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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Small Community Gossip and What To Do
Familycare71 08:51 AM 09-07-2013
It has been quite the sat!!! Ugh-
I recently enrolled a 7 yr old dcb for before school and after. I met with his dad and step mom originally (who he is staying with during school week) and met with mom separately on fri. All went well and they dropped off the paperwork.
Mind you I live in a SMALL community- less than 100 kids per class small!- this am I get a call from step mom and she tells me that a woman who says she is my neighbor is telling dcb mom that I have numerous violations, that I have 6 dogs (5 really but never near dck) and that I smoke (I do but again not around dck). I figure out who this neighbor is and she is a sahm who has been trying to get some kids to watch.
So I decide I'm done with gossip and he said she said and go to the field where they are talking (flag football). I ask dcb mom what's going on and she says that Tracey (my neighbor) said that I have a bunch of dogs ( which I confirm but point out never near dck) and that I smoke but that she smokes too so she knows I don't in my house because she would have smelled it (I confirm NEVER in my home or around dck) and that I had a bunch of past violations. So at this point I ask Tracey to come over- she says no but then comes. She said well I did hear that you have had violations but that she wasn't trying to start anything and didnt say anything bad and blah blah blah- I said: if you have concerns with my daycare it would probably be better to come to me than spread rumors. She said: no, no I don't have problems I was just saying! She walked alway and I said to dcm and dcd that I was at the field because this is my lively good and what I plan on doing for my career. That I am not willing to start drama but also thought it would be easier than he said she said for me to join the conversation. Dad says he is fine and if it were true I wouldn't have shown up. Mom turns face about how great I am etc... We chat a bit more and I left.
I am so sick of gossip!!!
My question is:
Should I write a certified letter to my neighbor telling her to stop slandering my daycare or I will take legal action? Adding also if she has any concerns she can feel free to let me know or call the local licensing agency and provide the # or do I leave it?
I fully expect a visit but am fine with that as I run a good program.
Also I have had past violations. This family is under the assumption if you have they can see that. Recently our state changed the data base to show only current uncorrected violations and any enforcement actions I have had since opening. None were major and obviously all corrected but...
These people are paying me $50 per week that I really don't NEED. Part of me says term before they start. But I do appreciate dcb step mom didnt fall into gossip and just wanted the truth. I won't have to deal w dcm on a regular basis if ever. Dcb seems sweet, and his dad and step mom seem to just want a sad place for him to be...
And FYI: all this took place before my am coffee!
Any advice is appreciated!! Thank you guys- I am so grateful for this forum right now!!
I recently enrolled a 7 yr old dcb for before school and after. I met with his dad and step mom originally (who he is staying with during school week) and met with mom separately on fri. All went well and they dropped off the paperwork.
Mind you I live in a SMALL community- less than 100 kids per class small!- this am I get a call from step mom and she tells me that a woman who says she is my neighbor is telling dcb mom that I have numerous violations, that I have 6 dogs (5 really but never near dck) and that I smoke (I do but again not around dck). I figure out who this neighbor is and she is a sahm who has been trying to get some kids to watch.
So I decide I'm done with gossip and he said she said and go to the field where they are talking (flag football). I ask dcb mom what's going on and she says that Tracey (my neighbor) said that I have a bunch of dogs ( which I confirm but point out never near dck) and that I smoke but that she smokes too so she knows I don't in my house because she would have smelled it (I confirm NEVER in my home or around dck) and that I had a bunch of past violations. So at this point I ask Tracey to come over- she says no but then comes. She said well I did hear that you have had violations but that she wasn't trying to start anything and didnt say anything bad and blah blah blah- I said: if you have concerns with my daycare it would probably be better to come to me than spread rumors. She said: no, no I don't have problems I was just saying! She walked alway and I said to dcm and dcd that I was at the field because this is my lively good and what I plan on doing for my career. That I am not willing to start drama but also thought it would be easier than he said she said for me to join the conversation. Dad says he is fine and if it were true I wouldn't have shown up. Mom turns face about how great I am etc... We chat a bit more and I left.
I am so sick of gossip!!!
My question is:
Should I write a certified letter to my neighbor telling her to stop slandering my daycare or I will take legal action? Adding also if she has any concerns she can feel free to let me know or call the local licensing agency and provide the # or do I leave it?
I fully expect a visit but am fine with that as I run a good program.
