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Crystal 06:36 AM 08-07-2012
If you thought a Daycare Parent was saying negative things about you, judging your parenting or caregiving style, how would you feel? What, if anything, would you do? Would you want to continue working with them?

What if you came across a forum and found evidence that a parent was saying negative things about you? Would you say something? Would you keep quiet and just be resentful about it?

Just some food for thought............
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Heidi 07:00 AM 08-07-2012
You're right of course. I TRY to limit my questions or comments to getting answers or ideas for problems. But, I have, on occasion, probably said things here that I wouldn't say to someone directly. It happens at home, too. Sometimes, my dh complains about his mother or a sibling to me...but doesn't go talk to them about it.

Wall need a place to "vent" with people who understand the ins-and-outs. We don't have co-workers (for the most part) to share with, and unless our spouse's work with us, they almost always don't "get" it. Many of our spouse's think we are basically stay-at-home moms who bring in a few extra $.

So, I am excusing those of us who have occasionally come here to complain. We don't identify the person doing we are complaining about, and many times when it's really bad, we post unregistered so that we can also not be identified.

So, would I be upset if a dc parent came and blasted ME on the internet? Yes. Would I know that some anonymous person blasted another anonymous person...and the person being blasted was ME? Probably not.

Good discussion, though!

Edited to add: About judging parenting style. Yeah, that's not really cool. Unless that parenting style affects everyone around the child, including the dcp, and every person in every public place that child is in. I spent the entire "vacation" weekend last weekend listening to ONE child (2 1/2) scream endlessly for not getting her way. There were 20 children there, and we heard ONE child over and over and over. Day and Night. Not cool! So, I believe I may have judged that just a little....maybe because mom largely ignored the whole situation and everyone suffered.
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Truly Scrumptious 07:01 AM 08-07-2012
I'm sure I've said or done something before, which made me the topic of conversation at the dinner table....but, what I don't know, won't hurt me.
But, if I had solid evidence that a parent was speaking negatively about me, then I would have to address it, otherwise it would affect our relationship.
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Crystal 07:46 AM 08-07-2012
I agree everyone needs a place to vent/complain/etc. That isn't really what I am talking about. I am talking specifically about judging parenting style.

I think that we all have a "sixth sense" and can FEEL it when someone feels negatively about us. It's kind of a tension in the air, so to speak. I know when I feel negatively about someone, my demeanor changes.

I think when we feel negatively about a parent, it shows.....in our interactions, our body language, the way we greet them at the door.
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Blackcat31 07:47 AM 08-07-2012
This subject comes up every so often and when it does, I assume it is on the heels of a particularly harsh vent about a parent and/or a situation regarding their actions.

Anyways, I think that it is important for providers AND parents to be able to vent about things and get them out there. I don't really think that there have been any really controversial threads lately but even so, venting about things is healthy and unfortunately a part of life so it is impossible to stop doing it or restrict others from doing so.

The important thing is that we are doing it in a respectful manner. We cannot vent, insult or be downright judgmental about people unless we have taken steps to either rectify or at least understand the situation first.

As providers it is our responsibility to address issues with parents and as parents, if they have issues with the provider, she should be the first one to know about it.

Neither parent or provider can fix or change something if it isn't brought to their attention.

I think venting is necessary and by posting vents on this forum, we gain valuable insight to our situation. NOT always the words we want to hear, but often times we are given a perspective that we weren't aware of or hadn't considered before and that is healthy!

Then there is the case of little vents and snippets that we say just to say and move along our merry ways. That kind of venting is also beneficial as sometimes just getting something off your chest is healing in a way and allows us to move on and not stress over it anymore.

If you have been on this forum for even a few months, it is easy to see that there are hundreds of different styles of parenting just as there are hundreds of ways to run a child care business.

Bottom line is, venting is not bashing and negative thoughts and personal judgments are simply feelings. Unless there are actions connected to or tied to those thoughts, then there is nothing wrong with how you feel. I won't apologize for being human.

I will not pretend that everything is always positive and sunny all the time.

Life does throw us some doozy situations and some parents (and providers) that bring us to our breaking points but ultimately if we can still conduct ourselves in a professional manner and do what we need to do for the best interest of ALL involved, then it is a good day.

Here is a sign I have posted in my child care. It can be applied anywhere.
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Crystal 07:48 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious:
I'm sure I've said or done something before, which made me the topic of conversation at the dinner table....but, what I don't know, won't hurt me.
But, if I had solid evidence that a parent was speaking negatively about me, then I would have to address it, otherwise it would affect our relationship.
The bolded part....do you not think you could sense it if a parent felt negatively about you?

And, yes, I would have to address it too. But, I wonder, if a parent came to many of us and said "I understand you feel this way about my parenting" HOw would we react?
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Blackcat31 07:52 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I agree everyone needs a place to vent/complain/etc. That isn't really what I am talking about. I am talking specifically about judging parenting style.

I think that we all have a "sixth sense" and can FEEL it when someone feels negatively about us. It's kind of a tension in the air, so to speak. I know when I feel negatively about someone, my demeanor changes.

I think when we feel negatively about a parent, it shows.....in our interactions, our body language, the way we greet them at the door.
Sorry Crystal...I posted before I fully understood what you meant.

You are absolutely correct though....body language says more than words could ever say sometimes.

I have had parents who have rolled their eyes at me and others who said everything with a smile but through clenched teeth. I can feel it and I can absolutely sense it. I am sure it goes both ways.

I am not one to let things like that slide and will always bring it up to the parent if I sense they are unhappy or if I am unhappy about something.

My DCF's appreciate the openness and I for one, feel that is one of the biggest contributing factors to having a business/program that I am happy and satisfied with and I am confident my parents feel the same.
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Crystal 07:59 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
This subject comes up every so often and when it does, I assume it is on the heels of a particularly harsh vent about a parent and/or a situation regarding their actions. I brought this up because I do feel that there is a little too much judgement of parents. I understand we all have our personal beliefs and opinions, but I don't feel it is fair to judge a parent just because they do things differently than we would. If they are being negelctful, or abusive, that's another story and a perfectly good resaon to come on a public forum and ask for advice. Otherwise, just as IRL, it is just gossip.

