I know I'm gonna get some flack here but its just been on my mind. I've read different posts about dcfs complaining about not being able to pay/having a hard time paying. I realize that some may indeed be facing major financial issues and are doing what ever they can to cut costs to be able to afford the necessities BUT what about those that just can't prioritize. I mean is it just me, or when you hear about people that are in financial straits, do you also wonder/check if they have a smart phone, or wonder if they have cable, get their nails/hair done, smoke?

I am a dcp, but don't depend on it for $. It is by choice for a friend and it allows us a little extra $. I used to be the bread winner of the family. I sent my baby to grandmas house in order to hold that job. Then I got those mommy feelings of wanting to stay at home with my baby. Soon after I lost my job due to downsizing and we decided to try and rely on my husbands job. We have been relying on dh's job for quite some time so I can stay home BUT it came with some major life changes. We cut out A LOT of fluff. I do not own a smart phone. I have a very ancient flip phone with NO TEXT. We do not have cable TV. I watch how much I drive around (gas), don't do beautician/mani/pedi, I cut my husbands hair, we do not drink alcohol, we keep eating out to a minimum. We budget, budget, budget.

So when I hear people that talk of financial problems or people discussing dcf that say they are in hard times, I do wonder, have they cut out the fluff? I do realize that smoking is a very VERY hard habit to quit, BUT I know its been done and if I have to choose between providing for my children or smoking, well...

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This is a subject I think of often. My family cuts out a lot in order for me to stay home and do daycare and to pay medical bills. I am subjected to hearing the complaints of many that claim they have no money. These same people go on vacations, go to the salon for everyone in their family, go to the expensive grocery store in town due to the convenience, eat out regularly, drive luxury cars, have house keeping come weekly, have landscaping company come weekly, buy their kids iphone and ipads and spend much of their time shopping and buying luxury items. These same people complain that daycare is so expensive and the reason why their budget is so tight. If they mowed their own lawn and cooked a meal at home they would have plenty left over at the end of the day. Usually when I hear these complaints I tell them that I know it is expensive and therefore chose to cut out x,y and z in order to work from home and it was the best decision I have ever met.

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I'm a huge Dave Ramsey can and use to teach his classes. Whenever someone complains about money (I haven't had this in my daycare yet, but in general...) I offer to help them with their budget.

This stops most people from complaining to me, and the ones that want help bring me their bills and a budget.

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You are an inspiration for making these choices and sticking with them to stay home with your family! I agree! When my husband and I put on paper our bills, we realized that many things we could do without! We did not cut off cable nor cell phones but we realized if we were going to have these luxuries, we needed to quit complaining about money We also have 2 vehicles which is nice but not a necessity....We are a spoiled nation....we have all the fast-paced appliances, automobiles, etc. but, many times, are still NOT satisfied and are looking for something more!

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I get complaints from friends/family who make 4xs what we make and I just wonder...if we can make it work, why can't they? They don't want your help because they see that you sacrifice-they see your small house, crappy car, crappy phone, your used clothes that you wear over and over because you only have a small closets worth. They don't want to sacrifice, they want more, so they just keep doing what they are doing. with exceptions of course.

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I think about it all the time. It's called living within your means. Dh and I are fortunate to have nice things; a home, 2 new vehicles, a camper, etc....But we also budget in order to own these things. Some parents do not realize this and think we are in the money doing child care from home, but in reality, we have bills too. I don't go out to eat as much as I would like, don't get my nails done, find groupons to get my hair done, etc... I do what I can within my means. We also save. If I need to close, we make sure we have enough money to do so. I'm not full right now, but am pregnant so that's ok, but we can afford to do so.

I had a family who couldn't pay on time, had to pay their mortgage, buy things for moms classroom, etc... It really irked me because dcd was working a lot, but dcm was off and on working-3 jobs in the year and a half dcb came here. It's called work if you have to and budget!
When I worked in a center, I saw even more of what your post states. We had families on dhs assistance, yet drove a nicer car than me, always had their hair and nails done, smoked, it goes on and on.

Sorry, I'm writing a book. Yes, I know what you mean. Luckily, I only had one family in my home daycare so far, like that and they are gone now.

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you are a rare breed.... I think because these parents see us daily, they are more inclined to ask us to give them a discount.

I had a family a few years back that had a 4 mil dollar custom home built in a private community and bought a brand new car the week before they moved into the house. Upon moving into the new house dcm came to me and said we can't afford all of this with the move, so I need to know how much you can discount me. at the time I couldn't afford to lose the sibling set so I gave the discount to keep them. I was sooo offended and mad. I even asked dcm have you asked your cable co. or such before asking me and she said she didn't want to pull the rug from under their feet by getting rid of those extras.'