Also I have had past violations. This family is under the assumption if you have they can see that. Recently our state changed the data base to show only current uncorrected violations and any enforcement actions I have had since opening. None were major and obviously all corrected but...
These people are paying me $50 per week that I really don't NEED. Part of me says term before they start. But I do appreciate dcb step mom didnt fall into gossip and just wanted the truth. I won't have to deal w dcm on a regular basis if ever. Dcb seems sweet, and his dad and step mom seem to just want a sad place for him to be...
And FYI: all this took place before my am coffee!
Any advice is appreciated!! Thank you guys- I am so grateful for this forum right now!!
JenNJ 09:38 AM 09-07-2013
So she said you smoke and you do. She said you have a bunch of dogs, you do. She said you have past violations, you do. That's not slander because it is all true. Threatening her with legal action isn't a great idea when legally she hasn't done anything wrong.
Familycare71 10:04 AM 09-07-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
So she said you smoke and you do. She said you have a bunch of dogs, you do. She said you have past violations, you do. That's not slander because it is all true. Threatening her with legal action isn't a great idea when legally she hasn't done anything wrong.
Well she said I smoke around dck, I don't know if she sad my dogs were out w dck or not- so I'm not worried about that part. And she said I have current violations but then changed it to past when I got there-So she said you smoke and you do. She said you have a bunch of dogs, you do. She said you have past violations, you do. That's not slander because it is all true. Threatening her with legal action isn't a great idea when legally she hasn't done anything wrong.
Familycare71 10:06 AM 09-07-2013
Based on what the neighbor said Mom wanted to pull-
Crazy8 10:11 AM 09-07-2013
I would let it go at this point. You've cleared it up with these parents, and neighbor now knows you will confront her if she opens her trap. Like pp said, the things she said were technically true - personally, I would want to know if my dc provider had 5 dogs and smoked, whether it was when around children or not, so I'm kind of scratching my head how you interviewed with this family and they signed up but didn't know that info.
Regardless, I think you settled the problem and I wouldn't contact neighbor again unless you have another issue.
Regardless, I think you settled the problem and I wouldn't contact neighbor again unless you have another issue.
Familycare71 10:16 AM 09-07-2013
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I would let it go at this point. You've cleared it up with these parents, and neighbor now knows you will confront her if she opens her trap. Like pp said, the things she said were technically true - personally, I would want to know if my dc provider had 5 dogs and smoked, whether it was when around children or not, so I'm kind of scratching my head how you interviewed with this family and they signed up but didn't know that info.
Regardless, I think you settled the problem and I wouldn't contact neighbor again unless you have another issue.
My dogs are on a separate floor. I do have a basket of dog toys upstairs but during the interview pets never came up. I would let it go at this point. You've cleared it up with these parents, and neighbor now knows you will confront her if she opens her trap. Like pp said, the things she said were technically true - personally, I would want to know if my dc provider had 5 dogs and smoked, whether it was when around children or not, so I'm kind of scratching my head how you interviewed with this family and they signed up but didn't know that info.
Regardless, I think you settled the problem and I wouldn't contact neighbor again unless you have another issue.
I don't volunteer that I smoke and they didnt ask. If they did I would have been honest.
I guess ill just let it go-
e.j. 01:14 PM 09-07-2013
Hopefully confronting her today will make her think twice before gossiping about you again. I'd hold off for now but in the future, if you find that she continues to gossip about you, you may want to consult a lawyer before sending off a letter threatening to sue. I'd also be sure to let potential clients know you have 5 dogs but that they are kept away from the dc kids at all times. It may be a deal breaker for some but at least you can't be accused of withholding that information from them. I'd be honest about the smoking and the corrected violations if asked but I don't think you have to bring them up otherwise. Tough way to start the day but I think I'd try to get past the neighbors gossip for now.
Laurel 01:55 PM 09-07-2013
Originally Posted by e.j.:
Hopefully confronting her today will make her think twice before gossiping about you again. I'd hold off for now but in the future, if you find that she continues to gossip about you, you may want to consult a lawyer before sending off a letter threatening to sue. I'd also be sure to let potential clients know you have 5 dogs but that they are kept away from the dc kids at all times. It may be a deal breaker for some but at least you can't be accused of withholding that information from them. I'd be honest about the smoking and the corrected violations if asked but I don't think you have to bring them up otherwise. Tough way to start the day but I think I'd try to get past the neighbors gossip for now.
