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AmandasFCC 06:53 PM 09-22-2009
Help!

I have a 33 month old boy in my daycare who has recently just started biting. Since the beginning of care he's been aggressive toward the other kids. It seemed to have gotten better, but it's never really gone away. I had a new 4 year old start on Friday. He's really a good kid. He plays well with all other kids. For some reason though this 33 month old loves to bite him!!!

Here's the kicker. In my province, licensing dictates that we are not permitted to use time outs. I am in charge of AT LEAST 5 children on a daily basis, and I am the only provider in my home daycare. I realize that the best way to deal with this would be shadowing, but with 2 others under 2, that's simply not possible.

Luckily due to this child's previous aggressive behaviour I have a care plan in place which dictates that with him I am to use brief time outs, from his parents. I've tried short "alone time" with him, explaining to him that biting/hitting/kicking/pushing ... is not ok, having him apologize to the injured child, distracting him... I don't know what else to do.... does anyone have any thoughts on this?
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mac60 03:12 AM 09-23-2009
He is absolutely more than old enough to know it is wrong. I would definately continue with the time outs, and everytime he does it, he sits longer.

Also, I would set him up at a little table or in his "own space" and give him activities to do alone. Not on time out per say, playing alone. I would start the day as usual, if he bites, he goes to playing alone at the little table all by himself.

I personally don't believe in shadowing. It isn't feasible in a daycare unless you have someone for 1 on 1. I believe in consequences for bad behavior, especially when you are old enough to know better and understand.

This is the solution the daycare center did for a child that was biting when my own kids went there. The parents signed a paper that said everytime the child bit someone, she was to be given a small teaspoon of lemon juice. It didn't take long for this little girl to stop the biting. It didn't harm her at all, but tasted like crap, and stopped the behavior.

It is crazy that your province doesn't allow time outs and consequences for bad behavior.....no wonder our society is in shambles. Good luck, because here in a center they would probably be terminated.
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laundryduchess@yahoo.com 04:25 AM 09-23-2009
make sure he gets NO attention, positive or negative when he bites. And dont call it time out,... billy bites, take billys hand,.. walk him to a chair and say, you sit here, Ill be right back. The go to bitten child and lather on the attention. Making sure not to make eye contact with Billy, or refer to him in any way. Even negative attention is attention. After a few minutes go to billy and say, you need to play away from sam the rest of the day, I will not let you hurt my friends. and drop it. Until it happened again. Each time give sam more attention and less to Billy. Also, I think you could do shadowing,.. it would not be fun for him,.(and its a pain for us, ) I take them everywhere with me. If I go to the door, they do,.. they drop their toys, stand with me beside me at the door, quietly. If the parent Im greeting talks with them I simply say,Im sorry, Billy cant talk now, He is my shadow right now. He can talk later. If I go to the kitchen they do too, they sit at the table and wait for me to do what I need to do. Its not easy at all,..but it does work for me. The key is making it a huge inconvenience for them. They have to feel like they are losing something when they bite,.. they lose the freedom to play with their friends. They lose the car that they were playing with if someone picks it up while they have to leave the toy area while shadowing. And at 3 years old Im sorry that is not a frustration bite, thats an attention bite. As long as there are no other development issues of course.
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AmandasFCC 07:35 AM 09-23-2009
That's the thing, laundryduchess, I'm not sure if there are developmental issues ... His parents are kind of torn too and are waiting for an appointment with infant development for an assessment. As I said, he'll be 3 in Jan. and he still takes a bottle, and is still in diapers. He's getting close to potty training, in terms of peeing on the potty and will tell me he went poop (but not until a diaper rash develops so if I don't smell it right away unfortunately he sits in it until he says something)... He very much still has an oral fixation - EVERYTHING goes in his mouth ...

I thought about shadowing but I honestly don't think it would work with him. He is VERY hyper. I would constantly have to have my hands on him, and with 2 babies, again, that would be a complete nightmare. Even with the other boys constantly saying, "Go away, we don't want to play with you, you're mean" and things like that all day yesterday he STILL continued to follow them around and stuff.

He flips my daughter off the toy cars I have so he can play with them (my daughter is 14 months old!). He'll push the older boys off it and roll over them. Or he'll climb on top of them and beat them on the back until they get off. He'll tackle them to the ground and pin them there until I intervene. It's crazy!!!

I don't get it. He really has a big heart, and he loves coming here. As soon as he walks in the door he shouts out "HI AMANDA!!!" and rushes to get his shoes off so he can come play. He's full of compliments - "Oooh, pretty shirt 'Manda" and he always tries to hug my daughter since he has a little sister a bit younger than mine - unfortunately because of his size, he ends up more like a tackle too .... It's clear that part of the problem is his size... His parents are VERY gentle people so I really can't understand where he gets the idea that this type of behaviour is ok ... particularly since he spent most of this day in time out yesterday for hitting or biting or other aggressive behavoiur ...

