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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Ever feel like your Dh doesnt know what it takes?
mduck 12:50 PM 04-10-2015
I always hate posting cause I feel like I don't have a right to having only one Dck. I do have three of my own at home (one I homeschool) so it does still get hectic, but anyways.

My Dh leaves before dcg gets here and dcg is mostly gone before he gets home from work. He really has NO IDEA what all it takes to get through the day. I try to get up at 5:30am to get myself and the house ready. Then start school with my 3rd grader at 7am. I school her and then break to get my 1 year old up, my 5 year old up, and breakfast started. My dcg comes in during bfast. DCM has semi lengthy drop offs and then I feed dck Her bfast. She is one of those children that you have to watch all the time (1 year old). Partly because I'm paranoid and partly because she is very high spirited.

I do minor schooling while babies are awake and major schooling when babies are napping. Ugh, napping is another issue altogether. It's holding babies, changing diapers, correcting behavior, putting together meals, cleaning up messes, teaching, dressing and redressing, etc all day long! Why am I listing all this! You guys know all about this. Anyhow. I think that my Dh thinks it's no biggie. So you "babysat for a day. Big woop". That's kinda how I think he feels about it. When I freak out about what he considers "little things" he just feels like I'm over reacting. I'm exhausted at the end of the day and I think he thinks I'm being lazy.

He and I normally get to bed by midnight and I think that's gonna have to change.

Silly little vent.
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spinnymarie 12:53 PM 04-10-2015
I think no one outside of this business knows what it takes
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Blackcat31 12:55 PM 04-10-2015
Originally Posted by mduck:
I always hate posting cause I feel like I don't have a right to having only one Dck. I do have three of my own at home (one I homeschool) so it does still get hectic, but anyways.

My Dh leaves before dcg gets here and dcg is mostly gone before he gets home from work. He really has NO IDEA what all it takes to get through the day. I try to get up at 5:30am to get myself and the house ready. Then start school with my 3rd grader at 7am. I school her and then break to get my 1 year old up, my 5 year old up, and breakfast started. My dcg comes in during bfast. DCM has semi lengthy drop offs and then I feed dck Her bfast. She is one of those children that you have to watch all the time (1 year old). Partly because I'm paranoid and partly because she is very high spirited.

I do minor schooling while babies are awake and major schooling when babies are napping. Ugh, napping is another issue altogether. It's holding babies, changing diapers, correcting behavior, putting together meals, cleaning up messes, teaching, dressing and redressing, etc all day long! Why am I listing all this! You guys know all about this. Anyhow. I think that my Dh thinks it's no biggie. So you "babysat for a day. Big woop". That's kinda how I think he feels about it. When I freak out about what he considers "little things" he just feels like I'm over reacting. I'm exhausted at the end of the day and I think he thinks I'm being lazy.

He and I normally get to bed by midnight and I think that's gonna have to change.

Silly little vent.
But those little things ARE big things when they:

Happen repeatedly through out the day
Occur continuously day after day
Happen ALL at once
Occur every 5 minutes (no break)

I understand exactly what you mean. I know lots of people that think we (providers/moms/parents etc) don't really do anything and in a way they are right. I rarely get anything actually done, because I am continually having to stop and help someone, talk with someone, entertain someone, address someone's needs, assist someone, scold someone, praise someone, redirect someone, catch someone from falling, snuggle someone, wave good bye/hello to someone etc etc...

Add in the phone ringing, visitors at the door, lunch/snack prep, the dishes needing to be done, attending to your own physical needs AND trying to stay on somewhat of a routine schedule...you really don't do much of any one thing but you DO do ALOT of little things.

...and like I said, all those little things add up.

Hang in there....
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AuntTami 01:04 PM 04-10-2015
Yep, I'm in the same boat. Sometimes it's me who thinks hubby thinks I don't do anything. He's never said anything and he knows how much it can be, but sometimes I think he thinks I'm lazy, especially when at the end of the day I'm exhausted and don't wanna do anything but he doesn't understand why because my job isn't as physically demanding as his! Hang in there!!! I'm sure like me, it's your own head saying those things and others don't feel that way.... At least not anyone that matters lol
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LindseyA 01:06 PM 04-10-2015
My husband is finally getting a good understanding of what it takes since a got a new 2y/o who whines non stop... Not cries, whines. Which in my opinion, is worse than crying! He was sick one day last week, so him trying to rest with Little Miss doing her thing all day (with 4 others under 4), he was like "Wow, how do you NOT go crazy?!"
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Unregistered 01:09 PM 04-10-2015
All it took was a week of vacation for my DH to understnd. One dcb kept throwing fits. DH just looked at me like wtf? Lol
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DaveA 01:14 PM 04-10-2015
1 kid or 100 it adds up quick.