Anyways, I think that it is important for providers AND parents to be able to vent about things and get them out there. I don't really think that there have been any really controversial threads lately but even so, venting about things is healthy and unfortunately a part of life so it is impossible to stop doing it or restrict others from doing so. Absolutley. I just think we need to think before we post...is what I am about to post really necessary? am I posting it because I need advice from other experienced professionals or am I doing it just to complain?

The important thing is that we are doing it in a respectful manner. We cannot vent, insult or be downright judgmental about people unless we have taken steps to either rectify or at least understand the situation first. I agree. But when I see posts like "why did they bother having a baby.....?" or some other such post, I don't consider it respectful, I consider it hateful, and unnecessary to post.

As providers it is our responsibility to address issues with parents and as parents, if they have issues with the provider, she should be the first one to know about it. Yes. And I would like to think that the parent should be the first one to know about it if we have an issue with them....not the WWW.

Neither parent or provider can fix or change something if it isn't brought to their attention.

I think venting is necessary and by posting vents on this forum, we gain valuable insight to our situation. NOT always the words we want to hear, but often times we are given a perspective that we weren't aware of or hadn't considered before and that is healthy! Perspective is what I am trying to encourage here. My whole reason for the OP. We always look at things from our own perspective. What about that of our DCP?

Then there is the case of little vents and snippets that we say just to say and move along our merry ways. That kind of venting is also beneficial as sometimes just getting something off your chest is healing in a way and allows us to move on and not stress over it anymore.

If you have been on this forum for even a few months, it is easy to see that there are hundreds of different styles of parenting just as there are hundreds of ways to run a child care business.

Bottom line is, venting is not bashing and negative thoughts and personal judgments are simply feelings. Unless there are actions connected to or tied to those thoughts, then there is nothing wrong with how you feel. I won't apologize for being human. I have to repspectfully disagree. Bashing is unnecessary and unfair and if someone was bashing us, I think many would term.

I will not pretend that everything is always positive and sunny all the time.Me either. But, I know you Blackcat....you would address it with the parent directly, or you would take it to the member forum and ask for advice without calling the parent a "bad parent"

Life does throw us some doozy situations and some parents (and providers) that bring us to our breaking points but ultimately if we can still conduct ourselves in a professional manner and do what we need to do for the best interest of ALL involved, then it is a good day.

Here is a sign I have posted in my child care. It can be applied anywhere.
I responded in bold above. Thank you for your insight
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Crystal 08:05 AM 08-07-2012
Off topic, but related to venting and it being "healthy" I agree, to a point, that it is healthy. But when it happens regularly, I don't feel that it is healthy. I feel that taking action would be the helathy choice......doing something to resolve the situation....whether that be a frank conversation with the parent or terminating care because your differences cannot be resolved....that would be the healthy choice.
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Country Kids 08:20 AM 08-07-2012
Oh, i've had people say to me things about parenting.

1. I never thought you would have kids, I didn't think you liked them. (I love kids, I don't like children that manipulate parents and throw up when they don't get their way)

2. Why is your child stuck-up? (My child was one at the time and very shy! Didn't like being passed around to everyone)

3. My kids had jobs during high school, you should make them get jobs (I won't even go into this one! Lets just say these kids who are now adults, nah I'm not going there)

4. Your child knows to much about subjects we are studying in school-this was from a teacher! (I'm sorry if I don't allow my kids hours in front of the tv/video games and we go places and see things.

These are just a few of the things people have said to me personally over the years. They are judging my parenting by these phrases and believe you me most of these were years ago but I remember them to this day because of the way they were said.
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Crystal 08:25 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Oh, i've had people say to me things about parenting.

1. I never thought you would have kids, I didn't think you liked them. (I love kids, I don't like children that manipulate parents and throw up when they don't get their way)

2. Why is your child stuck-up? (My child was one at the time and very shy! Didn't like being passed around to everyone)

3. My kids had jobs during high school, you should make them get jobs (I won't even go into this one! Lets just say these kids who are now adults, nah I'm not going there)

4. Your child knows to much about subjects we are studying in school-this was from a teacher! (I'm sorry if I don't allow my kids hours in front of the tv/video games and we go places and see things.

These are just a few of the things people have said to me personally over the years. They are judging my parenting by these phrases and believe you me most of these were years ago but I remember them to this day because of the way they were said.
And every one of those things were hurtful, right? The one thing I gotta say though, is at least these people had the $#%$#%$ to say it to your face. They came to you and said what they felt, or what was bothering them. They didn't say these things behind your back and then wallow around in resentment about you. Certainly, their judgement of you was wrong, and would have been better kept to themselves (for you) but at least they were honest with you.
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morgan24 08:26 AM 08-07-2012
I would not be happy about it and I would say something to them about it. I had dcp's that talked bad about me to other providers in my area and I asked dcm about it and she said that they didn't like that their brought a movie everyday and I wouldn't let him watch it. I have a daycare room in my walk out basement and it doesn't have a tv and she wanted me to let him stay upstairs and watch tv. I will admit I was pretty mad and I gave her two weeks notice. She sent dcd to pick up and tell me they weren't coming back. Then on Monday he called and asked if I would take them back cause none of other providers would take them.

I do like to vent on occasion, but I agree with Crystal that it's healthier to solve the situation. It keeps me happier to be able to have a frank conversation with the parents when something isn't right.
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Crazy8 08:27 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I agree everyone needs a place to vent/complain/etc. That isn't really what I am talking about. I am talking specifically about judging parenting style.

I think that we all have a "sixth sense" and can FEEL it when someone feels negatively about us. It's kind of a tension in the air, so to speak. I know when I feel negatively about someone, my demeanor changes.

I think when we feel negatively about a parent, it shows.....in our interactions, our body language, the way we greet them at the door.
I absolutely think people can feel it. I know a family member who feels my own kids are too "wild" etc. I know she doesn't agree with my parenting style but I also don't agree with hers (creating stepford children - think its going to backfire big time someday) and I am sure it comes across in our communications. For the most part though I am a believer in live and let live so I don't think I give off too many negative "vibes" to my daycare parents - I am not sure I'd be able to have a good working relationship with one if I was really dead set against their parenting style.
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Country Kids 08:35 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
And every one of those things were hurtful, right? The one thing I gotta say though, is at least these people had the $#%$#%$ to say it to your face. They came to you and said what they felt, or what was bothering them. They didn't say these things behind your back and then wallow around in resentment about you. Certainly, their judgement of you was wrong, and would have been better kept to themselves (for you) but at least they were honest with you.
No, I think I was more shocked then hurt.

