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Old 08-20-2019, 07:47 PM
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GypsyLynn GypsyLynn is offline
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Default Tough Infant

I am a new unlicensed provider. Licensing pending. I have had one breastfed infant in my care since he was 1.5 months. he is currently my only, plus my own daughter. He was a very (what we thought) colicky baby. By month two I noticed he was not gaining weight and was constantly hungry no matter how much he was fed. He was drinking 20-28 oz in my 8 hour care. I finally urged they see the dr. He saw the dr, he was in the .5 percentile and supplementing was recommended.

Since supplementing, he has calmed, but is still very needy at nearly five months old now. Has to be in a particular state of milk/diaper/happy to be set down at all. If I have to change my lo's diaper, nurse her, or feed her, he cries. I have slowly weaned him off of the constant holding (most of the time), by staying close by, talking to him, singing and trying to be really consistent with transitions, but he is not napping. At first I was told he would only nap in parent's arms, I eventually got napping a bit in the swing (I know that is not okay long-term or when I am licensed and told the parents I needed to stop now that he was finally falling asleep).

Now that he has put on weight, I have been napping him in the bassinet, and graduated from looooots of rocking, shooshing, singing in the bassinet, to being able to feed him and put him right down without a fight whatsoever. He was making progress, short naps, but gradually getting longer, then WHAM, I went on a week vacation and he is now waking up after 20 minutes, inconsolably crying. I have tried putting my hand on his chest, shooshing, rocking the bassinet to soothe him back down without rushing to pick him up or feed him. I started letting him cry a few minutes at a time, increasing the time each time I go back in to soothe. He seems to get more and more worked up and never settles.

Today I was holding a burp cloth while rubbing his chest to soothe him in the bassinet, when he woke up screaming. He grabbed it, smashed it on his face and fell dead asleep (for another 20 minutes). He would not let it go and woke when I tried to pull it away from his face. Mom is a sweetheart, but co-sleeps every night, only started even setting him down for naps at my prompting just a few weeks ago (his head is flat on one side from being held so tightly for the first 4 months). I truly do not believe he was set down for the first 4 months, until I started prodding. I have tried to kindly tell them they need to teach him to self-soothe, but I think I am dealing with some major attachment parenting styles. They seem receptive, but I feel like I am doing all the legwork because I gentle sleep trained my daughter pretty young.

I share a lot of their values, but this is making my days torture and my daughters behaviors are changing because she gets so little attention. He's my first infant in care and the difficulty is really knocking my confidence to pursue this. I can tell any suggestion of "let him cry a little" is upsetting to the mom. She tenses up if I even suggest waiting a moment to go into the room. Dad seems annoyed that I keep communicating with them about tips and tricks. I can tell he wants me to shut up. They are truly a nice family and I am new so I am second guessing my instincts. I want to find joy in this and I do love the little buggar. Help!

Last edited by Blackcat31; 08-21-2019 at 09:18 AM. Reason: added spaces for easier reading
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Old 08-20-2019, 09:44 PM
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Mom2Two Mom2Two is online now
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Sounds like you're a new provider with a rough baby.

If it were me, I would be first asking for info on the calorie needs and weight gain. Baby might not be feeling good, and they can be fussy just because they are not getting their nutritional needs met.

It's tough. You've got a client, but will this baby be of-putting to other clients? How quickly do you need to ramp up your clientele?
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Old 08-21-2019, 05:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyLynn View Post
Mom is a sweetheart, but co-sleeps every night, only started even setting him down for naps at my prompting just a few weeks ago (his head is flat on one side from being held so tightly for the first 4 months). I truly do not believe he was set down for the first 4 months, until I started prodding. I have tried to kindly tell them they need to teach him to self-soothe, but I think I am dealing with some major attachment parenting styles. They seem receptive, but I feel like I am doing all the legwork because I gentle sleep trained my daughter pretty young. I share a lot of their values, but this is making my days torture and my daughters behaviors are changing because she gets so little attention. He's my first infant in care and the difficulty is really knocking my confidence to pursue this. I can tell any suggestion of "let him cry a little" is upsetting to the mom. She tenses up if I even suggest waiting a moment to go into the room. Dad seems annoyed that I keep communicating with them about tips and tricks. I can tell he wants me to shut up. They are truly a nice family and I am new so I am second guessing my instincts. I want to find joy in this and I do love the little buggar. Help!
It seems to me, your biggest problem is the parents. You are doing all the legwork because the parents don't seem interested in changing their own behaviors. Until they change what they're doing at home, you're probably going to continue to struggle with the baby at day care. He expects to be held all the time because that's what he's used to getting at home. I've had several infants who are used to co-sleeping and being held all the time. They eventually get used to the routine here but in my experience, they're the toughest babies to care for because I can't give them what their used to getting at home. Most of those babies have settled in for me eventually but it takes a lot of patience and effort on my part. Every time they come back from a week off, it's a struggle to get them back to where they were before they left.
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Old 08-21-2019, 07:26 AM
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GypsyLynn GypsyLynn is offline
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Originally Posted by Mom2Two View Post
Sounds like you're a new provider with a rough baby.

If it were me, I would be first asking for info on the calorie needs and weight gain. Baby might not be feeling good, and they can be fussy just because they are not getting their nutritional needs met.

It's tough. You've got a client, but will this baby be of-putting to other clients? How quickly do you need to ramp up your clientele?
His calories are all set now that we are mixing formula with his breast milk, the doctor said what I had been feeding him was completely fine but that the breast knuckles self was most likely low-calorie. His last visit he was up to the 30th percentile and his definitely gaining weight and much more content about his eating habits.

Now that we are past the food hurdle Iím trying to gently settle him into routine so that I can have him on a schedule by the time I take on new clients and hoping by the end of this coming month. I have 2 in waiting, for licensing.
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Old 08-21-2019, 09:18 AM
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I would not involve them anymore in what I am doing at my home. You tried and they are not going to change. The unfortunate thing is that this child is insecurely attached to his parents and you have zero idea of what is actually happening at home. The parents might seem sweet, innocent and only want the best but their behaviour says otherwise to me.

I would sleep train this child so he is getting sleep and keep doing it until I have established that he is safe in my care. Treat him as if he is your own child and fix the problem as best you can on your end. Picking a child up when they are unhappy does not allow the child to learn that the world is a safe place and that they can soothe themselves. I have had kids in care that had to be retrained every Monday or after every long weekend or vacation because the parents refuse to let them feel any emotion besides happiness, thus impeding their development.

Insecure attachment from “attachment parenting” has been the biggest hurdle I have had to face. It is hard to break and I have had to term in the past (after exhausting all options) because of it.
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Old 08-21-2019, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by GypsyLynn View Post
I eventually got napping a bit in the swing (I know that is not okay long-term or when I am licensed and told the parents I needed to stop now that he was finally falling asleep).
I just need to comment that the idea of not sleeping in a swing has NOTHING to do with licensing and EVERYTHING to do with safety.

Too many providers think it isn't okay just because licensing doesn't allow it. It should NEVER be okay under any circumstances simply because it's dangerous.

ETA: I am not yelling at you...
I just need to say that for anyone that might be reading this forum and considering that practice.
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