Mac, I've been seriously debating whether or not I should continue with this kid. I don't WANT to do it, he's a nice kid when there are no other kids around, I just can't give him the attention he requires I guess. I also agree that the problem is how strict they are about how we can discipline children. I'm not by any means saying I want to be able to spank the kids or use inappropriate consequences, but seriously, a few time outs would do wonders. How are we supposed to show them how to behave appropriately when we're not even allowed to separate them from an activity when they aren't behaving well???? ARRRRGH!!!
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mac60 08:12 AM 09-23-2009
So he is about 2 1/2. Too old to be acting that way.
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Unregistered 12:01 PM 09-23-2009
I think he is acting 2. 2 year olds wear diapers (esp. boys). 2 year olds are still learning how to be gentle. 2 year olds have oral fixations sometimes. He may have skipped this fixation earlier. It is not uncommon. 2 year olds are exploring their world and trying to make sense of their place in it. If I put this block here, it falls over. If I bite this friend, he cries. If I want this car, my friend has to move (*push*). 2 year olds are self centered.

http://books.google.com/books?id=CDR...age&q=&f=false

I agree with laundrydutchess about the attention. Pretty soon, he'll realize that his biting/hitting/etc. will get hugs for the other child.

Good Luck!
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AmandasFCC 07:34 AM 09-24-2009
I kind of agree that it's his age - to an extent. But the amount and the circumstances under which he does these things doesn't really make sense to me. So again I ask the question ... What can I do??? The only answer I've been able to get from anybody even around here is tell the parents while still maintaining confidentiality, assure them that something is being done ... but there's not really a whole lot I can do .... That's not good enough for me on the parental side of things .... I guess I'm stuck waiting to see what the parents have done about it this week.
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melissa ann 08:16 AM 09-24-2009
I would say it's just his age. I don't see the big deal though with him in diapers. The dcb I have only starting wearing underwear a few months after he turned 3. He still wears one during the night too. Because he still has it on when he arrives.(another issue) I do agree about not giving him any attention all all. Maybe over do it with the bitten child.
My son is 2 1/2 and has recently started pulling people's hair. Don't know where that came from as no one else does. When he does that, I make him go play by himself and give hugs and make sure that the child whose hair was pulled is okay. So far this week, my son has not pulled any hair.
My son has no interest in using the potty. Ususally, though, he will say if he "pooped" and we go to the bathroom and drop in right in the potty so he knows where it's supposed to go. But if he has a wet diaper, he will walk around in it, even if it's sagging to his knees! No kidding. Trying to change his diaper is a nightmare. He hates it. I don't know why.
I agree with Unregistered. 2 yr olds are self-centered. Everythiing is theirs and if they want it, watch out. Because they will do what it takes to get it.
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Unregistered 10:11 AM 09-24-2009
Originally Posted by melissa ann:
I would say it's just his age. I don't see the big deal though with him in diapers. The dcb I have only starting wearing underwear a few months after he turned 3. He still wears one during the night too. Because he still has it on when he arrives.(another issue) I do agree about not giving him any attention all all. Maybe over do it with the bitten child.
My son is 2 1/2 and has recently started pulling people's hair. Don't know where that came from as no one else does. When he does that, I make him go play by himself and give hugs and make sure that the child whose hair was pulled is okay. So far this week, my son has not pulled any hair.
My son has no interest in using the potty. Ususally, though, he will say if he "pooped" and we go to the bathroom and drop in right in the potty so he knows where it's supposed to go. But if he has a wet diaper, he will walk around in it, even if it's sagging to his knees! No kidding. Trying to change his diaper is a nightmare. He hates it. I don't know why.
I agree with Unregistered. 2 yr olds are self-centered. Everythiing is theirs and if they want it, watch out. Because they will do what it takes to get it.

Thanks! Maybe I should register!
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AmandasFCC 12:45 PM 09-24-2009
My issue isn't so much with the diapers ... other than the fact that he's HUGE, like almost 50 lbs. That's my only concern there, otherwise, I know, boys tend to take longer to potty train ...

I'll try slathering the attention more on the one who got bitten. Maybe that will help. Thanks everyone
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ecemom 02:44 PM 09-24-2009
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thanks! Maybe I should register!

Here I am!
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Michael 03:05 PM 09-24-2009
Welcome ecemom
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melissa ann 03:52 PM 09-24-2009
welcome, ecemom. Good to have you here.
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ecemom 06:04 PM 09-24-2009
Thanks everyone!
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