1. Their child would throw up when they didn't get their way. I didn't buy into it and so I didn't like children.

2. Was from above child when child was grown and my child didn't want to be held by them.

3. Shocked a teacher would even say this! Many complaints from parents over the years on this teacher but they keep them.

4. Like I said "I won't go there on this one."
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Blackcat31 08:46 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
No, I think I was more shocked then hurt.
1. Their child would throw up when they didn't get their way. I didn't buy into it and so I didn't like children.

2. Was from above child when child was grown and my child didn't want to be held by them.

3. Shocked a teacher would even say this! Many complaints from parents over the years on this teacher but they keep them.

4. Like I said "I won't go there on this one."
Why were you shocked?

Just curious....(and wanting to engage in a more indepth convo about this subject in general)
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Country Kids 09:01 AM 08-07-2012
I guess I was taken back by the comments:

1. This was said when we were expecting our third child. I had been doing childcare 5 or 6 years by then. Yep, totally don't like children. Also, I didn't sympathize with their child when they didn't get their way and would throw up.

Also, the next thing the person said was "People are going to wonder what religion you guys are!" We were only pregnant with #3!

2. Seriously, a one year old stuck up? I guess it was the wording the shocked me more then anything.

3. I would never imagine a teacher saying a child having knowlege on a subject was a bad thing!

4. Just because your child worked through high school and wasn't allowed to play sports or anything doesn't mean thats perfect for every child out there. I really have to bite my tongue with this person because of the way the "kids" turned out to be.
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daycarediva 09:45 AM 08-07-2012
I have a dcm who I have drastically different parenting styles with. She fully expects her 3 yo to KNOW BETTER than to do x, y, z. When this dcb gets even spoken to about his behavior he gets full on crying and says "I'm a bad boy!" Um, no. Hitting was bad, YOU are not bad. Next time we don't hit, we tell Miss. **** that your friend took your toy. He calls my daycare kids bad ALLLLL the time. I don't do 'bad' 'good' PEOPLE. People make mistakes, ESPECIALLY 3 year old PEOPLE. It is even to the point that unless his behavior was wayyyy over the top, I won't write ANYTHING neg. on his sheet because she is so nasty to him (hours later, really???) She also thinks that kids don't have personalities. She has made comments about other kids in my care "Oh, he's wild!" (no he isn't, he's 2 and we are waiting for you to leave so we can go back outside!) etc. She is a roll her eyes and do whatever parent because 'it works'. (It really doesn't, dcb is the 'worst' behavior offender here, but not until my back is turned or attention is diverted. She is the one who nit-picks my youngest ds, and it drives me batty. I had to flat out say that if you don't think I am a good mother, why would you leave your child with me for 50 hours a week?
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Lianne 10:18 AM 08-07-2012
I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.
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sharlan 10:51 AM 08-07-2012
[quote=Lianne;251689]I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.[/QUOTE]

I guess I try to be more careful about what I say because I was you. The problem is, I was "venting" to another friend and didn't realize that my friend had walked up and was standing behind me. I apologized and made numerous attempts to rebuild the friendship, but of course, she wanted nothing to do with me. She didn't want to be around someone who hated her kids. I mourn that friendship 30 years later.
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Crystal 11:13 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Lianne:
I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.
Lianne....I think I have told you before, but I will say it again.....YOU ROCK!

This is what I was hoping for from my OP, and although you had already realized it, I feel you have validated my point. That we need to look at things from all perspectives when we "vent" about people we work for/with as well as in our personal lives. How would WE feel if the shoe were on the other foot?

Thank you for not taking my post as trying to start controversy, but rather to discuss something that is REALLY important if we are going to make it as providers, working with a diverse group of families, who may or may not parent the same way we do. And, thank you too, for pointing out that we do this in our personal lives as well and that we should all step back and take a look at how we treat others....whether face to face or when they are out of earshot.
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Crystal 11:14 AM 08-07-2012
[quote=sharlan;251711]
Originally Posted by Lianne:
I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.[/QUOTE]

I guess I try to be more careful about what I say because I was you. The problem is, I was "venting" to another friend and didn't realize that my friend had walked up and was standing behind me. I apologized and made numerous attempts to rebuild the friendship, but of course, she wanted nothing to do with me. She didn't want to be around someone who hated her kids. I mourn that friendship 30 years later.
Live and learn, huh? Sorry that happened to you.
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My3cents 11:18 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I responded in bold above. Thank you for your insight
During my breaks or down time, I come here to read and respond when I can and so often I read what interest me or skip around. I feel like I am missing something to this thread. What are you applying this too?

Has a parent bad mouthed you online? Trying to make heads or tails of this conversation. I often know what I am saying but don't have the words to make everyone else understand what I am trying to get across or what is held up in my head.

Can you dissect this a bit for me?
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My3cents 11:22 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
And every one of those things were hurtful, right? The one thing I gotta say though, is at least these people had the $#%$#%$ to say it to your face. They came to you and said what they felt, or what was bothering them. They didn't say these things behind your back and then wallow around in resentment about you. Certainly, their judgement of you was wrong, and would have been better kept to themselves (for you) but at least they were honest with you.
Chrystal you don't seem like the type of person to let someone else knowingly bash you behind your back. I see you as bringing the conversation to the table and talking it out.

Still lost in this but trying to figure it out
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Lianne 11:22 AM 08-07-2012
[quote=sharlan;251711]
Originally Posted by Lianne:
I would definitely be hurt and upset. As much as I try not to let it, what others think and say about me is important to me especially when it comes from someone I trust and respect and whose trust and respect I want in return.

Funny you post this today. I try not to vent publicly about specific people or their choices. I will vent about issues I'm having but try to keep my venting as vague as I can and when I vent, I try to ask constructive questions in an effort to find a way to resolve what's bothering me.