Hopefully confronting her today will make her think twice before gossiping about you again. I'd hold off for now but in the future, if you find that she continues to gossip about you, you may want to consult a lawyer before sending off a letter threatening to sue. I'd also be sure to let potential clients know you have 5 dogs but that they are kept away from the dc kids at all times. It may be a deal breaker for some but at least you can't be accused of withholding that information from them. I'd be honest about the smoking and the corrected violations if asked but I don't think you have to bring them up otherwise. Tough way to start the day but I think I'd try to get past the neighbors gossip for now.
cheerfuldom 01:56 PM 09-07-2013
Let it go. You said what you needed to say. Why make it worse by threatening legal action? I cant imagine that that would make anything better. Let people say whatever they want, you are more than ready to prove yourself a good provider and you cannot control the talk of every person out there.
Familycare71 02:18 PM 09-07-2013
I will def let it go- it is just becoming an epidemic around here and it is so frustrating!!
Personally I live my life where if I have something that concerns me about someone I would go to them.
And I wouldn't have gone to the field if she was sharing why she wouldn't bring her kid: dogs and I smoke. I went because she was indicating I was a bad provider and telling people I smoke around the kids, etc...
Your right I can't control everyone and the families I have here are happy- so that's what's important. I don't even know if I would have gone to the field if I had it to do over- but while I was there I behaved
. And it was fun to see chatty squirm
Personally I live my life where if I have something that concerns me about someone I would go to them.
And I wouldn't have gone to the field if she was sharing why she wouldn't bring her kid: dogs and I smoke. I went because she was indicating I was a bad provider and telling people I smoke around the kids, etc...
Your right I can't control everyone and the families I have here are happy- so that's what's important. I don't even know if I would have gone to the field if I had it to do over- but while I was there I behaved
. And it was fun to see chatty squirm
Lyss 02:56 PM 09-07-2013
I'd be annoyed as all get up but I'd let it go this time, although I would document it in case it happens in the future.
It sounds to me that she was actively seeking these parents out and purposely making your business seem sketchy and unsafe. I'm glad you made her squirm! I'm sure the last thing she expected was for you to call her out!
It sounds to me that she was actively seeking these parents out and purposely making your business seem sketchy and unsafe. I'm glad you made her squirm! I'm sure the last thing she expected was for you to call her out!
Scout 03:14 PM 09-07-2013
Yes, let it go as you plan. Remember that this woman lives next to you. I wouldn't want that awkwardness! I'd want to be able to smile and wave, even if I wanted to 
!
!
Familycare71 07:19 PM 09-07-2013
Yes lyss!!! That was exactly it! And I was happy she squirmed too- the look on her face was priceless!
I have actively avoided her attempts at friendship for years- the first few times we talked I knew this was exactly the kind of person she is- we have always waved chatted briefly and ill continue-
Mind you this is a woman who at the end of the last school year told EVERYONE one of the neighbor kids hit her in the head with a bat on the bus- tech true... Except the bat was made out of paper!! Yes- still inappropriate but a huge diff in my mind between a metal or wood bat and one a kid made out if twisted paper!
I have actively avoided her attempts at friendship for years- the first few times we talked I knew this was exactly the kind of person she is- we have always waved chatted briefly and ill continue-
Mind you this is a woman who at the end of the last school year told EVERYONE one of the neighbor kids hit her in the head with a bat on the bus- tech true... Except the bat was made out of paper!! Yes- still inappropriate but a huge diff in my mind between a metal or wood bat and one a kid made out if twisted paper!
MotherNature 08:17 PM 09-07-2013
Must be small dogs if there's 5 & they didn't know. My Golden Retriever makes enough noise anytime someone comes in.. I can't imagine the noise 5 would make. 
My Golden Retriever makes enough noise anytime someone comes in.. I can't imagine the noise 5 would make.
Familycare71 08:49 PM 09-07-2013
Originally Posted by MotherNature:
Must be small dogs if there's 5 & they didn't know. My Golden Retriever makes enough noise anytime someone comes in.. I can't imagine the noise 5 would make.
They were confused! Must be small dogs if there's 5 & they didn't know.
My Golden Retriever makes enough noise anytime someone comes in.. I can't imagine the noise 5 would make. . They are generally quiet when the are in their crate. But if you came to my door while they were out you would probably think I have 20!