WOW.....It was like Christmas the day that I termed them some months later...
it seems like everyone wants everything NOW and does not care about the consequences of not waiting.

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I can't believe they asked for a discount.

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Your definition of "fluff" may not be the same as someone else's definition.

To each their own.

There is NO right or wrong way to prioritize.

When a parent comes to me and says they cannot afford to pay me I just tell them I can't afford to work for free and let them figure it out because who am I to tell them how to prioritize their spending habits?

For me it's super simple. NO pay = No stay.

I don't give a thought to WHY they can't pay. That's their issue to figure out.

Maybe their expensive car was left to them when their grandmother died.
Maybe their cell phone was a gift from someone or maybe given to them so they can call 911 when their abusive ex tries to follow them
Maybe their manicure was part of a self-esteem program that helps homeless women feel good about themselves and work towards self sufficiency
Maybe the brand name Juicy sweat pants were bought at Goodwill for $4 or provided to them via a donation program at church
Maybe their smoking habit is the ONLY psychological counseling program they can afford to help them deal with the stress in their lives.
Maybe the Gap clothes on their kid came from a concerned neighbor who noticed the baby didn't even own a jacket.....

The reasons are plenty and we often assume the wrong reasons when really we have no right to assign any reason as is it none of our business..... unless it affects our business. Then we address our part in it and unless we are offering help to the family, we stay out of the rest.


This post goes along with the other judgmental post about why parents do what they do.

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I have a set of parents whose fluff is the fact they just want to keep up with the Joneses and Daycare is on the low end of payments... both parents got raises and wanted to change childcare hrs BUT they said if I changed the contract for new hrs they would leave because they didn't feel paying more for new hrs would fit in the budget... they both then went & bought new cars and have their hair done weekly; BTW, they are now paying double in OT fees what a new contract would have charged for switching the drop & pick up hrs by 1.5 hrs daily... They are still trying to juggle care for the old hrs too in order to avoid the OT fees. Some people make no sense

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As usual, ITA with Blackcat

I know some people look at my family and judge us - we'd be better off financially if I got a "real job" or if we didn't decide to have 6 kids, or if we bought PCs instead of Apples, if my husband and I didn't do "date night" regularly, if we didn't buy organic food, if we sent our kids to public school instead of parochial, etc.

They're probably right, but it's not their business. Just like it's not my business how parents spend their money - even if I'm NOT paid in full on time. However, if that happens it IS my business to decide whether I continue to provide care or not.

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I agree that its not fair to judge, but for the most part we know these parents very well.

This is more than just the woman at the grocery store that we see with her Prada bag and Louie V, paying in food stamps. I would never judge them because I don't know her story and who am I to judge anyone.

It isn't fair to judge others, but when you see it happening in front of your face DCM saying I can't pay you this week or pay you on time, but she has her nails done, hair done and designer clothing. It's fair to feel anger or ____________(fill in the blank)

It's fair to feel negatively towards those that would rather someone else suffer financially so they don't have to.

I live in the land of entitled. We all do, its a hard place to be and we have to accept that we can't discredit those for not being like us, we can only feel our emotions about it. I am sure none of us share those emotions with anyone but perhaps post them here.

Glad we have this site to voice our frustrations.

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I agree with what you said about everyone feeling "entitled"....Right or wrong, it is what it is because feeling entitled is the new norm! I know my own immediate family whom is at best, middle class, have too many luxuries.....it is just much easier to notice what others have, do, say, etc....The preacher taught this past Sunday about being "kind" simply because it is the right thing to do regardless of if the other person deserves "kindness" and how much happier we would become if we would do this????? Oooohwheeee, he stepped on my toes!

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Right?! I would have said "Sorry, no discounts. You'll have to find care elsewhere, or cut back on other expenses"


Where I work now, I see people buying million dollar homes, insuring them, and then wondering why their yearly cost is $3000+. Um, if your house BURNS to the GROUND, we're gonna pay you millions of $$'s. You can afford millions of dollars to buy the home....and then whine about costs of yearly insurance package? I want to smack all of them!

It's really rude of these selfish, entitled people to even have the GALL to ask a person to make exceptions for them, especially when it comes to the care of their children. Not willing to downsize your home or car or other 'wants' for your child's best interest? Then heck NO I am not going to help you pay ME less so YOU can live it up.

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ITA. The people who complain to me about their financials are people I know well. Otherwise they wouldn't tell me about it! And a dcp had better not ask me for a discount - they would be handed their things and shown the door.