However, my best friend is making parenting choices that I cannot stand. I feel that her choices are creating issues with her children and as a result of those issues, I don't really want to be around them much. Her youngest child is now in my care part time and I get even more frustrated when her parenting choices make my job with her child more difficult. I'm still trying to find a balance between maintaining our friendship and my frustration with her children/parenting. What I don't like is my recent behaviour. A mutual friend and I have been venting about my best friend and her kids/parenting lately. I call it venting but really, we're gossiping and being very critical. I'm disappointed in myself and, since realizing (this weekend) what a b.itch I've been, I'm going to be working hard to avoid gossiping about my friend again. I still don't agree with a lot of her parenting and when I choose to socialize with this friend, I'll do so knowing her children's behaviour annoys me thus ignoring it as much as I possibly can.

Regardless of my friend's parenting choices and my views on them and even though she is unaware of my gossiping about her, she deserves better than how I've been treating her lately.

Going back to your questions, if she knew what I've been saying and what I've allowed others to say about her, she'd be crushed, humiliated and horrified. I'm ashamed of myself and it's time to correct my mistakes.[/QUOTE]

I guess I try to be more careful about what I say because I was you. The problem is, I was "venting" to another friend and didn't realize that my friend had walked up and was standing behind me. I apologized and made numerous attempts to rebuild the friendship, but of course, she wanted nothing to do with me. She didn't want to be around someone who hated her kids. I mourn that friendship 30 years later.
I almost had that happen to me the other day. I thought this friend was behind me as soon as I said something nasty about her parenting choices. That was the moment I realized I was being cruel. If I don't want her to hear what I'm saying then I have no business saying it.
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Lianne 11:30 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Lianne....I think I have told you before, but I will say it again.....YOU ROCK!

This is what I was hoping for from my OP, and although you had already realized it, I feel you have validated my point. That we need to look at things from all perspectives when we "vent" about people we work for/with as well as in our personal lives. How would WE feel if the shoe were on the other foot?

Thank you for not taking my post as trying to start controversy, but rather to discuss something that is REALLY important if we are going to make it as providers, working with a diverse group of families, who may or may not parent the same way we do. And, thank you too, for pointing out that we do this in our personal lives as well and that we should all step back and take a look at how we treat others....whether face to face or when they are out of earshot.
Funny you say this because I wondered if I was 'getting' what you wanted me to from your post since I was referencing a situation that wasn't daycare related and one where I was doing the bad mouthing. I guess I do 'get it' though, lol.

I'm not proud of my recent behaviour but I'm human and can admit I make mistakes once I realize what I've done. I've been reflecting this morning on the situation and trying to better understand why I feel so frustrated with this friend and her choices. It's not the first time I've disagreed with a friend's parenting but I've never been so mean about it before. Part of making things right is understanding why it happened in the first place.
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Truly Scrumptious 11:52 AM 08-07-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
The bolded part....do you not think you could sense it if a parent felt negatively about you?

And, yes, I would have to address it too. But, I wonder, if a parent came to many of us and said "I understand you feel this way about my parenting" HOw would we react?


I, like Blackcat...have had a "feeling" that something might be wrong with a parent and I have questioned them about it. If I pick up on body language or a silent moment, then I will call attention to it, but in a positive way. I might say, "I noticed you hesitated before you answered my question about (child's) behavior....is there something you want to talk about? Remember, it's important for us to communicate openly with each other".

If a parent came to me and made a statement about the way I felt about their parenting style...We would have to discuss it and I would have to be honest.
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MizzCheryl 06:56 PM 08-07-2012
I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes.
The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her?
Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby? I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. The Landlord respects them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should I respect them just cause they made a baby?
Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??
Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that.
Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers.
Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you?
I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations. Should we just be stepford daycare providers?
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cheerfuldom 08:00 PM 08-07-2012
eeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it. Like the PP said, this board is for discussions/venting/support and I dont have a problem with what I see posted or what I personally post. If someone feels sensitive about the nature of forums in general, then it is up to you to stay off the forum instead of trying to change the basic foundation of a forum. If we cant discuss/vent/help/advise here, then what the heck is this forum even for???

As for judging parents.....well all I can say is that I do get tired of people (not just the OP because I see this type of comment on multiple online places) coming and basically "judging" the rest of the posters for "judging" others.....pot calling the kettle black?

I dont feel bad at all about what I posted on the "one hour a day family". No it might not be what everyone else agreed with but I am fine with agreeing to disagree. If someone is not able to do that in online forums, then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided
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countrymom 04:33 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Clueless:
I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes.
The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her?
Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby? I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. The Landlord respects them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should I respect them just cause they made a baby?
Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??
Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that.
Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers.
Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you?
I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations. Should we just be stepford daycare providers?
you wrote exactly what I would have wrote too. I agree with you all the way!!!
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countrymom 04:34 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
eeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it. Like the PP said, this board is for discussions/venting/support and I dont have a problem with what I see posted or what I personally post. If someone feels sensitive about the nature of forums in general, then it is up to you to stay off the forum instead of trying to change the basic foundation of a forum. If we cant discuss/vent/help/advise here, then what the heck is this forum even for???

As for judging parents.....well all I can say is that I do get tired of people (not just the OP because I see this type of comment on multiple online places) coming and basically "judging" the rest of the posters for "judging" others.....pot calling the kettle black?

I dont feel bad at all about what I posted on the "one hour a day family". No it might not be what everyone else agreed with but I am fine with agreeing to disagree. If someone is not able to do that in online forums, then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided

awesome, awesome post!! I also agree with your post too!
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My3cents 04:39 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
This subject comes up every so often and when it does, I assume it is on the heels of a particularly harsh vent about a parent and/or a situation regarding their actions. I brought this up because I do feel that there is a little too much judgement of parents. I understand we all have our personal beliefs and opinions, but I don't feel it is fair to judge a parent just because they do things differently than we would. If they are being negelctful, or abusive, that's another story and a perfectly good resaon to come on a public forum and ask for advice. Otherwise, just as IRL, it is just gossip.I am still trying to make heads or tails out of all of this but I wanted to comment here. Gossip can be configured to anytime someone opens there mouth and makes a comment about anything. I see nothing wrong with talking things out, to try to make sense of or understand. Sometimes we have to say harsh things to understand. It is how we learn. Gossip comes in a form of nasty not caring, trying to start trouble, trying to bring the other person down on purpose.