Play Care 06:22 AM 09-08-2013
I would have been upset but when mom said those things to me I probably would have shrugged it off and said "you know how small towns are, especially when day care competition is stiff!"
I would have reassured her, but I wouldn't have confronted anyone. 1. nothing she said was untrue 2. and it just makes you look unprofessional. I would have been VERY uncomfortable if I were your new clients, and would probably be pulling on Monday. Essentially they were looking for reassurance and then it wound up being a confrontation at their child's ball game
That could have easily gotten very ugly.
It the same when you have to let a family go and they trash talk you. As much as you want to defend and clarify, it's just unprofessional. So you hold your head high and say "they are a lovely family and it just didn't work out. I wish them the best," in a sincere tone. Even though you might want to say "they were horrible, the kids were awful and they never paid on time!!!"
So yeah, I agree with other posters. I would let it go.
I would have reassured her, but I wouldn't have confronted anyone. 1. nothing she said was untrue 2. and it just makes you look unprofessional. I would have been VERY uncomfortable if I were your new clients, and would probably be pulling on Monday. Essentially they were looking for reassurance and then it wound up being a confrontation at their child's ball game
That could have easily gotten very ugly. It the same when you have to let a family go and they trash talk you. As much as you want to defend and clarify, it's just unprofessional. So you hold your head high and say "they are a lovely family and it just didn't work out. I wish them the best," in a sincere tone. Even though you might want to say "they were horrible, the kids were awful and they never paid on time!!!"
So yeah, I agree with other posters. I would let it go.
Familycare71 06:53 AM 09-08-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I would have been upset but when mom said those things to me I probably would have shrugged it off and said "you know how small towns are, especially when day care competition is stiff!"
I would have reassured her, but I wouldn't have confronted anyone. 1. nothing she said was untrue 2. and it just makes you look unprofessional. I would have been VERY uncomfortable if I were your new clients, and would probably be pulling on Monday. Essentially they were looking for reassurance and then it wound up being a confrontation at their child's ball game That could have easily gotten very ugly.
It the same when you have to let a family go and they trash talk you. As much as you want to defend and clarify, it's just unprofessional. So you hold your head high and say "they are a lovely family and it just didn't work out. I wish them the best," in a sincere tone. Even though you might want to say "they were horrible, the kids were awful and they never paid on time!!!"
So yeah, I agree with other posters. I would let it go.
I totally see your point - and yes in the future this is what I will do- although I didn't go and get nasty... I would have been upset but when mom said those things to me I probably would have shrugged it off and said "you know how small towns are, especially when day care competition is stiff!"
I would have reassured her, but I wouldn't have confronted anyone. 1. nothing she said was untrue 2. and it just makes you look unprofessional. I would have been VERY uncomfortable if I were your new clients, and would probably be pulling on Monday. Essentially they were looking for reassurance and then it wound up being a confrontation at their child's ball game
That could have easily gotten very ugly. It the same when you have to let a family go and they trash talk you. As much as you want to defend and clarify, it's just unprofessional. So you hold your head high and say "they are a lovely family and it just didn't work out. I wish them the best," in a sincere tone. Even though you might want to say "they were horrible, the kids were awful and they never paid on time!!!"
So yeah, I agree with other posters. I would let it go.
But your right- it could have gone another way.
Starburst 08:45 AM 09-08-2013
Originally Posted by Familycare71:
My dogs are on a separate floor. I do have a basket of dog toys upstairs but during the interview pets never came up.
I don't volunteer that I smoke and they didnt ask. If they did I would have been honest.
I guess ill just let it go-
I'm not sure about your state, but my family is considering moving to Oregon so I read the daycare requirements and one of the requirements for having pets in a home daycare is making sure all your daycare families are aware that there are pets residing in the home, even if they don't bring it up and the pets will not be around the daycare children. I would tell them anyway so they don't one day find out and say that you 'withheld information'.My dogs are on a separate floor. I do have a basket of dog toys upstairs but during the interview pets never came up.
I don't volunteer that I smoke and they didnt ask. If they did I would have been honest.
I guess ill just let it go-
Lyss 09:09 AM 09-08-2013
Originally Posted by Familycare71:
They were confused!. They are generally quiet when the are in their crate. But if you came to my door while they were out you would probably think I have 20!
They were confused!