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I was trying to figure out what kind of fruit PCs were so I could buy it since they were cheaper than apples

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Oh my gosh, me too!

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Speaking of apples....

There is a recall on them (the fruit kind) and as I was searching for info to share with my parents, all that came up in a Google search was i-pad, i-phone recalls.

I did find what I was looking for but actually had to use the word fruit in my search.

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Yeah it is best not to go into reasons why parents want a discount, it is best to be more straightforward with them.

Really only another daycare provider can appreciate how much we actually spend to keep the business afloat.

The other day a parent hinted that I should do there childs laundry....It was a joking context, but I really did not find it funny. I immediently was going to reply and the parent says, no no I am kidding.

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Blackcat,True, we don't know why or even where someone might get their "things". So I can see your point there. And in those cases, yes I would be wrong in my wonderings. I guess I just wonder why some people who struggle financially, and that complain about it and that can do something about it, actually don't take steps to help themselves. Also if THEY know that YOU know that they spend luxuriously, but complain about not being able to buy things that are necessary. It just blows my mind.

Even if I wanted to/triedto think the best of people, I still can't help but wonder. Maybe it's just me.

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I'm not a poor, poor childcare provider. I make good money. Owning your own childcare business can be very lucrative.

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My neighbors have countlessly told me about the financial decisions they make. She has no problems buying 'quality' stuff for her home & wardrobe (pottery barn, banana republic, anything high end). They both have the new Apple 6 iPhones, which they paid for, because they talked about the plans/service. The husband has a high paying three figure job, and also has real estate investments that he goes into great detail on during neighbor get togethers. The wife chooses to work part-time as a teacher because she loves what she does. These are all the things I know BECAUSE we have a friendly relationship and they tell me.

I also know the pizza guy was 20 minutes late because he got lost and I had the pleasure :roll eyes: of watching the DCD GO OFF on the poor driver, talk to his manager and rail on him so he could get a free pizza. (during a neighbor get together). This DCF also asks for discounts from me which at one time before this forum, I would give in on. I stopped all discounts & 'special' 2 years ago, but they still ask. I had them sign a new contract and discussed at length about drop in rates as they only pay $80/month for before and after school. Any day's off would be first come first serve, and they would have to pay drop in rate. They fought tooth and nail for it to be free after the fact. These people drive me bonkers. Look, we discussed it, you signed the contract, the answer is NO and if you do not pay my rate, I will NO longer care for your child. I still ended up going back and forth with them for another 30 minutes face to face. They paid... but now without complaining loudly. Next year I will NOT be doing any care for them. I absolutely adore their children, but the parents and I will no longer have a relationship if I continue care for them.

I get the resentment. I KNOW judging is wrong, and I really try to stay out of their business. I'm happy they have things that make them happy! I don't care WHAT they spend their money on, but I would probably have a soft spot for someone I knew was REALLY struggling. I have a heart, and would probably do without to help someone else out who really needed it. For the guy who just doesn't want to pay me... 'just cuz', I have an issue with that person.

We as a family are going to Aruba in a couple of weeks. I've already received the looks... How the heck can that family afford going to Aruba as a family of 5, after going to Disney last year??? The answer... My parents are gifting us with this trip. WE have worked hard as a family to save for spending $$ and my time off which is unpaid, boarding our pets, and covering other expenses. It's an amazing gift and it's so completely appreciated, I don't owe anyone of them an answer.

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I'm just curious where this came from? I wasn't sure who you were referencing.

It can be lucrative, but the cost to start up can be expensive and also it depends a lot on if you have a spouse that is working and the area that you live in. I do okay, but all of my income is extra. Some people are single moms with 4 kids to support.

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It is a business that offers many many benefits as well. Most of them are just not monetarily related.

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Please don't think I was picking on you.... I really wasn't

I used to feel similar but over the years the more families I've met and the more diversity I've ben exposed to, the more I've learned that there are so may different reasons people struggle.

I can't always identify with why and am just as guilty of passing judgment on others too... it IS human nature for us to judge.

I've just learned to stop trying to figure it out.

The ONLY time it bothers me is when people continually complain about their own issues (whatever they maybe) and never ever actually DO anything to make things different. Then I get all worked up....

My grandmother used to always say there are ONLY 2 solutions to every problem:

1) Action (change it)
2) Accept it

But in BOTH cases, stop complaining about it.


But anyways, I just wanted to say I wasn't picking on you or trying to come off as if I was getting on you for something. I was just sharing a different way to look at it.

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