Anyways, I think that it is important for providers AND parents to be able to vent about things and get them out there. I don't really think that there have been any really controversial threads lately but even so, venting about things is healthy and unfortunately a part of life so it is impossible to stop doing it or restrict others from doing so. Absolutley. I just think we need to think before we post...is what I am about to post really necessary? am I posting it because I need advice from other experienced professionals or am I doing it just to complain?What does it matter if someone is complaining. Having a place to vent and complain among others that understand or have the insight to have understanding is healthy.

The important thing is that we are doing it in a respectful manner. We cannot vent, insult or be downright judgmental about people unless we have taken steps to either rectifyI don't know if I agree with this. I say this because I have limits of what I am willing to personally allow in my life. I guess that makes me judgementive off some things, but I feel I have been given the brain to form those for myself. I don't want to subject myself to certain things in life. For other people they are fine with it. For me I am not. I don't want to try to understand things that I don't have any desire to participate in. or at least understand the situation first. I agree. But when I see posts like "why did they bother having a baby.....?" or some other such post, I don't consider it respectful, I consider it hateful, and unnecessary to post.It takes all kinds of parents. How many kids that someone chooses to have and how they parent is not our business. It is our business when we decide that we don't want to be involved with someone that is way off on the way that we do things to the point of having too much conflict. It is ok for our personal self to say enough, I don't live this way. Anyway just morning rambling and this is one of those times that I probably know what I mean more then I am conveying it through my typed words. Hey I try-

As providers it is our responsibility to address issues with parents and as parents, if they have issues with the provider, she should be the first one to know about it. Yes. And I would like to think that the parent should be the first one to know about it if we have an issue with them....not the WWW.

Neither parent or provider can fix or change something if it isn't brought to their attention.

I think venting is necessary and by posting vents on this forum, we gain valuable insight to our situation. NOT always the words we want to hear, but often times we are given a perspective that we weren't aware of or hadn't considered before and that is healthy! Perspective is what I am trying to encourage here. My whole reason for the OP. We always look at things from our own perspective. What about that of our DCP?

Then there is the case of little vents and snippets that we say just to say and move along our merry ways. That kind of venting is also beneficial as sometimes just getting something off your chest is healing in a way and allows us to move on and not stress over it anymore.

If you have been on this forum for even a few months, it is easy to see that there are hundreds of different styles of parenting just as there are hundreds of ways to run a child care business.

Bottom line is, venting is not bashing and negative thoughts and personal judgments are simply feelings. Unless there are actions connected to or tied to those thoughts, then there is nothing wrong with how you feel. I won't apologize for being human. I have to repspectfully disagree. Bashing is unnecessary and unfair and if someone was bashing us, I think many would term.

I will not pretend that everything is always positive and sunny all the time.Me either. But, I know you Blackcat....you would address it with the parent directly, or you would take it to the member forum and ask for advice without calling the parent a "bad parent"

Life does throw us some doozy situations and some parents (and providers) that bring us to our breaking points but ultimately if we can still conduct ourselves in a professional manner and do what we need to do for the best interest of ALL involved, then it is a good day.bravo, thank you for this place to vent and share and the friendships

Here is a sign I have posted in my child care. It can be applied anywhere.

I posted above in red.......
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JustAMom 06:34 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Clueless:
I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes.
The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her?
Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby? I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. The Landlord respects them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should I respect them just cause they made a baby?
Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??
Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that.
Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers.
Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you?
I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations. Should we just be stepford daycare providers?
This post makes me extremely angry and grateful that you are not *my* daycare provider. No one ever said you weren't allowed to discuss your job or vent. The point is that sometimes it crosses the line. I honestly wonder when reading some of the posts here why some of you continue to work with people you despise so much? I wouldn't want to send my kids to someone who hated me/us. I've read posts here calling babies "annoying" and other things that turn my stomach. I suppose you don't have to respect parents just because they had sex and had a baby, but if they are your customers I'd think you could at least try. I do not bad mouth my customers, even anonymously. If I did, I wouldn't have a job. Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Should I respect you just because you decided to open a daycare? I respect people who respect me.
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Crystal 07:49 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Clueless:
I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes. Exactly what this forum is for, I believe.

The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her? I started a new thread so that I would not derail the OP's thread..... the one you refer too. I'd like to keep this particular thread on the original topic. I admit that I mentioned that thread.....although not directly....and for that I was wrong

Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Of course we are.

Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby?No

I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. They respect them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should IO respect them just cause they made a baby?No one said you should.

Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??Nothing I have referred to was in the venting thread.I agree, vent in the venting thread!

Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that. Certainly nothing wrong with that.

Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. Absolutley some do. And they definitely do not deserve our respect, they deserve a quick, swift kick in the rear on their way out the door, however I wasn't referring to parents like that....I simply asked about judging parenting styles and how we would feel if we were the ones being judged.

I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers. Me either.

Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you? This is a hugely false assumption. There have been providers and parents on this forum who have discovered they DO know one another and not so good things have happened....that's the GREAT nature of the [url]WWW. But, I do agree, that yes, for the most part, this is a safe forum to vent.

I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations.Me too.

Should we just be stepford daycare providers?
I responded in bold above. Just want to add..... as providers, who do this as a career, we might want to think about how we "come off" to our parents....they do pay our bills. If they don't deserve "our" respect, do they really deserve "our" service? If "we" don't respect them, then why keep them.....because of the money, maybe? I don't know....I couldn't provide care for a family that d I disrepected so much that I felt the need to vent about them on a public forum. Not even for the money.
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Crystal 08:01 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
eeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it. Like the PP said, this board is for discussions/venting/support and I dont have a problem with what I see posted or what I personally post. If someone feels sensitive about the nature of forums in general, then it is up to you to stay off the forum instead of trying to change the basic foundation of a forum. If we cant discuss/vent/help/advise here, then what the heck is this forum even for??? Really??? TRying to change the basic foundation of the forum simply because I posted about something that bugs the heck out of me? Whatever...

