings, but I have to ask. What does it matter if the parent posted anon. or not? Many people (incl. myself) post this way because maybe we could be parents fearful we might cause unnecessary hard feelings w/our dcp (could trickle down to the kid's care) or if we work at a dc, possibly losing our job. This site can be a lifeline to both parents AND dcp. When someone is posting specific questions or details, it might not be too hard to figure out the parent or dcp - especially if they are a member & their history of comments can easily be searched. If you aren't worried, then that's wonderful for you, but not all posters are that way - especially if they are a parent criticizing a dcp or a dcp discussing a parent/child.

Honestly, even if someone is a member, it doesn't mean that what they are posting is 100% the truth. If posting anon., is allowed on a web site, then they deserve respectful answers or comments. I mean, they are anon., not blind - they can still read the comments that question their honesty. And it might be just the thing that stops them from coming back.
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Unregistered 07:11 PM 11-08-2010
The following items are concerning:
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
1. is occassionally aggressive.
2. They are putting him in frequent and lengthy time outs.
3. Director yells at me and only reports negative things about my son.
#1 tells me that your son isn't doing well in this scenario - please find a different place.
#2 he is 4 and his time outs should not be longer than 4 minutes. I have found 2 minutes is more than enough with most children. If he is being aggressive and cannot calm himself down in 4 minutes then there are probably bigger issues going on.
#3 Inexcusable. Interaction between parent and director should never be a shouting match. Is this yelling going on in front of the children? If it is, RUN to another facility.

Some children can't handle a room filled with other children and will thrive in a smaller Daycare situation. I would look for PreK's and Preschools that have less than 12 children per class as well.

I hope you can find a better match for your boy. He should be happy wherever he is going. This is, after all his first introduction to School.
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