. They are generally quiet when the are in their crate. But if you came to my door while they were out you would probably think I have 20! my dog never makes a peep when I have her in the bedroom during interviews but when someone knocks when she's out of the bedroom it sounds like we have a super scary 100lb+ dog ready to lunge but she's a 55lb chicken barking from behind the couch I've forgotten to tell people in interviews but under my general info/rules section in my handbook I just include a few quick statements about her. Like providers home inculdes a dog, Dog is kept current on all shots and licensing requirements, dog has had obedience trainging, dog will be kept separate... that kinda thing
Unregistered 11:49 AM 09-08-2013
I agree with the others who said that her statements were true so you shouldn't get mad. I also wanted to say that I am actually siding with your neighbor here. It sounds like you are not disclosing important information to your dc parents. Second hand smoke can come from clothes and increases SIDS risk. For the dogs, what if they got out, or one of the kids developed an allergy but didn't know why and didn't know about them? I think you're in the wrong here.
Familycare71 01:39 PM 09-08-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I agree with the others who said that her statements were true so you shouldn't get mad. I also wanted to say that I am actually siding with your neighbor here. It sounds like you are not disclosing important information to your dc parents. Second hand smoke can come from clothes and increases SIDS risk. For the dogs, what if they got out, or one of the kids developed an allergy but didn't know why and didn't know about them? I think you're in the wrong here.
You can agree with whom ever I agree with the others who said that her statements were true so you shouldn't get mad. I also wanted to say that I am actually siding with your neighbor here. It sounds like you are not disclosing important information to your dc parents. Second hand smoke can come from clothes and increases SIDS risk. For the dogs, what if they got out, or one of the kids developed an allergy but didn't know why and didn't know about them? I think you're in the wrong here.
. I generally do talk about the dogs. They aren't dangerous- they are away more for their safety than the dc kids.
It wasn't the info she shared- it was the way she shared it and the "facts" she put behind it. I think I stated that previously.
I understand that got lost in translation- I don't take it personally.
Plus a forum can only know a person so well- esp since I have been active a relatively short time
. I know who I am and the care I provide and that what the neighbor shared regarding how I take care of my kids was false and mean.
Sort of like saying " oh Sally drinks wine with her friends occ at home." Vs "oh you know Sally is a DRINKER don't you!?!"
Same info- diff intent and presentation
Play Care 04:00 PM 09-08-2013
Originally Posted by Familycare71:
You can agree with whom ever.
I generally do talk about the dogs. They aren't dangerous- they are away more for their safety than the dc kids.
It wasn't the info she shared- it was the way she shared it and the "facts" she put behind it. I think I stated that previously.
I understand that got lost in translation- I don't take it personally.
Plus a forum can only know a person so well- esp since I have been active a relatively short time.
I know who I am and the care I provide and that what the neighbor shared regarding how I take care of my kids was false and mean.
Sort of like saying " oh Sally drinks wine with her friends occ at home." Vs "oh you know Sally is a DRINKER don't you!?!"
Same info- diff intent and presentation
I did want to mention in my other post that she does sound like a piece of work. Everytime I saw her and waved I'd be thinking "eff you dumb witch" all with a happy smile on my faceYou can agree with whom ever
. I generally do talk about the dogs. They aren't dangerous- they are away more for their safety than the dc kids.
It wasn't the info she shared- it was the way she shared it and the "facts" she put behind it. I think I stated that previously.
I understand that got lost in translation- I don't take it personally.
Plus a forum can only know a person so well- esp since I have been active a relatively short time
. I know who I am and the care I provide and that what the neighbor shared regarding how I take care of my kids was false and mean.
Sort of like saying " oh Sally drinks wine with her friends occ at home." Vs "oh you know Sally is a DRINKER don't you!?!"
Same info- diff intent and presentation
Familycare71 04:03 PM 09-08-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I did want to mention in my other post that she does sound like a piece of work. Everytime I saw her and waved I'd be thinking "eff you dumb witch" all with a happy smile on my face
Pretty much my plan! I did want to mention in my other post that she does sound like a piece of work. Everytime I saw her and waved I'd be thinking "eff you dumb witch" all with a happy smile on my face
countrymom 07:09 AM 09-09-2013
at least you confronted her. Doesn't matter if the facts she said were true or not, its the matter of principle. Why would she go to this mom and start talking about you, did the potential parent see that you had dogs, and obviously they couldn't smell smoke otherwise they would have said something. I don't think your neighbour will pull this stunt again.