As for judging parents.....well all I can say is that I do get tired of people (not just the OP because I see this type of comment on multiple online places) coming and basically "judging" the rest of the posters for "judging" others.....pot calling the kettle black? Not really. Not judging....trying to get others to see things from a parents' perspective, which I think is extremely important if a provider is going to make it in this field.

I dont feel bad at all about what I posted on the "one hour a day family". No it might not be what everyone else agreed with but I am fine with agreeing to disagree. If someone is not able to do that in online forums, then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided Again, I started a new thread so as not to derail that thread....this thread is about judging parenting styles and how we as providers would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. There was mention of that particular thread....the one that you are referring to, and for that I apoligize, as I was not trying to single out any one provider or thread....this was supposed to be "in general" thread.
eeeeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it either, and I am going to continue discussing this as I see fit, just as you and others continue to discuss parents...which is your perogative......

And, I suppose, as you say, if you don't like what I have to say, which seems to be often, "then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided"
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Crystal 08:02 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by JustAMom:
This post makes me extremely angry and grateful that you are not *my* daycare provider. No one ever said you weren't allowed to discuss your job or vent. The point is that sometimes it crosses the line. I honestly wonder when reading some of the posts here why some of you continue to work with people you despise so much? I wouldn't want to send my kids to someone who hated me/us. I've read posts here calling babies "annoying" and other things that turn my stomach. I suppose you don't have to respect parents just because they had sex and had a baby, but if they are your customers I'd think you could at least try. I do not bad mouth my customers, even anonymously. If I did, I wouldn't have a job. Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Should I respect you just because you decided to open a daycare? I respect people who respect me.
Thanks Mom! I agree.
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Crystal 08:09 AM 08-08-2012
I'd like to thank those of you who have kept this on topic and have had a productive discussion with me. I never intended for this to become a "heated" thread, but, as usual, there are a few here who will take task to anything I say.
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Crystal 08:10 AM 08-08-2012
I asked a Mom if she were to ever feel that I was judgemental of her as a parent what she would do. She said she would have no choice but to find a new provider. She said she would not want her child to be with a provider who did not respect her choices as a parent because resentment may build and be directed at her child. I feel the same as her.

And again, this may be something ALL providers want to consider when "judging" the families they work with.
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cheerfuldom 08:11 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
eeeeehhhh....I'm not going to worry about it either, and I am going to continue discussing this as I see fit, just as you and others continue to discuss parents...which is your perogative......

And, I suppose, as you say, if you don't like what I have to say, which seems to be often, "then it would be best to just know that online forums or particular threads should be avoided"
doesnt bother me to read your threads or postings. sometimes we do agree. if we dont, it doesnt bother me at all. I think thats the difference....it clearly bothers you that other people posted opinions far different than your own. It is good to remind everyone to see things from the parents perspective so I get some of what you are saying....I just think you are reading way too far into some of these threads and obviously getting upset about it.
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Crystal 08:14 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
doesnt bother me to read your threads or postings. sometimes we do agree. if we dont, it doesnt bother me at all. I think thats the difference....it clearly bothers you that other people posted opinions far different than your own. It is good to remind everyone to see things from the parents perspective so I get some of what you are saying....I just think you are reading way too far into some of these threads and obviously getting upset about it.
Oh, I was never "upset". I don't usually get "upset". I just say what I feel and am usually pretty direct about it.....it's great for keeping stress levels down.

It does bother me however, as alot of parents come here and see these posts about parents/families/children and we ALL get painted with the same brush. I think it puts a really bad taste in parents' mouth about daycare in general.
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Truly Scrumptious 08:32 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by JustAMom:
This post makes me extremely angry and grateful that you are not *my* daycare provider. No one ever said you weren't allowed to discuss your job or vent. The point is that sometimes it crosses the line. I honestly wonder when reading some of the posts here why some of you continue to work with people you despise so much? I wouldn't want to send my kids to someone who hated me/us. I've read posts here calling babies "annoying" and other things that turn my stomach. I suppose you don't have to respect parents just because they had sex and had a baby, but if they are your customers I'd think you could at least try. I do not bad mouth my customers, even anonymously. If I did, I wouldn't have a job. Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Should I respect you just because you decided to open a daycare? I respect people who respect me.
I agree....when parents come to the first interview at my child care, I remind them that we will be raising (their child) together and that it's very important that our "styles" are a match. I go over the rules and expectations of the house, and when we're through, I tell them to go home and think about everything we've discussed and if there is anything they disagree with, then this is probably not the place for them.
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Blackcat31 08:40 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious:
I agree....when parents come to the first interview at my child care, I remind them that we will be raising (their child) together and that it's very important that our "styles" are a match. I go over the rules and expectations of the house, and when we're through, I tell them to go home and think about everything we've discussed and if there is anything they disagree with, then this is probably not the place for them.
THIS is exactly why some providers have great working relationships with their parents. The number one priority is being a good match NOT the income the family will bring in.

I understand that income is why most of us do this but too many providers are held financially hostage by the income "ill fitting" families bring in.

Those situations cause way too much stress, disagreeing and bad behaviors from providers, parents and children......ultimately leading down a path of eruption sooner or later.
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Truly Scrumptious 08:45 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
THIS is exactly why some providers have great working relationships with their parents. The number one priority is being a good match NOT the income the family will bring in.

I understand that income is why most of us do this but too many providers are held financially hostage by the income "ill fitting" families bring in.

Those situations cause way too much stress, disagreeing and bad behaviors from providers, parents and children......ultimately leading down a path of eruption sooner or later.
You are exactly right!
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MizzCheryl 09:40 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I responded in bold above. Just want to add..... as providers, who do this as a career, we might want to think about how we "come off" to our parents....they do pay our bills. If they don't deserve "our" respect, do they really deserve "our" service? If "we" don't respect them, then why keep them.....because of the money, maybe? I don't know....I couldn't provide care for a family that d I disrepected so much that I felt the need to vent about them on a public forum. Not even for the money.
Glad you agreed with just about everything I said. We are on the same page except...
My daycare parents do not pay my bills. I pay my bills. Write out the checks every month all by myself.
They pay me for a service I provide for them. I am absolutly sure of how I "come off" to each and every one of my Daycare parents. I know how "I come off" because I am a professional and I am VERY good at my job. But I do not have to shame the providers on this forum to feel good about myself. I am just here joining them.
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SilverSabre25 09:49 AM 08-08-2012
Crystal, to address your original question, I would seethe and be hurt...but examine the accusations honestly with myself to see if there was any truth (however exaggerated or overblown) to what they were saying. Then, I would address it with myself and fix anything that I deemed needed legitimately fixed.