One thing that caught my attention is a couple of times you said some form of "I think he thinks......" I don't claim to speak for all guys but as a general rule trying to guess what we think is a bad idea. ASK Take some time and sit down & (calmly) tell him what your day entails and how stressed you are. It doesn't have to be roofing in July to be hard work. Explain why you're stressed, what bothers you the most, etc. Don't get angry or be accusatory- nothing shuts down a discussion quicker that someone telling me how I just don't get it or why I'm the problem.

Also no matter how busy you are you HAVE to find sometime for yourself. I don't care how long or how often, but if you don't make time for yourself you will burnout quick. Doesn't matter what it is: go for a walk, read a book locked in a room somewhere, build something, anything at all.

Good luck
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AmyLeigh 01:37 PM 04-10-2015
What is he saying or doing that makes you feel this way?
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Josiegirl 04:14 PM 04-10-2015
Does he ever take your own kids all day, by himself? That, in itself, would be draining, then add another little tot, plus all the keeping up, cleaning, cooking, homeschooling. It seems like every day is filled to the brim with "Calgon take me away" moments. Heh yeh, piece of cake. Makes *me* want to club him upside da head for you!!
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NightOwl 04:42 PM 04-10-2015
I'd suggest having him do your job for a day. If he would agree of course. Wouldn't it be fun to sit back and watch him scramble all over to keep up with the demands of 4 littles?
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childcaremom 01:39 AM 04-11-2015
Originally Posted by DaveArmour:
1 kid or 100 it adds up quick.

One thing that caught my attention is a couple of times you said some form of "I think he thinks......" I don't claim to speak for all guys but as a general rule trying to guess what we think is a bad idea. ASK Take some time and sit down & (calmly) tell him what your day entails and how stressed you are. It doesn't have to be roofing in July to be hard work. Explain why you're stressed, what bothers you the most, etc. Don't get angry or be accusatory- nothing shuts down a discussion quicker that someone telling me how I just don't get it or why I'm the problem.

Also no matter how busy you are you HAVE to find sometime for yourself. I don't care how long or how often, but if you don't make time for yourself you will burnout quick. Doesn't matter what it is: go for a walk, read a book locked in a room somewhere, build something, anything at all.

Good luck
I think you've got a lot on your plate. Young kids, daycare, homeschooling.


PP has some good points.

Have you chatted with dh about how you are feeling? My dh knows what the day looks like (only because he's been here for a few days here and there) so he understands. To a point. Probably just as much as I can understand about his job and the stress he feels with his day. But it helps to chat about it and unload every so often, too.

I have found (with my dh) that if I can find some little things that he can do to help the day move along, then I feel like I am getting help and a little less stressed. He's a fixer and needs me to be specific in what I want him to do. For example, the mornings are (for me) crazy time here with my own kids (not even dcks yet, lol). So it is helpful to me if he can make sure the counters are clear before he goes to work. Take out any recycle or compost left over. Etc. Little things that are easily fit into his morning routine and help me out a lot. I also get his input into my set up and he usually has great suggestions and will help me implement them.

Making time for yourself is also so important. It definitely recharges you. The weeks where I 'skip' the me time... let's just say I notice the difference in myself so am sure others do, as well
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mommiebookworm 08:53 AM 04-11-2015
I think he didn't have a clue, until he had 3 days off at Christmas. Then he saw exactly what it was like!
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Annalee 11:28 AM 04-11-2015
I honestly feel like there is NO ONE except an actual FCC provider that understands what our job is like day in and day out. FCC is unique in that it consist of many variables...i.e. balancing our own families, client families, outside responsibilities (church, friends, that feel we are JUST HOME anyway), etc. FCC is NOT for just anyone that wants to "keep kids". This is why we need a support system like the forum, local/state/national organizations, etc. Networking with peers is vital in this business.
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mduck 11:41 AM 04-12-2015
Thanks for all of your kind responses. I do have a good husband, but he just doesn't get all the worry, sweat, and work that goes into just one of my days. When I have a day away from my children, his mom almost always gets wind of it and either takes the kids or comes over and helps him so he really doesn't have a realistic idea of what it's really like.
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Thriftylady 11:56 AM 04-12-2015
I have given up hope on mine getting it lol. My hubby and DD had the stomach flu the other day and hubby said "well at least if you get it you will just be at home with the kids, you don't have to do much".

Yes, he's still breathing....For now.
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