If the accusations were 100% overblown then I would just be on guard with that family.

I wouldn't fire them for it though. And I wouldn't be resentful because they are entitled to their opinion--for example if they're snarking about a policy they didn't like, or something. Okay, I might vent here and be irked for a day or so but I'd get over it. I don't hold grudges except in very rare circumstances.

But maybe I'm a wimp.

I wasn't going to respond to your original post until you mentioned that you were wanting an honest discussion, so there you go.
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cheerfuldom 09:52 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Oh, I was never "upset". I don't usually get "upset". I just say what I feel and am usually pretty direct about it.....it's great for keeping stress levels down.

It does bother me however, as alot of parents come here and see these posts about parents/families/children and we ALL get painted with the same brush. I think it puts a really bad taste in parents' mouth about daycare in general.
well I guess there is where we disagree again. I like having a place where I can vent or get advice from the trenches, so to speak. If that turns off a random parent or person in cyber space, doesnt bother me at all. I guess maybe the difference of opinion is coming about due to the different reasons why people come to this forum. I dont come for the sake of other parents out there possibly reading my posts....I come for support and advice for myself. I dont have time to worry about how every parent out there might take my posts, nor do I even care, to be perfectly honest. I also come to hopefully support other providers, again, doesnt have anything to do with the parents as far as i am concerned.

I think your reasons are admirable OP, I just dont personally agree with some of it and have no problem with feeling a different way.
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cheerfuldom 09:56 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
THIS is exactly why some providers have great working relationships with their parents. The number one priority is being a good match NOT the income the family will bring in.

I understand that income is why most of us do this but too many providers are held financially hostage by the income "ill fitting" families bring in.

Those situations cause way too much stress, disagreeing and bad behaviors from providers, parents and children......ultimately leading down a path of eruption sooner or later.
absolutely agree as well. It is hard when you are trying to balance so many things with home daycare because the reality is that most of us are doing this for the income but its important that we all remember that we in the business of relationships. It does no one any good to remain in a situation where the parents, the provider, the child, the other children in care are unhappy on a daily basis. There are some things that are more important than money!

on the other hand, people post a huge variety of issues on this forum. just because a provider is having a hard time with a particular situation, does not mean that there is no remedy and that the family is necessarily a bad fit. Sometimes it just takes a little tweaking. I dont think it would be fair to expect families and providers to be perfectly matched in every way.....as long as they can respect each other and find a way to work together, they can still make something fit.
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Sugar Magnolia 10:44 AM 08-08-2012
.....but l think I can summarize both viewpoints this way: Yes, we (providers) can and do need to vent when they (parents) do improper things like not pay on time, ignore policy or are disrespectful. I think Crystal's point is we should choose our venting words more carefully so parents reading this forum don't feel hurt or offended by the words like "stupid parents", "annoying kid" or labeling parenting styles as "wrong".
Both viewpoints are valid, and not necessarily at odds. Vent away ladies, you can and you should, just be mindful parents read these posts and we should never come across as mean or spiteful.
Most of us "lose it" every now and then and post things with a chip on our shoulder. Guilty. I blew up on some people in a post about home daycare vs centers. I felt some posters were just bashing centers and generalizing that we (centers) are all the same and ultimately don't care about kids, just $$$. But I really try to never label or bash parents or children. We need to represent our field to the public in a positive way.
In the words of the late Rodney King..."can't we all just get along?"
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Crystal 11:03 AM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
.....but l think I can summarize both viewpoints this way: Yes, we (providers) can and do need to vent when they (parents) do improper things like not pay on time, ignore policy or are disrespectful. I think Crystal's point is we should choose our venting words more carefully so parents reading this forum don't feel hurt or offended by the words like "stupid parents", "annoying kid" or labeling parenting styles as "wrong".
Both viewpoints are valid, and not necessarily at odds. Vent away ladies, you can and you should, just be mindful parents read these posts and we should never come across as mean or spiteful.
Most of us "lose it" every now and then and post things with a chip on our shoulder. Guilty. I blew up on some people in a post about home daycare vs centers. I felt some posters were just bashing centers and generalizing that we (centers) are all the same and ultimately don't care about kids, just $$$. But I really try to never label or bash parents or children. We need to represent our field to the public in a positive way.
In the words of the late Rodney King..."can't we all just get along?"
Yes. Thank you.
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MizzCheryl 02:40 PM 08-08-2012
Originally Posted by JustAMom:
This post makes me extremely angry and grateful that you are not *my* daycare provider. No one ever said you weren't allowed to discuss your job or vent. The point is that sometimes it crosses the line. I honestly wonder when reading some of the posts here why some of you continue to work with people you despise so much? I wouldn't want to send my kids to someone who hated me/us. I've read posts here calling babies "annoying" and other things that turn my stomach. I suppose you don't have to respect parents just because they had sex and had a baby, but if they are your customers I'd think you could at least try. I do not bad mouth my customers, even anonymously. If I did, I wouldn't have a job. Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Should I respect you just because you decided to open a daycare? I respect people who respect me.
What is it about my post that makes you so mad just wondering?
Did my post turn your stomach?


I do have a right to vent and I have a right to my opinion.

When we take classes in early childhood our books and instructors use scenarios to teach us. They use situations that privder may and do encounter in our jobs. That is how we learn.
I learn from this board. Other provder share their experiences with us and we can learn how to better handle the situations.
Lets do put the shoe on the other foot.
Should you respect me just because I opened a Daycare?

Maybe you should base your respect for me on a little more than that.
My education, job performance, My abilty to provide safe and loving care for a child. Reliability, my abilty to work with you on situations. The fact that day after day the child come to my daycare happy to be here and upon leaving one finds the child was well cared for and has a great relationship with the me.
Those are some of the things that might make a parent respect me as a child care provider. That would be me earning respect. MY point Exactly!

On the other hand a parent could earn my respect by following the rules of my daycare, making proper payment, and picking up and dropping off at agreed upon times. The parent could bring their child clean and ready for the day with the supplies needed. They could expect their child to behave and correct them when need be.
However when a parent habitually picks up late, is argumentative, refuses payment, keeps kids out all hours of the night and breaks contract agreements (just to name a few examples) they will not earn my respect.
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sharlan 03:22 PM 08-08-2012
Crystal, thank you for this topic.

I do believe many of us do need a reminder as to where our income comes from. They may not write our checks, but their checks allow us to write ours. I know for a fact that I would not be able to pay my monthly bills without the income they provide.

I think many of us have come into this profession with our eyes closed as well as our minds. I know that when I started 28 years ago, I had some idea as I had been babysitting since I was 13. I also knew how I didn't want my "kids" treated because my kids had way too many horror stories from their short years in daycare.

I've tried to treat all of my parents with respect, regardless of their parenting styles. They didn't tell me how to raise my kids and it's not up to me how they raise theirs.

We are all different. I am very lax and easy going, not much phases me, it works for me. Others are more rigid and uptight. It works for them or they wouldn't be that way.
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Crystal 07:13 AM 08-09-2012
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Crystal, thank you for this topic.

I do believe many of us do need a reminder as to where our income comes from. They may not write our checks, but their checks allow us to write ours. I know for a fact that I would not be able to pay my monthly bills without the income they provide.

I think many of us have come into this profession with our eyes closed as well as our minds. I know that when I started 28 years ago, I had some idea as I had been babysitting since I was 13. I also knew how I didn't want my "kids" treated because my kids had way too many horror stories from their short years in daycare.

I've tried to treat all of my parents with respect, regardless of their parenting styles. They didn't tell me how to raise my kids and it's not up to me how they raise theirs.

We are all different. I am very lax and easy going, not much phases me, it works for me. Others are more rigid and uptight. It works for them or they wouldn't be that way.
Very well said. Thank you for your feedback.
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Unregistered 08:33 AM 08-09-2012
Originally Posted by Clueless:
I come to this site to discuss my job, daycare. This is a discussion board and that is why we are here. I do not have co workers to discuss it with. The best way for me to figure out somethings is through talking and this as close as I can get sometimes.
The post you referred to about the parents that spend one hour with their child. Well I agree with that poster. She is right! Why bother to have a baby if you are gonna spend 1 hour a day with them? Hummm.... did she mention their names? Did she give any specific details? She was completly anonymous. Do we know her?
Other people talk about their jobs. Are we not allowed to discuss our jobs? Do parents deserve my respect just because they had sex and made a baby? I respect people that earn my respect. Their landlord will not respect them because they have a baby. The Landlord respects them for paying their rent and keeping the rental property clean. Why should I respect them just cause they made a baby?
Why do we have a venting thread if we are not allowed to vent??
Sometimes I need help or want opinions and I post a situation. I see nothing wrong with that.
Parents that refuse to pay their provider, show up late, refuse to respect or request about parking or closing the door. Parents that bring their children in sick or dirty or too tired to participate. They do not respect us. And while not all parents do these thing, Some do. I don't see anything wrong with coming here for support from other providers.
Come on ladies do you not agree???? We are on a daycare discussion board. Can't we discuss daycare? When you come to vent you never mention names, or detail. I don't know any of you?
I like reading about your days and I know that someone else is dealing with the things I deal with. I like seeing advice on how to handle the situations. Should we just be stepford daycare providers?

Totally correct on all counts. First we are not raising their children THEY are! We offer a safe and enjoyable environment for their children while they are at work. You will never like all of the parents nor all the children, but you have to cast that aside because it is still a service we provide.

I am not there to be their friends, and over the years I have seen many horrible parents that should not have had kids. Yes I will judge any bad behavior I see. And its really senseless to get mad at the person reporting the behavior,lol. Overall my job is to make sure their child enjoys coming to daycare.

Absolutely I have told my friends ect. some pretty funny stories about my parents over the years. One said I should write a book, most realize this culture is part of the entitlement culture, and the kids take a big hit. As providers we see more bad parents, and amazing things. Yes feedback is important! However, on the internet you have to be careful; and best to keep it vague imo. I certainly would not have the name of my daycare or anything that could link me.

If you had a job anywhere you don't always like your co-workers or boss, but you put on a good face and do the job. The paycheck is just as valuable, BUT if a parent is disrespecting me I am my own boss and they will be terminated pretty quick.

In almost every case where a parent bad talked me it was because they were a bad parent themselves, and it was over money or behaviour problems with them or their child. Why waste oxygen getting mad, sad whatever....its best to terminate immediately and get the problem out. They are easily replaceable, and when they are replaced with a good parent and child it makes life much easier!
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MizzCheryl 10:27 AM 08-09-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Totally correct on all counts. First we are not raising their children THEY are! We offer a safe and enjoyable environment for their children while they are at work. You will never like all of the parents nor all the children, but you have to cast that aside because it is still a service we provide.

I am not there to be their friends, and over the years I have seen many horrible parents that should not have had kids. Yes I will judge any bad behavior I see. And its really senseless to get mad at the person reporting the behavior,lol. Overall my job is to make sure their child enjoys coming to daycare.

Absolutely I have told my friends ect. some pretty funny stories about my parents over the years. One said I should write a book, most realize this culture is part of the entitlement culture, and the kids take a big hit. As providers we see more bad parents, and amazing things. Yes feedback is important! However, on the internet you have to be careful; and best to keep it vague imo. I certainly would not have the name of my daycare or anything that could link me.

If you had a job anywhere you don't always like your co-workers or boss, but you put on a good face and do the job. The paycheck is just as valuable, BUT if a parent is disrespecting me I am my own boss and they will be terminated pretty quick.

In almost every case where a parent bad talked me it was because they were a bad parent themselves, and it was over money or behaviour problems with them or their child. Why waste oxygen getting mad, sad whatever....its best to terminate immediately and get the problem out. They are easily replaceable, and when they are replaced with a good parent and child it makes life much easier!


So true, I am not helping to raise anyones child. I provide safe and loving "Child Care" while parents are working. They are responsible for raising their own children.
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